These are just a few brief and random observations about last night’s snoozefest of a reunion show:
● As I mentioned, Gail covered up her boobies. Plus, she seems to have “a thing” for Cracky McMethhead (Andrew). I am resigning as president of the “Gail and Her Funbags Fan Club”, effective immediately.
● Before they even talked about it, I wrote in my notes: “Zoi and Jen seem distant”. Was it just me, or did Zoi come across as kind of a bitch last night – whereas “Baboon” Jen seemed much more likable? Lesbian Drama!
● Speaking of lesbians, Lisa still makes me want to hurl. I love it when she said she was at a “lesbian party”. What, like a WNBA game??
● Andrew came up with the two best lines of the night: “I’m not gay, but I’d probably let him [Spike] bang me”. It is official – Andrew is a bottom.
● The other line made me SCREAM out loud in hysterics. He sarcastically described one of his competitors making “butterscotch waterfalls out of Unicorn cock!” – which will be the new name of this blog.
● Dale seemed a little more likable last night – although he’s still a dumbass. He described his personality as “Half the time inappropriate, and 5% retarded”. That adds up to 55% percent if you do the math. What’s the other 45%? Oh that’s right – teeny, tiny, little wee testicles…
● “I have a culinary boner” was, predictably, this year’s “T-Shirt Catch Phrase”. I bet MikeInBama has already ordered his. Another priceless bon mot out of Andrew’s meth-mouth.
● Lastly, I don’t think the person who won the competition (Stephanie) should be able to also win “fan favorite”. I think that $10,000 should be for one of the losers. After all, Stephanie already has $100,000. I think the producers should start calling the “fan favorite” the “Boobie Prize” and have Gail hand it out at the end of each season. In that case, I would resume my presidency of Gail and her Boobies’ fan club.
Feel free to discuss in the comments…
● As I mentioned, Gail covered up her boobies. Plus, she seems to have “a thing” for Cracky McMethhead (Andrew). I am resigning as president of the “Gail and Her Funbags Fan Club”, effective immediately.
● Before they even talked about it, I wrote in my notes: “Zoi and Jen seem distant”. Was it just me, or did Zoi come across as kind of a bitch last night – whereas “Baboon” Jen seemed much more likable? Lesbian Drama!
● Speaking of lesbians, Lisa still makes me want to hurl. I love it when she said she was at a “lesbian party”. What, like a WNBA game??
● Andrew came up with the two best lines of the night: “I’m not gay, but I’d probably let him [Spike] bang me”. It is official – Andrew is a bottom.
● The other line made me SCREAM out loud in hysterics. He sarcastically described one of his competitors making “butterscotch waterfalls out of Unicorn cock!” – which will be the new name of this blog.
● Dale seemed a little more likable last night – although he’s still a dumbass. He described his personality as “Half the time inappropriate, and 5% retarded”. That adds up to 55% percent if you do the math. What’s the other 45%? Oh that’s right – teeny, tiny, little wee testicles…
● “I have a culinary boner” was, predictably, this year’s “T-Shirt Catch Phrase”. I bet MikeInBama has already ordered his. Another priceless bon mot out of Andrew’s meth-mouth.
● Lastly, I don’t think the person who won the competition (Stephanie) should be able to also win “fan favorite”. I think that $10,000 should be for one of the losers. After all, Stephanie already has $100,000. I think the producers should start calling the “fan favorite” the “Boobie Prize” and have Gail hand it out at the end of each season. In that case, I would resume my presidency of Gail and her Boobies’ fan club.
Feel free to discuss in the comments…
So what exactly would Gail be handing out? Free feels?
ReplyDeleteMy first question is...Since when do Gays have a thing for boobies? I never knew! ;P
ReplyDeleteAnyway, yes, last night's drama was such a snore that I actually fell asleep and missed most of it, so thanks for the updates. I have to catch one of the bazillion times that Bravo re-runs it.
...and WE HATE LISA too!
Also, I just want to know why Padma didn't run the entire session since she's so together, well-spoken and knows so much about food. {of course I'm being sarcastic here}.
Much love...
xxx
Raven
Thanks for making me laugh out loud DD! You rock!
ReplyDeleteTEAM LISA IS A CUNT
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about Zoi and Jen. I also agree that the winner of Top Chef shouldn't be eligible for fan favorite.
ReplyDeleteThe best comment of the night for me was when Chef Tom told Lisa she probably didn't win fan favorite. LMAO! I also thought the comment by Dale's mom was really funny. She didn't think Dale really swore on TV. He was on TV so they made him do it. LOL!
