Thursday, July 31, 2008
It’s morning in the Atlas apartments, and Daniel is missing Wesley. “We were connecting”, Daniel says. And by “connecting”, he means "screwing". The kids don’t waste any time these days.
On to the runway for model selection. Suede, as the winner last week, can stick with his model, or swap with someone else. “Suede loves Tia”, Suede annoyingly says – and he stays with his model. “David hates Suede”, I say, still plotting to stab him in the neck with a dirty fork.
Heidi instructs the fashiontestants to head back to the apartments and prepare for a “night on the town”. Tim, dressed like a flasher in a long raincoat, gathers everyone and takes them to the “City Sights” double-decker tour bus stop. These are the stalkers who harass me every day on my way to work. They yell “City Tour?!?” and “Double-Decker Bus Tour!!” every morning as they try to sell me a ticket to see my own city. Outta my way, I'm late!!
The challenge this week will be to design a look inspired by New York at night. The bus will make four stops, discharging designers along the way. The designers will take photos, and choose one photo to be their inspiration for their outfit.
For a bunch of people riding on the top of an open-air bus in the rain, they seem to have a good time. Stella, a native New Yorker, remarks that she’s never been on one of these buses, but it’s “amazing”. She is so high. I’ve never been on one of those buses either, but Mama Bunny and StepDaddy are visiting me this weekend, so maybe I’ll put them on a bus. After all, Burnout Stella recommended it!
First stop: Columbus Circle. Suede, Daniel, and the two white girls who I can’t tell apart disembark. One of the girls is a “Silent Fashion Assassin”, and the other has some connection to “Salvador Dali”. Or maybe one’s a “Salvador Fashion Assassin” and the other is a “Silent Dolly”. Like I said, I can’t tell them apart. Anywhoo, they get off the bus and start taking pictures.
Next stop: Times Square. Tango thinks the area is “stimulating”. He should have been here before they cleaned it up – stimulation came fast, cheap and easy - which will be the name of Tango's upcoming fashion collection. Tango wonders if there is a tanning salon around. I suggest he presses his face against the huge neon Coca-Cola sign – that should do the trick.
Keith is one of the Times Square wanderers, and is getting hated on by Kenley and Stella. He tells us about his Mormon family back in his hometown of Salt Lake City, where it is extremely “difficult to be gay”. So Kenley’s and Stella’s stank doesn’t bother him – he has been hated on by the Church of Latter Day Saints, bitches! Keith also remarks that he has thought about moving to New York City. Darling Keith: I have PLENTY of room in my apartment, as long as you keep your shirt off. Oh, and I have some socks that need darning.
Third stop: the NYC Public Library. This is where I watch the Gay Pride parade every year (there is shade under the trees, a bathroom, and my favorite Dollar Store is across the street). This neighborhood is DEAD at night, and I can’t imagine what they would find that would be “inspiring”.
Last stop: Greenwich Village. I notice they are one block away from where I work. Terri takes a picture of some graffiti, which – for the record – I didn’t create. But I DID spray paint the phrase “David Dust Is a SEXY BEAST” down the block. It never hurts to advertise.
Later, it’s bedtime in the Atlas apartments, and JerHell puts on his Queen Helene Mint Julep Mask. They also show Tango in teeny, tiny shorts and no shirt. I think it was that exact moment when my sick kitty Emmy barfed on my notes. I’m serious! Even cats shouldn’t have to see that, especially sick ones.
The next day in the workroom, the fashiontestants select one picture for their inspiration, and then everybody heads to Mood for fabric shopping. Stella keeps yelling “Who’s helping me?!?”. This is the same phrase she has uttered at Detox Clinics all over New York City. Terri, who’s very sassy today, instructs her helper at Mood: “Give me three yards, and let’s bounce”. Keep it real, girl.
Back in the workroom, Tim tells everyone they will have until 1:00 am to finish. Suede pins his name on the mannequin with his winning design from last week – and then kisses it on the boobie. “Suede has issues”, I think to myself, followed by “Where is that dirty fork?” Speaking of boobies, sexy Keith is displaying some perky Mormon nipples. It must be cold in the workroom today.
