Last week on Project Runway … former fashiontestants returned to play red carpet dress up! Kenley was nice! Irina was a beeyotch! Lexus was somehow involved! And Killer Kooan had a sad :(
Ven won the challenge, again. And Raul was sent home for putting the ‘ug’ in fugly and then making poor Mila wear it.
Then, at the very end of last week’s episode, we got a weird vignette implying that Andrea had mysteriously disappeared in the middle of the night. Call the Scooby Gang!
But the next morning there is no mention of our missing, middle-aged fashiontestant. Actually, Christopher does mention that he isn’t looking forward to seeing Andrea, since he threw her under the bus on the runway. I guess now Christopher doesn’t have to worry.
And Kooan still has a sad. But it’s presumably not about Andrea leaving.
The designers head up to Madison Avenue to Michael Kors’ flagship “Lifestyle Store”. This got me to thinking, what would MY “Lifestyle Store” look like?...
It would be DELICIOUS.
Anywhore, Tim – finally – addresses the whole “CSI: Atlas Apartments” situation. Andrea left in the middle of the night without telling anyone, and they’re pretty sure she’s OK. Yikes – they THINK she’s ‘safe and sound’ but aren’t 100% sure?!?. The Scooby Gang kinda sucked this time, huh?
The fashiontestants immediately talk smack about her … how could Andrea just give up … blah blah blah … she’s a teacher … blah blah … lame … blah … people would kill for this opportunity ... blah blah. Elena states that “Fashion is a shark”. Does that mean that Fashion Week is actually Shark Week??
Whatever – back on track. Michael Kors talks about his customer and surprisingly doesn’t use the term “Rich Bitch”. She is “chic” “stylish” and “pulled together”. Therefore this week’s challenge will be to create a look for a woman “on the go”. Which – according to Tim and Kors – means a woman who doesn’t like to get wrinkled. Or something.
The designers get 30 minutes to sketch in the “Lifestyle Store”, and Gunnar uses his time wisely by still talking smack about Andrea. “Way to be immature, Andrea”. Pot … kettle … black.
Tim advises that the designers create a scenario for the woman they are designing for. We then get a lot of “My girl is … fill in the blank”. It’s remarkably similar to The Vagina Monologues (“My Vagina is a flower”) – which I’m not sure Tim Gunn had in mind when he gave that advice.
Now it’s off to Mood – where they’ll have $150 and 30 minutes. Melissa goes straight to the black fabrics (natch), while Buffi just can’t help herself and goes for pink (also natch). And poor Kooan still can’t ditch that case of the sads he has. Thank you Mood!
Back in the workroom, the designers unload their fabrics while also unloading their stank about the missing Andrea when Kooan announces that he has an announcement…
COMMERCIAL BREAK: The Week The Women Went. “I want my Mommy!! I wontchur Mommy too!!”. Also coming up on Lifetime: The Week My Kindle Died – “I want my Fifty Shades of Grey!”
And we’re back. Kooan announces that he is also leaving the competition. And the designers lose their freaking minds. Nathan starts crying, saying that he too wants to leave (but he won’t). Melissa holds onto Fabio for comfort, while Buffi wipes tears from her eyes and tries to convince Kooan not to go.
Wait a needle-threading minute! What happened to being “immature” and “lame” like they called Andrea?!? These designers need to be consistent.
Tim enters the workroom and announces that Andrea is fine. And he knows this because they got an email from her. An email?!? Wow – Andrea is a bad breaker-upper.
Then Kooan tells Tim that he must go his own way, then hugs everyone and tips on out the door. See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.
Many of the designers are still crying, but some of them (Ven, Sonjia) are all like “Ya gotta man up” and everyone gets back to work.
Then Tim Gunn re-enters the workroom and announces that Raul will be coming back for one or two challenges until he gets aufed again. Everyone rejoices. Seriously, it’s like the Mr. Softie Ice Cream truck just showed up in the middle of a heat wave. Everyone, that is, except Ven – who gives Raul the side eye and complains that Raul complains too much.
Tim visits the designers one by one. During this time we find out that Fabio’s girl is “on her day off”. So she’s gonna wear sweatpants and a t-shirt with Chinese food stains??? Oh, wait, that’s MY ‘day off’ wardrobe. My "lifestyle" is TRES glamorous, dontcha know.
Models arrive for fittings and we find out that Fabio’s girl apparently turns tricks on her day off because her short skirt almost lets you see her “fish whistle” (I can’t take credit for that – I think Christopher said it).
Speaking of Christopher, he tries to be nice to Buffi by telling her that her outfit is a big pile of pink ass, but she’s not hearing it. He even offers to give her fabric, but Buffi vows to be “true to herself” which apparently means designing hideous clothes in awful colors. You go girl?
The day ends and Runway Day begins. Buffi is starting to feel “insecure”, Ven is death-staring at Raul, and Fabio is wearing his best dumpster version of an Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan turban…
Back in the workroom, the models go to hair and makeup, while the perennial bottom dwellers (Buffi, Raul) try and put together a look that won’t make Nina Garcia throw up a little in her mouth.
On the Runway, Heidi rocks a leopard print dress and introduces the judges – Michael Kors, Nina Friggin’ Garcia, the Cheerleader from Heroes, and Rachel Roy. Let’s start the show…
My notes say that Sonia and Dmitry’s dresses looked good, and Buffi and Raul are in trouble. In fact, I wrote “OMG it’s bad” when Raul’s “look” came down the runway.
Heidi calls out Gunnar, Ven, Nathan, the Lesbian, Melissa and Elena – they are safe.
This leaves Fabio, Raul, Buffi, Christopher, Sonjia and Dmitry in the top and bottom.
The judges likee Sonjia (color makes it versatile), Christopher (contrast of hard and soft), and Dmitry (well executed but safe). They no likee Buffi (“tragic” – Nina Garcia), Fabio (not glamorous), and Raul (crazy crotch).
After discussing, Heidi announces that Christopher is safe and Sonjia is the winner…
This means that Dmitry is also safe.
And when Heidi calls Raul’s name as being safe (leaving Buffi and Fabio), I knew Buffi would be leaving for her pink ball of fugly. And I was right…
Next week on Project Runway: Nina Friggin Garcia! Editorial! Heidi hates something!
What did YOU think of this episode. Please share in the comments.