Last Week on Project Runway was the “Dress Heidi for the cover of Mary Clare” (rhymes with “Hairy Bear”) challenge. Anthony won, and Anna – a founding member of Team Mousy White Girl – was told to pack her knives and sashay away. The tribe has spoken.
It is that time in the current Project Runway season where we know who the talented people are – and who will NEVER make it to the end. Someone like … say, for instance … Janeane (the other member of Team Mousy White Girl) – who spends every episode stumbling about the workroom, tears in her eyes, only to be told by the Editor and Chief of
Hairy Bear Marie Claire that if her outfit was a beach it would be closed due to toxic garbage washing onshore. In other words – it's time for Shirley Feeney (or Boo-Boo Kitty - as TLo calls her) to go home.
Also, during the history of Project Runway there have been certain challenges which were so suited to one particular designer that it was almost a forgone conclusion they would win. Come on, when Christian Siriano and Chris March were told to create couture during Season 4, was there any doubt they would knock it out of the park?...
So, because of the factors listed above, there were practically no surprises during last night’s episode. Hell, the Fashiontestants even predicted the “twist” when Tim never bothered to visit them in the workroom. Therefore, this recap will probably be on the predictable and uneventful side – like this week’s episode. But I’ll give it my best shot …
The designers head to the Runway to receive this week’s challenge. Heidi greets them and explains that they will be getting “new models” this week.
The new “models” are all adorable little girls. When they walk onstage the designers all coo and clap at this vision of extreme cuteness. Everyone, that is, except Jesse, who reacts with an “Oh crap”, and Jonathan, who admits he is “scared of children” because they are small. BREAKING: Jonathan is a Size Queen!
The Fashiontestants head back to the workroom to meet Tim and get the 4-1-1 on the challenge. They enter to find little teeny dress forms and cards with their model’s measurements on them. The "measurements" thing sorta gave me a case of the Ewwwwww’s for some reason. The other Ewwwww moment came when Anthony stated disappointingly that his designs are all about hips and boobies – which little girls don’t have. I’m sorry, but discussing boobies during a kids challenge gives me a big case of the Jon Benet Ramsey Heebie-Jeebies. Then again, calling someone a “Size Queen” during this challenge probably isn’t appropriate either. Sorry.
The designers sketch, then head to Mood – where they have 30 minutes and $50.00 for their designs.
Seth Aaron immediately knows what he’s doing – because he is a Dad with a young daughter. He is creating a vest/hoodie in black and white – and finds a hounds-tooth pattern at Mood which should work nicely. Anthony, on the other hand, has to play a game of “If I was a little girl, would I wear [insert color here]?”. For some reason I don’t think that game was as difficult for Anthony as it would be for someone a little more butch … like Mila…
Everyone heads back to the workroom, where they all get busy. Jay is working under the belief that 8-year-olds are more fashion-forward than we realize, and he is doing a sophisticated outfit. Emilio decides to go “girly” and do pink and pretty. Mila sticks with her tried-and-true color-blocking. And Babydaddy Seth Aaron is all like “I GOT this, Yo” – making something he knows his daughter would have worn at that age.
It is then, in the sewing room, that we have a revelation. ONE OF THE BIGGEST REVELATIONS IN THE HISTORY OF PROJECT RUNWAY! Jonathan, in addition to being a Size Queen, does a SPOT-ON imitation of Michael Kors. And, after hearing it, I never realized how much Miss Kor(ange)s sounds like a combination of Paul Lynde and Phyllis Diller. I’ll give you kids a minute to Google “Paul Lynde” and “Phyllis Diller”…
Go ahead … look them up. And find Youtube clips – it’ll be worth it…
Ok. Everybody back? Great. Anywhoo – Jonathan saying “She looks like a 7-year-old waitress from BENIHANA!” in the perfect Michael Kors’ voice practically made me fall off my couch. I almost pooped fabric.
The end of the evening fast approaches, and the sharp-as-nails designers realize Tim Gunn hasn’t walked around the workroom touching his face thoughtfully yet …
And, let’s face it, it’s not an episode until Tim Gun touches his face thoughtfully. So the designers expect some kind of “twist” the following day.