Tango stares at Kenley with his crackhead bug-eyes, and says in a weird voice: “I am gonna eat you”. He has turned into The Lord of the Ring’s villain “Gollum” – with a tan. He is trying a little TOO hard to be a “character” on reality television. Kenley calls him a “total weirdo”, which doesn’t even begin to cover it.
In the midst of working, the designers hate on the other designers’ outfits. Straight Joe hates on Kenley’s outfit. Kenley hates on Emily. Burnout Stella hates on Keith. Daniel hates on Jennifer, but that’s just because he’s horny and misses his “connection” with sad boy Wesley.
Burnout Stella is working with … all together now … LEAH-THA! She is hammering studs into her leah-tha, and remarks “what a gay little grommet!” – obviously referring to Tango. Her noisy grommet-pounding is pissing everyone off, but Stella is remaining true to her edgy roots. “I’m gonna die being rock and roll”! If “being rock and roll” means “heroin overdose”, then I can believe it.
Tim does his consultations. Terri is all about “street culture”, and describes her look as “street” and “funk”. This also describes Stella’s condition after a week-long bender. Tim no likee Emily’s “black dress with an oversized corsage”, but Emily thinks she knows better and ignores Tim’s advice. For true fans of the show, you know what that means.
Before Tim leaves, Tango tries to teach him to say “Holla atcha boy!”. Terri has to step in – after all, she is from the streets, yo – to spell “H-o-l-l-a”. Tim gives us a “make it work carry on holla atcha boy” as he walks out the door, and I wish someone would shove a darned sock in Tango’s mouth and nip this catch-phrase bullshit in the bud. What a Gay Little Grommet!
It’s the morning of the runway show, and we get our gratuitous peek at a shirtless Keith. Keith asks Suede “How you doing?”. “Suede’s OK”, Suede replies. “Suede is the most annoying biatch on the planet”, I think to myself. Remind me to Google the term “Jugular Vein”, so I know EXACTLY where to stick that dirty fork…
Everyone scrambles with hair, makeup, and last-minute adjustments before Tim herds them to the runway.
On the runway, Heidi is rocking a short, shiny, and tight outfit (!). Today’s guest judge is the hilarious Sandra Bernhard. Burnout Stella has her pretty “runway day” makeup on – her lip liner is fierce and she looks like Toni Basil! I love it when junkies clean up nicely.
Bitches walk, and when it’s over the judges want to see Keith, Kenley, Emily, Terri, and the two Silent Salvador Fashion Dali Assassins. The rest are safe.
The judges likee Kenley’s outfit, but when Sandra Bernhard says the word “goiter”, Nina looks like she wants to barf like my kitty. Nina thinks Kenley’s dress looks like LaCroix or Ungaro updated for today. Michael likes the “power-bitch” aspect of Kenley’s garment.
Keith’s inspiration was an old, wet and dirty magazine – and it shows. Michael thinks it looks like “toilet paper caught in a windstorm”. Keith’s Mormon nipples instantly deflate upon hearing this.
Sandra Bernhard thinks Terri’s graffiti-inspired outfit is “fierce” and looks like “I have a knife, and I’ll cut you up!”. If someone is going to be cutting, please find Suede immediately. Or the Gay Little Grommet.
The judges no likee Emily’s dress. Nina Garcia compares it to “Carmen Miranda”, but later say’s “no comment” – which Michael calls the worst critique of all. And Sandra calls it “cha-cha”. And if there’s anyone who knows about the “cha-cha”, it’s big lez Sandra Bernhard.
Everyone lines back up onstage for the results. Streetwise Terri is safe, and Kenley is the winner. White girl twin Leanne is also safe.
Of the bottom three, Keith is safe, because someone has to keep us Gays happy with his perky nipples and tattooed hairy chest. This leaves Emily and her Cha-Cha dress, and other white girl twin Jennifer and her “matronly” clock-inspired dress.
Emily is sent home – yet another victim of “IDidntListenToTimGunnitis”. She leaves still thinking that her dress was “beautiful”. When will they ever learn that NO ONE knows better than Tim Gunn? Holla atcha boy!
