Project Runway Ep. 7 - "RRRuffles Have Ridges!"

On last week’s episode of Project Runway, Nicolas created Ice Queen Couture and won, while Ra’mon attempted Sleestak Chic. Unfortunately for him, he succeeded and was sent home…

This week, as the Fashiontestants prepare for their next challenge, we see and hear the usual “It’s so weird that _______ isn’t here”, while Gordana compares Project Runway to the Olympics. Does that make her one of those Eastern European steroid-pumped female athletes from the 80’s? And Louise – after almost going home last week – vows not to send another “snooze fest” down the runway this time. Of course it’s hard to take her seriously, because she’s yawning as she makes this declaration.

Over on the boys side, Captain SexyPants (AKA Logan) has moved in with the remaining fellas – and he is trying to get used to things with Epperson, Christopher and Nicolas. Not only does Logan have to move all his crap, Nicolas warns Logan that he is “a cuddler”. That would be my cue to find the nearest Holiday Inn Express, flophouse, homeless shelter, or abandoned building to go sleep in.

In the workroom, Tim Gunn introduces Martine Reardon, a Vice President at Macy’s. She explains that this week’s challenge will be to create two looks using the color blue (the “in” color at Macy’s 3 seasons ago when the show was filmed). Furthermore, the looks must represent Macy’s in-house fashion label I.N.C. The winner of the challenge will have a holiday dress of theirs sold at Macy’s.

Seriously?!? “Make Something Blue” is the challenge?!?!? That’s it?!? SPOILER ALERT: Next week’s challenge: “Make Something”. And Malvin will be filling in for Nina Garcia. WTF, Lifetime?!?

Anywhore, they will be working in teams of two (cue rolling of designer eyes and sucking of designer teeth). They will have 15 minutes to sketch, and then they will pitch their ideas to Ms. Macy. Martine will pick the team leaders, and the team leaders will pick their partners.

When they are done sketching, the designers meet with Martine one-by-one. Irina says it’s like a job interview where you have no idea how you did – because the interviewer was playing solitaire on his computer while you spoke. My personal favorite pitch was Christopher’s, who said his look transitioned easily from “workplace to happy hour”. I need a bunch of those outfits. But I was wondering why no one thought of the most obvious blue outfit that could represent Macy’s. After all, he shows up every year for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade…


Anysmurf, after Martine picked the team leaders, the team leaders pick their partners:

Althea picks first, and naturally she selects the most talented designer the hot straight guy. Don’t judge.

Christopher picks Epperson.

Louise picks Nicolas – saying she’s not worried about Nicolas having immunity, because her designs are so strong. Great idea … pick the guy who has been in the bottom on multiple occasions, and now has immunity (???). You better have some Christian Lacroix Karl Lagerfeld Chanel Givenchy Yves Saint Laurent FIERCENESS on that there sketch pad, Miss Thang.

Irina picks Gordana, and finally Carol Hannah picks Shirin. And off they go to Mood – where they have $100 and 20 minutes.

We see the usual Mood scramble, but this time is it's big blur of blue. I bet the Mood employees were sick of hearing “I like this one, but do you have it in BLUE?”. Time is up, and when they get to the registers, Louise no longer has her Soprano-esque envelope-o-cash. She laid it down somewhere in the store – and must retrace her steps. Louise eventually finds it, along with her Lacroix/Lagerfield/Chanel/Etc. sketches … which she also misplaced. Louise is just lucky they weren’t at Mood NY, because some Parson’s Fashion Queen/Student would have spent the money on weed and turned in those sketches as his Spring Project. Thank you Mood!

In the workroom, the collaborations begin. Irina – who can be deliciously stank – is rolling her eyes at Gordana and generally hating the fact that she must work with a partner.

Nicolas – Mr. Immunity – HATES the ruffled garments that Louise has planned. Nicolas even sneaks over to Althea and talks smack behind Louise’s back. Bottom line?... Nicolas HATES Ruffles. I, however, think they’re delicious …


Christopher and Epperson, on the other hand, are getting along like Michael Kors and Baby Oil at the beach (SPF negative infinity) … best of friends. Epperson (AKA "George") loves working with Christopher – as opposed to his last team partner – Qristyl (AKA "Weezy"). And Christopher respects Epperson so much and it is a true collaboration … blah, blah, blah …


I wonder if Epperson is a cuddler?...

Mini workroom recap: Logan is hot. Louise chirps like a bird. Irina hates blue. Nicolas still hates Ruffles - he prefers taco-flavored Doritos.

