Project Runway Ep. 11 Recap - Stacked, Packed and ... OMG - He's BACK!

First of all, I want to say a few words about last night’s episode.  Everything just seemed “off” - a designer leaving, a designer coming back, Heidi in the workroom, a double-winner – this episode was really wonky and out-of-place for me.  And yet, for all the unusual plot twists, there was very little drama.

Of course some of this could just be me – I was having a bit of trouble focusing on the show and my notes last night (I’m still not eating carbs and thoughts of garlic bread and Stove Top Stuffing were distracting me).  Also, I only watched the show once (not my usual 2 times) – so this recap will be a little less detailed than usual.  Here we go…

It’s unusually quiet in the guy’s apartment – due to the departure of our resident motormouth – Anthony.  Over on the gal’s side, Maya and Mila are having coffee and Maya mentions again that she is the youngest designer in the competition.  Like that’s a bad thing!  Honey, I've been hanging out at Bingo and Off-Track Betting parlors just so people will start calling me “kid” and “young fella” again.  Enjoy being the youngest ... trust me.

The designers go to the runway to see Heidi.  She says that this week they will design for an “opinionated” and “headstrong” celebrity – and she wouldn’t want to be in their shoes.  Opinionated?  I swear, if it's that hag Ann Coulter I’ll never watch Project Runway again.

The designers meet Tim in the workroom to find out they will be designing a red carpet look for … HEIDI.  Wah?!?  Another “Make Heidi a Dress” challenge?!?  How many free dresses does Heidi Klum need???

Heidi explains that she attends many events, and needs great dresses for the red carpet.  And apparently she prefers her outfits to be created in one day using Mood fabrics and free labor.

In the middle of their sketching/kvetching time, Tim walks into the workroom door with Maya and says he has an announcement.  Maya has decided to leave the show.

TimGunnandMayaSayWhat?!?!??  Maya explains that she is “not ready to go all the way yet” and is having a hard time “performing on command” – which, coincidentally, was what I told all my girlfriends in high school and college.

Anywhooo … Maya is leaving and the other designers are shocked.  Seth Aaron defends her decision, saying no one really knows how hard they work until they actually do it.  Emilio, ever the supportive friend, calls it a “cop-out” and says “quitters never win”.

Quitters may not win – but a “loser” just might.  After they go to Mood to spend their $300 wads, Tim re-enters the workroom with another announcement.  Since there are supposed to be six designers in the competition at this point … ANTHONY is coming back!!  And with that, Anthony enters with a booming “HERE SHE IS, BOYS!!!”.  I was half-expecting a Hello Dolly-style song and dance routine (complete with feather boas and singing waiters), but unfortunately Dolly Anthony gets right to work after some quick hugs.

Jonathan, as usual, is doing an intricate cutwork design.  Emilio is using rather flimsy fabric, so he must create a “fully-boned understructure” – which made me giggle like a 12-year old.  “Understructure” is such a funny word…

Tim Gunn enters AGAIN, and this time calls Seth Aaron out into the hallway.  Goodness … what now?!?  It turns out that Seth’s model got an Arby’s commercial a Donna Karan gig, and won’t be able to continue.  So Seth now has Cerri – the cool Irish model who Jonathan screwed over last week.

Tim – who has now walked into the workroom more times than I’ve walked into the White Castle on 8^th Avenue – enters AGAIN, this time with Heidi.  They are there to do “Talk-to-me’s” and make thoughtful facial expressions.

I must say, it was weird seeing Heidi in the workroom.  And it was weirder still when she opened her blouse and showed Jay her boobs like it was Mardi Gras.  But if you really think about it, Heidi’s life boils down to two things – Babies and Boobies – so I guess it wasn’t THAT unusual.

One of the things Heidi definitely didn't like was the fabric Jonathan had created – saying it looked like curtains.  This prompts Jonathan to scrap what he’s done and start a new dress.

The designers scramble to finish, but eventually head back to the apartments for the night.  Anthony, who got a late start – is allowed to stay until 2:30 am.  By the time he gets home and gets settled, he only has about one hour to sleep.

The next morning the designers tiredly return to the workroom and scramble to finish.  Tim comes in and pays the bills - plugging the L’Oreal Peoria makeup room, the Jennifer Garner hair salon, and the Redfly.com accessories wall.

Workroom Stank Talk: Mila says Jonathan’s draping isn’t the greatest.  Jonathan thinks Mila’s dress fits “strangely” this week.  Seth Aaron is pleased with his “Vampiry” long black dress, but Emilio thinks it doesn’t look like Heidi at all.  Note to Emilio: please try to avoid saying/pronouncing the word “basically”.  That is all.

Everyone heads to the runway, where they meet this week’s guest judge - Jessica Alba (above).  She greets the designers with a friendly, “Hi, I’m Jessica” and a wave.  Let’s start the show…

The models walk the runway.  Jay’s look is first, and he mentions that he always seems to accentuate the butt area on his garments.  And, in a gift to Recappers everywhere, Jay actually says “I like big butts”.  To which all Recappers, in unison, reply – “And he cannot lie”.

