Top Chef Las Vegas Finale Part Two Recap

NOTE FROM DAVID: I just wanted to take a moment to thank The Minx for sharing her fabulous Top Chef recaps with us this season. You can thank her yourself by following the link at the end of this post and leaving a comment.


Here we are at last, finally the final finale for Top Chef Las Vegas, a season of sheer professionalism and relative lack of drama. Honestly, I miss the shenanigans of past seasons - they made for more entertaining recaps.

It's been a long, long, long season and our three remaining cheftestants are looking forward to their final battle. Kevin is both "pumped" and "stoked." And the Brothers Voltaggio are bickering amongst themselves. At least neither of them says "awesome" or walks around with hugemongous umbrellas.

They stop needling each other long enough to put on their chef coats and head out to the Rutherford Hill Winery, where they find Tom and Padma standing in the blazing sun.

Tom gives them their final challenge - prepare a three course meal. Sounds simple enough, right? But this is Top Chef, so there's a twist. The first course must be prepared from a Chopped-style "Mystery Box." (The Food Network has been ripping off Top Chef in their competitions for a few years now. Turnaround is fair play, I suppose.) For the second course, the cheftestants can prepare anything they wish from any available ingredients. And finally, the third course must be dessert. The meal will be prepared and served at Cyrus, a Michelin 2-Star restaurant in Healdsburg, and served to top restaurateurs. Tom says that this meal can make their careers.

Then Padma tells the cheftestants they will have help, and from the surrounding vineyard emerge the first 437 eliminated chefs, from Jen Z to Jen C. Jen C. is carrying the knife block, the sight of which causes Michael to say that there are a couple of names he could pull that would make him slit his own throat.

It would have been fun had he picked Robin, but the ensuing bloodbath would probably have been too much of a distraction for Kevin and Bryan. And one of those two is going to win this thing, right? Instead, he gets Jesse and Eli. Kevin ends up with Preeti and Ash, and Bryan gets the best of the bunch with Jen C. and Ashley. One of these sous chefs will help them with prep, the other will help them cook the next day.

With 15 minutes to plan, the chefs head to the kitchen to examine their Mystery Box [insert dirty joke here]. It contains Pacific rockfish, kabocha squash, Dungeness crab, Meyer lemon, matsutake mushrooms, and anise hyssop.

I love the way my spell check is recommending different words for kobocha (kaboom, kabob), Dungeness (dungeons, dungarees, strangeness), and matsutake (matchmaker, mistake) but seems to think that "hyssop" is just fine.

Kevin is upset at getting stuck with "I'm a Lesbian But I Can't Shuck Clams" Preeti. He doesn't have much faith in her abilities so gives her very few things to do, none of which involve pasta salad. Bryan, on the other hand, is quite pleased with his own personal lesbian helper, Ashley. And Michael is on his knees thanking the heavens that he didn't pull Robin.

The next morning, Kevin is upset because he feels he lost the whole first day being mad at Preeti. Michael is still contemplating the contents of the Mystery Box. Suddenly, there's an ominous knock on the door. Immediately they speculate that it's Padma announcing another twist, but instead they find...

Mom Gillespie reminds me of a faded country singer, with her sparkly eye shadow and blue eye-liner.

Voltaggio Mom helps her little boys button their jackets and roll their sleeves and reminds them that they are brothers and best friends, no matter what happens. :::sniff:::

Mom Gillespie lets her little boy roll his own sleeves, but tells Kevin to be himself and that he's got what it takes to beat the Volt Boys.

They then leave their Moms behind and head to Cyrus to finish prepping and cooking. Tom meets them there and finally gives them the expected extra twist. Instead of a three-course meal, they must now prepare a four-course meal, with the first course being an hommage to their mommies. Something inspired by a childhood dish.