Till then, bitches!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Bravo looks to stick it to Harvey Weinstein for the loss of Project Runway with a new show – Fashion House (working title). According to a recent Project Rungay blog post:
Teams of designers will live together and work to create not just a single item of clothing but an entire, cohesive line. These collections are created on deadline and are presented to commercial buyers with the opportunity of having the designers' line mass marketed.
I got an email from Season 4 favorite Sweet P!:
I am sorry it took me so long to write to you. I get so many comments from people who found my blog thru you. Thanks. I just got your comment and figured out I could e-mail you from it. We had such a great dinner at [your restaurant]. I tell all my friends to go there when they are in NY. I hope to see you again sometime. Oh and thanks for the yummy desserts. Have a great weekend.
Don’t forget to watch Project Runway tonight at 9:00 pm EST – followed by Top Haircut at 10:00 pm. Watch what happens, bitches!
Here is a YouTube video with the information on the chat:
And here is the actual chat site:
Kayce will be watching the show, and chatting with other views LIVE. I would tune in but: a) I still don't own a computer (I use my computer at work); and b) I will be frantically taking notes for my recap during the airing of Project Runway. But I encourage others to tune in and see what Kayce has to say.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
You can click on the “real-time” option, and watch the Dust Bunnies coming and going as it happens. I have found out some interesting things:
Today, between 11:00 am and 11:30 am, I had visitors from Sweden, Cyprus, Venezuela, Italy, Canada, Great Britain, Finland, Puerto Rico, Luxembourg, and the U.S. That was just in 30 minutes! Who are all you people? Talk to me!!
It is also interesting to see what Google/Google Image searches will get you to DavidDust. Some of the more popular: “Carlos Leon”, “Beach Hotties”, “Matt Locke gay”, “Cristiano Ronaldo”, “Nick Markakis”, “Zeb Atlas”, and any combination of “Mikey V”, “Gay Porn” and “Rope Rituals”. Also, I found out if you Google “Grab and Growl”; this post is the top result.
And there is someone in Russia who’s a BIG fan of DavidDust favorite Franky G. :)
I really didn’t realize this site got so much traffic. If you get a chance sometime, click on the “real time” option on the Feedjit box and watch the coming and goings. It’s almost like people-watching – without the people.
Monday, July 28, 2008
To vote via Internet: go to HGTV.com. Click on the "Vote Now" icon (or simply click here). You will see a round circle underneath the designtestant you'd like to vote for (MATT!). Click on this circle under your favorite designer (MATT!). Then click the "VOTE" box between Matt and Jen's pictures. You can vote in this manner once per day. However, if you have a work AND a home computer, you can vote TWICE.
To vote via text message: send the letter “B” (for MATT!) to HGTV1 (44881). You can vote in this manner up to 5 times per day.
For the second weekend in a row, I actually DID something! I am on a roll...
On Friday night I had dinner with my cousin Mollie, who lives in Texas. She is in NYC doing an internship, and I threatened to tell our grandmother on her if she didn’t visit with me.
On Mama Bunny’s side, I am the oldest cousin, and Mollie is the youngest. I had not seen her since she was in elementary or middle school. She is now 22 years-old – which would make me, ahem, A LOT older (almost 20 years older!!!). We had a four-hour dinner, shared two bottles of wine, and had a lovely time. She is a delightful young woman – and it was really neat to sit down and catch-up with her.
On Saturday we celebrated my BFF’s birthday by going to his absolute favorite restaurant – Long John Silver’s. Yes people – Michael LOVES him some fried fish, hush puppies, and fried ‘skrimps’ from LJS. Since there are no locations in NYC anymore, we did our normal trek out to Hicksville, Long Island (yes, it’s REALLY called “Hicksville”). There is an IKEA there, as well as a mall.
While at the mall, I hit my favorite store, Steve & Barry’s:
And guess where I had “dessert”:
Yes, darling Dust Bunnies, “dessert” consisted of a Roast Beef sandwich and curly fries. And I couldn’t have cared less that I was totally screwing up my diet. It was DELISH!