"Me" Update and Monday Weigh-In

On Thursday, July 30th I did a blog post entitled “My Big Ball of Crazy”. In that post I talked about my feelings of utter hopelessness and despair and my non-existent self-esteem. Because of these feelings, I had spent the prior few months hiding in my apartment – eating and being miserable. And it had taken its toll.

Many of you left encouraging comments on that post – and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words. And when my mother (who is celebrating her birthday today) read it, she insisted – for the jillionth time – that I was suffering from depression and needed to get help. Depression runs in my family – Mom suffers from it, as does my Grandmother. And apparently the big D had been passed down to create a third generation of Crazy Bitches .... me.

So, for once, I listened to my mother. After not entering a Doctor’s office in seven years, I made an appointment. And this past Wednesday (August 5th) I visited Dr. A, who gave me a prescription for Pristiq – an antidepressant which, he said, would not add to my weight gain or have any “sexual side effects”. That last part made me LOL, because I’m pretty sure you need to actually have sex in order suffer from sexual side effects. But I’m thankful for Dr. A’s optimism regarding my sex life.


Anywhore, I just want to let you all know that I feel FANFUCKINGTASTIC! As much as I wanted to wallow in hopelessness and say that NOTHING could help me, I really feel like the Pristiq is working. I realize that I’m not going to feel FANFUCKINGTASTIC every day, but I’m certainly going to enjoy it when I do.


At first I thought maybe I was just imagining these good feelings – especially since everyone says it can take a couple of weeks for antidepressants to work. But then on Saturday I cleaned my bathroom. I know that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I had spent the last 15 Saturdays (at least) sitting on my couch. Seriously, Saturday was the day I “caught up on my blogging” (which is how I justified it). I didn’t leave the apartment and I didn’t accomplish anything. Hell, I didn’t even shower!!

So this Saturday, before I really knew what was going on, I found myself cleaning the bathroom. And going to the Veggie Market. And EXERCISING. And going to the Grocery Store and buying low-fat stuff. It was amazing.


I am one of those “Things To Do List” people. When I’m completing items on my Things To Do List, I feel great. The more things I do, the better I feel. And this weekend, I pretty much did every damn thing I needed to do. And I realized that I hadn’t even bothered to MAKE a Things To Do List in months – because I wouldn’t have done any of it anyway.



Weigh-In

Because of my Pristiq-induced positive outlook, I’m going to go back to “weighing in” on Mondays. And in the past 2 weeks (which was the last time I entered my weight on weightwatchers.com) I’ve lost 3 pounds. I have to lose 21 more pounds to reach my goal weight. And yes, this is the same goal weight I’ve been trying to reach for 1 ½ years.

As far as losing weight goes, I have decided that my target will be to lose 2 lbs. a week. I have lost (and gained) enough weight over the years to know that this is achievable for me. And even if I cheat a little, I should still be able to lose 2 lbs each week – which will definitely add up over time.

BTW, you may remember that I told my Doctor that I was concerned about the cost of my medication. He, in turn, gave me 10 weeks of Pristiq samples for free. But I’ll tell you this right now: I don’t care how much it costs – I’m going to make sure I get my Pristiq. If I have to beg, borrow or steal, I’m gonna get my drugs. Hell, I’d sell my ass on the street for it. After all, there are “no sexual side effects”…