Kevin decides to make something with chicken skin, since that was his mama's favorite part of the chicken (a woman after my own heart). Bryan says his parents divorced when the kids were very young, and if that wasn't bad enough, their mom made a lot of tuna casserole. And he was going to make it even yuckier by using sardines. Michael said he likes to transform things he doesn't like to eat into things he does like to eat, so he opts to play with the hated broccoli.

With three hours left until they must plate the first dish, they have to get cracking, especially with a fourth course on the table. Michael has finally figured out what he wants to make with his Mystery Box, and calls it a "scavenger hunt" of flavor. Later, when it's time to plate his first course, we hear him say that it's "bold and rustic" as he's spooning some spooge-like foam onto the broccoli. Doesn't get more rustic than foam....

The cheftestants enter the dining room with their first dishes and notice their moms seated at the table along with Tom, Gail, Toby, and Padma, plus restaurateurs Douglas Keane of Cyrus, Donatella Arpaia, Stephen Starr, Drew Nieporent, Sam Nazarian, and wine guy Bill Terlato. Padma then apologizes to the moms, saying that the judges' comments to their baby boys may seem a little harsh.

After the first course, the moms are unceremoniously kicked out. Next up is the Mystery Box course. Kevin's dish was merely ok, and featured a tough mushroom. Bryan's dish is bland and safe and is compared to a "blind date you don't want to go on." As if anyone ever looks forward to a blind date. (I had one and it was a nightmare. The guy didn't make eye contact, nor did he speak to me even once. Thank goodness it was a double date with my then-best friend. Believe me, bland fish would have been far preferable.) Michael's dish was the best-received of the three, although nobody mentions scavenger hunts.

The third course is "Chef's Choice" and of course Kevin chooses to make pork. Unfortunately, it seems that his pork belly didn't get cooked long enough. And at this point I'm realizing he's not going to win this competition. That means Bryan is going to be victorious, right?

Bryan, who reveals to all assembled that he hunts, is told that his venison dish is perfectly cooked, "rich and pungent," and not at all bland. That gives me hope. Michael's squab is excellent, but Gail thought the sundry mushroom and pistachio garnishes were gimmicky. Ok! Go Bryan!

Finally - the dreaded mandatory dessert course. Kevin had worried earlier on that dessert was not his strong suit, so he opted to use an ingredient that was more in his wheelhouse - bacon. Bacon desserts are starting to be a bit played out, I'm afraid, and there were mixed emotions about Kevin's bacon and bananas among the judges. Michael's cake was overbaked and dry, but overall it was "almost very good." Bryan's cheesecake with fig sorbet, on the other hand, showed real finesse. Yay! Bryan is going to take this competition! Right? Right?

Despite my wishful thinking, at this point I'm positive Kevin has lost. I'm (obviously) rooting for Bryan, but a small sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me that Michael is going to end up winning this thing.

Next we see the cheftestants once again stewing in the Please Buy Chimney Rock Wines Stew and Sip room, this time without the wine to take the edge off. I need a glass myself, at this point.

Bryan, Michael, and Kevin all head off to Judges' Table by themselves, like big boys, without Padma having to come in to get them or their mommies to re-roll their sleeves.

The judges tell the cheftestants about their successes and mistakes. And then Padma asks the always-stupid question "why do you deserve to be Top Chef?" Bryan seems a bit flustered, but tells the judges that he thought he expressed his cuisine well throughout the competition. Michael wants to win because he doesn't want Bryan to win. Then he adds, "Food is me. Food is how I express myself." Damn good thing he has food, because grammar isn't his strong suit. And we hear from Kevin that he loves food (no!) and its ability to comfort people.

Back at the stew room, all three seemed slightly depressed.

The judges make their decision and call the cheftestants out to stand before them one last time.

Padma fakes us out by saying, "Kevin..." (long pause) "...you are not Top Chef." At which point he hugs everyone and goes back to the stew room to be comforted by his mom.

It's down to the Volt Boys. And the winner is....

Bah. Oh, he deserves to win alright, unlike Hosea. He's a talented chef, but he was my fourth choice to be Top Chef, after Bryan, Kevin, and Jen C. Sigh.

