How To Watch Reality TV

...except for Project Runway, of course. And Top Chef. And Design Star. Also Tool Academy. And American Idol. And...

Never mind.


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Featured Reality TV Star - Rafa Mora

A few hours ago my buddy Dwight Supremacy did a post demanding that We Need Mora - a reference to Spanish reality TV star Rafa Mora - and I couldn't agree Mora more. So here is more Mora...

Happy Hump Day! 

I'd never heard of Rafa before - so I did a little digging and found out that he's 28 years old, was born in Puerto Rico, and now lives in Spain. From what I can find out (most of the info on him is in Spanish), Mora is best known for appearing on a show called 'Mujeres y Hombres y Viceversa'.

But, in all honesty, who really cares about all these pesky facts when Rafa's PICTURES can do the talking for him. Amirite??

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I Have A Question ...

What TV shows would you like to see me recap in the future?

I need to get back to writing recaps - especially since that's what put this blog on the map in the first place. Furthermore, after speaking to a close friend who is a big fan "Trash TV" (any show which features lots of YELLING), I'm ready to consider shows that I used to give the side-eye to. And YES, I'm side-eyeing you Housewives of Everywhere.

My thinking is this: DRAMA = entertaining recaps. I've often said that the hardest Top Chef/Project Runway episodes to recap are the last few - when the "characters" have been weeded out and only the serious contestants remain. So why not write about shows where absolutely everyone is a character?? And why must I restrict myself to competition shows only?

But here's the thing - I've spent so little time watching TV over the past year that I don't even know what's out there, let alone what's coming up. And that's where YOU - my darling DustBunnies come in.

Please leave suggestions in the Comments as to what upcoming shows you'd like me to tackle. There are NO restrictions - and the tackier/more repulsive the better...

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Tool Academy - Back For A 2nd Semester

The douchy tools from Tool Academy are back for a second semester! Tool Academy 2 premiered last night on VH1 - providing us with tons of obnoxious eye candy. Did anyone else see it?

I already have a favorite - Dre P (AKA "Andre") - a rapper/hip-hop artist from Toledo...

Last night's show was pretty standard for Tool Academy: "couples therapy" with Dr. Trina and a "challenge" that involved boats, a lake, and shirtlessness. But the best part came at the end when they kicked out the first tool and he refused to leave. Josh kept saying he didn't want to be the first one kicked out of Tool Academy because it would make him look like a "dumbass". Note to Josh: getting tricked into appearing on Tool Academy, by definition, makes you a dumbass. Being the first one kicked out makes you an über-dumbass ...

Design Star - Tonight

Design Star airs on HGTV tonight at 10 pm EST - and I should have some kind of recap posted by tomorrow afternoon. If you missed my last recap, you can check it out HERE.

Happy Birthday - Ashley Parker Angel

Former boy-bander, reality TV star, and Broadway performer (Hairspray) Ashely Parker Angel turns 27 today. Happy Birthday.

Some of you will remember first seeing Ashley Parker Angel on the original Making of the Band (pre-P Diddy) when the boy band O-Town was formed.

I must say, Ashley has aged well (Lord - as if 27 is "aged"!), but I was always more of a fan of Erik-Michael Estrada. I know, you're SHOCKED ...

But my absolute favorite O-Towner was/is Trevor Penick. Oooooohhhh, that boy could MOVE...

Design Star Episode Two - "I Need A Hug!"

Ok people, this is going to be (relatively) short and sweet. Even though last night’s episode of Design Star was the dreaded Kitchen Challenge®, there was surprisingly little drama. So let's get going...

It’s morning in Hollyweird, and Clive informs the Designtestants that they’ll be splitting into two teams. Amy (random white girl), and Nathan (no longer “ambiguously gay” – now “gay gay gay!”) pick the paint cans with the gold stars and will be the Team Leaders.

The Team Leaders get to pick their teammates “playground style”. FYI: “playground style” does NOT mean they get to throw a big rubber ball at people’s faces. That is called “dodgeball”, the game that has given little gay boys nightmares since the invention of school recess. They didn't call it "Smear The Queer" for nothing...


Amy gets first pick but passes over Antonio (who has madd carpentry skillz) and picks Dan (who is also gay, gay gay). Amy then picks Jany (who?), Lonni (yet another random white girl), and Tashica – who almost got sent home last week. For now, let’s call them Team Four Gals And A Gay.

