Project Runway Episode 7 - "Big Girls Don't Cry"

On last week’s Project Runway: Ven was a douchenozzle. The End. 

This week’s show opens at the Atlas Apartments – with Gunnar applying eye makeup and the gals plotting to eliminate some of the male “Silk Chiffonnies”. 

Then it’s off to the runway, where Heidi is rocking short, shiny and tight (as usual). She informs the designers that they will be meeting Tim on Fifth Avenue – the street of expensive merchandise and the European tourists who can afford it. 

Tim Gunn and the H.B.I.C. of Lord & Taylor meet the designers at the L&T flagship store. Inside, there are 9 rings mannequins representing mortal men doomed to die the previous 9 seasons of Project Runway. The challenge this week will be to create at 10th look to complete the Project Runway Lord & Taylor collection. The winning design will be produced and sold at L&T, as well as featured in the 5th Avenue windows of the store. Oh my Lord & Taylor! 

The designers get 30 minutes to sketch in the store, then its back to the workroom, where fabrics have been provided for them. Even though there are colors included in the many bolts of fabric to choose from, everyone pulls a Kim Kardashian and goes directly for the black. Sorry – I couldn’t resist. 

Designers start to put together their designs. Christopher has decided to do a gown, since the previous designers mostly did cocktail dresses. Gunnar and his eye makeup are excited about the challenge, because he knows the Lord & Taylor customer. Sonjia is nervous because she was in the bottom last week. Alicia is making something the judges won’t like but, like a lesbian Honey Badger, she don't give a shizz (great strategy). And Elena is slowly unraveling because she doesn’t do pretty little dresses for department stores – she does coats with huge shoulders for football players. 

Blah blah blah … Ven states “It’s not about me”, it’s about his customer. As opposed to last week, when it was about bashing his customer. Ven also thinks that men are stronger designers – because girls are stupid and fat. And Elena is losing it – saying that “this is not my thing” and that the judges don’t understand her. Honey, it’s hard to understand you when you’re either shrieking or crying. Or both. 

Tim Gun visits. He likes Gunnar’s little black dress. And Fabio’s little black dress. And everyone’s little black friggin dresses. OMG this episode is boring… 

Anywhore, Tim gets to Elena and she starts wailing like a colicky baby. She doesn’t to “mass market” (she does haute couture, obvs) – and she doesn’t understand why she’s in the bottom all the time (because you’re not that good, honey). 

Commercial break: Coma! “They’re not really dead. They’re not really alive either”. Like Ven’s personality and Elena’s designs… 

Back to the breakdown. Elena is now crying to Gunnar, who is being sweet and supportive and hugs her. What happened to the Evil Gunnar that we saw early in the season? Not that I’m complaining, mind you. 

With three hours left in the work day, the models come in for fittings. It’s now time for Melissa to unravel – something about having to redo her entire dress and hating the fabric blah blah blah. 

Day one ends and Runway day begins with the usual last minute scramble. Fabio – who likes to dress up like a pretty princess – is wearing a crown of flowers this week. It’s very “Jesus meets Woodstock meets a grocery store floral department”. The guys all seem calm, but the women are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. 

Speaking of breakdowns, it’s now Sonjia’s turn to freak out. Tim has to talk her down from her ledge, telling her to “channel your inner winner”. Which will be the title of Tim’s next book, I’m sure. 

Onto the runway – where Heidi is rocking … everybody say it with me now … short, shiny and tight. She introduces the judges: Michael, Nina and the Lord & Taylor lady. 

Models walk and judges gawk. When all is said and done, Ven, Dmitri and Sonjia are safe. Heidi announces that there were four designs with high scores and two with low scores. 

High Scores…Fabio, Christopher, Melissa and Elena. Of course, upon hearing the news, Elena cries. 

Lower Scores… Gunnar and Alicia. 

Then, during the judges discussion, I had to help my roommate with something so I didn’t see anything until the final results. Sorry. I DID hear something about a field hockey uniform and asymmetrical hems, but that’s all I got. 

Results. Christopher is the winner… 

Fabio, Elena, and Melissa are in. This leaves Gunnar and Alicia on the chopping block. 

Alicia is in … so that means Gunnar is … ALSO IN. Thanks to Andrea and Killer Kooan walking out a few episodes ago, the producers/judges were able to keep everyone. Which is kind of a letdown after investing 1 ½ hours of watching a show, only to find out that the results didn’t really matter. 

What did YOU think of the episode? Please leave a comment. 

Project Runway Episode 6 - "Real Women"

Last week’s challenge was to design for a woman on the go at work. Elena acted like a raving lunatic, Gunnar acted like a snippy biatch, and Raul acted like a ruffled bib was haute couture (he was so wrong). Melissa won and Raul was sent home (again). 

This week’s episode opens, as usual, with yawns and coffee at the Atlas Apartments. 