Next week: A Top Chef Reunion where we, no doubt, will hear how much certain people hated Robin. Yawn.

Thanks for hanging in there with me - please leave your (hopefully all positive) comments here.

Top Chef - Winner Announced Tonight!

Tonight's the night - the grand finale of Top Chef Las Vegas. The hot Voltaggio Brothers go up against not-as-hot (but still adorable) Kevin for the chance to be named "Top Chef".

Check out previews HERE - and look for The Minx's LAST {{insert sad face here}} recap tomorrow afternoon. I'm gonna miss those crazy thought bubbles...

FYI: In honor of the finale, our friends at All Top Chef are having a contest - go HERE for a chance to win a $100 Bravo gift card or a Top Chef Quickfire computer game.


Good luck!

Tonight On Bravo

Tonight the final four battle it out on Top Chef - check out preview videos HERE, and look for The Minx's recap sometime tomorrow.



Also tonight is the premiere of Launch My Line - and it looks pretty interesting. Check out a preview video below...

I'm sure I'll have something to say about Launch My Line tomorrow ... stay tuned.

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode Eleven Recap

Note from David: Thanks again to The Minx for providing us with another of her brilliant Top Chef recaps! After you've finished reading, don't forget to follow the link at the end of this post and leave her a comment.

>P,B!

Six chefs left and the finale is looming. Who will Padma send home this week? Yeah yeah, we know who you *want* it to be....

Once again we meet our intrepid cheftestants in the McMansion, getting ready for another day in the salt mines. Jen thinks it's a big deal that DoucheyMike isn't around anymore. And Bryan, although enjoying his TC experience, is feeling a bit homesick.

Cyborg technology is apparently quite advanced. They can breed now.

He's allowed a brief phone call to his family. His almost-2-year-old son, Thatcher, answers the phone with an excited, "Bryan!" Gee...only a few weeks away and already the family treats you like a stranger.

Rather than the M Resort, the cheftestants head to the Venetian where they are whisked to a kitchen in the bowels of the hotel, somewhere deep under the faux canal with faux gondoliers and overpriced gelato. A phone rings - it's for the chefs.

If DoucheyMike seemed excited about cooking for scrawny vegetarian Natalie Portman two weeks ago, then how would he react to the voluptuous Nigella Lawson? Alas, we'll never find out. And I'm not all that sorry.

The Breakfast in Bed Quickfire requires that the cheftestants each prepare a yummy breakfast for Padma and Nigella and wheel it through several rings of hell to their suite somewhere upstairs. They, in the meantime, are having fun in bed.

What passes as fun for you, dirty-minded reader, is not necessarily the same thing that turns on our raven-tressed lovelies. A damn shame.

Eli and Robin head off to cook first.

Eli decides to make a Reuben Benedict with 1000 Island hollandaise, and Robin scurries around like a chicken with her head cut off, making something or other. They deliver their dishes to the ladies.

Robin ended up making blintzes with pineapple, and the ladies don't seem too impressed. Eli presents next and his dish is very well-received; Nigella thinks it would make a great hangover breakfast.

The next duo to cook are Michael and Kevin. Michael spends the first 5 of his 30 minutes cleaning up the mess Robin left behind, which puts him directly into the weeds. He of course can't make anything simple, and concocts Huevos Cubana, with banana puree, rice, bacon, and arugula salad. Kevin, pretty much his polar opposite in the kitchen, does steak and eggs.

Finally, Jennifer and Bryan create their dishes. Jen does the American classic, the aptly-named, "shit on a shingle."

Bryan does a four-minute egg, polenta, asparagus, crab and a vanilla butter sauce which does not go over well with Nigella.

