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Friday, August 31, 2012
Project Runway Episode 7 - "Big Girls Don't Cry"
On last week’s Project Runway: Ven was a douchenozzle. The End.
This week’s show opens at the Atlas Apartments – with Gunnar applying eye makeup and the gals plotting to eliminate some of the male “Silk Chiffonnies”.
Then it’s off to the runway, where Heidi is rocking short, shiny and tight (as usual). She informs the designers that they will be meeting Tim on Fifth Avenue – the street of expensive merchandise and the European tourists who can afford it.
Tim Gunn and the H.B.I.C. of Lord & Taylor meet the designers at the L&T flagship store. Inside, there are 9 rings mannequins representing mortal men doomed to die the previous 9 seasons of Project Runway. The challenge this week will be to create at 10th look to complete the Project Runway Lord & Taylor collection. The winning design will be produced and sold at L&T, as well as featured in the 5th Avenue windows of the store. Oh my Lord & Taylor!
The designers get 30 minutes to sketch in the store, then its back to the workroom, where fabrics have been provided for them. Even though there are colors included in the many bolts of fabric to choose from, everyone pulls a Kim Kardashian and goes directly for the black. Sorry – I couldn’t resist.
Designers start to put together their designs. Christopher has decided to do a gown, since the previous designers mostly did cocktail dresses. Gunnar and his eye makeup are excited about the challenge, because he knows the Lord & Taylor customer. Sonjia is nervous because she was in the bottom last week. Alicia is making something the judges won’t like but, like a lesbian Honey Badger, she don't give a shizz (great strategy). And Elena is slowly unraveling because she doesn’t do pretty little dresses for department stores – she does coats with huge shoulders for football players.
Blah blah blah … Ven states “It’s not about me”, it’s about his customer. As opposed to last week, when it was about bashing his customer. Ven also thinks that men are stronger designers – because girls are stupid and fat. And Elena is losing it – saying that “this is not my thing” and that the judges don’t understand her. Honey, it’s hard to understand you when you’re either shrieking or crying. Or both.
Tim Gun visits. He likes Gunnar’s little black dress. And Fabio’s little black dress. And everyone’s little black friggin dresses. OMG this episode is boring…
Anywhore, Tim gets to Elena and she starts wailing like a colicky baby. She doesn’t to “mass market” (she does haute couture, obvs) – and she doesn’t understand why she’s in the bottom all the time (because you’re not that good, honey).
Commercial break: Coma! “They’re not really dead. They’re not really alive either”. Like Ven’s personality and Elena’s designs…
Back to the breakdown. Elena is now crying to Gunnar, who is being sweet and supportive and hugs her. What happened to the Evil Gunnar that we saw early in the season? Not that I’m complaining, mind you.
With three hours left in the work day, the models come in for fittings. It’s now time for Melissa to unravel – something about having to redo her entire dress and hating the fabric blah blah blah.
Day one ends and Runway day begins with the usual last minute scramble. Fabio – who likes to dress up like a pretty princess – is wearing a crown of flowers this week. It’s very “Jesus meets Woodstock meets a grocery store floral department”. The guys all seem calm, but the women are on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Speaking of breakdowns, it’s now Sonjia’s turn to freak out. Tim has to talk her down from her ledge, telling her to “channel your inner winner”. Which will be the title of Tim’s next book, I’m sure.
Onto the runway – where Heidi is rocking … everybody say it with me now … short, shiny and tight. She introduces the judges: Michael, Nina and the Lord & Taylor lady.
Models walk and judges gawk. When all is said and done, Ven, Dmitri and Sonjia are safe. Heidi announces that there were four designs with high scores and two with low scores.
High Scores…Fabio, Christopher, Melissa and Elena. Of course, upon hearing the news, Elena cries.
Lower Scores… Gunnar and Alicia.
Then, during the judges discussion, I had to help my roommate with something so I didn’t see anything until the final results. Sorry. I DID hear something about a field hockey uniform and asymmetrical hems, but that’s all I got.
Results. Christopher is the winner…
Fabio, Elena, and Melissa are in. This leaves Gunnar and Alicia on the chopping block.
Alicia is in … so that means Gunnar is … ALSO IN. Thanks to Andrea and Killer Kooan walking out a few episodes ago, the producers/judges were able to keep everyone. Which is kind of a letdown after investing 1 ½ hours of watching a show, only to find out that the results didn’t really matter.
What did YOU think of the episode? Please leave a comment.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Disco
'I was stranded in Disco. I went to dozens of darkened places with enough flashing lights to drive the average person mad. I felt lost in the pulse of sheer panic".
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Against The Wall
"Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door".
Friday, August 24, 2012
Project Runway Episode 6 - "Real Women"
Last week’s challenge was to design for a woman on the go at work. Elena acted like a raving lunatic, Gunnar acted like a snippy biatch, and Raul acted like a ruffled bib was haute couture (he was so wrong). Melissa won and Raul was sent home (again).
This week’s episode opens, as usual, with yawns and coffee at the Atlas Apartments.
Then it’s off to the runway, where Heidi announces that the designers will be getting “new clients”. Then a bunch of random people walk out onto the runway. OMG – these are not models!!! Whatever will the designers do?!?