Then it’s off to the runway, where Heidi announces that the designers will be getting “new clients”. Then a bunch of random people walk out onto the runway. OMG – these are not models!!! Whatever will the designers do?!? 

It turns out that these people are just the friends of some slobs in need of a serious transformation. Heidi tells everyone to meet Tim in the workroom, where they will meet the friends and these mysterious slovenly ragamuffins. 

Tim greets everyone in the workroom, where he is joined by L’Oreal Paris hair cutie Johnny Lavoy (which HAS to be a made up name – his real name is probably “Juan Sanchez” or something). Anywhore, this will also be a hair challenge, which means that Mr. Sanchez Lavoy will be selling L’Oreal hair care products throughout the episode. Because you’re worth it. 

The designers meet their clients and their clients’ friends. Sonjia’s client hates shopping, Elena’s client is smiling and bubbly (the exact opposite of Elena), Nathan’s client is an R&B singer who wants to be “sexy with swag” (the exact opposite of Nathan), and Fabio’s client doesn’t want to be “sexualized” because it makes her feel weak. So she normally dresses like a lumberjack – which makes her feel strong (?). 

Then we get to Ven. Ven’s client Terri is a T-shirt-and-jeans gal who’s a little on the large side. But Robot Ven busts a gasket over how big she is – saying he is “extremely disappointed” and complains about her waistline and hipline. In reality, Terri is just a regular gal (and is smaller than Ven, thankyouverymuch), but Ven acted like he was dressing this… 

Ven didn’t really talk to his client much or ask about her story – he immediately panicked about how big she was and just couldn’t get past it the entire episode. Hell, even GUNNAR had a good attitude this challenge, saying that he’s used to making clothes for real women. He even hugged and comforted his client when she started crying. Gunnar should have snuck over and given poor Terri some hugs – she definitely could have used them. 

Then it’s off to Mood, where Fabio is contemplating “shades of gray” for his design. Let’s hope it’s not 50 shades of gray, or his client will DEFINITELY be sexualized. A lot. 

Back to the workroom, where poor Nathan is out of his element. The last time he designed clothing for a musician he did so for his mother – who was performing classical music. I’m almost certain his mother didn’t ask for a form-fitting satin dress with cut outs. 

Commercial Break: The Week The Women Went. Day 3 – The men struggle to throw a beauty pageant, so help is brought in. “Hey Cleetus, I think those fellers are them there HOMERSEXTICALS!” 

Workroom: Ven keeps complaining about how unfair it is that he got the largest gal and others got skinny gals. Please STFU now. Gunnar – showing his softer side – misses his family. And Fabio gets to video chat with his cat. Meow. 

Tim Gunn visits, and things go as usual until he gets to Ven. Ven UNLOADS about how he’s never worked with a plus size girl before and how she’s “Oh my God, she’s like a 14!” and “doesn’t have a shape” or a “sense of style”. Ven literally calls her a “nightmare” and I’m pleading with my TV screen to try and convince Tim to slap the stank outta him (unfortunately that never happens). Ven even complains about her AGE – 40. Tim basically tells Ven that his client is not old, she’s not a nightmare, and that Ven needs to make it work, asshole. In so many words. 

The clients come in with their new hairdos for fittings. As you can imagine, everything goes ok for most of the designers, except Ven … “Black is very slimming” … “You have a nice face” – which is international code for “You’re fat” … he also gives her belts to try on (they don’t fit). Everyone in the workroom is cringing at how Ven is treating this poor woman. 

Day #1 ends and back at the Atlas Apartments Ven is still complaining about large silhouettes. OMG STFU! 

Runway day begins with the clients getting into hair and makeup and getting into their garments. Poor Terri starts to cry when Ven won’t stop mentioning the belts that don’t fit her. 

Ven: “I can see it in her face that she’s not happy”. What, do you mean those streams of water coming out of her eyes?!? Those are called “TEARS”, you fat bald robot with no feelings. 

Then it’s off to the runway, where the friends and the designers are in the audience. Heidi introduces the judges: Michael Kors, Nina Friggin Garcia, and some English lady. 

The clients walk and judges gawk. Most of the clients are beaming from ear to ear. One, in particular, is not. I’ll give you 10 guesses… 

Results: Melissa, Chris, Alicia and Elena are safe. 

Dmitry, Fabio and Gunnar are on top and Ven, Sonjia and Nathan are on the bottom. Fabio, btw, is wearing his best dumpster dress today. 

Judge judge judge … blah blah blah. Ven now has Terri’s friend crying – and robot Ven just stands there. 

Heidi: "One – or maybe more of you – will be out". 

Fabio is the winner… 

Nathan is out for this “Hootchie Mama” look for the R&B singer… 

And Ven and Sonjia are still in, even though Ven made Terri look like she was in a Lane Bryant catalogue … 

Next week: Elena goes back to being crazy! 

What did YOU think of the episode? Please leave a comment. 