After Nigella and Padma finish pigging out, they get dressed (after taking a shower together) and summon the cheftestants for judgement. Nigella's least favorite dishes were Bryan's and Robin's. Her favorites were Kevin's and Eli's, with the latter being the winner. Padma then announces that Eli will get his recipe published in the Top Chef Quickfire Cookbook. Viewers who watched the preview vids for this episode and have the cookbook (or who, like me, read too many blogs and face the dreaded spoiler on a regular basis) already knew the winner. If I remember correctly, Richard Blais was the only cheftestant from season 4 to get a recipe in the original Top Chef Cookbook...and Eli just so happened to be the best man at his wedding. Coincidence? Most likely.

On to the Elimination Challenge. The cheftestants are to celebrate the Strip by creating a casino-inspired dish which will be fed to 175 of "Las Vegas' Elite" (to me, this means Cher, Elton John, and Wayne Newton, but apparently it merely refers to non-tourists who wear things other than ugly shorts and baggy t-shirts).

The knife block comes out.

Each knife bears the name of one of the gaudy hotel/casinos on the Vegas Strip. Bryan draws Mandalay Bay, Michael draws New York, New York, Eli gets Circus Circus, Robin gets the Bellagio, Kevin draws the Mirage, and Jen gets Excalibur.

Each cheftestant has a car and driver to ferry him or her to their designated Palace of Sin. First we see Michael disembark at New York New York. He is immediately inspired.

Next, Jen goes to Excalibur to eat roast chicken with her hands at the Tournament of Kings.

She says she's having a hard time focusing and doesn't know what she's going to do. She's been slipping more every week, but I think the beer had to have something to do with it this time.

At Mandalay Bay, Bryan opts to head directly for the shark reef, where he encounters a sign touting sustainability. (You know Rick Moonen, whose restaurant rm seafood is in Mandalay Bay, had to have something to do with this.) Immediately the idea unit in Bryan's circuit board starts blinking.

On his way out, he visits the gift shop to buy something for young Thatcher.

This disturbs me. First we see Bryan claim he misses his kid and phones home. Now he's buying toys. This is usually a type of loser edit. I express my thoughts to Mr Minx who says he thought Bryan's eyes looked red in one of the Confidentials. Nooooooo! Not my favorite expressionless chef! I calm myself by repeating, "this does not compute," and put my attentions back to the show.

Robin is at the Bellagio, one of the rare classy joints on the strip. She is awed by the Chihuly sculpture in the lobby and vows to make something with gelatin. Sure, I see the connection too.

Kevin is at the Mirage, where he is impressed to see waterfalls and flowers. He looks around carefully, hoping to spot some leprechaun brethren; finding none, he goes to the dolphin show.

Finally, Eli gets to Circus Circus where he's disappointed to find there's no big top, no clown cars, no lions, tigers, or bears, just lots of circus-y junk food like candy apples and cotton candy. He calls his mommy for permission, then gorges himself on sugary treats before heading back to the McMansion and the rest of the cheftestants.

The next morning, the chefs head to the Top Chef Corporate Sponsorship Kitchen for 3.5 hours of cookery, after which they pack up and go to the rooftop of the World Market Center, where they draw straws to decide who will be the one to push off Robin. They get another hour to set up and do finishing touches before the hungry hoardes arrive.

Not surprisingly, Jen is having issues. Robin is as well, as the sugar work she attempted to recreate the look of Chihuly glass did not set up. And Michael is worried that he has to crisp up 175 portions of chicken wings.

Padma and the judges arrive and head straight for Jen's station, where she is not quite prepared. Padma snottily remarks that Jen's empty table looks as if she's sold out of food. Jen's dish is inspired by the Sword and the Stone, using overcooked beef in place of stone.

Next the judges visit Kevin who has made cured salmon with tomato water. Nigella enjoys it quite a lot.

Good thing the cameras didn't catch any of the men from the waist down.

Michael's curried chicken wings, inspired by something the FDNY might eat, had nicely crisp skin and a disc of cold bleu cheese sauce that some of the judges loved. Toby, in place of Gail (because three sets of boobies would have been too much), wasn't entirely impressed.

