Thursday, March 31, 2011

Play Ball !

Summer must be around the corner, because the New York Yankees played their home opener at Yankee Stadium today. The Yanks beat Detroit, 6-3.

Related: Outfielder Curtis Granderson used Rebecca Black's Friday as his at-bat music (seriously) - and hit his third consecutive Opening Day home run (below) in the 7th inning, breaking a 3-3 tie. Coincidence???


This Is What Will Happen ...

... if Gay Marriage is legalized. The next thing you know, people will want to marry their favorite LAMPS. It's true!!!

I'm gonna pray to The Baby Jeebus and to The Fortune-Telling Arby's Oven Mitt to make sure this ABOMINATION doesn't happen. You're welcome.

Photo source: The Slab


I Wonder ...

... if the guy above is related to HIM???

Actually, this guy is a model and ... cough, cough ... "actor" who appears in ... cough, wheeze ... low-budget ... cough ... "independent films".

Sorry, I had something in my throat ... much like this gentleman does in his movies.


Supernanny ...

... circa 1910.

"A spoonful of sugar" my ASS ...


I Simply ADORE Weiner

Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-Brooklyn/Queens) delivered a hysterical 11-minute speech/standup routine at the annual Congressional Correspondents' Dinner last night - he even shouted-out Arby's!! Watch the whole thing - it's totally worth it:

RELATED: I really hope Weiner runs for NYC Mayor - I'd vote for him in a heartbeat.

Source: Towleroad

Those Pesky Bears

I wonder if this also explains Yogi Bear's obsession with "PIC-A-NIC baskets"??



The "Oh Honey, NO" of the Day

THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should never get near the phone (or the computer) when you're wasted:

Wow. Just WOW.

First of all, these are exactly the same kind of messages I leave on Franky G's voicemail every Friday/Saturday night (although my messages are sadder and more desperate) - so I really shouldn't make fun.

Oy - the dude says he is "crazy busy" the next day and that he had to leave (presumably the bar/club) "urgently" due too "indigestion". But wait, SHE GETS INDIGESTION TOO!! This must be true love!

Finally - does she work at Ebay or Jamba Juice? Or both??


So THAT Happened ...

Anyone have anything to say about last night's Top Chef All Stars Finale?? Cause I got nothing.

Actually, that's not true, I've got a couple things....

  • I know it's a horrible thing to say, but I was kinda hoping Bighead Mike would win - just to see what kind of quivering, jibberish-spewing, Gollum-esque MESS Blais would have turned into. And YES, I DO know I'm going to Hell - see you there.

  • We (the viewers) are at a disadvantage when the judges get near-perfect meals. Since we can't taste the fabulous food, we must rely on drama in order to be entertained - and last night there was very little drama. Blais was a tad psychotic, and Bighead Mike was a tad too confident - end of story. For example, I would have given anything to see Jamie screw up a scallops dish again. Anything!

  • I had to chuckle when Art Smith said "I didn't like the way it felt in my mouth". Especially when I realized that particular phrase has never left MY mouth.

  • Gail Simmons and The Boobies simply ADORE sauces made from long, tubular pork products. Please make a note of it.

  • Finally, if Carla Hall doesn't get her own show, then the people in charge of The Teevee need a swift kick in the Hootie Hoos. I would watch the hell outta anything she was on - especially if the show also included Carla's adorable husband:

Well, that's all I got. Anybody have any thoughts? Feel free to let it all out in the Comments section...


Good Night

Model Derek R.


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Hump Day ...

... comes to an END.



I Love A Parade



Did He Purposely ...

... match his hat/sweatpants to the color of the gym bathroom??? Wow.


Man In The Mirror


Afternoon Scissor Sisters Break - Take Your Mama

Gonna take your mama out all night
Yeah we'll show her what it's all about
We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne
We'll let the good times all roll out
And if the music ain't good, well it's just too bad
We're gonna sing along no matter what
Because the dancers don't mind at the New Orleans
If you tip 'em and they make a cut

Need A Slogan?

File this under "Things That Make Me Giggle":

I came up with the name of this blog with the help of a similar site - although it was a "Band Name Generator". I simply typed in the word "David", and the rest is history.

Make your own slogan HERE - and feel free to share what you came up with in the Comments.

The "Oh Honey, NO" of the Day

Wait ... ... WHAT???...

Source: Dlisted


Lost In One Tweet

Six seasons of Lost - with too many twists and turns to even mention - boiled down into 140 characters.

Sounds about right...


