Friday, March 26, 2010

Project Runway Ep. 10 Recap - "Stacked, Packed, and Never Coming Back"


DISCLAIMER:  This recap may not make much sense.  I gave up carbs yesterday and my body thinks Armageddon is upon us.  I’m exhausted, have a headache, and can’t concentrate.  Which reminds me of something EXTREMELY important I must tell you…

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What? Wait... Oh, hell – I forgot.  Damn carb withdrawals.

Anywhore, last week on Project Runway, Seth Aaron and Emilio were co-winners, and Amy was sent home for not knowing the difference between the Upper East Side (Manhattan) and Akron (Ohio).

This week opens in the apartments, where the fashiontestants awaken and prepare for their latest challenge.  Jonathan is still upset about Amy’s aufing – but that’s not the only thing he should be upset about.  Jonathan needs to take note of how horrible he looks on TV right now.  This competition has NOT been kind to Jonathan’s face – he is puffy, scruffy, and paler than a Nazi baby’s butt.  Come on girl – this isn’t Survivor - you’re allowed to shower and shave on Project Runway!!

The designers see Heidi on the runway, and she tells them to meet Tim in the workroom where they will receive their challenge.  In the workroom Mr. Gunn introduces designer Vivienne Tam to the fashiontestants.

Tim explains that they will have the opportunity to design their own fabric this week – which will serve as the core of their look.  Then Miss Tam does a 1 minute HP/Intel infomercial blah blah blah…

The designers have one hour to play on the shiny new HP computers and create their prints.  Everyone thinks this is the coolest thing since the invention of scissors, and at least half of them state “I’ve never made my own fabric before!”.  Yeah, see that’s kinda THE DEAL – designers at their level usually don't have the opportunity to do this.  This is the whole point of the challenge, Einsteins.

Once they have digitally created their fabric (which will be delivered in the morning), the designers head over to Mood for additional fabrics.  While there, Anthony states that the color swatches he is trying to concentrate on “look like Algebra!”.  I believe there’s a formula for that:

(x + 1)(y - silk charmeuse) = y ÷ organza2 + cotton twill

It all seems very complicated – although that could just be my lack of carbs.

Back in the workroom the designers get busy.  Anthony accurately compares Mila’s print to Legos (Mila’s print IS very “Crayola basic colors”) – but poor Jonathan can barely see his design on the printer copy of his work (his print is very “amoebas under a microscope").  Jonathan hopes his actual fabric is a bit darker.

We interrupt this program to bring you the following segment:  “Getting SASSY with Anthony!”…

Anthony seems to be extra-entertaining in the workroom this week.  Here are some highlights:

  • Anthony blames Beyonce for all the problems in his life.  He explains that Beyonce’s songs make you feel “like a size four” who can conquer the world.  But, he wonders, “Do you think Beyonce has any songs about people who lost their jobs?”.  I’m willing to bet it was really “If I Were A Boy” that tugged the most on Anthony’s heartstrings. 
  • Anthony also talks about Oprah and the fact that when/if (?) he had the chance to see The Oprah Winfrey Show, it wasn’t during the “Favorite Things” episode. It just so happened to be the “I’m addicted to watching dirty things on the internet” episode.
  • Anthony's Uncle Leroy happens to be thusly addicted (see above).  And I’m sure Uncle Leroy appreciates his business being put out in the street like that.
  • Finally, Anthony mentions that even when he is somber, sad, angry, disgusted, disappointed, melancholy or irritated – people still laugh at what he says.  Perhaps then he should keep his mouth shut.  Just saying.

Day One is finished and the designers head back to the apartments where Seth Aaron is allowed to call his wife.  Nice try lazy producers, but if you think this “fake ‘em out” phone call is going to convince me Seth Aaron is going home, then you are sadly mistaken.  Besides, there was hardly any crying.

The next morning the fashiontestants return to the workroom where their fabrics await them.  Everyone freaks out (OMG!  FABRICGASM!!) when they see their designs translated into actual textiles.  Anthony takes it a bit further, telling his fabric “I LOVE you and I don’t even know you yet!”.  If I had a nickel for every time I said that…

Emilio’s print (below) uses his name (Emilio Sosa) as graffiti – although he uses a ♥ instead of an “O”.  But Mila can’t seem to read Emilio’s graffiti or figure out what it means.  Maybe she just gave up carbs also.


Tim comes in for visits and “talk-to-me’s”.  He too can’t see/read es♥sa – thinking the “SA” has something to do with Seth Aaron.