Nate’s team consists of Antonio, Jen (the fancy “Color Designer”), TresGay Jason, and Torie – who gets picked last. Let’s call them Team Two Gays One Gal And Tattoos.

After teams are selected, Clive informs the designers that they will be doing kitchens this week. Eyes roll and people start getting nervous. They will have $20,000 plus appliances from Sears and flooring from Lumber Liquidators to get the job done.

Each team goes out to meet the family and see their spaces. Team Two Gays, Etc. meets the Boucher family. The Bouchers like Moroccan and Italian themes and they spend a lot of time in their kitchen. Team Four Gals, Etc. meets the Johnson family – who likes to entertain in their kitchen and would like a place for their wine collection.

Time begins, and the teams get busy. On Team Amy, Dan – who seems like a really nice guy – can’t help but get frustrated with Tashica’s well-intentioned dumbassery. The very first thing Tashica does is drop the families’ wine while trying to clear the kitchen. Dan remarks later that “Tashica is … AGHHHHHHHH!”. That’s nice gay guy code for “I would like to cut her, if you don’t mind”.

Various members of various teams go cabinet shopping (team "leader" Amy had a hard time deciding what to pick), and go to Sears to pick out appliances. Back at the homes, the remaining designers demolish the two kitchens to make way for all the new stuff. Uber-Gay Jason, in particular, seems to LOVE swinging that sledge hammer and destroying the old kitchen. Working out some past dodgeball-related issues, perhaps?!?

Amy and Jany return from cabinet shopping, and it soon becomes apparent that Amy is an emotional wreck. It fact, poor Dan has to give her a hug approximately every fifteen minutes just to keep her from throwing herself onto a circular saw. If Dan wasn’t gay before, he is certainly a non-woman-loving Queen now. Day 1 is now over.

The next day begins, and Nate and Antonio butt heads regarding their kitchen design. Antonio calls Nathan a “sweet dude” but he’s “clueless”. Translation: “That little Queen is on my last tattooed nerve and I will squash him like a gay ladybug (redundant?) if he gets in my way”.

Over at Team I Need A Hug, poor Dan is doing all the heavy lifting. Amy and Tashica finally screw in ONE screw, and erupt into a chorus of squeals and high fives. Patient Dan congratulates them on their successful screwing, but then shows them how uneven their countertop is. The squealing and high-fiving quickly ends – as does their screwing.

Jany (for Team Estrogen) and Torie (for Team Gay Estrogen Plus Antonio) go shopping for backsplashes. Torie selects a metallic vinyl floor tile that should look great and will be easy to install. Jany, who obviously never watched Design Star before, decides to do a TILE backsplash. Tile backsplashes on Design Star is the equivalent of menswear on Project Runway and/or dessert on Top Chef – they should be avoided at all cost.

The Gays from Team Nathan (Nate and Gayson) decide that they will do what Gays do - go shopping – instead of installing the microwave like they were supposed to. Let that big, burly Antonio take care of the microwave, these boys have tchotchkes to shop for! After all, gayshopping is …


When the Gays finally return, loaded up with decorative loaves of bread, Moroccan vases, and a Buddha (?) – Antonio is mad. Even Gayson’s cheerful “Hey Girl, Hey!!” doesn’t cut the tension. Antonio is pissed that the Gays couldn’t install the microwave – and left it for him to do. Tough titties, Straighty – when The Mall calls, the Gays must answer.

Over at Team Dan Hates Women, they have sent Tashica shopping for accessories. Certainly she can’t screw that up, can she? Tashica leisurely does her thing, and then panics when she finds out that she's behind schedule. Yep, she screwed it up. Day 2 ends.

That evening, back at Casa de Design, Antonio remarks that even though he must work with compulsive shopper Gays, he’s glad he’s not on the other team. “They’re too busy holding hands and loving each other”, he says. Antonio must have missed the fact that sweet Dan would like to "accidentally" run a powerdrill between Tashica’s eyeballs.

It’s now the final day – Day 3 – and they have four hours to pull their kitchens together. Over at Team They’re So Gonna Win, Jason needs to mount the “under-counter piece” (AKA “Nathan”) and Torie is kicking ass on the gorgeous backsplash. They are so far ahead of the game, that Antonio has time to vacuum out the kitchen cabinet drawers.