Robin indeed used gelatin in her panna cotta - too much of it - which caused it to set too hard. And without the sugar work, it was difficult to see the connection to Chihuly.

Bryan prepared an escabeche of halibut with parsley coulis that Nigella thought had fantastic balance. Whew! They liked his dish. He's not going home. Not that I ever thought he was. Of course not.

You know, I think Nigella would make a great permanent judge, don't you?

Finally, Eli's caramel apple and peanut soup with raspberry froth was a bit of a mess. Padma didn't like it at all. The textures didn't work. Toby, however, admired his willingness to try something that might fail. Speaking of fail, I'm wondering where Toby left all of the amusingly harsh insults he tossed about last season.

Then comes a Fake Out Scene that's so dull, it should have been included in last week's Reunion Dinner Special. The chefs open Korbel and toast each other.

/end Fake Out Scene. Yawn.

The cheftestants then head to the Glad Family of Products Stew 'n' Booze Room to stew and booze. Padma shuffles in and drones that she would like to see Michael, Kevin, and Bryan.

Everyone loved Kevin's broth. Bryan's dish was "quiet and elegant" according to Nigella. Toby called Michael's food "effeminate" to which Michael replied, "I believe a chef's personality should be evident on the plate." Huh? Did he just out himself?

Girly or not, Michael is awarded the win, and a big old bottle of Terlato wine. Plus, a trip to the Terlato winery in Napa. I'm sorry, but "Terlato" sounds to me like a euphemism that Archie Bunker might use for bad wine.

The remaining chefs - Jen, Robin, and Eli - are on the chopping block. Jen didn't have a clear vision of her dish, and Tom said she had a lack of knowledge about Medieval food. Because food back then spoiled for lack of refrigeration, it was usually heavily spiced. Oh yeah? Well tell the bozos at Medieval Times that. I hardly think that their Lipton dehydrated-vegetable soup and plain roast chicken could be called "spiced" at all. Toby suddenly gets pithy again and says Jen's dish was more Spamalot than Camelot. Heh. Good one.

Robin's panna cotta was too firm.

Damn, she's hot.

Finally, Eli, who thought he was conceptually on the mark, was told his dish was a failure. Padma didn't want to eat it again, and Nigella said her good upbringing was the only thing that prevented her from spitting it back into the cup. I love that woman.

But just when it was starting to look like Eli was out, Padma asked Robin to please pack her knives and go. :::putting earplugs in to drown out the deafening roar of approval:::

You'll hate me for admitting this, but I got a little choked up as Robin thanked the judges and packed her knives. She should be proud of lasting so long in such fierce competition.

Next week: Thomas Keller and Bocuse D'Or!

Hope you enjoyed the recap! Please leave your comments here.

Tonight on Top Chef

We're down to the final six Cheftestants on Top Chef ... and this week's episode begins with Padma and Nigella Lawson wanting breakfast in bed. That's strange, I thought Padma only dated old geezers...

Check out previews HERE - and look for The Minx's recap to be posted here sometime tomorrow.

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode Ten Recap

Note from David: Thanks again to the fabulous Minx for sharing her Top Chef recap with us. PLEASE make sure you follow the link at the end of this post and leave her a comment.

It's morning once again at the Top Cheftestants' McMansion where we find Jen beating herself up over her team's loss in last week's Restaurant Wars. Robin, on the other hand, is celebrating the fact that she survived yet another challenge.

At the Top Chef Sponsor-of-the-Week Kitchen™, we find Padma in yet another strapless jumpsuit, standing alongside two-time James Beard Award winner Paul Bartolotta.

Although he's been known to shill for Barilla, this week's challenge is sponsored by TV Guide. For the TV Guide Quickfire Challenge, the cheftestants must give a classic TV dinner their own interpretation. And the dinners are to be based on famous television shows. They of course resort to the knife block to find out who gets which show.