Emilio gets more and more frustrated while talking to Tim about this - and seems horrified that anyone (including Tim) would question his fabulosity.  The funniest thing about this segment is that the more frustrated Emilio gets, the more his tongue gets in the way and the more noticeable his lisp becomes.  By the end of the conversation he sounds like Barbara Walters on Novocain.

After Tim leaves, Emilio claims that Mr. Gunn “mocked” his fabric – which is just not true.  Tim simply had a hard time reading the initials, making me wonder if EVERYONE IN NEW YORK has given up carbs.

The models come in for fittings, and the stank talk begins.  Emilio describes Mila’s dress as being like a “teepee”, and Mila questions Anthony’s taste level – adding that she just can’t see him in the final three.  It’s the carb-withdrawals talking, I’m telling ya - they'll make you nasty!

Anthony says a bunch of stuff at this time, but I was too lethargic to take accurate notes.  Here’s what I got:

“Incredible”
“Cumbersome”
“Conundrum”
“Reality”
“What may happen tomorrow”

Yeah, I’m not sure what any of that means either.

Day Two ends and Runway Day is finally here.  Over in Anthony/Jay/Seth Aaron’s apartment, Anthony comments that Jay’s green pants make him look like a “gay Christmas ornament”.  Of course he does, because everybody knows there is no such thing as a STRAIGHT Christmas Ornament.  Even the ones with the little baby Jeebus in the manger...

They head to the workroom and Tim recites his L’Oreal / Garnier / Bluefly / HP / Intel mantra.

More stank talk ... Anthony thinks Jonathan might be in trouble for his “pale” look.  He says the dress is pale, the model is pale, and Jonathan is pale (Anthony has a touch of "Whiteyphobia").  In fact, “Everything is pale as Hell!!!”, Anthony declares – adding that he’d like to throw a bucket of paint over the whole thing.  Coincidentally, I would like to throw a bucket of biscuits and gravy down my throat right now, but I guess this really isn’t about me.

Jonathan notices that Mila’s model can’t walk in her long dress; and Emilio declares that “nothing else in that room can top me”.  Except Seth Aaron … you know Emilio would totally let Seth hit that (Proof: "E.S.  S.A"!!!!!!).

It’s time for the runway show.  Heidi introduces the judges – Michael, Nina and Vivienne Tam.  Let’s start the show…

Highlights:
  • When Emilio’s look walks down the runway, he declares “We got this”.  Confident much?!?  It’s a decent look, but others might be better.
  • Sure enough, Mila’s model has a lot of trouble walking in her long dress – even after she lifts up one side.  I’ve never understood this – you are designing a garment for a RUNWAY SHOW, not a magazine editorial.  THE MODEL HAS TO BE ABLE TO MOVE IN IT!!!
  • When Anthony sees his model, he declares that she “looks like a LADY”, which was his goal.  Newsflash for Anthony: Dame Edna (below) also looks like a lady, but her look won’t get you to Bryant Park…


At the end of the show, Heidi declares that Gay Christmas Ornament Jay is safe.  The rest remain on stage.

The judges absolutely fall over themselves praising Emilio’s outfit – with Michael Kors saying “You nailed it”.  I guess maybe Emilio DOES “got this”.

They also likee Maya’s  “electric” print, and Seth Aaron’s pop art-inspired look.

On the other hand, they hate Mila’s unwalkable 1970’s teepee dress – which Michael describes as a “Mexican Serape Gay Flag”.  Mexican Serape Gay Flag garments are SOOOOOO last season…


On the runway, Anthony tries to charm the judges (as usual) but Michael and Nina cut him off.  Heidi mentions that they see the same thing from Anthony every week – a pretty dress with some decorations.

The judges also don’t like Jonathan’s look – with Michael being especially harsh.  Michael describes the jacket as a “Disco Straightjacket” and the print (below) as “a dirty tablecloth with food randomly spilled on it”.


Jonathan angrily replies that Michael’s description is “preposterous”.  At that point Michael makes the model put the jacket back on, all-the-while berating the look.  He was so evil that even Nina had to laugh.

But Nina’s smile didn’t last long.  She actually seems angry that Jonathan would make her look at something so hideous, calling it a “full-on catastrophe” which was “beyond upsetting”.  Nina adds that when she looks at the dress, the only emotion she feels is 'sadness'.

“Isn’t ‘sad’ an emotion?!!”, Jonathan snaps.  Yes girl, but so is ‘loathing’, ‘disgust’ and ‘anger’ – none of which I would suggest evoking in Meana Garzilla.

The judges discuss privately and then bring the designers back out for the results…

Emilio is the winner.  He was right – he DID “got this”.


This leaves Seth Aaron and Maya as safe.

