Chuck Norris Facts: Roundhouse Kick

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

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Free Steven Slater

There is now a WEBSITE, a BookFace PAGE, and even a LEGAL DEFENSE FUND for fabulous Diva Steven Slater.  I'm waiting for him to run for Mayor of New York City - he'd certainly be more riveting than whiny Mayor Bloomberg. And I bet our crime rate would drop to 0.0%.  After all...

You know, I realize what Miss Thang did was wrong.  But let's face it, Steven did what many of us have dreamed about doing a million times.  And the best part about it was that he did it with style.

And TRUST ME, the idiot passenger he tangled with is a dime-a-dozen here in NYC.  They get a job at Conde Nast or some hedge fund and suddenly think they are WAY too important to follow simple instuctions. So they do whatever the hell they want, and usually get away with it.  But not if Steven Slater has anything to do with it.  Steven Slater = the Gay Chuck Norris...

Steven Slater was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

If you spell "Steven Slater" in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Nobody does it like Sara Lee. Except Steven Slater.

Steven Slater doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Steven Slater can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

There is no Control button on Steven Slater's computer. Steven Slater is always in control.

Wrapping Up White Meat Monday - Chuck Norris

Yes, I know he's a right-wing ignoramus - but I LOVE Chuck Norrisisms.

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