Tim Gunn visits and critiques. He likee Carol Hannah and Shirin’s looks, but don’t get him started on the use of leggings. Too difficult to remove in a hurry … if ya smell what I’m steppin’ in.

When Tim visits Irina and Gordana, it’s obvious that the two women are not on the same page. Irina wants a belt, Gordana wants a sash. Irina wants it tied, Gordana wants it fastened. Irina likes ball-point, Gordana prefers felt-tip. You can just FEEL the tension.

Finally, Tim visits Team Ebony & Ivory (Christopher and Epperson). They are living together in perfect harmony, BTW. They have created a shirtdress (which Tim likee) in a shiny fabric (which Tim isn’t so sure about). He tells Christopher and Epperson they have the “potential for serious reinvention”. When Tim walks away, Ivory turns to Ebony and states “We reinvented the shirtdress!”. I bet when Christopher gets something in the mail that says “You May Have Already Won”, he runs around his house screaming “I WON … I WON!!!!!”.

End-of-evening mini-recap: Irina thinks Gordana is taking too long. Carol Hannah freaks out at night. Louise is not a good judge of time (that’s why they invented “clocks”). Irina thinks Carol Hannah and Shirin’s outfits look cheap. Nicolas still hates Ruffles, although he’ll eat them with French Onion Dip. Time for bed!!!

The next morning is runway day – and Louise is all-of-a-sudden worried about the fact that she picked one of the worst designers (who just happened to have immunity) as her partner. Ya think?!? Irina, on the other hand, is not worried – because she has a steroid-pumped Eastern European woman doing all her heavy lifting. Althea and Logan are also concerned – they have a lot to finish.

They head to the workroom, where Tim pays the bills (plugs for Garnier, L’Oreal Paris, and Macy’s). Everyone is trying to finish up, and Epperson literally pats himself on the back for his fabulous shirt-dress. You know, the one he and Weezy-lite REINVENTED. Christopher and Epperson are now referring to each other as The Dream Team. I think we all know where this is going.

Gordana is thankful that the blouse she created looks good, otherwise Irina might “Throw me ON the bus”. “On”, “under”, “around”, “near” … we know what she means.

Time for the runway show. Heidi introduces the judges. First, MICHAEL KORS IS BACK!! Second, we have the lady who cleans the bathrooms at Marie Claire, and third, Martine from Macy’s. Heidi states that one “or more” will be out. Cue ominous sound effects…

The models walk, the judges gawk. Overall, the runway show was boring because the challenge was boring. After all, the challenge was “Make something blue”, not “Make something blue and on fire” or “Make something blue using nothing but car parts and newspapers from Gristedes”.

Results! Althea and Logan are safe. Carol Hannah/Shirin and Irina/Gordana are the top teams - Louise/Nicolas and Christopher/Epperson are the bottoms. Ebony and Ivory have “Heidisaywhat?!?” looks on their faces as they walk backstage to wait for the judges.

The judges speak to the winners, and I was literally dozing off at this point. But luckily I had eaten a bunch of nonfat Ruffles Potato Chips earlier – and all that Olestra was keeping me on my toes. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I have two words for you: “Oily Discharge”. Apologies if you were trying to eat something as you read that.

Finally, the judges talk to the losers. It was so nice to have Michael Kors back, because no one does bitchy judging better than Michael Kor(ange)s. He told Louise and Nicolas that their ruffled outfits looked like bridesmaid dresses with loofahs up the front…


Then Michael REALLY laid it on. He told Christopher and Epperson that the shirt dress looked like it was made out of a tablecloth (it’s been reinvented!) and their other dress looked like a “Disco Pumpkin”…


“Did you think they went together?”, Michael demanded to know. Christopher, who couldn’t answer because he was crying so hard just stood there sobbing.

“They don’t”. Case closed - GUILTY AS CHARGED!!!. It was delicious.

Everyone goes and waits backstage for the judges to discuss … then they bring everybody back onto the runway for the results.

Irina is the winner. She will sell a holiday dress at Macy’s. Shirin, Gordana, Carol Hanna, Epperson and Nicolas are safe.

This leaves Louise and Christopher. Heidi announces that Christopher is safe, and Louise will be going home with a bad case of “the blues”.


Next Week: Michael Kors calls yo mama “Double Ugly!”. That’s twice as bad as plain old regular ugly!


Added Bonus. I don’t normally recap/write about that horrible Models of the Runway show. But for those of you who watched it last night, I will recap it for you with one picture and two words...


Pumpkin pie!