Mila and Anthony are next, followed by Seth Aaron.  Then there’s Jonathan.  This is what I wrote in my notes when Jonathan’s look came down the runway…

“OMG – NO”.

“NO” was underlined four times.

Finally, Emilio’s gown finishes out the show.

The designers line up on the runway, and the judges speak to all of them.

Seth Aaron: Too much Seth Aaron, not enough Heidi.  This isn’t a red carpet look, but it would be perfect for the girl who carries the Emmy to the podium.  Or the gals who hand out towels in the ladies room of the Kodak Theater.

Anthony: Judges love it.  Especially Jessica Alba.

Mila:  Problems with the fit.  Nina mentions that it looks like something one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey would wear.  OMG – I sooooooo want to watch RHONJ with Nina Garcia at her apartment!!  I’ll bring the Stove-Top stuffing.

Emilio:  Judges love it.  Michael Kors calls it “impeccable”.

Jay:  He likes big butts (and he cannot lie).  The judges, however, do not.

Jonathan:  Too short.  Looks like he rushed to finish.  Jonathan admits that this was his 3^rd dress and was completed in about 2 hours.

Results.  Heidi announces that there wasn’t one winner of this challenge – there were TWO.  She tells Emilio that she loves his dress (below) and will wear it to an event.

Then Jessica Alba announces that Anthony is also a winner, and Jessica would like to wear his dress (below) to a red-carpet function.

I bet Jessica was all like “What?!?  They book me on Project Runway as a guest judge and then HEIDI gets a new dress.  Oh no they di-int!!  Ima get me some free clothes too!!!”  If you search MyLifetime.Com hard enough I bet you can find the behind-the-scenes footage of this little meltdown.

Anywhoo … Seth Aaron and Mila are safe.  This leaves Jay (who likes big butts and he cannot lie) and Jonathan.

And, unsurprisingly, Jonathan is sent home.  This doesn’t even surprise Jonathan, who says he just couldn’t compete with Emilio and Anthony when his dress (below) was created at the very last minute…

Next week, we are down to five designers – and the challenge will decide “who will go to Fashion Week” - even though about 27 of them actually showed collections at Bryant Park.

Project Runway Ep. 10 Recap - "Stacked, Packed, and Never Coming Back"

DISCLAIMER:  This recap may not make much sense.  I gave up carbs yesterday and my body thinks Armageddon is upon us.  I’m exhausted, have a headache, and can’t concentrate.  Which reminds me of something EXTREMELY important I must tell you…

...

... 

What? Wait... Oh, hell – I forgot.  Damn carb withdrawals.

Anywhore, last week on Project Runway, Seth Aaron and Emilio were co-winners, and Amy was sent home for not knowing the difference between the Upper East Side (Manhattan) and Akron (Ohio).

This week opens in the apartments, where the fashiontestants awaken and prepare for their latest challenge.  Jonathan is still upset about Amy’s aufing – but that’s not the only thing he should be upset about.  Jonathan needs to take note of how horrible he looks on TV right now.  This competition has NOT been kind to Jonathan’s face – he is puffy, scruffy, and paler than a Nazi baby’s butt.  Come on girl – this isn’t Survivor - you’re allowed to shower and shave on Project Runway!!

The designers see Heidi on the runway, and she tells them to meet Tim in the workroom where they will receive their challenge.  In the workroom Mr. Gunn introduces designer Vivienne Tam to the fashiontestants.

Tim explains that they will have the opportunity to design their own fabric this week – which will serve as the core of their look.  Then Miss Tam does a 1 minute HP/Intel infomercial blah blah blah…

The designers have one hour to play on the shiny new HP computers and create their prints.  Everyone thinks this is the coolest thing since the invention of scissors, and at least half of them state “I’ve never made my own fabric before!”.  Yeah, see that’s kinda THE DEAL – designers at their level usually don't have the opportunity to do this.  This is the whole point of the challenge, Einsteins.

Once they have digitally created their fabric (which will be delivered in the morning), the designers head over to Mood for additional fabrics.  While there, Anthony states that the color swatches he is trying to concentrate on “look like Algebra!”.  I believe there’s a formula for that:

(x + 1)(y - silk charmeuse) = y ÷ organza² + cotton twill

It all seems very complicated – although that could just be my lack of carbs.

Back in the workroom the designers get busy.  Anthony accurately compares Mila’s print to Legos (Mila’s print IS very “Crayola basic colors”) – but poor Jonathan can barely see his design on the printer copy of his work (his print is very “amoebas under a microscope").  Jonathan hopes his actual fabric is a bit darker.

