National Coming Out Day is an internationally-observed civil awareness day for coming out and discussion about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) issues. It is observed on October 11 every year - and it began in 1988.
I was attending Penn State (and was in the closet) in the late 1980's - and I HATED "Coming Out Day". I was having on-the-sly sex with guys - but I only hung out with "straight" people (although a couple of those "straight" guys turned out to be as straight as I was). Hell, I even had a serious girlfriend for a while. So when those brave, openly-gay kids wore their Keith Haring National Coming Out Day T-shirts every October 11, it made me extremely uncomfortable. Especially since I "knew" a few of those kids (cough, cough) - but I didn't want my straight friends to find out.
After college, I moved back home to Central Pennsylvania and came out to everyone except my parents - although they definitely knew. Then, a couple of years after moving back home, I decided to move to NYC - just like hundreds of thousands of young gay people before me. I didn't want to be an actor, or a writer, or a fashion designer - and just wanted to live in NYC and be gay.
It's funny, I think I am probably among the last generations which found it necessary to move to a big city to "be gay". It seems that more and more, due to the internet and increased acceptance, kids don't automatically think they have to move to NYC or San Francisco if they happen to be gay. They can be gay in Allentown or Albany now if they want to. I'm not saying we don't have a long way to go - but you seem to find fewer people moving to cities these days for the reasons I did.
And after I moved to NYC, I finally came out to my parents ... via LETTER. Yes, I totally wussed out. And of course both of my parents were just as wonderful as they could be. But most surprisingly, both of them wrote me return letters which didn't contain the word "Duh!".
So, Happy Coming Out Day everyone! Feel free to share your coming out stories in the comments.
I was attending Penn State (and was in the closet) in the late 1980's - and I HATED "Coming Out Day". I was having on-the-sly sex with guys - but I only hung out with "straight" people (although a couple of those "straight" guys turned out to be as straight as I was). Hell, I even had a serious girlfriend for a while. So when those brave, openly-gay kids wore their Keith Haring National Coming Out Day T-shirts every October 11, it made me extremely uncomfortable. Especially since I "knew" a few of those kids (cough, cough) - but I didn't want my straight friends to find out.
After college, I moved back home to Central Pennsylvania and came out to everyone except my parents - although they definitely knew. Then, a couple of years after moving back home, I decided to move to NYC - just like hundreds of thousands of young gay people before me. I didn't want to be an actor, or a writer, or a fashion designer - and just wanted to live in NYC and be gay.
It's funny, I think I am probably among the last generations which found it necessary to move to a big city to "be gay". It seems that more and more, due to the internet and increased acceptance, kids don't automatically think they have to move to NYC or San Francisco if they happen to be gay. They can be gay in Allentown or Albany now if they want to. I'm not saying we don't have a long way to go - but you seem to find fewer people moving to cities these days for the reasons I did.
And after I moved to NYC, I finally came out to my parents ... via LETTER. Yes, I totally wussed out. And of course both of my parents were just as wonderful as they could be. But most surprisingly, both of them wrote me return letters which didn't contain the word "Duh!".
So, Happy Coming Out Day everyone! Feel free to share your coming out stories in the comments.
7 comments:
Thanks for sharing your story! I'm curious: Was Philadelphia ever an option for you, or was it just NYC or bust at that time? 'Cuz I've heard good things about Philly, but I'm wondering if that is a recent development.
I'm not really comfortable sharing my story, since I'm paranoid about Internet data mining, but I agree with you that things seem to be swinging towards kids staying gay wherever they are. I don't think this trend is really safe, tho, in lots of parts of the country (basically the South and most "red" states).
Where I grew up, those of us who could went to either Atlanta or Chicago (NYC was too scary, and SF was too obvious and/or far away). I still think moving to a big urban area, at least for a few years, is helpful, as far as getting one's head straight about self image. There is something liberating about living in a city where being gay is not (as much of) a big deal, not only for family and friends but the general populace. Of course, it's not for everyone, and I know many gay folk argue against it (such as saying that potential str8 allies can't get to know and accept us if we're all in the gay ghettos, or that more harm than good happens when a young person loses much of their support network by relocating to a foreign area, etc.). However, even if your family and friends in Tiny Town, USA, are loving and supportive, how are you supposed to have any kind of a healthy dating life if you're the only happy and healthy gay for 50 miles? Sounds like a recipe for DL hook-ups and barebacking, to me.
P.S. Sorry for the lengthy and soap-boxish nature of this. I'll understand if you choose to reject it.
So nice that your parents were wonderful about your information. It is good that people can be themselves most places today and not feel ostracized to the point of having to move.
I don't really have a coming out story, my mom says she knew since the doc brought me out! I think she is right about that. I was out in high school and never really had problems. I guess I was lucky that way. And my whole family was fine with it as well, except my dad, but he had no choice but to except it-he was out numbered!
I don't have a coming out story - and that's a bit sad. I might have waited to long to accept who I am and what I am - but at least now I know and it's time to make up for lost time!
Thank you for your story. I love that your parents were so great. Please, please let me be the kind of supportive parent. Please tell your mom and dad how wonderful they truly are. Happy Day to you. You consistently impress me.
Big hugs to your Mom and Dad for loving you for exactly who you are!
I think you're right--being gay is not such a big thing anymore, one that causes people to move away from smallish towns. There are definitely still biases, but I can tell that things have eased considerably from 20+ years ago. XOXO Beth
My coming out story is on my blog. Use the tags on the left and click on 'coming out'.
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