Project Runway Episode 5: "Drag Queen Cocktail Hour"

Last week on Project Runway: Andrea disappeared, Killer Kooan quit, and Eddie Munster Raul returned – and was all “I’m back, bitches!”. 

Sonjia won the “Gal on the Go” challenge – while Buffi lost, becoming an actual Gal on the Go (going directly out the door). 

On this week’s episode, it’s morning in Manhattan and the designers have the usual sads over their departed fashiontestants, and the usual statements of “stepping up” in the competition. We also find out that Raul “loves” Christopher – a “connection” he hasn’t felt in a while. Translation: It's been a while (if you smell what I'm stepping in) and Christopher is starting to look like Ryan Gosling compared to some of the other designers. 

Then it’s off to the runway, where Heidi meets them with the dreaded Button Bag in hand and the dreaded Nina Friggin Garcia at her side. NFG is there to plug a new magazine – Marie Claire At Work. As you might expect, this new fashion rag is all about how ho’s dress from 9:00 to 5:00. 

The challenge this week will be to create a collection that is both editorial (there will be a photoshoot) and works in the “real world”. So, basically, this is the “Gal on the Go” challenge except this Gal isn’t going anywhere after work. 

The designers are broken up into two teams – Sonjia gets to pick first since she won the last challenge and Nathan’s name is picked out of the button bag – so he picks second. 

This is how the teams shake down: 

Team 6: Sonjia, Elena, Melissa, Dmitry, Alicia, Raul. 

Team 5: Nathan, Ven, Christopher, Fabio and Gunnar. 

Gunnar and Raul are picked last, and this obviously bothers them because they proceed to act like crazy bitches for the rest of the episode. Raul – who was picked dead last – is upset that Christopher didn’t “have his back” (cough cough). Calm down Eddie, you’ll be home soon and free to get your freak on, don’t worry. 

The teams head back to the workroom for 30 minutes of sketching and bitching. Raul is all about “Lace Raffles” (ruffles) and doesn’t care what anybody else thinks. Gunnar doesn’t “want to work with all these f#$%ing people!” – and according to the behavior of his teammates, the feeling is mutual. 

Then it’s time for a fabric flurry at Mood. Raul goes right for the lace and Team 5 heads for the Silk Chiffon department. Everyone returns to the workroom only to find out that Team 6 has left a bag at Mood. 

Then something happens to Elena. You know how Staples has an “Easy Button”? Well I think Elena has a “Crazy Button” – and someone pushed it 

Elena curses, she stomps around, she shrieks at anyone in her way. It’s bizzare. Christopher compares her to a wild person who just escaped from the woods. 

Tim Gunn visits – and starts with Team 6. For some reason, Tim likes Raul’s “raffles” and the collection in general. 

Then he visits Team 5 – AKA Team Silk Chiffon. Tim is worried that the collection is going to look “clownish”. Gunnar calls it “Drag Queen Cocktail Hour” which sounds like fun if you ask me. Gunnar, it turns out, also wants to use lace on his dress (without the ‘raffles’), but Tim talks him down from that ledge. Now if Tim could only get through to Elena and talk some sense to that crazy mess. 

After Tim leaves, Gunnar decides to completely change his look. “Dear Gunnar” he states out loud, and proceeds to have a nice little conversation with himself. It’s inspiring when the clinically insane have a breakthrough right in front of your very eyes, isn't it? 

Elena decides that she hates Dmitry’s navy fabric, as well as the shirt she is making, and everyone and everything in the universe. The Universe responds with a “Right back atcha”. 

Models arrive for fittings. Everyone rushes to finish. Dmitry calls Ven a “One Way Monkey” (one trick pony???). Team 6 calls Team 6 the “Silk Chiffonies” and Melissa remarks that women don’t wear silk chiffon to work every day. Or “raffles”, I’m assuming. 

Day One ends and Photoshoot Day begins. Each team must select 3 photographs, which will be considered (along with the runway show) as part of their scores. 

Someone hits Elena’s crazy button again, and she spends a good 3 hours freaking out. She yells about props, she yells about the model’s poses, and she even yells at the hair and makeup Queens. Not a smart move Elena – those Queens will make sure your models are fugged up from now on – mark my words. 

Dmitry sums up the entire episode in two words: “Ugh … Elena”. 

COMMERCIAL BREAK: The Week The Women Went – Day Two. Cleetus and Jim Bob go to the Piggly Wiggly and it gets ugly. 

The photoshoots ends and it’s time for the Runway show. Heidi greets the designers and introduces the judges: Michael Kors, Nina Friggin Garcia and NFG’s boss, Joanna Coles. 

Models walk and judges gawk. When all is said and done, both teams end up with exactly the same scores. This means anyone could win or lose, and either team can win the Marie Claire at Work photoshoot. 

Heidi talks to each team, and asks the dreaded “Who was the weakest link” question. On Team 5 the general consensus is Gunnar, and on Team 6 it’s Raul and Elena. 

