Project Runway Episode 7 - "Big Girls Don't Cry"

On last week’s Project Runway: Ven was a douchenozzle. The End. 

This week’s show opens at the Atlas Apartments – with Gunnar applying eye makeup and the gals plotting to eliminate some of the male “Silk Chiffonnies”. 

Then it’s off to the runway, where Heidi is rocking short, shiny and tight (as usual). She informs the designers that they will be meeting Tim on Fifth Avenue – the street of expensive merchandise and the European tourists who can afford it. 

Tim Gunn and the H.B.I.C. of Lord & Taylor meet the designers at the L&T flagship store. Inside, there are 9 rings mannequins representing mortal men doomed to die the previous 9 seasons of Project Runway. The challenge this week will be to create at 10th look to complete the Project Runway Lord & Taylor collection. The winning design will be produced and sold at L&T, as well as featured in the 5th Avenue windows of the store. Oh my Lord & Taylor! 

The designers get 30 minutes to sketch in the store, then its back to the workroom, where fabrics have been provided for them. Even though there are colors included in the many bolts of fabric to choose from, everyone pulls a Kim Kardashian and goes directly for the black. Sorry – I couldn’t resist. 

Designers start to put together their designs. Christopher has decided to do a gown, since the previous designers mostly did cocktail dresses. Gunnar and his eye makeup are excited about the challenge, because he knows the Lord & Taylor customer. Sonjia is nervous because she was in the bottom last week. Alicia is making something the judges won’t like but, like a lesbian Honey Badger, she don't give a shizz (great strategy). And Elena is slowly unraveling because she doesn’t do pretty little dresses for department stores – she does coats with huge shoulders for football players. 

Blah blah blah … Ven states “It’s not about me”, it’s about his customer. As opposed to last week, when it was about bashing his customer. Ven also thinks that men are stronger designers – because girls are stupid and fat. And Elena is losing it – saying that “this is not my thing” and that the judges don’t understand her. Honey, it’s hard to understand you when you’re either shrieking or crying. Or both. 

Tim Gun visits. He likes Gunnar’s little black dress. And Fabio’s little black dress. And everyone’s little black friggin dresses. OMG this episode is boring… 

Anywhore, Tim gets to Elena and she starts wailing like a colicky baby. She doesn’t to “mass market” (she does haute couture, obvs) – and she doesn’t understand why she’s in the bottom all the time (because you’re not that good, honey). 

Commercial break: Coma! “They’re not really dead. They’re not really alive either”. Like Ven’s personality and Elena’s designs… 

Back to the breakdown. Elena is now crying to Gunnar, who is being sweet and supportive and hugs her. What happened to the Evil Gunnar that we saw early in the season? Not that I’m complaining, mind you. 

With three hours left in the work day, the models come in for fittings. It’s now time for Melissa to unravel – something about having to redo her entire dress and hating the fabric blah blah blah. 

Day one ends and Runway day begins with the usual last minute scramble. Fabio – who likes to dress up like a pretty princess – is wearing a crown of flowers this week. It’s very “Jesus meets Woodstock meets a grocery store floral department”. The guys all seem calm, but the women are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. 

Speaking of breakdowns, it’s now Sonjia’s turn to freak out. Tim has to talk her down from her ledge, telling her to “channel your inner winner”. Which will be the title of Tim’s next book, I’m sure. 

Onto the runway – where Heidi is rocking … everybody say it with me now … short, shiny and tight. She introduces the judges: Michael, Nina and the Lord & Taylor lady. 

Models walk and judges gawk. When all is said and done, Ven, Dmitri and Sonjia are safe. Heidi announces that there were four designs with high scores and two with low scores. 

High Scores…Fabio, Christopher, Melissa and Elena. Of course, upon hearing the news, Elena cries. 

Lower Scores… Gunnar and Alicia. 

Then, during the judges discussion, I had to help my roommate with something so I didn’t see anything until the final results. Sorry. I DID hear something about a field hockey uniform and asymmetrical hems, but that’s all I got. 

Results. Christopher is the winner… 

Fabio, Elena, and Melissa are in. This leaves Gunnar and Alicia on the chopping block. 

Alicia is in … so that means Gunnar is … ALSO IN. Thanks to Andrea and Killer Kooan walking out a few episodes ago, the producers/judges were able to keep everyone. Which is kind of a letdown after investing 1 ½ hours of watching a show, only to find out that the results didn’t really matter. 

What did YOU think of the episode? Please leave a comment.