Umbrella ... ella ... ella ... eh ... eh

Rihanna has truly ruined the word "umbrella": It's physically impossible for me to say it without adding the "ella ella eh eh" part. Anybody else like that?? No?? Ok, call me crazy...

Thanks a lot, Ri Ri.

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Beyonce vs Rihanna - Massive Fight!

"Tranny, STFU before I grab my umbrella-ella-ella and shove it up your ..."

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Featured Athlete - Matt Kemp

Matt Kemp, 25, is an outfielder for the Los Angeles Dodgers - where his teammates have nick-named him "The Bison".  This is supposedly for Mr. Kemp's slow running speed - but at 6' 3" and 225 lbs, I'm not so sure that's the REAL reason they compare Matt to a buffalo.  I have three words for you:  LOCKER ROOM SHOWERS.  Just saying...

Matt is currently dating singing superstar Rihanna.  I bet she and that Bison get along JUST FINE, if you smell what I'm stepping in...

You Must Be THIS BIG To Ride Rihanna...

According to Dlisted, Rihanna is a big Size Queen...

RiRi explained, "He has to be good in bed and the size matters. You know what I mean? The inner beauty counts as well, but without a toy it doesn't make it fun."

In other words, you can only stand under her umbrella ella ella eh eh eh if you're hung like a side of beef.

I find this story extremely intriguing because it was recently reported that Rihanna is dating actor Tristan Wilds, 20. Many of you know Tristan from the new 90210 - but to me he will always be the young kid who became a hardened criminal, Michael Lee, from HBO's The Wire.

I guess Mr. Wilds "has what it takes" to date RiRi...

Chris Brown Must Go To Jail

We knew a picture would leak eventually. TMZ's got it. This is fucking ridiculous. I PRAY Rihanna is cooperating with the police, and Chris Brown goes to jail if he truly did this to her. There are NO excuses...

Rihanna Is A Cheap Date

Chris Brown and Rihanna were caught kissing at a Miami KFC recently - even though they consistently deny they are dating.

I know how they feel - the Colonel's Original Recipe makes ME horny also. Photo from TMZ.