Over at Team I Need A Hug, there are big problems – and no one has time to vacuum any drawers. The counter measurements weren’t quite right, so the granite countertops have seams. And in the non-surprise of the century, Jany can’t get the tile backsplash finished. I’m not sure what Tashica did, but she certainly didn’t get any of her accessories into the room. Amy, unsurprisingly, begins to cry and needs a hug. Go Team Needy!

It’s time for Elimination. The Judges are introduced: Candice Olsen, Vern Yip, and Genevieve Gorder. Side note: HGTV, who I follow on Twatter Twitter, tweeted last night that Vern has to sit on a “sand bag” at the Judge’s table because Candice is 6’ 1”, Genevieve is 5’11” and Vern is only 5’6”. Here is an actual picture of Candice and Vern together ...


Anywhore, the Judges take a look at Team Nathan (Nate, Antonio, Jen, Jason, and Torie). First of all, the room is FINISHED – which is historically 90% of the battle during the Kitchen Challenge. And they love Torie’s backsplash. However, the Judges pretend that Team Nathan might actually lose because they don’t like the color of the room or the choice of accessories. Cough, cough, BULLSHIT, cough, hack, cough. Sorry, I had something stuck in my throat. Besides, the homeowners LOVED it.

It’s time to judge Team Trainwreck (Amy, Dan, Jany, Lonni, Tashica). Team Leader Amy explains that they were going for “Warm Modernism”. What they ended up with was “Death Warmed Over”. As they watched the video (showing broken glass, unfinished granite seams, and no backsplash), the Judges looked like they all of sudden had a bad case of the farts...


Sorry, wrong judges. Anywhoo - Vern remarks that it looked like an earthquake hit the room. Candice asked them if they had ever watched Design Star before – “tile” is a “four-letter word”, she explains. And so are “dumb” and “crap” and “FAIL” – all words that could be used to describe this team’s performance. They show the homeowners – who seem to like their kitchen but they definitely notice the flaws. Clive remarks that a “Fix-It Team” was sent in the finish what they couldn’t. BTW - I need a "Fix-It Team" to come to my apartment and do all the laundry I failed to do over the weekend.

The Judges ask each member of who the weakest link was – and everyone says “Tashica”. Tashica thinks that Team Leader Amy was the weakest link, because of her constant tears and need of hugs.

Results time. Dan and Antonio were the defacto leaders of their teams and are safe. Torie, Jason, Lonni, and Jany are also safe. I’m not sure why Jany is safe, since she was the brainiac who insisted on a tile backsplash that never got finished. Jen (the “Color Designer” who has screwed up her colors for two weeks) is also safe, as is Nathan.

Finally, it comes down to Team Needer Leader Amy, and Tashica. The Judges decide that Amy should go home for her lack of leadership. When Tashica enters the waiting room, the other Designers’ mouths drop. Even Tashica can’t believe she survived again. I guess being needy is worse than being a clumsy dumbass.


Next week: Design Star channels Project Runway by forcing the Designtestants to shop at the Grocery Store. I predict woven corn stalk quilts and licorice cabinet handles. To read my recap of last week's show, click HERE.

HGTV's Design Star - Kitchen Challenge Tonight

Don't forget - Design Star airs on HGTV tonight at 10pm (EST). Tonight is the always-dramatic KITCHEN CHALLENGE. I'll try to have a little recap posted sometime tomorrow. Check out my recap of last week's show HERE.

Reality TV Roundup

Lots and lots going on the the "Reality" Television department...

First of all, a Project Runway All Stars special two-hour episode will air before the season premiere of Project Runway Season 6 on Lifetime (Aug. 20th). For more information, go HERE.

I have to agree with my friend MikeInBama - Russell Kairouz (above) from Big Brother 11 is HOT (especially with his new Leatherman mustache). Although I thought Russell was being a little too "Schoolyard Bully" with Ronnie last night.

I have featured Daniel Miagany (above) BEFORE on my blog - because he is just so gorgeous. Last night I found out he is also openly gay and appeared on Brooke Knows Best (he is/was dating Brooke Hogan's Main Gay). You can follow Daniel on Twitter HERE - that's how I found out about his television appearance.