We interrupt this program to bring you the following segment:  “Getting SASSY with Anthony!”…

Anthony seems to be extra-entertaining in the workroom this week.  Here are some highlights:

• Anthony blames Beyonce for all the problems in his life.  He explains that Beyonce’s songs make you feel “like a size four” who can conquer the world.  But, he wonders, “Do you think Beyonce has any songs about people who lost their jobs?”.  I’m willing to bet it was really “If I Were A Boy” that tugged the most on Anthony’s heartstrings. 
• Anthony also talks about Oprah and the fact that when/if (?) he had the chance to see The Oprah Winfrey Show, it wasn’t during the “Favorite Things” episode. It just so happened to be the “I’m addicted to watching dirty things on the internet” episode.
• Anthony's Uncle Leroy happens to be thusly addicted (see above).  And I’m sure Uncle Leroy appreciates his business being put out in the street like that.
• Finally, Anthony mentions that even when he is somber, sad, angry, disgusted, disappointed, melancholy or irritated – people still laugh at what he says.  Perhaps then he should keep his mouth shut.  Just saying.

Day One is finished and the designers head back to the apartments where Seth Aaron is allowed to call his wife.  Nice try lazy producers, but if you think this “fake ‘em out” phone call is going to convince me Seth Aaron is going home, then you are sadly mistaken.  Besides, there was hardly any crying.

The next morning the fashiontestants return to the workroom where their fabrics await them.  Everyone freaks out (OMG!  FABRICGASM!!) when they see their designs translated into actual textiles.  Anthony takes it a bit further, telling his fabric “I LOVE you and I don’t even know you yet!”.  If I had a nickel for every time I said that…

Emilio’s print (below) uses his name (Emilio Sosa) as graffiti – although he uses a ♥ instead of an “O”.  But Mila can’t seem to read Emilio’s graffiti or figure out what it means.  Maybe she just gave up carbs also.

Tim comes in for visits and “talk-to-me’s”.  He too can’t see/read es♥sa – thinking the “SA” has something to do with Seth Aaron.

Emilio gets more and more frustrated while talking to Tim about this - and seems horrified that anyone (including Tim) would question his fabulosity.  The funniest thing about this segment is that the more frustrated Emilio gets, the more his tongue gets in the way and the more noticeable his lisp becomes.  By the end of the conversation he sounds like Barbara Walters on Novocain.

After Tim leaves, Emilio claims that Mr. Gunn “mocked” his fabric – which is just not true.  Tim simply had a hard time reading the initials, making me wonder if EVERYONE IN NEW YORK has given up carbs.

The models come in for fittings, and the stank talk begins.  Emilio describes Mila’s dress as being like a “teepee”, and Mila questions Anthony’s taste level – adding that she just can’t see him in the final three.  It’s the carb-withdrawals talking, I’m telling ya - they'll make you nasty!

Anthony says a bunch of stuff at this time, but I was too lethargic to take accurate notes.  Here’s what I got:

“Incredible”

“Cumbersome”

“Conundrum”

“Reality”

“What may happen tomorrow”

Yeah, I’m not sure what any of that means either.

Day Two ends and Runway Day is finally here.  Over in Anthony/Jay/Seth Aaron’s apartment, Anthony comments that Jay’s green pants make him look like a “gay Christmas ornament”.  Of course he does, because everybody knows there is no such thing as a STRAIGHT Christmas Ornament.  Even the ones with the little baby Jeebus in the manger...

They head to the workroom and Tim recites his L’Oreal / Garnier / Bluefly / HP / Intel mantra.

More stank talk ... Anthony thinks Jonathan might be in trouble for his “pale” look.  He says the dress is pale, the model is pale, and Jonathan is pale (Anthony has a touch of "Whiteyphobia").  In fact, “Everything is pale as Hell!!!”, Anthony declares – adding that he’d like to throw a bucket of paint over the whole thing.  Coincidentally, I would like to throw a bucket of biscuits and gravy down my throat right now, but I guess this really isn’t about me.

Jonathan notices that Mila’s model can’t walk in her long dress; and Emilio declares that “nothing else in that room can top me”.  Except Seth Aaron … you know Emilio would totally let Seth hit that (Proof: "E.S. ♥ S.A"!!!!!!).

It’s time for the runway show.  Heidi introduces the judges – Michael, Nina and Vivienne Tam.  Let’s start the show…

Highlights:

• When Emilio’s look walks down the runway, he declares “We got this”.  Confident much?!?  It’s a decent look, but others might be better.
• Sure enough, Mila’s model has a lot of trouble walking in her long dress – even after she lifts up one side.  I’ve never understood this – you are designing a garment for a RUNWAY SHOW, not a magazine editorial.  THE MODEL HAS TO BE ABLE TO MOVE IN IT!!!
• When Anthony sees his model, he declares that she “looks like a LADY”, which was his goal.  Newsflash for Anthony: Dame Edna (below) also looks like a lady, but her look won’t get you to Bryant Park…

At the end of the show, Heidi declares that Gay Christmas Ornament Jay is safe.  The rest remain on stage.

The judges absolutely fall over themselves praising Emilio’s outfit – with Michael Kors saying “You nailed it”.  I guess maybe Emilio DOES “got this”.

They also likee Maya’s  “electric” print, and Seth Aaron’s pop art-inspired look.