The judges likee Melissa’s dress with the ridiculously high collar, as well as Fabio’s and Christopher’s looks. 

The judges no likee Elena’s puffy shoulder outfit, Gunnar’s “2 puppies wrestling in a sack” boobie dress and Raul’s two bad tops (cough cough). 

Results: Team 6 will get the photoshoot (despite Elena and Raul). And Melissa is the winner… 

And Raul is the looser… 

Next week on Project Runway: the dreaded “We’re not dressing skinny models this time” challenge! Oh noes!!!!!

What did YOU think of last night’s episode – please leave a comment and let us know. 

Annie Get Your Tim Gunn

My recap will be posted later...

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Project Runway Episode 2: "Sugar Buzz"

Last time on Project Runway … Times Square! … Python bibs!! … A crazy Asian!!! Christopher won the challenge (and now has immunity) and someone named Beatrice was sent home.

This week begins with yawns and coffee in the Atlas Apartments. Lantie is shocked … SHOCKED I tells ya … that she was in the bottom two last time. And Ven is also shocked … that he didn’t win. Ven strikes me as the type of guy who expects to win every challenge, forever, and gets a case of the sadds when he doesn’t.

The designers head to the runway, where they are greeted by Heidi. Ms. Klum tells them that Tim is waiting for them at another location. Wait, is Elena wearing a burka?

The location of the challenge is Dylan’s Candy Bar – a candy store owned by Dylan Lauren (Ralph’s little girl). Who I kept calling “Lauren Dylan” in my notes for some reason. She is there with Tim to greet the fashiontestants. Tim announces that this will be the “unconventional challenge”. Obviously psychotic psychic Gunnar announces that he had a dream about a candy challenge before he came on the show, but he was probably just napping during reruns of the Hershey’s challenge and thought it was a dream.

The designers have 30 minutes to do their best “Supermarket Sweep” inside the store. Ready ... set … PILLAGE!!!

Melissa goes immediately to the black candy … Andrea keeps draping fabric on the sales people … Tim Gunn is amazed at the candy LEGOs … and Christopher wants a chocolate boyfriend. So do I, and his name is Tyson Beckford…

Thank you Lauren Dylan’s Candy Bar!

Back in the workroom, Elena has ditched her burka, Sonjia is working with gummy sharks and the lesbian announces that she will be doing an overall, because that’s what lesbians do.

Christopher and Gunnar continue the intricate “Stank Dance of the Gays” which they started last week. This complicated ritual includes rolling of eyes, evil laughs and accusations of being “threatened by me”. Christopher and Gunnar either REALLY hate each other or they’ll be having sexytimes at any moment. You can never really tell with the gays.

More workroom … Buffi is slaying vampires umbrellas with a hammer … Lantie used to be bankrupt. Andrea, who was born on Halloween, is all like “I got this”, while Killer Kooan is all like “I’m gonna weave sweater out of Twizzler”. We also find out that Ven graduated cum laude, summa cum laude, and super summa cum laude at FIT. And he’s not ashamed to talk about it.

Tim Gun visits the workroom. Nathan is making a heavy candy lampshade (which doesn’t seem to bother Tim). Elena, somehow, has found beige licorice – and has decided it would make the PERFECT dress. Fabio is having a “Glue the shit out of it moment”. And Gunnar is all “peplum” this and “peplum” that – which I would make a joke about but I have no idea what a “peplum” is.

Then Tim comes to Andrea. Andrea, remember, is all “I got this ‘cause I was born on Halloween and have candy in my veins”. However, Tim knocks the wind out of her candy-coated sails when he says:

“I don’t have the adequate words to tell you how completely underwhelmed I am by this”.

Ouch.

This makes Andrea cry and then she cuts up her outfit in an attempt to start over. Later she regrets this and goes back to her original idea. Tim Gunn be damned.

Finally, with time running out, Lantie decides to start over and make a dress out of umbrellas and absolutely no candy. If you haven’t guessed, this probably won’t go over well with the judges. But Lantie, much like the Honey Badger, doesn’t seem to give a shizz.

Commercial break: Coming up on Lifetime … “The Week The Women Went”… OMG Jethro, who will cook and clean and do the laundry and feed us?!? I don’t know Cleetus, but I sure wish them womenfolk were back.

Also coming up on Lifetime: “The Week Without Paper Towels” and the dark thriller “OMG I Lost My Bus Pass”.

Day one ends and Runway Day begins. Kooan and Buffi are having shrinkage issues … with their cotton candy. Elena’s beige licorice masterpiece is literally falling apart. And Ven instructs his model not to slouch or bend or fix her shoe or touch anyone or touch herself or touch anyone else’s shoe or think about touching anything ever.

Runway time. Heidi welcomes the judges: Michael, Nina, and Lauren Dylan Dylan Lauren. Let’s start the show…

My weekly “Looks Like ASS” award goes to … Killer Kooan:

Models walk and the judges gawk. When it’s all said and done, Heidi calls out the following names:

Gunnar, Elena, Ven, Sonjia, Lantie and Buffi. These are the top and bottom three – the rest are safe. Surprisingly, Killer Kooan’s “Looks Like Ass” garment is safe.