The Finale of The Fashion NO was probably the most boring Finale in the history of reality television. Congratulations to Anna, but I really hope Bravo doesn't bring back this sad show. BTW, Haven declared that "those blogs are bullshit" last night. This coming from a Ho who couldn't even make it to the finals of THE FASHION SHOW!!!

And, finally, I was really sad to see cutie-pie Jason (above) go home on So You Think You Can Dance last night :( The term "puppy-dog" eyes was made for that boy.

What did YOU watch last night?...

Design Star Episode One - Don't Forget To Eat!

It's time for another season of Design Star - the reality competition show about Interior Decorating with an alarming lack of flaming homosexuality. Don't worry, I’ll try to "gay it up" enough to make it acceptable to you - my lovely readers.

This year, Design Star is based in Hollywood, and last night we met the "Desecrators" one-by-one. After ten people arrive at a gorgeous Hollywood home, host Clive Pearse greets everyone and explains that the Designtestants themselves will be selecting the 11th cast member - out of three possible finalists.

The three hopefuls are asked questions from the Designtestants, and each potential cast member talks about their "can-do" attitudes and their "bag of tricks". My question would have been simple: "Which one of you has no talent and doesn't snore?". Seems like a no-brainer to me. Tori, the chick from Houston, is selected as the 11th contestant (because she has no talent and doesn’t snore?) - and the competition begins.

Clive reminds the Designtestants that they’ll be competing for their own show on HGTV. For some reason, this prospect absolutely THRILLS them. Clive also tells them of some changes for this season – HGTV stars Candice Olsen and Genevieve Gorder will be joining Vern Yip as Judges. Considering I can’t remember who Candice and Genevieve replaced, this is probably a good move.

The other big change this season will be that the JUDGES (not the public) will select the winner this year.

Clive informs the Designtestants that the home they are standing in will be where they'll work and live this season – and the first challenge will be to furnish/decorate three bedrooms, the living room, and the dining room. They will have 32 hours spread out over 4 days to complete their tasks – and they have $50,000 to get the job done. They discuss amongst themselves and divvy up the rooms, tasks and money.

Here is how it shakes down.

Dining Room: Dan (cute) and Nate (kinda cute). Considering the fact that these guys are decorators, there’s a good chance one or both of them is gay. But in true HGTV Design Star fashion, we’re not 100% sure – and nobody talks about it (remember Mikey V from last season?!?). So this seems like the perfect time to gay things up a little bit …

That outta do the trick.

Master Bedroom: Tashica and NataLee. They are VERY “high energy” and do a lot of high-fiving.


Living Room: It is huge, so three people will work on it. First of all, we have Antonio who is obviously straight – I’ll try not to it hold against him – and obviously loves going to the Tattoo Parlor. Next is Amy – who comes from a long tradition of bland reality TV white girls who I can’t tell apart. And finally we have Lonni, who immediately states that she owns her own design firm and “has people” to do all the physical stuff for her. Yeah, she’s THAT biatch.

Bedroom #2: Jason and Jen. As they are checking out the room and discussing what to do, Jason gives us our first gay “fabulous”.


No that’s not his picture, but Jason is just as gay as that (if not more so). One problem: I could have sworn that Jason entered the house wearing a Member’s Only Jacket. I’m sorry Gayson, but the only person who correctly rocks the M.O. is Rosario from Will & Grace…


Finally, Bedroom #3 features Jany and Tori. These two are so memorable that I’ve already forgotten who they were or what they look like. I hope they don’t win so I don’t have to figure it out.

Money is distributed based on square footage, and the partners start discussing their ideas. Tattooed Antonio mentions painting something pink for the living room, while Lonnie gives him the disapproving side-eye. Tashica and NataLee do a lot of high-fiving, but don’t seem to get much else done. The Ambiguously Gay Duo (Dan and Nate) seem to have their act together and are working well together.


Day One is over, and Day Two begins. In the Living Room, the gals go shopping, leaving Antonio to paint. Design Firm Owner (and physical labor hater) Lonni remarks that “Amy and I are the Shoppers, and Antonio is the hired help”. She’s getting him confused with all the “Antonio’s” she’s picked up in the Home Depot parking lot to remove drywall and mow her yard. When the “Shoppers” return, Lonni and Antonio butt heads over how to hang wallpaper. “You wanna do it?”, Antonio keeps asking. I think we all know the answer to that question is a stank “No, thank you”.