On the other hand, they hate Mila’s unwalkable 1970’s teepee dress – which Michael describes as a “Mexican Serape Gay Flag”.  Mexican Serape Gay Flag garments are SOOOOOO last season…

On the runway, Anthony tries to charm the judges (as usual) but Michael and Nina cut him off.  Heidi mentions that they see the same thing from Anthony every week – a pretty dress with some decorations.

The judges also don’t like Jonathan’s look – with Michael being especially harsh.  Michael describes the jacket as a “Disco Straightjacket” and the print (below) as “a dirty tablecloth with food randomly spilled on it”.

Jonathan angrily replies that Michael’s description is “preposterous”.  At that point Michael makes the model put the jacket back on, all-the-while berating the look.  He was so evil that even Nina had to laugh.

But Nina’s smile didn’t last long.  She actually seems angry that Jonathan would make her look at something so hideous, calling it a “full-on catastrophe” which was “beyond upsetting”.  Nina adds that when she looks at the dress, the only emotion she feels is 'sadness'.

“Isn’t ‘sad’ an emotion?!!”, Jonathan snaps.  Yes girl, but so is ‘loathing’, ‘disgust’ and ‘anger’ – none of which I would suggest evoking in Meana Garzilla.

The judges discuss privately and then bring the designers back out for the results…

Emilio is the winner.  He was right – he DID “got this”.

This leaves Seth Aaron and Maya as safe.

Mila is also safe.  Wait.  What?!?  The dress that the model couldn’t move in is safe?!?!  WTF???

Which leaves Anthony and Jonathan.  Anthony for walking the same look down the runway week after week, and Jonathan for his bizarre/sad/disco/tablecloth extravaganza.  And the person going home is …

Anthony.  WHAT?!?  I CALL SHENANIGANS!!  SHENANIGANS!!!  The judges spent the entire time berating Jonathan (almost to tears) and ripping apart Mila’s outfit – and they sent ANTHONY home?!?  That is a hot, steaming pile of you-know-what...

But Anthony, always the funny/entertaining one, leaves with a smile and some departing words of wisdom …

“You don’t have to have the crown to be the queen”

Buh-bye Anthony – I’ll miss you.  And now I need to go find some biscuits to help me cope with these “sad” emotions…

Project Runway Ep. 9 Recap - Taking It To The Streets

Last week on Project Runway was the Earth, Wind & Fire challenge.  Jonathan was the “Shining Star” and won, while Ben ended up being sent home for his “Ode to Shark Week”.

This week the designers meet Heidi on the runway to receive their next challenge.  As is typical, she tells them to go meet Tim after giving them a cryptic hint (“New York state of mind”).  Oh … My … God – it’s the dreaded “Dress Your Model as Billy Joel” challenge!!!!

The fashiontestants meet Tim, who is waiting for them with Collier Strong – the L’Oreal Paris Makeup Queen.  Tim explains that the designers will take their inspiration from four New York City neighborhoods – Chinatown, the East Village, the Upper East Side, and Harlem.  And they will be working in teams of two …

{{{Awkward/nervous silence and throwing of side-eyes toward Mila}}}

OK, I understand Mila (below) might not be the warmest and fuzziest person on the planet, but why does everyone act like she is John Wayne Gacy or Typhoid Mary???

Tim tells them that each team will create 2 looks (day and evening) – and then uses the Magic Velvet Bag to pick team leaders, who then pick a partner.  Finally, the teams select a neighborhood.  Here are the results:

Team Chinatown:  Anthony and Maya.

Team Upper East Side:  Amy and Jonathan

Team Harlem:  Emilio and Seth Aaron

Team East Village:  Jay and Mila

Jay is apoplectic about working with Typhoid Mila, and literally says he “can’t breathe”.  Really?!?  Mila is so scary that she causes your respiratory system to shut down???  REALLY???

The teams head to their neighborhoods for 30 minutes of exploration and sketching.  Emilio and Seth Aaron end up on 125^th Street in Harlem to cruise old ladies and make liquor store/fried chicken jokes.  Classy.  While there, they see lots of denim, which will be the main focus of their designs.

Anthony and Maya head to the narrow, crowded streets of Chinatown.  Anthony is obsessed with the roasted ducks in the windows of some of the restaurants, and I’m beginning to think they might end up creating this outfit …

Uptown on the posh Upper East Side, Jonathan and Amy immediately notice how “static” the neighborhood is.  There is little or no movement, unless of course you are a doorman, a nanny, or a Botox doctor making house calls.  Amy is worried that her colorful style might not mesh with this not-so-colorful neighborhood.  Here is a color I think she could use – which totally represents the Upper East Side.  That color is “green”…

Jay and Mila head down to the formerly gritty East Village, which is now home to The Gap, yuppies and gourmet noodle shops.  In fact, here is an outfit which I think best represents the neighborhood these days…

Everyone meets back at Mood for a fabric free-for-all, and then they return to the workroom and get busy.  Tim informs the designers that they have until midnight to complete their looks.

Jay and Mila decide who is doing what, and then begin to work without talking to each other much.  It looks like Jay thinks if he remains very quiet and stands very still, the big bad Milamonster won’t eat him alive.  Or something.

