Ride 'Em CowWolf

Totally not gay Taylor Lautner dons a pretty hat and goes for a ride. Isn't he precious!?!

Source: Mecha

Happy Birthday, Princess!

Taylor Lautner - who once sent my gaydar aflame on SNL and who posesses what looks like a nice-sized disco stick, turns 19 today. Yes, I'm old enough to be his father but I don't care - the boy is cute!

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Taylor Lautner's Beefy Brazilian Cousin????

Hmmmmmmmm ... could be...

Taylor Lautner: He's Now Legal

My friend Mechadude announced the news shortly after midnight: Twilight actor Taylor Lautner (who has a HUGE water bottle and once almost broke my Gaydar) turns 18 today.

We are all, OFFICIALLY, no longer pervvs...

The Taylors Have Broken Up

Us Weekly reports that hot young gayling Taylor Lautner (my gaydar doesn't lie) and singer Taylor Swift have ended their "relationship".

Check out this extremely telling quote:

"It wasn't really developing into anything, and wasn't going to, so they decided they were better as friends," a source close to Swift, 20, tells Us. "There was no chemistry."

Shocking!  I imagine Lautner's people are busy trying to line him up another beard shopping partner best galpal girlfriend as we speak.  I wonder if Renee Zellweger is available - she has TONS of beard experience.  Oh, that's right, Renee is currently "dating" Bradley Cooper.

Gee - talk about "chemistry".

Taylor Lautner On Saturday Night Live

Did anyone else watch Taylor Lautner host Saturday Night Live last night? I did, and I can guarantee you one thing: Lautner's management team will be meeting tomorrow to figure out how to butch that boy up. Earlier in the week I said my Gaydar "blipped" a little when I watched Taylor's SNL promo video. Well, last night Mr. Lautner sent my Gaydar OFF THE CHARTS.

Now you know I'm a fan of Mr. Lautner's shirtless pics work - and I'm not hating on the boy. I'm just stating the obvious. Taylor Lautner is gayer than Provincetown in July.

First of all, the adorable Taylor had absolutely no chemistry with any of the female SNL cast members ...

Lautner, although not a cute 'girl', was at least a little more believable in drag. This sketch was cute - Taylor played a schoolgirl who was "Team Edward"...

But the point where my Gaydar absolutely broke was the final sketch, when Taylor was talking to a girl in a yogurt shop. He was just so NELLY. I mean, what straight guy holds a spoon like this?...

And then he CLUTCHED THE PEARLS!...

You can make your own conclusions, but I think there is one thing we can all agree upon. WHY DID TAYLOR LAUTNER REMAINED CLOTHED DURING THE ENTIRE EPISODE OF SNL?...

Let's face it, we tuned in to see abs - not bad wigs and yogurt. SNL producer Lorne Michaels should be ASHAMED of himself.

Oh, and here's a little message for Taylor ... CALL ME! (when you turn 18) ...

Tayler Lautner Hosting SNL

Taylor Lautner and Kristen Wiig - two people I could watch on a continuous loop for weeks on end (albeit for different reasons). I am so excited that Lautner is hosting Saturday Night Live this week and I will definitely be watching.

Also, I must say this ... while watching Taylor in this clip, my Gaydar "blipped" a little bit. And NO, my Gaydar isn't located in my pants - but yes, THAT moved also. I know the kid is only 17, but he has been the subject of gay rumors before. Hmmmmmmm???...

Enough Turkey, It's Time For Chicken - Taylor Lautner

I know one thing: they certainly didn't make 17-year-olds like THIS when I was in school. Yes, I'm 'getting my perv on' and featuring Taylor Lautner today on the blog, and this isn't the first time. Who could forget the picture I posted a while ago of Taylor and his extremely large ... um ... WATER BOTTLE. If you haven't figured it out, I am definitely a member of "Team Jacob".

And for those of you who don't wish to view pictures of Taylor until he is "legal", here is a handy countdown clock which lets us know how long until Taylor turns 18. Thanks to Mechadude, where I first saw this...

Bootleg Blogging - I'm Officially Perverted

Still no computer - I'm "Bootleg Blogging" from an undisclosed location...

A while ago I blogged about watching Twilight, and about how I couldn't believe hottie Taylor Lautner was only 17-years-old. It made me feel old and dirty.

Well, the people behind New Moon, the Twilight sequel, are teasing me with all these half-naked shots of Lautner taken during filming. I don't care if New Moon is the worst movie ever made - I will see it as long as it contains scenes like the ones pictured above and below...

I just REFUSE to believe Taylor is 17!! That's a lot of muscles for a high school kid. And then today Queerty published THIS photo of Taylor and his ... um ... rather LARGE ... um ...Vitamin Water bottle...

Click on the above photo to enlarge. Although if things get any bigger, someone could get hurt.

Seriously, that's NOT the ... um ... BOTTLE of a 17-year-old!!! I think he's really 23, and quite fond of fat blond guys. Seriously!

And yes, I have officially entered Pervertsville - but that's where old bitches like me eventually end up anyway.