Note To Rebecca Black: "Like/Dislike" A Bad Idea

If you've spent any time on the Innerwebz over the past 2 weeks, you've probably heard about Rebecca Black -  the young gal who sounds like she's singing about "Fried Eggs", but she's really singing about eating cereal and her inability to choose a place to sit. Yeah - it's deep.

Anywhoo - Rebecca's people might just want to disable the "Like/Dislike" function on her YouTube page - because as of 11:00 pm last night (see screencap, above), "Dislike" was winning like Barack Obama in Chicago. We're talking Landslide.


Happy Hump Day

The HILLS are alive ...


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hawt Men - Not-So-Hawt "Fashion"

Dear Christopher: Cher called, and she'd like her
"If I Could Turn Back Time" outfit back 

What Robin Hood would wear if he went to The Black Party 

Captain Cavemaaaaaaaaannn!! 

Luciano serving up "Renaissance Circus" realness. Werk

Looks like his mother sewed this herself -
and I dare you to say that to his face. 

Ride 'Em "Cowboy"???? 

Miguel Iglesias stars in the blockbuster smash
Gay Lifeguards In Space!

Beauty In Black & White



I Spotted A Sewer Alligator!

West Village, NYC

I noticed something peculiar when I went to CVS a few minutes ago - and stopped to snap a picture (above).

When I got back to my office, I got on The Google to see WTF?? From
To market season 2 of the series Swamp People, [The] History [Channel] is putting alligators in New York City sewers. Playing off the urban legend, the network’s marketing team is placing very realistic looking model alligators crawling out of the city’s manholes in various locations.

Location: Unknown (via Twitter)

And, of course, I didn't see ONE New Yorker stop and take a second look - everyone just kept on moving.


Booze+Superglue+Tiny Hat = DANGER

If you need a good giggle today, simply watch this video...


New Yorkers To Census Bureau: WTF???

For a larger PDF version, click HERE

The 2010 Census figures for NYC were released last week, and there's something rotten in the state of Denmark ... or at least in the offices of the Census.

The Census Bureau says that NYC grew by only 166,855 people (or 2.1 percent) since 2000, to a total of 8,175,133. Really?? So just who are all these people crowded butts-to-balls on the subway with me during rush hour ... tourists???

And when you break the numbers down by borough and by neighborhood, it gets curiouser and curiouser...

Here is a personal example: I live in Astoria - a vibrant neighborhood in Northwestern Queens. According to the Census, the borough of Queens (with a population of over 2.2 million) grew by only 1,300 people between 2000 and 2010!! Let's put that into perspective: Radio City Music Hall holds 6,000 people. So the Census Bureau is saying that the entire 110 square-mile borough of Queens grew by the same amount of people that can fit onto one of Radio City's balconies (below). Ridiculous.

Furthermore, the official data says that my particular neighborhood - Astoria - experienced a LOSS of more than 10% its residents. Also ridiculous. On my block - ONE BLOCK - a new apartment building (The "Astoriana") opened last year, and there are two more in various states of completion. All three were built upon empty lots - these are NEW apartments (not renovations) - and this same thing is happening on many of the underdeveloped lots in the neighborhood.

If there's one thing that NYC real estate investors are NOT, it's "reckless". So if there were a ton of vacant apartments already on the market (which is what happens when people leave), they wouldn't be building three new buildings ON ONE BLOCK. These Queens real estate people aren't the huge real estate moguls that you see in Manhattan - they are (in many cases) local investors who know the various neighborhoods and respond when they see an opportunity. A neighborhood which is LOSING  residents wouldn't be experiencing this kind of construction because no one would invest in what is essentially a "dying" neighborhood. It's as simple as that.

The "Astoriana" - One of the new buildings on my block

Not surprisingly - the politicians have been freaking out at the potential loss of federal revenue and House seats. Mayor Bloomberg announced this week that the city will formally contest the count and Senator Schumer has been burning up the airwaves with cries of "INVESTIGATION!". And rightly so.

The question remains: What happened?? One explanation is that some of the neighborhoods which saw declines (including mine) have large Hispanic populations. Could it be that all the Conservative yelping about "illegals" over the last few years convinced Hispanic residents to avoid Census Takers? You never know.

Maybe I should bring this information to my landlord and tell him to LOWER my rent. After all, people are leaving the neighborhood in droves (according to the Census), so he should be happy just to have renters. I wonder what his answer will be?...

Does anyone know any Greek curse words - I should probably learn a few, because his response would certainly be chock-full of them.

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