Anthony, who is the leader of his team, is noticing that Maya has some control issues.  And Emilio is noticing how fast Seth Aaron works, but also knows he must keep an eye on him or Seth Aaron will add all kinds of unnecessary bells and whistles to his garment.

Tim and the Collier come in for a visit.  Collier does makeup commercials consultations, and Tim visits the teams to check on their progress.

The models come in for their fittings, and Jay whispers to his model how he is scared of the Milamonster, but if he stays really still and really quiet she might not eat him.  At this point I wish she would.

Emilio, who got to pick his partner before Jay (which forced Jay to work with Mila), is laughing like Dr. Evil during a Three Stooges marathon.  He is enjoying watching Jay and Mila not talk to each other – and I’m beginning to realize that Emilio is a big bag-o-douche.

Commercial Break:  It’s pretty sad that the highlight of this week’s Project Runway was the commercial for the Lifetime movie “At Risk”, starring the ridiculously sexy Daniel Sunjata…

Oh Yeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh.

Anywhore, It’s now the morning of runway day, and everyone heads back to the workroom.  Models get the L’Oreal/Garnier/Bluefly treatment, and the designers talk stank about each other’s looks.  “Summer’s Emilio” (he’s a douche, GET IT?!?) giggles about the mess Jonathan and Amy are creating, and Mila says that Jay’s tank top is “ill-fitting” (which it totally is).  Mila and Jay mentally prepare to throw each other under the bus on the runway.

The designers and models head to the runway, and Heidi introduces the judges.  But wait – WHERE IS MICHAEL KOR(ANGE)S???  The shady/lazy Producers promised us Michael and Nina every week this season?!?!  LIES!!!

Anywhore, the judges are designer Francisco Costco Costa, Nina, and model Molly Sims.  Let’s start the show.

The models do their thing, and the judges do theirs.  As far as I was concerned there wasn’t anything that completely blew me away, but there was definitely some fugly up in there.

Heidi announces that Team East Village (Jay and Milamonster) and Team Upper East Side (Amy and Jonathan) were the lowest.  Team Chinatown (Anthony and Maya) and Team Harlem (Emilio and Seth Aaron) were the highest.

The judges speak to Emilio and Seth Aaron first.  Heidi loves both pieces, as does Nina – however Nina mentions that Seth Aaron needs to edit some of the bells and whistles on his denim jacket a little bit.

The judges love the “sophisticated details” of Anthony and Maya’s look, although Anthony admitted to being initially sidetracked by the ducks in the windows of Chinatown’s restaurants.

Now for the designers they didn’t like.  Heidi declares Amy’s Upper East Side day look as “ugly”, while Nina calls it “not polished” and said it made her model look like an umbrella … ella … ella … ay … ay.  Damn you Rihanna - you have forever ruined "umbrella" for me!

Over at Team East Village, Nina loves the nighttime look Mila created, but thinks Jay’s day look – with the ill-fitting pants and the tiscrepancy tank top - is horrible.  But the funniest part was when Heidi asked Jay and Mila how it was working together …

"Um … it was … um … professional???"

{{{crickets}}}

Awkward!!

The judges discuss, then bring the designers back out for the results.  Emilio and Seth Aaron are both declared winners (“THE FIRST TIME IN THE HISTORY OF … zzzzzzz), resulting in bro-hugs between the two guys.

Anthony and Maya are safe.  Mila and Jonathan are safe.  This leaves Jay and Amy facing elimination.  And … Amy is out…

I guess after creating fish pants and a tittiebowl-o-hair, the judges couldn’t justify keeping her around anymore.

Next week, Michael Kors returns just in time to call something a “Disco Straight Jacket!!”.  Till next time…

Deep Thoughts ... With Tim & Jay

Photo via Tom & Lorenzo

Don't forget to watch Project Runway tonight on Lifetime - and look for my recap sometime tomorrow afternoon.

This week is a team challenge, so you just know there will be drama.  Check out this preview...

Project Runway Ep. 8 Recap - Don't Make Me Get All Elemental Up In Here!"

Last week on Project Runway was the “unconventional materials” challenge - the designers bought their "fabric" at the hardware store instead of Mood.  Jay was the winner, and Jesse was sent back to Disney World - where he will be featured as “Chimney Sweep #4” at the Mary Poppins Dinner Theater inside the park.  Showtime’s at 3:00, 5:00, 7:30, and 10:00 pm…

On this week’s episode, it’s morning in Manhattan and Jay compares his roommates to a Wonder Bra – they have lifted (and separated?) each other during the competition.  Or maybe he said his roommates make his boobs look bigger - my notes are unclear.  And Anthony reminds his roommates to follow Tim’s advice and “trust your viscera” – even though Anthony isn’t sure he has a viscera or where it may be located.  I thought only girls had visceras?!?.  Again, my notes are unclear.

The designers head over to the runway where they meet Heidi.  Mrs. Seal reminds them that Jay has immunity this week, but this is the last immunity for the season.  She instructs the fashiontestants to meet Tim on the roof of the Atlas apartments – because Atlas will raise the rent if they don’t get mentioned more often.

