Paul Lynde, the Big Queen in the center square on Hollywood Squares, used to say some pretty outrageous things - especially considering the time period (70's/early 80s). As a kid, I thought Lynde was hysterical, even if I didn't understand all the gay jokes at the time. Here are some of his campiest quips...
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Q. You're the world's most popular fruit. What are you?
A. Paul Lynde: Humble.
Q. How many men on a hockey team
A. Paul Lynde: About half.
Q. What is said to be wasted on the young?
A. Paul Lynde: A whipping.
Paul Lynde was fantastic, but my favorite on the game shows was Charles Nelson Reilly. Loved him on Match Game!
ReplyDeleteReilly and Lynde are both comedic geniuses, but these quotes are fantastic.
ReplyDeleteThese are hilarious! He did get away with a lot on that show. Did people even "get" it then?
ReplyDeleteSo it wasn't the Golden Girls... it was Paul Lynde?
ReplyDeleteI loved Paul Lynde. Uncle Arthur was hilarious and I always loved him on Hollywood Squares.
ReplyDeleteBut, showing my ignorance, I don't get the hockey team joke. Can someone do some 'splainin' for me?
Yes, we old farts did get it way back then. Paul Lynde was not only funny, but he was silly and his humor was genius.
ReplyDeleteLB anon
@Lee from NC, I think Paul is implying that about half the men on a hockey team are gay.
ReplyDeleteOn a cross country airplane flight, to the mother of a child that was running up & down the aisle screaming:
ReplyDelete" Madam. if you don't control your child, I will have to fuck her".
True.
Heehee! So much funnier now that I know the meaning of them! Sorry you're under the weather, David. Feel better soon! XOXO
ReplyDeletetheses are hilarious! i catch reruns once in a while and he always makes me laugh
ReplyDelete