Monday, June 16, 2008

Design Star - Episode Two - Mini Recap

First of all, we find out that the whole “you’re going to have to build your own house” teaser from last week was simply a lie. Which pissed me off. Don’t waste my time with your childish games. Time is money, bitches.

Clive – the host who is much more snarky Simon Cowell than kindly mentor Tim Gunn – takes them, via boat, to their REAL house. Inside, the designtestants must design the living room, dining room, sunroom, and two bedrooms over the next 3 days. They break up into teams.

Big Gay Michael and Fag Hag Trish form an immediate bond and start “Team Dining and Sun Room” (along with Tracee and D Paul). Trish knows that gay men can be your most loyal allies, or your worst enemies – and she ain’t taken no chances with Miss Michael. D. Paul pretty much keeps quiet – and Tracee seems to only have two facial expressions – surprise or scorn. And sometimes she’s able to express BOTH simultaneously – especially when Gay Michael (“Queen of the Gay Gasp”) is nearby.

Dumb blonds Jennifer and Stephanie form Team Ditzy Dining Room, and Southern Scottie wants to do the upstairs bedroom (which he pronounces “bet-room”) on his own. Matt wants to work on the downstairs bedroom with Mikey V. – which I can TOTALLY understand.

It’s time for shopping and Gay Michael is all finger-snaps and exclamations of “fabulous”. I would have drowned that bitch in the river already. He’s obsessed with buying a pool table for the sunroom – I’m sure to fulfill some sort of porno fantasy with Mikey V. Which, on second thought, isn’t such a bad idea. You go girl!!

Matt is planning some sort of mass “orgy bed” for the downstairs bedroom he’s building with Mikey – and again I say: You go girl!! Scottie is using last season’s colors in his bet room – trying to play it off as “70’s Retro”. Good luck with that.

I don’t know WHAT the hell the two blonds are doing in the dining room – they’re chatting and bonding and doing everything except designing. Step it up and Design, bitches.

Mikey V. is in a sleeveless shirt and I’m gagging on the gorgeousness. Matt’s “secret weapon” is snoring like a foghorn. Gay Michael gives the HUGEST gay gasp at the sight of a pool table. Tracee gives looks of surprise and scorn when she sees said pool table in the sunroom. Tracee seems to distance herself from each of her teammates' decisions, apparently in an attempt to not get bitten in the ass during the judging. She’s a sneaky bitch.

Team Ditzy Dining Room is still shopping for discounts on day #2. They finally find a huge, gorgeous, solid wood dining room table – that must be loaded into their truck via forklift. The dumb blonds don’t think about how in the hell they’ll get it into the house WITHOUT a forklift. They end up painting the top of the gorgeous wooden table. Dumbasses.

It’s the 3rd and final day of work – and Queen Michael is playing with some stray dog – eliciting glances of scorn (and maybe a little surprise) from Tracee. She scolds him for not working, and he calls her “Mommie Dearest”. No.He.Di.Int!! CHRISTINA – BRING ME THE AXE!!!!!!!! Tracee’s expression is now all scorn – all the time. The Dining Room tramps leave painter’s tape on the ceiling. If they weren’t decorating, they would obviously be Rocket Scientists.

Time’s up. Judges judge. We see before and after pictures. The judges are Martha McCully from InStyle Magazine, Vern Yip, and Designer Cynthia Rowley (who I saw on the street a couple of weeks ago). Cynthia is adorable.

Living room – judges likee. Michael takes the credit for the color. Judges mention the “solid furniture – patterned pillows” scheme is “predictable”. Tracee immediately grabs teammates and shoves them under various buses. She doesn’t agree with ANY of her teammates’ bad ideas. BAD teammates!! You should be ASHAMED of yourselves. I am filled with SURPRISE and SCORN toward you! Tracee even acknowledges the “huge alliance” between the fag (Michael) and the hag (Trish).

Sunroom – judges no likee. Tracee agrees with EVERYTHING the judges say – the sunroom sucks. She doesn’t even like to say the WORD sunroom – it sucks so bad. Tracee doesn’t have anything to do with that sucky sunroom.

On to the bedrooms – or the bet rooms. The judges NO LIKEE Scottie’s orange and brown 70’s swinger’s den. The word “hate” is used.

Vern LOVES what Mikey V. and Matt have done in the downstairs bedroom. He loves the four-in-one orgybed. Kinky bitch.

Dining Room. Judges no likee the tapee still on the ceiling. Vern uses the word “unacceptable”, which I’m sure his ex-boyfriends have heard many times.

