Amanda Woodward and Peter Burns ENGAGED

Real life imitating Melrose Place: Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner are engaged to be married. No word as to whether or not Michael Mancini and/or Sydney will be invited to the wedding.

Is it just me, or do those two look like they subscribe to the Deluxe Family Plan down at Nip, Tuck, Stretch & Associates??

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I Didn't Realize That Plastic Surgeons ...

... offered a "Fetus with Farrah Fawcett Hair" package, but apparently that's what Heather Locklear recently had done. Amanda Woodward looks as fresh as she did way back in 1993, when she strolled onto Melrose Place and began destroying biatches.

 Via DListed

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The Big Bad Biatch Is Back!

Amanda Woodward made her triumphant return to Melrose Place last night - and heads rolled. Go to the 2:15 mark to watch her surprise grand entrance. Amanda.Will.Destroy.You.

It was interesting to watch Heather Locklear, because her face no longer moves - just her jaw. She is starting to get that "Madame the Puppet" look (below) ... which is common among plastic surgery victims aficionados.

Amanda Woodward Is Back!

And doesn't Heather Locklear's face look so young and natural?!? I don't know how she does it! I guess it's just old-fashioned "natural beauty" ... like Lisa Rinna and Priscilla Presley.

But seriously, I will SO be watching when Amanda returns to Melrose Place in two weeks.

Amanda Woodward STILL Rules Melrose Place

According to Star Magazine (via fabulous gossip blog Hit Dan Back), when Heather Locklear arrived for her guest appearance on the new Melrose Place, one of her first orders of business was having Asslee Simpson fired.

“Heather was jealous of Ashlee immediately,” says an insider. “She knew Ashlee was one of the bigger names on set, and she wanted her gone so she could make it her show. Heather is very political and calculating…”

On October 22, the CW abruptly announced that Asslee was outta there, along with hottie Colin Egglesfield (below).


The reason? According to Perez Hilton, Asslee had been making fun of Locklear's age...

Apparently, no one had any qualms firing Simpson. Heather became furious with her after she had been poking fun of the 48-year old's age with members of the cast and crew.

When will people learn that you don't mess with Amanda Woodward? And you definitely don't make fun of her (advanced) age. SHE.WILL.DESTROY.YOU.

Amanda Woodward Returning To Melrose Place!

Those kids who currently occupy the apartments of Melrose Place better watch out - the ORIGINAL biatch is coming back! According to US Weekly, Heather Locklear will return to the show on November 17 - again playing the role of Amanda "I'll Destroy You" Woodward. I cannot wait.

In the meantime, I wish they would show more of "Detective Rodriguez", played by former Hottie of the Day Nicolas Gonzalez. He is just TOO cute...

Last Night on TV - Melrose Place

SPOILER'S AHEAD. Did anyone watch Melrose Place last night? I thought it was OK - but I was especially excited to see Sidney (played by Laura Leighton - below) in the role of landlady at the Melrose Place apartments. Unfortunately, Sidney was floating dead in the pool within the first 15 minutes of the show...

The cast was OK (except for ASSlee Simpson, who I cannot bear to even look at), but they are certainly not as fierce as the original...

And yes, it was nice to see Michael (and Sidney in flashback) - but during those "Premiere Night Party" commercials they showed Daphne Zuniga (below). PLEASE tell me they're not bringing boring-ass "Jo" back to Melrose Place!?! Jo always looked like she was doing an impression of a sleepy Demi Moore ...

Sidney is already dead, but Jo is alive?!? That's just not fair.

I hope this new version of Melrose does well, because if it does I bet they can convince the chronically underemployed Heather Locklear to reprise her role as the fiercest Biatch in the history of the advertising industry - Amanda Woodward...

Either that, or they should let Amanda Woodward make an appearance on Mad Men...

Melrose Place To Return?

Based on the success of the new 90210, the CW network is exploring the possibility of a Melrose Place remake. Read more HERE.

I LOVED Melrose Place once they brought in Heather Locklear. I pray that if the show does return, so does "Amanda Woodward". She could now be the bitchy, evil cougar landlady of Melrose Place - trying to get the young guys to go skinnydipping with her in the pool. Sounds like a hit to me!

BREAKING: Amanda Woodward Arrested For DUI

Heather Locklear was arrested and released in Santa Barbara for DUI earlier today. Read the story HERE.

My absolute favorite Heather Locklear role was that of mega-beeyotch Amanda Woodward on Melrose Place. Good Lord, did she ever spice up that dog of a show. Of course I watched Melrose religiously from the very first episode - because IT HAD A GAY CHARACTER (we were so desperate for ANY representation in those days). And was that Queen ever boring! "Matt Fielding" made Will Truman look like Halston at the Ramrod in 1979. But when Amanda showed up on Melrose Place in the middle of the first season, she certainly stirred shit up.

Locklear recently received treatment for "anxiety and depression" which is Hollywood code for "pill-popping mess"...