Judges likee: Gunnar (candy looks like fabric); Sonjia (cute aquatic theme); and Ven (stained glass theme).

They no likee: Buffi (looks like a 5 year-old going to a birthday party); Elena (“Rigatoni Mad Max” – Kors); and Lantie (no candy, no transformation, just decoration).

And the winner is Ven … Sonjia, Gunna and Elena are safe. This leaves Lantie and Buffi.

And Buffi is safe so Lantie goes home for her umbrella couture…

On next week’s show … Teams! Past designers as models/clients! … Kenley might throw cats!! Stay tuned!!!

What did YOU think of last night’s episode???

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Project Runway Ep. 1 - "Getting To Know You"

So Project Runway is BACK, bitches. And so are my recaps, at least until the show pisses me off enough to stop.

As always, the first ProjRun episode is all about “Getting To Know You” – learning about the fashiontestants. Little things like who lost their mother at an early age, who's a braids-wearing lesbian, and who eats out of dumpsters. You know, the basics.

Last night’s episode started big – with 16 nervous designers having a Champagne toast with Tim, Heidi, Michael and Nina smack dab in the middle of Times Square. The first runway show, you see, was being held at “The Crossroads of the World” – formerly home to hookers and my favorite sleazy go-go boy bar, and now home to The Lion King and a Hello Kitty store. Progress?

But then, just like in a Lifetime miniseries starring Meredith Baxter Birney, we flash back to 24 hours earlier to the designers arriving at Parsons.

First we meet Buffi – who is half Indian, half Australian, has a British passport and was raised in Dubai. The result is a gal with a killer accent who’s probably on a Homeland Security “no fly” list.

We also meet Gunnar – who auditioned last year and didn’t make it. This year he DID make it, and will be playing the role of Evil Gay. Actually, “gay” doesn’t really cover Gunnar’s gayness … Gunnar is REALLY gay. SUPERNATURALLY gay. Gayer than brunch on Fire Island. Gayer than Liberace’s favorite tiara… You get the picture.

Next up is Lantie, who doesn’t know how old she is (38?, 48?) and Ven, who is like a Jedi Master of designers. One wave of his hand and a beautiful cocktail dress made out of silk charmeuse just appears. The Force is strong with this one.

Tim Gunn enters to greet the fashiontestants and to pay the bills. Brother sewing machines! Hewlett-Packard gizmos! The Lord & Taylor accessories wall! Question: why does the accessories wall sponsor always bail after a year or two. ProjRun is running out of stores to sponsor that shizz. Eventually they’ll be stuck with the “Claire’s Accessories Wall” (below) and nobody wants that.

Tim announces the first challenge. Each designer has sent in a “signature design”, which is there in the workroom. The designers must create a companion piece to this design. They have one day and $100 to spend at Mood. And, as we know already, they’ll be showing their designs in a hookerless Times Square. Ready, set, SKETCH…

Now it's time for Mood! Hello Swatch! Thank you Mood!

Back in the workroom we continue to meet designers. Next up is Andrea, who is the oldest (58) and the Noo Yawkiest of the designers.

We also meet Christopher – who either lives in my neighborhood (Astoria) or at home with his Mom in Long Island (I SWEAR he said both). Christopher likes to wear scarves indoors. He also tries to make smalltalk with the freakishly gay Gunnar, who shoots him down (get it? Gunnar shoots!!) with an “I’m not here to make friends, Beeyotch” attitude. Evil. 

We also meet Raul – who is having trouble with his “raffles” (ruffles) and his “steeches” (stiches). Then there’s Fabio, who is originally from Brazil and is a “freegan”. Freeganism is when you do your “shopping” out of dumpsters instead of using “money” to pay for “things”. It’s also another word for being either really "cheap" or really "poor" (or both). Regardless, Andrea comments that she won’t be dining at Fabio’s apartment anytime soon, and I second that emotion.

Next up is Dmitry – who is a former ballroom dancer from Belarus. He also did some modeling, but that wasn’t manly enough for him so he went into the manly man profession of lumberjacking ballroom dancing. And now he’s a fashion designer. Like a real man.

Tim Gunn visits the workroom, and perhaps the most memorable moment is when he visits Kooky Kooan (below) – the weird Japanese guy with an afro (“Ja-fro”?). Tim has absolutely no idea what to make of our wacky Asian friend, and neither do I. I keep expecting them to bang a gong every time he says something (a la "Long Duck Dong" in Sixteen Candles).

Tim leaves and the models arrive for fittings. Christopher’s model is actually smaller than the dress form (Sweet Jeebus!), so he has to take apart his dress and “steech” it back together.

Day #1 ends, and Day #2 begins – and everyone is frantic. The designers take their models to hair and makeup and then it’s off to Times Square for the show.