Mila is also safe.  Wait.  What?!?  The dress that the model couldn’t move in is safe?!?!  WTF???

Which leaves Anthony and Jonathan.  Anthony for walking the same look down the runway week after week, and Jonathan for his bizarre/sad/disco/tablecloth extravaganza.  And the person going home is …

AnthonyWHAT?!?  I CALL SHENANIGANS!!  SHENANIGANS!!!  The judges spent the entire time berating Jonathan (almost to tears) and ripping apart Mila’s outfit – and they sent ANTHONY home?!?  That is a hot, steaming pile of you-know-what...


But Anthony, always the funny/entertaining one, leaves with a smile and some departing words of wisdom …

“You don’t have to have the crown to be the queen”

Buh-bye Anthony – I’ll miss you.  And now I need to go find some biscuits to help me cope with these “sad” emotions…

13 comments:

theminx said...

The lack of carbs certainly didn't affect your sense of humor! Loved the biscuits and gravy comment, and "by the end of the conversation he sounds like Barbara Walters on Novocain." cracked me up.

Personally, I loved Jonathan's print when he first got the fabric, but I think it might have worked better if it had a smaller scale and thus more of a repeat. And it could have been a leetle beet darker, too.

I'll miss Miss Anthony.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

the dogs' mother said...

(x + 1)(y - silk charmeuse) = y ÷ organza2 + cotton twill

chortle! I'll run that by Gorilla Boy.
You did good for being carb deprived. What do you think of next week's teaser? More Lifetime lame trickery or a real scandal?

David Dust said...

Thank you Minx & Froggy!

I am going on the record now to predict that Maya drops out of the competition next week - and this is why she didn't show at Bryant Park.

the dogs' mother said...

I hope Anthony gets to come back. Forgot to mention at our house we were - Noooooooooooo, Anthony!!! Not Anthony!!!!

Anonymous said...

WHAAAAA? I'm surprised Meana didn't just Auf Jonathon right then! Forget Heidi, just get off the damn stage. Everyone knows you don't sass Meana.

You are hilarious, even in the throes of carb withdrawal.

Vicksiedo said...

Hilarious!

Mila should have gone home in my opinion, but they love her. :-(

Anthony was so fun, but not that avante garde so....

I liked Jonathan's print, didn't care for the super brights of everyone else, but I'm an old lady I guess! His actual outfit was beyond odd though. He was WAY too grouchy about it!

Joy said...

LOVE this post! So many funny lines and phrases to repeat all of them! You are the best!

I totally didn't get this. Mila's fabric design and that unwalkable dress were the worst. Why is she still there? You're right - they spent all that time berating Jonathan's and her designs and auf'd Anthony. Just wrong.

I wonder about the "biggest shock" in the history of PR next week and pay attention to your prediction.

Romance said...

Carb-free living agrees with your writing.

Are you in *ketosis* yet. I totally never understood that part of the no/low carb thing...

kisses

Marker said...

Loved the review!

Call me a bitch, but it was funny when Anthony used algrebra as his example of something impossibly complicated, and not the way he intended. Algebra's like the first thing you do after long division, punkin.

Jonathan - what a fucking bitch. Yes Miss Kors and company were downright evil, but getting defensive never looks good. He could've handled it with a little more dignity - (so easy for me to say, right?!) He really blew it when he abandoned Cerri, his fabulous Irish model - especially after she defended his dress on the runway.

Truly, if designing the worst thing on the runway = going home, Mila's sour puss would've so been gone.

Jimmy said...

Jonathan's model ended up looking like a slutty Avon lady. Kors is going to be up his ass the rest of the time he is on. Don't piss off the Orange One.

Anthony was a 1-note type of designer. It was time.

mikeinbama said...

This episode sucked. The funniest thing said was by Michael Kors when describing Mila's dress. He said.."I looks like your mothers sun dress in the 72 outside on the patio.....hahahahahahahaha.

I's really going to miss Anthony. He was the only one with as since a humor. This show is not designed for black designers.

Cliff O'Neill said...

Well, sweetie, you knows how I feels about the Anthony. (I have called the doctor for an emergency refill on the meds which DAMN WELL BETTER arrive before Thursday.)

And until I saw the close-up of Emilio's pattern, I wasn't sure. What the hell was that with all the extra letters in there? In addition to the ESOSA, we have ESOSAES and ESESOSA and ESOSAC? Sheeeeeesh!

eric3000 said...

Poor thing! Sorry about the carbs! LOL! If it makes you feel better, though, I think the designers, the judges, AND all the viewers are also suffering from some sort of withdrawal.

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