The next morning, after an emotional Janeane is permitted to call her husband (FORESHADOWING!!), the designers return to the workroom. Tim enters and gives them the twist – they will also be designing a companion look to their little girl outfits – which their regular models will wear. Tim warns that the “Mother” look should not be a Mini/Maxi Me matching piece…
Personally, I see no problem with those fashions, but whatevs. The designers have $100 to spend at Mood – and off to buy fabric they go.
Some designers are a little worried by this twist. People like Emilio, who made the girliest dress in Girltown – and now has to create something for a 6-foot-tall twenty-something woman. And Amy, who created an Amazing Technicolor Dream Petal-Skirt for her girl, now has to figure out what to do with her grownup model.
pooping shopping for fabric, they head back to the workroom. This week’s “There’s Nothing Going On In The Workroom So The Producers Make Something Up” segment is all about chatty Anthony. The other designers challenge Anthony to see how long he can go without speaking. And they put a mask on his face and hilarity ensues [not really]…
Tim enters for his visit and thoughtful face-touches and approaches Jonathan first. You know you might be in trouble when the only sound bite they give us is Tim saying “Well, it’s an attention-grabber!”.
Then Tim visits Amy and her Petals Of Many Colors. Tim predicts either complete victory, or “Clown Clothes”…
I’m leaning toward Bozo, in this case. Finally, Tim visits Seth Aaron and has nothing but praise for what he is creating. Seth Aaron has GOT THIS, Yo – I’m telling you.
Models big and small come in for a fitting, the highlight of which is Jonathan’s little girl summing up her feelings about her outfit thusly…
Commercial break. If I see ONE MORE promo for the Lifetime movie Sins of the Mother starring Jill Scott, or hear that damn song ONE MORE TIME, I’m going to loose what’s left of my feeble mind. ♪♪ So what if it HURTS ME?...♪♪
We’re back and it’s runway day. Janeane, as usual, is really reaching for the stars and hoping just to be safe. Amy realizes she is risking the wrath of Nina Garcia by trotting down multi-colored petal pants down the runway, but at this point she has no choice but to move forward.
Meanwhile, Anthony seems to be getting harassed by the silliest and most talkative little girls while he is trying to finish.
Now Anthony knows what the other designers in the workroom feel like when his mouth is running like Jackie Joyner Kersee. Karma isn’t a bitch – it’s two 7-year-olds talking nonstop about dogs, sisters, Hanna Montana, kittens, Justin Bieber, and Gummi Worms Vs. Gummi Bears.
But the absolute highlight of this part of the show is Amy’s little girl model walking up to the big girl model and asking: “Allison, are you ready for the Circus?!?”. You know it’s bad when an 8-year-old thinks your design is ridic. I can’t wait to see what Nina has to say.
It’s time for the runway show, and Heidi introduces the judges: Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and designer Tory Burch.
The girls – both big and small – work the runway, and I must say, it was adorable. Highlights: Amy’s ridiculous clown pants, and Jonathan saying he created a “Wow” moment with his design. As in “Wow, that is a ridiculous-looking dress you just sent down the runway!”.
Heidi calls Jay, Amy, Jonathan, Seth Aaron, Jesse, and Janeane – the rest are safe.
The judges likee Jay, Seth-Aaron and Jesse’s designs, and speak to them first. They likee Jesse’s color combination and Jay’s sophistication – but they REALLY likee Seth Aaron’s looks. Michael states that the adult jacket that Seth created was the best-tailored garment they’ve seen all season. However, I SWEAR Nina Garcia rolled her eyes when the little girl said she liked her purse the best.
Nina is willing to make little girls cry in the name of fashion. It has been done before. Make a note of it.
The judges no likee Janeane, Jonathan, and Amy’s outfits. Janeane’s was too plain and resembled a cheap mall outfit. Jonathan created a “Tornado of toilet paper!” – a phrase Jonathan will be repeating (in his best Michael Kors voice) for the rest of his life. And finally, Amy DID create pants worthy of the Greatest Show on Earth.
Time for the results. Jesse and Jay are in – and Seth Aaron is the winner. He will have immunity next week.
Jonathan is safe, despite his Cottonelle Cyclone. This leaves Amy and Janeane in the bottom two.
Unsurprisingly Janeane, the last surviving member of Team Mousy White Girl, is sent home. Bet you didn’t see THAT coming, did ya?!?
Next week on Project Runway - Sheet Metal Couture from the Hardware Store!