Heidi gives us the “One day you’re in” spiel and introduces the judges: Michael Kors, Nina Friggin Garcia, actress Lauren Graham and the very first Guest Judge on ProjRun – Patricia Fields. Who, by the way, sounds like she smokes a carton of cigarettes every hour. Just sayin.

Models walk. During this time I don’t take many notes, but one note I did take read as follows:

“Lantie. 2nd look was ASS”

After the show they head back to Parsons for judging. Heidi calls Kooan, Ven, Lanti, Christopher, Beatrice and Melissa. These are the top and bottom 3 – the rest are safe.

Top Three:

Melissa – all black.

Christopher – the judges rave about his first look, which is a gown.

Ven – “Super Couturier Guy”. Looks “expensive” (which, as we all know, Nina LOVES).

Bottom Three:

Kooan – “borderline Teletubby” (Kors). Nina isn’t sure about his wacky behavior.

Beatrice – “Knit Girl”. Heidi said it was sad. Kors think she’s a “Snuggie Designer”.

Lanti – “Snakes in the Flower Garden”. Huh? Nina calls the 2nd look “horrifying” (AKA “Ass”, thankyouverymuch).

Results:

Christopher and his scarf are the winners. Ven and Melissa and Kooky Kooan are safe.

This leaves Lanti with her snakes and Beatrice and her knits…

And Beatrice is out…

What did YOU think of last night’s episode? Are you excited for Project Runway to be back? Leave a comment and let us know!

Tonight's The Night!

Project Runway Season 10 premieres tonight on Lifetime.

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Project Runway Season 10 Premiers On July 19th

... and I think I'll be recapping.

Please visit our friends at Blogging Project Runway for more information on the upcoming season.

There Is No "I" In Team

This also applies to "team challenges" on Top Chef and Project Runway.

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Project Runway Fans React To Last Night's Show

Project Runway Season Finale - Thoughts?

My two cents about last night's Project Runway finale:

• The producers obviously picked Anya to be the winner since the very beginning. That extra $500 "gift" Mood budget last night? Clearly a tool to get Anya out of the bottom - because that gold dress she showed last week was disgraceful. The producers realized that their Lifetime Woman was getting ready to lose - so they did what they had to do to make Anya's collection respectable enough to give her the win.
• With that being said, I'm glad Josh didn't take home the title - especially since his collection was wack. RELATED: does anyone say "wack" anymore?
• After all those Project Accessory promos, I now cannot get that damn Devil Inside song out of my head.
• Overall, I think it's about time for Project Runway to retire. Let's face it, the show has been pretty wack for years now.

What did YOU think??

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Last Night On Project Runway - "Dia de los Muertos"

Translation: The Day of the Dead

Sorry Bunnies, but there won't be a Project Runway recap this week. I watched the show last night, and all they did was cry and talk about dead people. And cry WHILE they talked about dead people. So, as much as I dislike Joshua, I'm not about to make light of his dead mother - or all the other dead people mentioned (and cried over) by the other designers.

Also, the outcome was pretty lame - but totally expected.

Feel free to discuss in the comments section.

Tonight On Project Runway

Tonight's episode is the one where Tim gets to visit the designer's homes and check on their collections. I wonder if he takes a peek in their medicine cabinets when he uses the restroom?? I can imagine Josh's is filled with nothing but tweezers and Lancôme products.

Anywhore ... look for my recap sometime tomorrow afternoon.

Project Runway 9 Ep. 12 - "Ello Govna!"

Last week on Project Runway – BOIDS!! This week on Project Runway – BORING! 

It’s morning in Manhattan and Josh is still complaining about losing 20 Large to Anya. Considering Joshua works the Coat Check at a local gay bar (seriously), I can see why he’s upset. You gotta fetch a lot of Prada jackets in order to make $20,000. 

The final five designers head to the runway – where Heidi announces this is the final challenge. She also announces that a Big Fairy will take them to Governor’s Island… 

Once the Hairy Fairy drops them onto the Island, Tim tells them the challenge: they are to create a three-look collection inspired by Governor’s Island. They are given a golf card and a camera and have one hour to race each other while taking pictures explore and sketch. 

Kimberly is drawn to a sculpture entitled “New Beginning”. Josh is initially inspired by a long, hard, sleek cannon… 

…. which would have been HIGH-larious, but unfortunately Joshua ends up using a church as his inspiration. Where’s the comedy in THAT, Joshua?!? 

Laura sees some circles and can’t get them out of her head. Sounds like Blondie needs an anti-psychotic pill or some Abilfy or something. 

The Big Hairy Fairy then takes the designers back to Manhattan where they head to Mood, and then back to the workroom. 