The designers ascend to the roof, where they find Tim Gunn and the HeadBiatchInCharge of Shiny Follicles - Phillip de Garnier (not his real name, but it sounds fierce).

Tim explains that the designers will be using the four elements – Earth, Air, Fire and Water as their inspiration this week.  Personally, I think using “Earth, Wind & Fire” would be a much more interesting inspiration…

The designers pick their elements, and here are the results - along with what I would create if given that particular element…

Air – Jay, Jonathan and Seth Aaron (who isn’t happy about getting “air” – he would have preferred “smog” or “sludge”).  Here is what I would do if given “air” as my inspiration …

Water – Maya and Ben.  My suggestion…

Earth – Mila and Emilio.  Here is a great idea …

Fire – Anthony (He's flaming! It’s a gay joke! Get it?!?) and Amy.  At least one of them should do this…

But, as you will see, none of the designers take my advice. Ungrateful bastards.

They head back to the workroom for sketching.  Ben, who has “water” as his inspiration, starts thinking about sharks and decides to do a suit.  Uh oh.  Here is what I’m picturing…

Unless his model is supposed to meet her Bootlegger at the Speakeasy, I don’t think this is such a great idea.

Anthony states that when he thinks of “fire”, he doesn’t necessarily think “red”.  He thinks about his church pastor who may or may not have intentionally burned down his house (WTF???).  This makes him think “dark and smokey”.  Okaaaaaayyyyy?? ….

Jonathan – who has gas “air” – decides to create his own textile again.  His interpretation of air is “laughter”, and he wants his garment to make his model look like she is “enveloped in a swirl of uncontrollable laughter”.  Just as long as he doesn’t prompt the judges into uncontrollable laughter.

The designers go to Mood and spend their $150 (Thank you Mood!), and they head back to the workroom.  Tim announces that they will have until midnight to finish their looks.

The workroom is exceedingly quiet with the designers plugging away at their “elemental” designs.  Seth Aaron, who originally was upset for getting “air”, is now happy because he figured out a way to use his signature black.  His air will be the “midnight air of New York” – complete with hundreds of people standing in front of bars and nightclubs smoking, and the exhaust fumes of a thousand taxis.

Tim visits with Phillip de Garnier – who does a Garnier commercial consultation with each designer.  At the same time, Tim checks on everyone’s progress.

Tim loves what Jonathan is doing with his “laughter” inspiration, and he also likes Seth Aaron’s “night wind”.  Amy, on the other hand, is saying words like “bowl” and “hair” and “contained chaos” for her fire garment, which is sounding worrisome. 

Models come in for fittings, which provide an opportunity for the designers to check out each other’s garments.  Mila mentions that Ben’s trousers look horrible (“That crotch is INSANE”), and Jonathan mentions that many of the designers have “taken creative liberties” with their inspiration/theme.  This is coming from a guy who is enveloping his model in laughter and calling it air.  Glass houses, dontcha know.

The clock strikes midnight, and the designers head back to the Atlas apartments.  Once there, Ben calls his husband and cries – which can only mean that Ben will be going home.  The Bunim/Murray production team is NOT subtle (some would say “lazy”) … a phone call home = elimination.  Buh-bye Ben.

The next day we have the usual scramble around the workroom trying to finish.  Ben is especially behind (orly?), so Jay (who is finished and has immunity) decides to help him.  This is nice and all, but whatever happened to bitchy backbiting?  Remember when Ricky asked Christian for a zipper pull during Season 5, and it was like he was asking for blood??  “Nice”, “helpful” and “polite” isn’t interesting television.  Bunim/Murray – please make a note of it.

So the outfits are coming together, and we see Amy’s “fire” look.  OMG! WTF? ROFLMAO! FDIC! PG-13!  KFC! Anthony wonders aloud why Amy’s model has “hairy titties”, adding “She needs a Nair affair up in there”.  And he’s not kidding…

Somehow I think Phillip de Garnier is to blame for this.

It’s time for the runway show, and Heidi introduces the judges – Michael Kor(ange)s, Meana Garzilla, and some French dude.  Let’s start the show…

The models walk and the judges gawk.  And the look on Nina Garcia’s face when she saw Amy’s model with the hairy cleavage was PRICELESS. 

Heidi tells Anthony, Emilio and Jay they are safe.  This leaves Mila, Seth Aaron, Maya, Ben, Amy and Jonathan as the lowest and highest.

Mila.  Boring.  Nina thought it looked like another designer.  Michael wondered if Maya is a one-trick (black & white color-blocking) pony.

Seth Aaron.  The judges LOVED the black leather jacket and the head-to-toe “New York night air” look.  Cough, cough, hack.

Maya.  The judges loved her water themed dress, but Nina mentions how Maya always seems to create designs that are reminiscent of established designers.

