This Isn't Rocket Scientist

Deena from Jersey Shore isn't the brightest crayon box...

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Sunday Sermon

A & F to The Situation: "Ewwwwwww"

Like the rest of America (and Italy, Canada, The Seychelles, Luxembourg, etc.), Abercrombie & Fitch thinks The Situation (from Jersey Shore) is totally gross:

From TDW:

In a marketing first, national clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch has released a statement explicitly asking Jersey Shore cast member Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino to stop wearing clothes manufactured by the company. 

Expressing “deep concern” for the association of its brand with MTV’s controversial reality show, A&F ask The Situation and his fellow castmates “to wear an alternate brand” in exchange for a “substantial payment.”

Oh Here Go Hell Come

Which is worse - dressing up your kids like the Jersey Shore cast (above)? - or forcing them to endure hot wax before a child beauty pageant (below)? You decide.

 

 Source

New Year's Eve Just Won't Be The Same

A few weeks ago MTV announced they were planning on putting Jersey Shore's Snooki into a plastic hamster ball and dropping her in Times Square on New Year's Eve - which would coincide with an attempt to break the Guinness World Record for group fist-pumping. Seriously.

But the powers-that-be here in NYC came to their senses and put the kibosh on the whole sordid affair - refusing to grant MTV the proper permits. So THAT'S what Mayor Bloomberg has been working on instead of snow removal! Question: Which exact PERMITS does one apply for when one is looking to put a idiot/midget from Jersey into a plastic ball in order to drop her while thousands of people fist-pump in unison?? Someone please get back to me on this.

Preparing for Snooki in Seaside Heights

Anywhore, TMZ is reporting that MTV has relocated the Snooki Habitrail Hamster New Year's Eve Ball to - where else - the Jersey Shore. Because those 12 people still in Seaside Heights, NJ during the winter need SOMETHING to do on New Year's Eve.

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Auditioning for Jersey Shore??

We'll call him "Minor Situation".

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Halloween at the Jersey Shore

Jersey Shore cast mates Vinny (who recently recorded an "It Gets Better" video) and Ronnie dress up as co-stars Snooki and Paulie D for Halloween.

Werq!

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Facing the Situation at the Plaza

The historic Plaza Hotel - which should be re-named the "Plaza Condos Plus A Few Hotel Rooms Without Views" - is reportedly negotiating with Jersey Shore's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino to become the face of the Plaza's new gym...

Um ... have these people actually looked at this guy's FACE??? Sorrentino looks like he fell face-first off the Ugly Tree and hit every branch going down. 

Yes, The Situation has a slammin' body - but the FACE??   Oy ... THAT FACE...

It's a shame that Abs can't speak.

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South Park - It's a Jersey Thing

South Park skewered New Joisey this week - featuring characters from Real Housewives and Jersey Shore. Poor Snooki got the worst of it - they turned her into a big-haired, pickle-eating, drink-swilling, guy-humping Jersey version of Gollum. Which, come to think of it, pretty much describes her perfectly.

To watch the entire episode, go HERE. And stay until the end - like I said, they really GO THERE.

Yabba Dabba Doooooo !!!!

Jersey Shore's Snooki rocking a head-to-toe "Flintstones Chic" look - complete with Woolly Mammoth boots and Alligatorsaurus handbag. All she needs is a big bone sticking out of her hair poof.

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Snooki's Boyfriend Proposes Via Magazine Cover

Jeff Miranda, the current boyfriend of Jersey Shore's Snooki, decided to keep it classy and propose on the cover of trashy Steppin' Out magazine (above).  Shirtless, of course.

This shouldn't be surprising, as Jeff Miranda is a known famewhore.  But Snooks better watch out, because he is also an alleged girlfriend abuser.

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JerseyShoreMobile: "Gay Men On Board

LOL!  From Janet Charlton (via Towleroad):

"Vinny Gaudagnino and The Situation returned to their Jersey Shore SUV to find that someone had taped a sign on the back that said 'Gay Men On Board.' They look flabbergasted, but they’re not laughing. Who did it? They removed the sign but Jenni thought it was funny and when they weren’t looking she put it back on."

Jersey Shore's Ronnie Arrested

Jersey Shore's hot slab of beef (and undercover Latino - his real last name is "Ortiz") Ronnie "Magro" was arrested at the Jersey Shore house in Seaside Heights this morning.  What did he do, you ask?!?  Did he beat someone on the Boardwalk in a steroid-induced rage??  Did he smack Snookie for being drunk and annoying??  Did he tell The Situation that he looks like the illegitimate son of Don Knots and an Oak Tree???

None of the above.  Ronnie was arrested for ... parking tickets.  How disappointing.

I must say, Ronnie just does if for me (especially after I found out about the "Ortiz" thing).  Don't judge, just look at this hunk of meat...

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM ....

Things Nobody Wants - There Will Be A Jersey Shore 3

Gothamist REPORTS that Snookie, The Situation, Papi Ronnie (Real last name: ORTIZ), and the rest of the cast (including the chick who walked out during Season One) will be back for a THIRD season of Jersey Shore.  All your prayers, emails, letters and hunger striking have finally paid off...

It's A Birthday Situation

Happy Birthday to Jersey Shore's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino - the guy with the Marky Mark body attached to a Don Knotts face.  But I'm a little perplexed - according to the always-reliable innerwebz, The Situation turns 28 years old today.  Doggie years, maybe?!?

Welcome to Jersey Shore

The REAL Situation

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Snooki Finally Finds A Man

Those of us who watched MTV's Jersey Shore know that poor Snooki (above left) spent the entire summer unsuccessfully "Snookin' for love".  She had guys throw up on her and guys pass out on her - but she just couldn't seem to find that one special guy to "smush".

I'm happy to report that Snooki has finally found a man.  I saw the pictures above over at Dwight's blog, and was immediate struck by how hot Emilio Antonio was.  But then I realized that Snooki is 4' 9" - so that means that Emilio is about 5' 0", if that.  I guess members of The Lollipop Guild need love too.

In other Jersey Shore news, it was revealed yesterday that the show's 2nd season will be filmed in South Beach - and not in New Jersey.  And THAT's "The Situation" as it stands right now...

Jersey Shore Stars Demand More $$$

Even though Jersey Shore is over (sad face) - people are still talking about (from left) Pauly D, Ronnie, Sammie, Vinnie, Snooki, JWoww, and The Situation.  According to the New York Post, the cast is demanding $10,000 per episode to come back for a Season Two.  Reportedly they were paid only "hundreds" per episode for Season One.

I say give it to them.  Love 'em or hate 'em, the Jersey Shore kids had people talking like no MTV show in a long time.  In fact, the Guidos and Guidettes from "Down the Shore" have reminded MTV that the stars of The Hills were reportedly paid $100,000 per episode.  And The Hills doesn't rate nearly as high as Jersey Shore did.

THIS JUST IN:  The Duck Phone, however, is holding out for [inserting pinky finger to side of mouth] "ONE MILLION DOLLARS" per episode.  That fierce Biatch should get it - she was the real star of the show...

And, lastly, I KNEW there was a reason (besides the big guns) why Ronnie (below) was my favorite Jersey Shore dude.  When Ronnie was picked up by police over the summer for assault, he was arrested under the name "Ronnie Ortiz".  Word on Teh Interwebz is that Papi Ronnie is half Puerto Rican (his mother's side).  Works for me...

Subliminal ABvertising...

Jersey Shore's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and his built-in puppy art.  SOURCE.