It turns out that these people are just the friends of some slobs in need of a serious transformation. Heidi tells everyone to meet Tim in the workroom, where they will meet the friends and these mysterious slovenly ragamuffins.
Tim greets everyone in the workroom, where he is joined by L’Oreal Paris hair cutie Johnny Lavoy (which HAS to be a made up name – his real name is probably “Juan Sanchez” or something). Anywhore, this will also be a hair challenge, which means that Mr. Sanchez Lavoy will be selling L’Oreal hair care products throughout the episode. Because you’re worth it.
The designers meet their clients and their clients’ friends. Sonjia’s client hates shopping, Elena’s client is smiling and bubbly (the exact opposite of Elena), Nathan’s client is an R&B singer who wants to be “sexy with swag” (the exact opposite of Nathan), and Fabio’s client doesn’t want to be “sexualized” because it makes her feel weak. So she normally dresses like a lumberjack – which makes her feel strong (?).
Then we get to Ven. Ven’s client Terri is a T-shirt-and-jeans gal who’s a little on the large side. But Robot Ven busts a gasket over how big she is – saying he is “extremely disappointed” and complains about her waistline and hipline. In reality, Terri is just a regular gal (and is smaller than Ven, thankyouverymuch), but Ven acted like he was dressing this…
Ven didn’t really talk to his client much or ask about her story – he immediately panicked about how big she was and just couldn’t get past it the entire episode. Hell, even GUNNAR had a good attitude this challenge, saying that he’s used to making clothes for real women. He even hugged and comforted his client when she started crying. Gunnar should have snuck over and given poor Terri some hugs – she definitely could have used them.
Then it’s off to Mood, where Fabio is contemplating “shades of gray” for his design. Let’s hope it’s not 50 shades of gray, or his client will DEFINITELY be sexualized. A lot.
Back to the workroom, where poor Nathan is out of his element. The last time he designed clothing for a musician he did so for his mother – who was performing classical music. I’m almost certain his mother didn’t ask for a form-fitting satin dress with cut outs.
Commercial Break: The Week The Women Went. Day 3 – The men struggle to throw a beauty pageant, so help is brought in. “Hey Cleetus, I think those fellers are them there HOMERSEXTICALS!”
Workroom: Ven keeps complaining about how unfair it is that he got the largest gal and others got skinny gals. Please STFU now. Gunnar – showing his softer side – misses his family. And Fabio gets to video chat with his cat. Meow.
Tim Gunn visits, and things go as usual until he gets to Ven. Ven UNLOADS about how he’s never worked with a plus size girl before and how she’s “Oh my God, she’s like a 14!” and “doesn’t have a shape” or a “sense of style”. Ven literally calls her a “nightmare” and I’m pleading with my TV screen to try and convince Tim to slap the stank outta him (unfortunately that never happens). Ven even complains about her AGE – 40. Tim basically tells Ven that his client is not old, she’s not a nightmare, and that Ven needs to make it work, asshole. In so many words.
The clients come in with their new hairdos for fittings. As you can imagine, everything goes ok for most of the designers, except Ven … “Black is very slimming” … “You have a nice face” – which is international code for “You’re fat” … he also gives her belts to try on (they don’t fit). Everyone in the workroom is cringing at how Ven is treating this poor woman.
Day #1 ends and back at the Atlas Apartments Ven is still complaining about large silhouettes. OMG STFU!
Runway day begins with the clients getting into hair and makeup and getting into their garments. Poor Terri starts to cry when Ven won’t stop mentioning the belts that don’t fit her.
Ven: “I can see it in her face that she’s not happy”. What, do you mean those streams of water coming out of her eyes?!? Those are called “TEARS”, you fat bald robot with no feelings.
Then it’s off to the runway, where the friends and the designers are in the audience. Heidi introduces the judges: Michael Kors, Nina Friggin Garcia, and some English lady.
The clients walk and judges gawk. Most of the clients are beaming from ear to ear. One, in particular, is not. I’ll give you 10 guesses…
Results: Melissa, Chris, Alicia and Elena are safe.
Dmitry, Fabio and Gunnar are on top and Ven, Sonjia and Nathan are on the bottom. Fabio, btw, is wearing his best dumpster dress today.
Judge judge judge … blah blah blah. Ven now has Terri’s friend crying – and robot Ven just stands there.
Heidi: "One – or maybe more of you – will be out".
Fabio is the winner…
Nathan is out for this “Hootchie Mama” look for the R&B singer…
And Ven and Sonjia are still in, even though Ven made Terri look like she was in a Lane Bryant catalogue …
Next week: Elena goes back to being crazy!
What did YOU think of the episode? Please leave a comment.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Stripes
“At times he could be very critical. He didn't like prints on me. He didn't like stripes. He didn't like boldness. He said I was petite and that was taking away from my looks”.
… Priscilla Presley
Don't Mess With LL
Some idiot broke into LL Cool J's house - so LL busted the guy's "face area" and held him until the cops came.
From MSNBC.com:
The "NCIS: Los Angeles" actor and rapper cornered a suspected thief in his home early Wednesday morning, NBC News has confirmed.
Police were called to the artist's Studio City, Calif. home and arrived around 1 a.m.LL, whose birth name is James Todd Smith, was holding on to the suspect when the police arrived.The suspect had "a lot of contusions to his face area," will be charged with burglary, according to officials.