Amy.  Amy … Amy … Amy.  Where to begin?  Heidi calls her look a “Cat in a baby sling”.  Michael calls it a “Barmaid serving hair”.  And Nina thought it was “just weird”.  Even after Michael told them to get rid of the hair, Nina still hated the look.  Not since Santino Rice’s Season 2 lingerie disaster (below) has Nina Garcia had such hatred for a garment.  It was just not aesthetically pleasing…

Ben.  The judges HATE his shark-inspired suit.  They call it “ill-fitting” and they dislike that the pants look like there is a jockstrap over them.

Jonathan.  The judges really love this look – especially how he created the textile that would match his model’s skin.  Luckily for Jonathan, the judges DO NOT become enveloped in a fit of laughter when viewing his garment.

The judges discuss – and it’s time for the results.

Seth Aaron is in (I thought he might win, and I think he did too).  Jonathan is the winner this week…

Maya and Mila are safe – leaving Ben’s Jump-The-Shark and Amy’s Boobie Bowl O’ Hair.

Amy is in, and Ben is sent home.  That's what happens when you go swimming with sharks...

Next week – a dreaded Team Challenge!!

Don't Forget: Project Runway Tonight

Yep, that's Heidi Klum wearing Anthony's winning dress on the cover of Marie Claire (check out Tom & Lorenzo for more information).  Don't forget to watch Project Runway tonight on Lifetime - and look for my recap sometime tomorrow afternoon.

Here is a little preview of tonight's episode...

Project Runway Ep. 6 Recap - "The Most Unsurprising Episode IN THE HISTORY Of Project Runway!"

Last Week on Project Runway was the “Dress Heidi for the cover of Mary Clare” (rhymes with “Hairy Bear”) challenge.  Anthony won, and Anna – a founding member of Team Mousy White Girl – was told to pack her knives and sashay away.  The tribe has spoken.

It is that time in the current Project Runway season where we know who the talented people are – and who will NEVER make it to the end.  Someone like … say, for instance … Janeane (the other member of Team Mousy White Girl) – who spends every episode stumbling about the workroom, tears in her eyes, only to be told by the Editor and Chief of Hairy Bear  Marie Claire that if her outfit was a beach it would be closed due to toxic garbage washing onshore.  In other words – it's time for Shirley Feeney (or Boo-Boo Kitty - as TLo calls her) to go home.

Also, during the history of Project Runway there have been certain challenges which were so suited to one particular designer that it was almost a forgone conclusion they would win.  Come on, when Christian Siriano and Chris March were told to create couture during Season 4, was there any doubt they would knock it out of the park?...

So, because of the factors listed above, there were practically no surprises during last night’s episode.  Hell, the Fashiontestants even predicted the “twist” when Tim never bothered to visit them in the workroom.  Therefore, this recap will probably be on the predictable and uneventful side – like this week’s episode.  But I’ll give it my best shot …

The designers head to the Runway to receive this week’s challenge.  Heidi greets them and explains that they will be getting “new models” this week.

The new “models” are all adorable little girls.  When they walk onstage the designers all coo and clap at this vision of extreme cuteness.  Everyone, that is, except Jesse, who reacts with an “Oh crap”, and Jonathan, who admits he is “scared of children” because they are small.  BREAKING:  Jonathan is a Size Queen!

The Fashiontestants head back to the workroom to meet Tim and get the 4-1-1 on the challenge.  They enter to find little teeny dress forms and cards with their model’s measurements on them.  The "measurements" thing sorta gave me a case of the Ewwwwww’s for some reason.  The other Ewwwww moment came when Anthony stated disappointingly that his designs are all about hips and boobies – which little girls don’t have.  I’m sorry, but discussing boobies during a kids challenge gives me a big case of the Jon Benet Ramsey Heebie-Jeebies.  Then again, calling someone a “Size Queen” during this challenge probably isn’t appropriate either.  Sorry.

The designers sketch, then head to Mood – where they have 30 minutes and $50.00 for their designs.

Seth Aaron immediately knows what he’s doing – because he is a Dad with a young daughter.  He is creating a vest/hoodie in black and white – and finds a hounds-tooth pattern at Mood which should work nicely.  Anthony, on the other hand, has to play a game of “If I was a little girl, would I wear [insert color here]?”.  For some reason I don’t think that game was as difficult for Anthony as it would be for someone a little more butch … like Mila…

Everyone heads back to the workroom, where they all get busy.  Jay is working under the belief that 8-year-olds are more fashion-forward than we realize, and he is doing a sophisticated outfit.  Emilio decides to go “girly” and do pink and pretty.  Mila sticks with her tried-and-true color-blocking.  And Babydaddy Seth Aaron is all like “I GOT this, Yo” – making something he knows his daughter would have worn at that age.

It is then, in the sewing room, that we have a revelation.  ONE OF THE BIGGEST REVELATIONS IN THE HISTORY OF PROJECT RUNWAY!  Jonathan, in addition to being a Size Queen, does a SPOT-ON imitation of Michael Kors.  And, after hearing it, I never realized how much Miss Kor(ange)s sounds like a combination of Paul Lynde and Phyllis Diller.  I’ll give you kids a minute to Google “Paul Lynde” and “Phyllis Diller”…

Go ahead … look them up.  And find Youtube clips – it’ll be worth it…

Ok.  Everybody back?  Great.  Anywhoo – Jonathan saying “She looks like a 7-year-old waitress from BENIHANA!” in the perfect Michael Kors’ voice practically made me fall off my couch.  I almost pooped fabric.