In the not-so-Glad “Green Room”, the designtestants are talking so much shit to Tracee’s surprised and scornful face, that she has to leave. Dumbass Stephanie is crying and wondering “can’t we all just get along?”. Yeah, that worked out so well for Rodney King.

One by one, people are safe – including that sneaky Tracee. It is down to the Scottie and his 70’s Bet Room, and Stephanie’s Dining Room of Doom.

Scottie is sent home, and the rest of the designers jump for joy – the black guy is gone. Racists!!

Till next week bitches!!!


mikeinbama said...

I'm really going to like this show. I can't believe that bitch was ready to throw everyone under the bus on the first challenge. Big Gay Michael was getting on my nerve, but his ideas were solid.

A reality show isn't a reality show until someone leaves in tears and devastated.

Dumbass Stephanie is crying and wondering “can’t we all just get along?”. Yeah, that worked out so well for Rodney King.

LOL, Great Recap.

TAMmommy said...

Is there any show you can't recap and comment on that turns out fabulous?

Man, I have my work cut out for me if I ever want to write half as well as you, or get even a fraction of the readership as you. I could give up now, but what is the fun in that?!

You missed Tracee claiming the brown paint in the sunroom and actually telling Vern that she disagreed with him, that was a look of shock/scorn on his face for sure when she did that!

David Dust said...

Tammommy - You give my HIVES by mentioning things I missed. I am SO not used to condensing my recaps to so few words. Also, I watched the 1:00 am showing of the show - I missed the first one. I was at the GYM, doncha know! My natural inclination is to write about EVERY SINGLE THING - but I really wanted to do a MINI-recap and just focus on some highlights.

Thanks for the compliments - that NEVER gets old...


David Dust said...

Mike - Yes, I am going to enjoy the show as well. Tracee is just HORRIBLE.

And Mikey V. could do some work in MY bet-room ANYDAY...if you smell what I'm steppin' in...

SailorAlphaCentauri said...

I can't believe I got sucked into a recap of a show I've not seen...but the recap was so good, I don't care if I ever get to see the show.

I did snicker on the Rodney King line. Considering that my answer to "Can't we all just get along?" has been an emphatic no, I will always find the reference funny [That, and honorable mention to the guy on Cops who was trying to claim police bruality, but was calling out the wrong King].

Great recap, as always, darling.

Mark in DE said...

OMG - once again you delight me with your thorough yet succint recap of last night's episode. My recap would have benn 78 pages long, which explains why I'm not doing one.

How about Tracee's one and only place where she put her foot down - the chocolate brown in the sunroom - and the judges say the color is totally wrong. HA! Mark my words: she's not long for this show. They had to get rid of the 'darkie' first, but now this week it'll be Tracee's turn to go.

Love you!!!

Mark :-)

Psychomom said...

Dang I missed the first episode and unlike Bravo they don't play them over and over, Oh well I'm one behind but catching up.

Speaking of Rodney King, did you hear that he was going to be on VH1's Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab? How low can we go?

Joy said...

I wonder how that fifth person gets to that "bunk bed" in cluster bed room. I couldn't see any way to get there.

Very Gay Michael definitely has ADD.

Good recap as always!

C2 said...

Do you think Stephanie will cry every week?? I do. *sigh*

Love the recaps! :-D

Renee said...

Step it up and Design, bitches.
LOL too funny.

Anonymous said...

omg you make me lol so much.

Does anyone think that Gay Michael look like Chris Elliot?? It bothers me so much!


Unknown said...

Maybe Trace will last as one of those people you love to a certain chef on the other show.
I only watched up to that beautiful cracked wood dining table top. Didn't realize they painted it- isn't that a crime or something? At least a felony.
But I mounted my treadmill from the wrong side and missed the rest.

David Dust said...

Noogie -

OMG!!!!! Big Gay Michael is Chris Elliot's queeny younger brother!

THAT is SO, SO true - but now that's all I'll be able to see when Gay Michael is on the TV screen.


Donna said...

U R funny girl! Love, love, love your blog! Thanks for leaving your comment on our blog-would have never found you. Keep in touch! See you on the blogs :)

Single D

Anonymous said...

you're such a silly b!tch! I just happened to come across this blog, cuz i googled to see if Mikey V was gay or not... i LOVE your blog!!

Anonymous said...

Looks like Mikey was performing in front of a camera long before Design Star. Though he went by the name Jeremy Wess back then...

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