Last time on The Fashion Show: Ultimate Collection of Douchenozzles, David was sent home and Dominique had a sadd. Actually, she still has a sadd – and spends her nights weeping in David’s old bed. Srsly.
The fashiontestants are summoned downtown to an event space which was some kind of house of worship in a past life. The six remaining designers are greeted by Iman, who is standing beside a tuxedo-wearing midget holding a velvet bag.
Iman informs the designers that they won’t be working as houses this week – but as “couples”. Everyone immediately has a Dominique-esque sadd, because no one wants to work with Calvin. Calvin has a sadd too, because “these people are a f*(king nightmare”. That's right Calvin, it’s not you, it’s THEM.
The midget with the bag, it turns out, isn’t a midget at all – he’s actually a Hobbit ring-bearer carrying 6 Magic Rings. Each designer must pull out a ring from the bag, pair up, and then take their rings to Mordor and throw them into the fires of Mount Doom before Gollum/Calvin can reclaim his “Precious” and live forever. Or something.
Rings are pulled and poor Cindy ends up with Gollum…
Dominique is paired with Jeffrey and Eduardo is paired with Cesar. Cindy briefly considers throwing HERSELF into the fires of Mount Doom so she doesn’t have to deal with Calvin – moaning “Why Me?!?”
Iman informs the Fellowship of the Silk Charmeuse that their challenge this week will be to create “wedding looks” for gay couples.
Eduardo/Cesar and Dominique/Jeffrey will work with 2 cute lesbian couples – and Gollum/Cindy will work with adorable gay male couple. Sounds wonderful, right??
Well, not so much. At this point we get the first of about 5,000 different quips about how “big” the gay couple is – mostly from Calvin. And let me tell you – if they are “big” then I’m Jabba the Hutt’s fat cousin with the slow metabolism and a thyroid condition.
At first I was like “Oh this is GREAT – I can really put the stank on Calvin for being such a nasty “unt-cay” (ya’ll DO speak Pig Latin, right??) toward these two adorable gay boys". But the “fat” remarks just kept coming and coming and coming – and this is where my recap turns into a rant…
I found most of this episode offensive on so many levels. Calvin was SUCH an insufferable bitch to his clients – ignoring and belittling one man’s Korean heritage, constantly complaining about how fat they were, and generally acting like a repulsive, oozing pimple on the ass of Satan. I thought FOR SURE Calvin was going home. How could he remain after acting so horribly???
Isaac wasn’t much better - making quips about how “different” it was to be working with “thin lesbians” and “bigger homosexuals” (because all lesbians are fat and all gay men are fit and trim) – as well as giggling at Calvin’s fat jokes. It reminded me of how much I hated Isaac last season.
Cindy didn’t win any points in my book either – saying she had issues with the whole gay marriage thing because she was “raised Catholic” – where marriage is between one man and one woman. How about one priest and many young boys??
There was just so much negativity during this episode that I can’t possible write an entertaining recap about it. You know ME – I can sometimes turn around a boring and/or uneventful episode and create a mildly entertaining recap. But a REPULSIVE episode?? I don’t think so. You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still just Sarah Palin wearing lipstick.
In the end, Cindy loses – which really wasn’t fair. Cindy was the only one who had to make true menswear (yes, two of the lesbians wanted boyish clothes,but it was still womenswear - and Calvin made a Korean-inspired gown for his guy). PLUS Cindy had to work with that disgusting piece of trash know as Calvin Tran – which, at best, would be distracting. And at worst would drive a person to murder. At least it would have been that way with me.
But what do I know – I’m just a fat queen, so my feelings obviously shouldn’t count.
Final Note: Judging by Iman's sweet and concerned reaction to Cindy's departure, I have a feeling the producers had a HUGE hand in making sure Calvin remained to stink up the joint for another week. Which makes this episode even MORE disgusting.
.
9 comments:
There comes a point where bitchy just becomes vicious and Calvin went sailing by that point last night. He is no longer entertaining and Bravo made a huge mistake keeping him on.
Due to the menswear issues that designers seem to have the couple that got the fellows was probably going to be on the chopping block. I'm thinking all the couples should have been male or female to even the field.
I loves your Lord of the Rings twist. xoxoxox
I agree that the fix was in to keep Calvin, because nothing else can explainwhy he stayed after his intolerable rudeness to his clients, and his general stank.
And I loathed the "Oh look fat gay men" attitude.
I mean, how can we stop bigots and homophobes from stereotyping us when we're doing it to ourselves.
I did, however, love the way Iman spoke with Cindy.
Iman was sweet and very less scary last night.
I concur to a point. I didn't take the comment about "big gays men and small lesbians" to be insulting, though. It seems Issac was making a valid point. Media images of gay men are usually tiny fey boys, while lesbians are big butch dykes. This WAS different. They WERE bigger than the usual twinks we see in the media.
But yeah, Calvin should have been sent packing for being a rude prick to his clients, and ignoring his wishes! Boo to the producers!
Totally agree, the whole episode was rather offensive. Keeping Calvin around is the equivalent of keeping a vocal homophobe for the finals of 'Just Desserts' - oh, wait, Bravo did that, too. Just made me not want to tune in again.
Gollum Tran is a douche. I find Iman immensely unlikeable. Isaac can be a snotty bitch. But this post is effin' hilarious.
Cindy did redeem herself during her exit saying something to the effect "if people in love want to be married then that's fine."
I was gobsmacked at how tacky everyone was on this episode! I though the little Korean boy was cute and would LOVE to have made him a colorful wedding gown! And his bearfriend would have looked A-DOORBELL in the Matrix-like duster he asked for! BTW- It's a Butterick pattern that's readily available, and so easy to so that even Miss G made it for her former Mr. Julep!
I'm surprised my future ex=boyfriend Andy Cohen allowed this!
I'm glad you ranted. This episode deserved it. Gollum definitely should have gone home. Bravo sucks for letting him stay. We should all write to them. As always your recap was entertaining! Thank you for doing them.
Andy Cohen is a star-fucker who doesn't give a shit about anything except the Real Housewives. Seriously, the guy is a douchebag.
Post a Comment