The end of the evening fast approaches, and the sharp-as-nails designers realize Tim Gunn hasn’t walked around the workroom touching his face thoughtfully yet …

And, let’s face it, it’s not an episode until Tim Gun touches his face thoughtfully.  So the designers expect some kind of “twist” the following day.

The next morning, after an emotional Janeane is permitted to call her husband (FORESHADOWING!!), the designers return to the workroom.  Tim enters and gives them the twist – they will also be designing a companion look to their little girl outfits – which their regular models will wear.  Tim warns that the “Mother” look should not be a Mini/Maxi Me matching piece…

Personally, I see no problem with those fashions, but whatevs.  The designers have $100 to spend at Mood – and off to buy fabric they go.

Some designers are a little worried by this twist.  People like Emilio, who made the girliest dress in Girltown – and now has to create something for a 6-foot-tall twenty-something woman.  And Amy, who created an Amazing Technicolor Dream Petal-Skirt for her girl, now has to figure out what to do with her grownup model.

After pooping  shopping for fabric, they head back to the workroom.  This week’s “There’s Nothing Going On In The Workroom So The Producers Make Something Up” segment is all about chatty Anthony.  The other designers challenge Anthony to see how long he can go without speaking.  And they put a mask on his face and hilarity ensues [not really]…

Tim enters for his visit and thoughtful face-touches and approaches Jonathan first.  You know you might be in trouble when the only sound bite they give us is Tim saying “Well, it’s an attention-grabber!”.

Then Tim visits Amy and her Petals Of Many Colors.  Tim predicts either complete victory, or “Clown Clothes”…

I’m leaning toward Bozo, in this case.  Finally, Tim visits Seth Aaron and has nothing but praise for what he is creating.  Seth Aaron has GOT THIS, Yo – I’m telling you.

Models big and small come in for a fitting, the highlight of which is Jonathan’s little girl summing up her feelings about her outfit thusly…

Commercial break.  If I see ONE MORE promo for the Lifetime movie Sins of the Mother starring Jill Scott, or hear that damn song ONE MORE TIME, I’m going to loose what’s left of my feeble mind. ♪♪ So what if it HURTS ME?...♪♪

We’re back and it’s runway day.  Janeane, as usual, is really reaching for the stars and hoping just to be safe.  Amy realizes she is risking the wrath of Nina Garcia by trotting down multi-colored petal pants down the runway, but at this point she has no choice but to move forward.

Meanwhile, Anthony seems to be getting harassed by the silliest and most talkative little girls while he is trying to finish.

Now Anthony knows what the other designers in the workroom feel like when his mouth is running like Jackie Joyner Kersee.  Karma isn’t a bitch – it’s two 7-year-olds talking nonstop about dogs, sisters, Hanna Montana, kittens, Justin Bieber, and Gummi Worms Vs. Gummi Bears.

But the absolute highlight of this part of the show is Amy’s little girl model walking up to the big girl model and asking: “Allison, are you ready for the Circus?!?”.  You know it’s bad when an 8-year-old thinks your design is ridic.  I can’t wait to see what Nina has to say.

It’s time for the runway show, and Heidi introduces the judges: Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and designer Tory Burch.

The girls – both big and small – work the runway, and I must say, it was adorable.  Highlights:  Amy’s ridiculous clown pants, and Jonathan saying he created a “Wow” moment with his design.  As in “Wow, that is a ridiculous-looking dress you just sent down the runway!”.

Heidi calls Jay, Amy, Jonathan, Seth Aaron, Jesse, and Janeane – the rest are safe.

The judges likee Jay, Seth-Aaron and Jesse’s designs, and speak to them first.  They likee Jesse’s color combination and Jay’s sophistication – but they REALLY likee Seth Aaron’s looks.  Michael states that the adult jacket that Seth created was the best-tailored garment they’ve seen all season.  However, I SWEAR Nina Garcia rolled her eyes when the little girl said she liked her purse the best.

Nina is willing to make little girls cry in the name of fashion.  It has been done before.  Make a note of it.

The judges no likee Janeane, Jonathan, and Amy’s outfits.  Janeane’s was too plain and resembled a cheap mall outfit.  Jonathan created a “Tornado of toilet paper!” – a phrase Jonathan will be repeating (in his best Michael Kors voice) for the rest of his life.  And finally, Amy DID create pants worthy of the Greatest Show on Earth.

Time for the results.  Jesse and Jay are in – and Seth Aaron is the winner.  He will have immunity next week.

Jonathan is safe, despite his Cottonelle Cyclone.  This leaves Amy and Janeane in the bottom two.

Unsurprisingly Janeane, the last surviving member of Team Mousy White Girl, is sent home.  Bet you didn’t see THAT coming, did ya?!?

Next week on Project Runway - Sheet Metal Couture from the Hardware Store!