Kevin draws the Sopranos, Eli gets Gilligan's Island, Robin gets Sesame Street, Bryan gets M*A*S*H*, DoucheyMike gets Seinfeld, BrotherMike gets Cheers, and Jen gets the Flintstones.

Actually, Jen, Pebbles was not in the abusive relationship you seem to think she had.... Sounds like someone needs some counseling.

Come on! That would have been perfect!

Everyone seems to be doing fairly well, except for Jen, who is once again struggling mightily. What's up with her? Survey says she'll be in the top four, but from week to week, that's looking shaky.

Maybe she needs one of the guys to play Bam Bam and drag her around by the hair? How does Eric Ripert train his chefs, anyway?

Time's up and the cheftestants bring their dishes one by one to a little retro-style seating area that's been set up at one end of the kitchen.

Bryan presents his dish and gets a "Mmmm!" from Padma. Something weird then happens on the television screen and it takes me a few seconds to process it.

Bryan smiles.

You're probably right. Smiling would signify emotion, and that would be illogical.

After tasting, Chef Bartolotta is asked to reveal his least favorite dishes, which turn out to be Jen's very un-Flintstonian chicken roulade, and Robin's e-coli special hamburger with a raw egg cooked into it. On top were Bryan's Mmm-mmm-good meatloaf and apple tarte tatin and Kevin's meatballs. Guess being Italian swayed him a bit, because Bartolotta chose the meatballs as the winner. Congrats Kevin!

Padma announces that there is no more immunity. Instead, Kevin's dish will be featured as a new Top Chef entrée sold by Schwan's. WTF? Top Chef dinners? Next they'll be offering that damn knife block and special Tom Colicchio skin head wigs.

Padma then tells the cheftestants that the Elimination Challenge will involve taking over Tom Colicchio's restaurant Craft Steak for one night, where they will prepare a meal for four judges and seven other guests. But first, they go home to the McMansion, where the chefs drool over the possibilities.

While the men are planning their manly-man meaty meatfests, Jen is wandering around like a zombie, muttering about not being at the top of her game and needing to regroup. She also looks like she could use a good shower and a conditioning hair masque.

By the magic of television, we then find the cheftestants at the MGM Grand, entering Tom's Manly Meatarama.

The chefs are rooting through the vast collection of aged beef, Kobe, lamb, and lobsters, staking claim on what they want to use, when Tom comes in.

Tom then reveals to the judges that he and Padma have a special guest for this challenge - Darth Vadar's secret wife!

If it wasn't an emotion, I'd say Bryan almost looks disgusted.

Eli gives us the skinny on their guest judge:

Well, that explains why he thinks it's ok to be living with his parents. He's a Star Wars nerd. And is young enough to think the most recent trilogy was worth seeing, which it wasn't.

But Luke Skywalker's mom is not there to make their lives easy. Oh no.

Queen Amidala is a vegetarian. She's also a bit of a nutjob.

It is a cruel, cruel twist of fate that the once-drooling cheftestants have to rein in their own meat-happy tendencies to create a vegetarian meal for an actress. One who isn't even very good. Come on! Have you seen Episodes 1 - 3? Her emoting makes Bryan look like Jimmy Stewart!

But of course Robin is excited about the challenge because she loves to make vegetarian food. You know, that healthy-eating crap, yadda yadda. Bryan is worried (despite his unfurrowed brow) because he says this challenge changes all the dynamics for everyone. DoucheyMike isn't worried because he says out of 60 dishes on his Zaytinya menu, 20 are vegetarian, plus his mother was a vegan when he was growing up. Kevin is also ok with the veg challenge because he and his wife give up meat for Lent. Awww...so cute!

Everyone heads back to the walk-in, this time to find vegetables. Eli and Jen fight over eggplant, and Robin's head is spinning over the outstanding selection. Should she make squash blossoms, or should she make fresh garbanzos? Oh hell, she'll make both! And a bunch of other healthy crap, too.

The two hours of cooking time goes quickly. Robin is up first and doesn't get all of her elements plated - a few dishes go out without the garbanzos she was so excited about.