I laughed out loud when they said they were making the t-shirt, I have a culinary boner. I will be ordering one, today.
ReplyDeleteI knew those lesbians couldn't hold it together after this show. I guess someone rented a U-haul after she got voted off first.
I thought everyone did a decent job last night. Andrew is still my favorite. I think he was on his meds. I think he is totally banging Gail and her fun bags. She looks like she likes to get wet. Plus she probably has banged everyone else in the culinary industry.
This made me laugh out loud:
I love it when she said she was at a “lesbian party”. What, like a WNBA game??
Great reunion recap.
The best part for me was when Tom said there is one person we know isn't going to win fan favorite, 'right Lisa'. I couldn't believe he went there but he did, Oh Tom! you deserve a good "bald head rubbing" for that one. wink wink
ReplyDeleteYou get Gail, I get Tom!
Raven - Gay men LOVE boobies...or the IDEA of boobies. It's probably some warped Freudian mother thing.
ReplyDeleteActually, if real live (naked) boobies appeared in our faces, we would probably run screaming. But after 17 cocktails, we will DEFINITELY cop a feel every now and again.
Notice how most drag queens choose to have big, gorgeous hooters?.... The bigger the better - which is pretty much what gay men are all about, when you think about it.
XOXO
Dear DD. I take issue with your observation about gay men and boobies. I have NO DESIRE to be near them, touch them, think about them, look at them, etc. Like being a Hillary supporter guess I'm in the minority again. Guess this makes me a quadruple minority.
ReplyDeleteAnd was it necessary for Lisa to even mention that it was a lesbian party? Why state the ovbious? Now if she had said she was at a straight party, that would have been noteworthy.
Timmy, tell me you haven't given one of your best girlfriends a tittie twister after about 10 drinks?!? Haven't you ever at least grabbed a drag queens jugs? Okay, maybe it's just me...
ReplyDeleteDavid I know you would not be happy with Gail's dress last night. But it was Andrew's night to shine. I think I may agree with you on the Fan Fave now that I think about it. Good call.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThanks for clearing up the mystery of what Andrew said... I went 'unicorn what?' after he said it.
*Sounds like Bravo should hire Andrew to be their Top(shirt) Chef - he's sure got that amuse-bouche market share!
But what about our likable and deeply blushing Jen? I think she deserved a consolation prize of a 'Doing this for Zoi' shirt, at least.
Is it weird that I thought of you when I saw Gail's shirt last night?
ReplyDeleteAnd...lesbian party=WNBA game. Love it!
I ordered my t-shirt last night.
ReplyDeleteWell, you certainly hit the high points of a terribly boring episode. I just can't figure out if the editors are going out of their way to make this season a yawner, or 'the best cheftestants evah are just boring TV and the need to return to mediocre cheftestants?
ReplyDeleteI have become less fascinated with funbags since getting older and having man-boobs of my own, much to my own dismay.
Will they spin off a series next season to feature Andrew and call it 'Bottom Chef' featuring Gail, her funbags, and a strap-on?
Does anyone else think Mark married for a green card and chance to bathe with Spike whenever they can?
My favorite line of the recap? "Oh that’s right – teeny, tiny, little wee testicles…"
Thanks for a great recap!
Boy, I think I was the only person who liked this reunion show. It was way better than the last skincrawl-inducing Project Runway reunion.
ReplyDeleteThe hits I'm getting on Google searches for "Dale's nipples" is cracking me up.
Better yet, the 10k Boobie prize, handed out by Gail would actually be a check sticking out of her cleavage, which throughout the show she would have her boobies resting on a table, kind of like jugs of milk on a shelf in the refrigerator.
ReplyDeleteOr...how 'bout just dressing her up like a milk maid?
That was a crazy about Zoi and Jen -- I guess -- splitting (and Zoi was always kind of bitchy in my opinion).
ReplyDeleteAndrew is a tweeker (and single-handedly made the show awkward for people to watch with their parents or kids) and I am shocked that Gail has a crush on him or whatever.
Lisa didn't seem so bad.
I also think it must be little weird to be Stephanie because she won Top Chef but she still must know in the back of her mind that Richard is a better chef (eh, maybe its not so weird).
That NBC VP for Bravo that's on all these reunions needs to stop saying "Bromance"
Great Thoughts, much better than watching the show!
ReplyDeleteI blogged the reunion show, but it wasn't all that much fun to watch, and for some reason i felt like most of them all came across as forced to be there and not really wanting to.
Oh well....less than a month till Project Runway!!!
a TAMMmommy's mind