Tim arrives with the dreaded Button Bag – and announces that the designers will be getting some help. In walks Becky, Olivier, Bryce, Bert and Anthony-Ryan. Tim draws names to determine who will pick their helper first. Here’s how it works out: 

Kimberly – Becky 

Viktor – Olivier 

Laura – Anthony-Ryan 

Anya – Bert 

Josh – Bryce 

Surprisingly, the “assistants” provided very little drama (much to Lifetime’s chagrin, I’m sure). Bryce spent his entire time trying to convince Josh not to do a Mummer’s Parade outfit… 

…and Olivier spent most of his time mumbling about how helping Viktor was just like slavery. Yes, sewing some fabric for a few hours while having your meals catered is EXACTLY like slavery. Ugh. Excuse my Pig Latin, but what a “ittle-lay ick-pray”. 

Day One ends and Day Two begins with a Tim Gunn visit and a model fitting. Josh is still moaning about losing to the “beauty queen” (LET IT GO, girl) and Laura begins to cry every time she starts telling her “I was raised a poor black child”  “I’ve been doing this since I was 8 years old and want it so baaaaaaad” shtick. 

It’s now runway day and Kimberly keeps changing stuff, Josh asks Bryce to handle his “studding process” (I don’t even WANT to know), and one of Anya’s models has her dress on backwards. 

Onto the runway… Heidi introduces the judges: Michael Kors, Nina Friggin Garcia and yet another B-list actress, Zoe Saldana (who was a pretty fabulous judge, btw). 

Sashay, Shantay. My initial impressions were that Josh, Laura and Kimberly were in trouble and Viktor and Anya were not. I was almost right. 

Everyone is asked the traditional “Why should you go to Fashion Week and who would you take with you”. 

Joshua said he would take Viktor and Anya – even though Anya doesn’t know how to sew and is getting by solely on her looks (I’m ad-libbing a little bit here) 

In turn, Anya said she would take Josh to fashion week – presumably to fetch her Prada coat. 

The Judges discuss and bring everybody back out. Anya will be creating a collection, as will Viktor. 

The producers Judges also pick Josh to advance to the finale. 

It comes down to Kimberly and weepy Laura – and Laura is sent home for her circular mess of a collection.

Tonight On Project Runway

Photo: Blogging Project Runway

Don't forget to watch Project Runway tonight at 9:00 pm (EST) - and look for my recap to be posted sometime tomorrow afternoon.

No Project Runway Recap This Week

In a few hours I'll be headed to Pennsyltucky to visit with my grandparents (who are travelling up from Texas) and the rest of my family over the weekend. Therefore I won't have time to whip up a Project Runway recap - but feel free to share your thoughts on last night's episode in the comments section. Did the right person go home? Did the right person win? Does anyone else think Anya's "I can't sew" storyline is about as genuine as William Shatner's hairline??

Also, what was up with that after-show thingy? Was it any good??

Talk to me...

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Tonight On Project Runway

This week's installment of Project Runway will be completely "for the birds"...

 

Tonight On Project Runway

Image: Blogging Project Runway

Tonight's show looks like a bit of a trainwreck - which is saying something after the train/bus/airplane-wreck of an episode last week. Also - Josh steals. Maybe. And ... "Hippie Sister-Wives" ...

 

Look for my recap sometime tomorrow afternoon.

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Project Runway 9 - Ep. 9 - The (Fat) Boys In The Band

Last week on Project Runway, Bryce was sent packing and I’ve already forgotten everything about him. Except for what he looked like… 

Also last week, it was revealed that Olivier is a rabid size queen sizeist – and hates fat people. And by “fat people”, I’m referring to anyone with a waist size over 28 inches. SPOILER ALERT: As a “Person of Size” (also known as a “Lard Ass”) this truly offended me. So I might just hafta throw some stank at the precious Miss Olivier during this recap. Stay tuned… 

Anywhore… on this week’s episode, the designers get themselves together and meet Heidi on the runway for the pointless “hint” at what the challenge might be. Heidi tells them “image is everything” and sends them to a Manhattan music venue to meet Tim. Whatevs. 

At Rockwood Music Hall the designers are greeted by Tim Gunn and the Garnier Hair Queen. We find out two things: 

1) This is the “Garnier Challenge”, meaning that this episode will be a 90 minute commercial for hair care products. And later, if Project Runway history is any indication, hair will be completely ignored during the judging. 

2) This will be a “group challenge”. Except for the fact that everyone will be judged individually and there doesn’t have to be any cohesion within the group. Which sounds like the exact OPPOSITE of a group challenge, if you ask me. 

We also find out that the designers will be creating a look for an up-and-coming band – the Sheepdogs – and the winning look will be featured in Marie Claire and Rolling Stone. 

Teams are chosen via the Magical Velvet Bag©: 

Team Harmony: 

Bert, Laura, Anthony-Ryan and Anya 

Team Untitled: 

Olivier, Viktor, Kimberly and Joshua 

The Sheepdogs come onstage to perform, and they look … um … kinda like Sheepdogs, akshully. 