She takes her dish out to the waiting diners - Padma and Gail (both of whom have packed their boobies tightly away), Tom, Mrs. Vader, Paul Bartolotta, and several of her goofy-looking friends. Right away, Padma complains about the salt; this time, there's too much of it. And Tom had one of the garbanzo-free plates.

Eli's dish came out next. The judges thought his presentation was "thoughtful," but Paul Bartolotta said that he had one mouthful of herb salad that had too much lavender and tasted like a bar of soap.

Michael was up next. He thinks his fanciful presentation of asparagus and tomatoes with banana polenta will make Natalie scratch her head and say "I like this, but I don't know why." And indeed she was delighted by the dish, as were her friends.

This of course cracks up Padma, who remembers Ash's similar comments of a few episodes back. Either it's true, or the young-uns don't know any other artists....

Jen brings out her dish next, choosing to spoon on a sauce at the table. Her hand is shaking badly and she ends up baptizing several of the guests. Her food "tastes nice" but didn't feel substantial enough to be an entrée. It was likened to "a beautiful side dish" by one of the Queen's friends.

DoucheyMike comes out with his leeks-as-scallops dish. The leeks were undercooked, and in no way resembled scallops. Tom stated that if they were meat, they would be too rare.

Then a nervous Bryan brings out his artichokes with shallot confit. Padma may or may not have enjoyed the garlic blossom component:

That comment made all of the girls at the table giggle madly. The dish's flavors are big, so Tom remarks that it starts out as a little prick that gets big in your mouth, which causes another of Princess Leia's Mother's friends to say, "that's what usually happens." Hello? Can we have Eli's lavender soap to wash out these dirty mouths?

Luckily, Bryan is in the kitchen as all of this goes down, otherwise he'd probably turn 10 shades of red and short-circuit.

Last, but not least, comes Kevin with a symphony of unattractive brown stuff. Despite the poopiness, everyone loves his dish, saying it's the most like an entrée, and the most meaty. The Queen calls it "manly." Manly brown poop.

Fake out scene! The cheftestants go to Paul Bartolotta's Ristaurante di Mare to pig out on seafood. And pig out is exactly what Kevin does, as he eats everyone under the table. "I didn't get fat accidentally. This is a personal choice."

Sure, if your business is "slob" or "hooker."

/fake out

Then, once again through the magic of television, we are transported to the Glad Family of Products Stew and Booze Room to find Padma morosely requesting the presence of Michael, Kevin, and Eli to the Judges' Table.

Padmé Amidala (not to be confused with Padma Lakshmi) was enchanted by Picasso's dish:

Despite the good drugs Michael's been using, Kevin's dish, dubbed by Tom as "a mouthful of flavors" (an obvious comment, but I suppose it's a hell of a lot better than "a buttload of flavors") is the winner. And because nobody has a cheesy cookbook to give away, Kevin instead is awarded with a suite of cheesy GE appliances.

They then call out the bottom-dwellers: Robin, DoucheyMike, and Jen. DM is asked why he didn't provide a protein (which could have been asked of any of the others, frankly) to which he replied the leeks were supposed to look like scallops. Gail had to remind him that leeks were not in fact proteins. Nor did his leeks resemble scallops. And why was he so damn cocky about a crappy dish?

According to the judges, Robin's dish didn't have anything to tie it together. She tried to explain it for them.

They thought Jen's dish was more like a fancy garnish than an entrée and noted that over the weeks her performance has started to suffer because she is likely second-guessing herself. However, overall, they thought that someone else should be the one to hit the road.

Mike doesn't think it's such a good decision.

And back in the Stew room, everyone embraces DM like a fallen comrade. Even Jen, object of his derision several times, tells him she loves him. None of this bodes well for the other remaining female in the group....

Next week: Six chefs left - who goes next? Plus, an old-timer reunion dinner special!

Hope you enjoyed my recap! Please leave your comments here.