From The TSA Instruction Manual

Bradley Cooper = automatic, EXTENSIVE pat-down.

Source
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TSA Agents Hate Their Jobs

According to THIS Gawker post, most TSA agents are about as thrilled with the new "enhanced" pat-downs as you are. One of them had this to say ...

Yesterday a passenger told me to keep my hands off his penis or he'd scream. Is this how a 40 year old man in business attire acts? He'll scream? My 3 year old can get away with saying he'll scream, but a 40 something business man? I am a professional doing my job, whether I agree with this current policy or not, I am doing my job. I do not want to be here all day touching penises.

He DOESN'T??? What in the name of Judy Garland is his problem???? I'm telling you, if this "Full-time Events Manager, Part-time Blogger" thing doesn't work out for me - I'm totally putting my application into the TSA. Of course there would be some stipulations - like only working flights to Puerto Rico and the ability to personally select hotties suspected terrorists for my special extra-enhanced pat-down - using my patented selection method (based solely upon racial profiling and many years of groping GoGo Guys). In other words, anyone who looked like THIS should allot additional travel time because I'm gonna make sure every inch of him is checked and double checked ...

Anywhore, I don't know why these TSA people are complaining - their job definitely has some perks. For instance, they get to keep anything they find in those hard-to-reach body cavities! Free Christmas stocking-stuffers for the kids! ...

Truth-Tellin'