Project Runway Episode Four - "Magical Shiny Jeans"

Last week on Project Runway, George and Weezy Jefferson (Epperson and Qristyl) argued in every room of their DEE-luxe apartment in the sky-y-y, Boris and Natasha (Nicolas and Gordana) reinvented “Hot Tranny Mess”, and Ra’mon and Mitchell won. And they also lost. Don’t ask – it’s complicated.

It’s morning in the City of Angels, and the remaining Fashiontestants are contemplating their next challenge. Nicolas states the need to “weed out the untalented people”, but he should be careful what he wishes for. This is what he sent down the runway last week…


This is what you would get if a Tranny Hooker was designing for Fredericks of Hollywood. In Hell.

The designers head to the runway to receive this week’s challenge. Heidi is rockin’ a leopard print, and tells the “lucky 13” remaining Fashiontestants that 13 women are waiting for them in the workroom – along with Tim Gunn. Make that 14 women awaiting them in the workroom. Kidding!!

The 13 woman are actually the models, and once in the workroom, Tim informs everyone that the “Models of the Runway” will be attending a special fashion insiders' event – and the designers will be making their outfits. The girls must stand out and be noticed – and the designers must sew accordingly.

Thirty minutes to “caucus”. Johnny already knows what his model wants, because they’re tight like that. In fact, Johnny says it’s like designing something for himself if he was a “black girl”. After all, he spent all those messy drug years channeling Whitney Houston, so Johnny knows what he’s talking about.

Epperson’s model has a few simple suggestions. She would like something that is sexy, romantic, chic, fitted, short, punk, ‘tiger’, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Should be no problem.

Logan’s model wants him to create something from the 1950’s (which Logan isn’t familiar with), using lace (which Logan hasn’t really used). She does NOT, just for the record, use any of the following words: “fugly”, “Smurf”, or “buttassugly” – but that won’t stop Logan. You wait.

Caucusing over – and time for shopping at Mood. The designers have 30 minutes and $100. Thank you Mood!!

Back to the workroom, and the designers begin designing. Tim comes in for a visit, stopping by Althea first. Althea, God love her, says her model wanted a “Cigarette Jacket”. Tim looks puzzled, probably because he’s thinking this…


But actually, Althea means “smoking jacket”, and Tim is intrigued by the idea.

Christopher is afraid that Tim will think his VERY green dress looks like a salad. However, Tim does NOT think the dress looks like a salad. He thinks it looks like the model will be playing the role of “Miss Celery” in a pre-school production of “Eat Your Veggies Every Day!"…


Tim visits Epperson, who is trying to reconcile all of his model’s scattered ideas. How does one incorporate “Tijuana”, “Inkjet Printer”, “Juxtaposition”, and “Cinderella” into one garment? You don’t, so Epperson decides to make a cute brown dress … and Tim likee.

When Tim gets to Qristyl, he looks concerned. Her dress looks “messy”, like it’s been “rolling around in bed” all day. Maybe Qristyl should be designing for Fredericks of Hollywood? Tim’s advice concerns Qristyl, so she decides to start again, from scratch.

Finally, Tim visits with Logan. Logan states that he doesn’t want to create a “Smurf Prom Dress”. I did a little research, and Smurfs do indeed have Proms…


Tim tells Logan he is facing a “conundrum”. Logan pretends to know what that means and gets back to his Goth Smurfette outfit.

The models arrive for a fitting. Some really likee their outfits, and others are less than thrilled. Logan’s model is happy that she will get noticed in her outfit, but Logan is afraid she might get noticed for “the wrong reasons”. Regardless, when you look like THIS, you’re gonna get noticed…



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It is now Runway Day, and the Fashiontestants are in the apartments getting ready. We see a shirtless Logan, who is overwhelming Johnny with his silver jeans and his sexiness. Logan says that the shiny pants may just distract Heidi enough from his Fugly Smurfette look enough to keep him safe. Cutie isn’t as dumb as he looks - everyone knows Heidi LOVES the shiny shiny.

Back in the workroom they have two hours to get ready. Johnny decides to wear a hat from the Macy’s Accessories Wall (which, for the record, is the OPPOSITE of using the Wall “thoughtfully”), Qristyl is finishing up a simple black dress instead of her previous “roll around in bed” dress, and Logan is putting the final touches on his “1950’s meets Marilyn Manson Goth” dress for his model.

As things are winding down, we FINALLY get some designer bitchery. Irina thinks Althea’s outfit looks like crap, and Nicolas thinks that Epperson and Johnny are headed for the bottom. And off they go to the runway.

OK, here’s when the episode really went downhill … when Heidi introduced the “Judges”. First of all, we have designer Marc Bouwer, who is in no way orange enough to fill in for Michael Kors. And he looks like Siegfried. Or Roy. Whichever is the blond one.


Then we have a Nina Garcia wannabe – Zoe Glassner from Marie Claire magazine. And finally there is some skinny stylist named Jennifer Rade. Seriously, was Rachel Zoe not available? These Judges are so NOT Ba-na-nas. I DIE. And not in a good way.


The models walk, and the “Judges” gawk. After Heidi tells the safe designers to head backstage, Carol Hannah, Logan, Epperson, Qristyl, Johnny, and Althea remain.

The “Judges” likee Carol Hannah’s sophisticated look. Siegfried/Roy likee the way the dress moved. They also likee the suit Althea created for her model, however it seems to me that there are construction issues – which, if Nina were there, she would have at least mentioned.

The “Judges” also likee Epperson’s short, tall, skinny, fat, pretty, ugly, up, down, black, white, right, wrong dress. Although Heidi has issues with the boobies - per usual. Honey, we ALL have issues with the Boobies … in one way or another. Heidi also wants to know why the model wanted a “tiger” look – “Do you have a kitty-cat inside of you?”, Heidi asks. Oh Lord. PAGING MICHAEL KORS! … PAGING MICHAEL KORS!!!...

The judges no likee Johnny – his outfit is wearable but boring. They also no likee Qristyl – her outfit is even more boring. And Logan’s outfit looks like “The Nightmare Before Christmas In Smurf Village”. However, “Judge” Jennifer Rade thinks Logan is cute and she loves his silver jeans. Logan replies that hopefully this will help him, and Rade mumbles “It should”. Cough, cough, hack, choke … WHORE! … cough, hack, cough. Sorry, I had something in my throat.

The judges discuss, then bring the remaining six designers back. Althea is the winner, meaning Epperson and Carol Hannah are safe. Althea will have immunity next week.

Johnny is also safe, leaving Qristyl and Logan in the bottom two. Finally, Qristyl is sent home – just when I learned how to spell her damn name. Figures.

Logan, it seems, was indeed saved by his shiny silver jeans…