We later find out the guys have the personalities of Sheepdogs also – fluffy and loveable. And you can dress them up and they won’t bite you!

The Sheepdogs play a song – which is much much too loud for Olivier’s sensitive euroeardrums. Either that, or Olivier was simply recoiling at the fact that these guys are enormously obese. And by “obese” I mean “totally normal” (unless you’re a damn dirty sizeist like Olivier). Did I mention that Olivier annoys me and offends me at the same time??? I did???? Sorry. 

Each Sheepdog will be dressed by one person from each of the two teams. The teams-which-aren’t-really-teams meet and decide who is designing for whom: 

Bert and Olivier pick Ewan, the lead singer. Ewan is over six feet tall and is actually pretty hot. However Olivier is simply horrified at the sheer size of the man. OMG – he might even have a 38 inch waist!!!!! Where will Olivier be able to find that much fabric to cover this entire Jabba-The-Hutt-esque monstrosity?!? Did they stock up at Mood??? JUST LOOK AT HIM!!!...

Laura and Viktor pick Leot, who looks like Santino Rice – if Santino Rice still had real hair on his head. And since Santino google’s himself regularly, I expect to receive another (yes ANOTHER) Twitter rant directed at me and my “lame” (his words) sense of humor. I’m rather looking forward to it, akshully. 

Kimberly and Anya pick Sam, the drummer. Sam likes Caftans. Sam is not gay. Who da thunkit? 

Finally, Anthony-Ryan and Joshua pick Ryan – who I don’t remember much about at all. But then again, I am fat and lame and apparently forgetful. 

The designers go to Mood and then back to the workroom to begin their designs. Highlights/Lowlights: 

1) Olivier won’t stop complaining that Ewan is so much bigger than the mannequin. He even refers to Ewan as “massive”! I wish someone would drop Olivier into a Denny’s so he could see the people ordering the Mac ‘n Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt. 

2) Josh gives us a (hairy) Booty Show while trying on the jeans he was making. Talk about Sheepdogs… 

Day #1 ends and #2 begins with a Tim Gunn/Sheepdog visit to the workroom. Highlights/lowlights: 

1) Bert is making a hippy “blouse” for Ewan. Bert should have picked the caftan kid – I bet Bert can whip up a caftan like I can whip up a couple trays of Chicken Enchiladas. 

2) Josh is afraid that his design might be a little “too gay” for this straight Sheepdog. Guuurrrrl, you’re too gay for Sunday Tea Dance on Fire Island – that rainbow-colored ship has sailed, hunty. Also, Josh “primarily sells to gay men” {{{side eye}}} Mmmm hmmmm… 

3) Olivier mentions Ewan’s size at least four different times during the consultation. And then later, Olivier refers to his client as “plus size”. REALLY?!? Listen you little twerp, if I was a cruel person I’d say you have a horrible die job and an even worse fake accent. But I’m a bigger person than that. Get it? BIGGER??? Oh nevermind… 

Day #2 ends and Runway Day with a Sheepdog fitting before their runway performance. The band will perform two songs, wearing designs from each of the two teams. 

Highlights/Lowlights: 

1) Kimberly thinks Sam’s butt looks “yummy” – but I think her outfit looks like the uniform at Church’s Fried Chicken. Circa 1978... 

2) Olivier keeps Ewan sitting in his underwear for an hour while he sews at the last minute. Ewan suggests that he might have to go onstage naked. I have no problem with that… 

On the runway, Heidi introduces the judges: Michael Kors, Nina Friggin Garcia, and out gay rocker Adam Lambert. 

The Sheepdogs rock out and it’s time for the judging. 

They Likee: 

1) Bert/Ewan. Hippie chic.  

2) Viktor/Leot. Viktor created an amazing fringed jacket that the judges love. 

3) Joshua/Ryan. It seems Adam Lambert REALLY liked Josh … er … Josh’s DESIGN. Adam obviously has never seen Joshua’s sheepdog-hairy butt.

The judges No Likee: 

1) Anya/Sam. Nina Friggin Garcia calls it “Pocahontas”. Michael Kors calls it “Reggae Jesus”. Everyone else just calls it “ugly”. 

2) Olivier/Ewan. AGAIN, Olivier mentions on the runway that Ewan is bigger than a 16 year-old female model and at this point I want to throw things at my TV. But the only items nearby are edible and a “plus sized” person NEVER wastes food. Serenity now … serenity now… 

3) Kimberly/Sam. Poor Sam can’t catch a break. Michael Kors nails it with “Peter Brady at an Autumn Harvest”. 

The judges discuss and it’s time for the results. Victor is the winner: 

Bert, Laura, Anthony-Ryan, Joshua and Anya are in. Leaving Kimberly and Olivier as the bottom two. 

At this point I’m thinking that Kimberly will be sent home so Olivier can continue to spout off about fat people. But the judges do the right thing and send Olivier back to his fantasy world of tic-tac lunches and size zero models. Good riddance. 

I hope he gets fat.