Ambiguously Gay Dan is MAKING his own dining room table – without the help of anyone named “Antonio” (note to Lonni – it CAN be done). Tashica and NataLee continue to high-five in the Master Bedroom – but not much else. And Gayson and Jen (who is one of only 150 “Color Designers” in the US – smell huh!) are tongue-kissing faux wooden taxidermy heads for some reason.

Day Two is over, and Day Three begins. Antonio would like to paint some wooden ducks for the Living Room wall a bright pink. Again with the pink! Are we SURE he’s straight? And again, Lonni gives him the disapproving sideways stank eye.

Over in the Master Bedroom, all that high-fiving has finally taken its toll on Natalee – who almost passes out at the end of the day. She feels “physically drained”, but the bottom line is the fact that the skinny biatch didn’t eat. For long-time DavidDust readers, you know how I feel about people who skip meals – especially those skinny Ho’s who “forget” to eat.

Finally, it’s Day Four. The Designtestants will have 2 hours to finish up. Everything seems to come together nicely, EXCEPT for in the Master Bedroom. NataLee is feeling better, but she and Tashica have spent the entire four days high-fiving and sloppily taping floors, and now they only have a couple of hours to pull it together. BTW, they’re idea of “pulling it together” is duct-taping fabric onto the headboards, ripping duvets in half (they couldn’t find twin size), and TAPING curtains to the ceiling. Vern Yip will certainly NOT forget to eat them for breakfast…

Speaking of Vern, it’s time for the judging. First up is the Living Room and the Ambiguously Gay (and vaguely cute) Dan and Nate. The judges likee the contrast of the bold wall/floor mural with the plain wooden planks.

Next up is the hot mess of a Master Bedroom. Vern wanted to know if they spent all the money and Candice is embarrassed for them. They reply that they had grand plans, but didn’t have enough time to execute said plans because it takes a lot of time and energy to high-five every ten seconds.

They discuss Bedroom Two next. Gayson and Jen explain that their inspirations was “A Writer for National Geographic who was a collector” – which literally makes Vern LOL. “We stepped out of the box”, Gayson tries to explain, to which Vern replies “WAY out!”. The High Five Sisters may have been just been saved by overpriced Astroturf and wrong-sized chairs. But seriously, I don’t think even HGTV would send home the only obvious Queen during Week One. And btw, Jason used one of those uber-gay words while talking to the judges … “cocktail”. Ladies, if your husband refers to drinky-drinks as “cocktails”, you may want to check his credit card statement for any charges from Manhunt.net. Just saying.

Next we have Bedroom Three. The judges think it’s kinda “blah”, but at least the curtains aren’t taped to the ceiling.

Finally, the Judges discuss the Living Room. Vern immediately wants to know who painted the wooden ducks pink, and Lonni is READY to throw Manual Laborer Antonio under the bus. Antonio admits it was his idea to pinken the ducks – to which Vern responds that it was an EXCELLENT idea. Lonni’s expression is now a JEALOUS sidestankeye.

The Designtestants go backstage to await the judging. After the Judges discuss, the designers are called back out, and the results are announced…

Teams Living Room (Antonio, Lonni, Some White Girl) and Dining Room (the maybe-gays) were the best this week – and are safe. Team Bedroom Three (Torie and Jany – whoever THEY are) are also safe.

This leaves Gay Jason, Color Designer Jen, and the High Fivers – Tashica and NataLee. In the end, malnourished Natalee’s show is cancelled and the rest are safe. Now go eat a cheeseburger NataLee, and stop bitching about feeling sick…


Next week … kitchens are destroyed.

American Idol Without Paula???

American Idol without Paula Abdul? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

White Meat Monday Big Brother of the Day - Jessie Godderz

Big Brother 11 has begun on CBS, and notorious narcissexual - Jessie Godderz - is back...

Covered in honey and feathers during Big Brother 10

During this season of Big Brother, there seems to be a bromance blossoming between Jessie and fellow musclehead Russell Kairouz. Check out Jessie lifting Russell instead of free weights - wait, there's a "dumbbell" joke in there somewhere. BTW, where EXACTLY is Jessie's right hand in the top two pics???...

Check out my first Jessie Godderz post HERE.