Last week, in one of the most yawn-inducing challenges in Project Runway history (“Make Something Blue”), Irina won – and “Nice Kenley” Louise was sent home. And since Louise and I are now buddies on Twatter Twitter, this give me the sad face :(
Last night’s episode begins back in the apartments, where Carol Hannah says she is also sad-faced about Louise. Gordana, on the other hand, is giving us her immigrant’s tale: “I come to America wit nutting … now I have ehbreeting. WAT A COUNTRY!”. Finally, Irina – who has won the last two challenges – thinks that people are talking about her behind her back. The funny thing is, IRINA is the only one who seems to talk stank about the others. And as a snarky Recapper, I thank her for that.
But over on the boy’s side, Logan IS talking behind Irina’s back (!) about how “she acts like she’s better” than the rest of them. Christopher, after having an Andrae-worthy breakdown on the runway last time, vows to “pick himself up” this week. He will survive. He will survive. As long as he knows how tolove sew, he knows he’ll stay alive. He’s got all his life to live, and all his love to give. Christopher will survive.
On the runway, Heidi surprises the Fashiontestants with “new models”. From backstage come nine women wearing wedding dresses. It turns out these women are all divorced, and the designers must turn their wedding dresses into “hip, wearable outfits”.
The divorcees introduce themselves one-by-one. First of all, there is one lady who has been divorced for 16 years – why is she still holding onto her wedding dress? Hoarder!!! Secondly, there is one gal – Stephanie – who has been divorced for 14 years. And apparently “Renaissance Faire Bride” was BIG in 1995 – because this is pretty close to what she looks like…
Last night’s episode begins back in the apartments, where Carol Hannah says she is also sad-faced about Louise. Gordana, on the other hand, is giving us her immigrant’s tale: “I come to America wit nutting … now I have ehbreeting. WAT A COUNTRY!”. Finally, Irina – who has won the last two challenges – thinks that people are talking about her behind her back. The funny thing is, IRINA is the only one who seems to talk stank about the others. And as a snarky Recapper, I thank her for that.
But over on the boy’s side, Logan IS talking behind Irina’s back (!) about how “she acts like she’s better” than the rest of them. Christopher, after having an Andrae-worthy breakdown on the runway last time, vows to “pick himself up” this week. He will survive. He will survive. As long as he knows how to
On the runway, Heidi surprises the Fashiontestants with “new models”. From backstage come nine women wearing wedding dresses. It turns out these women are all divorced, and the designers must turn their wedding dresses into “hip, wearable outfits”.
The divorcees introduce themselves one-by-one. First of all, there is one lady who has been divorced for 16 years – why is she still holding onto her wedding dress? Hoarder!!! Secondly, there is one gal – Stephanie – who has been divorced for 14 years. And apparently “Renaissance Faire Bride” was BIG in 1995 – because this is pretty close to what she looks like…
Irina gets to pick her “model” first – and she chooses the woman with the biggest dress. Everyone else seems to follow suit – the more material, the better. Shirin picks last, and she ends up with the woman who has the smallest dress and thus the least amount of fabric.
They head back to the workroom for sketching. Tim Gunn announces that the winner of this challenge will have immunity (He/She Will Survive … at least another week!!) – the last immunity of the season.
The divorcees come in to discuss with their designers. Renaissance Faire Stephanie wants to make sure her dress is “cruelty-free” (a Vegan dress?). “No animals have to suffer … yeeeaahh!”, Stephanie says to Nicolas (her designer). The animals may not suffer, but with Nicolas at the helm I have a feeling our eyeballs MAY suffer.
Shirin’s divorcee – “Charlie” – is a performer, and she wants something “superfly”. Unfortunately Shirin doesn’t have enough fabric to create this…
But maybe she could just do the hat. After discussing, it becomes apparent that Charlie wants a circa-1970’s “Half-Breed” Cher outfit – complete with headdress. Seriously…
But, then again, don’t we all want that? Let’s be honest here. BTW, I thought they officially changed the name of Cher’s song “Half-Breed” to “Mixed-Race”...
Mixed-race! That's all I ever heardMixed-race! How I learned to hate the word
Mixed-race! She's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born…
Although it's not nearly as catchy as the original.
Time for a quick trip to Mood for $25 worth of trimmings, superfly rhinestones, and Indian Native American headdress feathers. They are also permitted to purchase 2 yards of additional fabric.
Workroom mini-recap: Carol-Hannah makes a living out of creating wedding dresses, so it seems weird destroying one. Irina, however, finds the idea “empowering”. Epperson has decided to use as little of the actual dress as possible. Unfortunately the challenge is to USE the old wedding dress as much as possible to create a new design – not “Make a new outfit out of $25 worth of rhinestones and feathers from Mood”. This is going to be a problem.
An emotional Gordana gets a chance to call her family back home, but no one picks up – so she leaves a pretty unsettling message on someone’s voicemail.
Gordana: [[Sob, sob, waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh … gulp]] “Hi guys.” [[sob, gulp, snot, sob]] “Having a good time … wish you were here” [[moan, cry, snot, moan, cry]]. “Ok, I guess you’re not there … I’ll just go back to being all alone in a strange city.” [[waaaaaaaaahhhhh, cry, snot, bawl]] “But I’ll be okay – don’t worry about me”. [[hangs up the phone]].
OMG – if I received a voicemail like that from a family member, I would be calling 911, the FBI, CSI Miami, NCIS, JAG, Missing Persons (the band – just for kicks), Psychic John Edward, Oprah and Dr. Phil. All hands on deck, bitches.
Tim visits the workroom. He heads over to Christopher first and immediately states that he’s worried about his design. Christopher assures Tim that the dress in front of him is just “infrastructure”, and literally the base of something fabulous. Yeah, and last week Christopher reinvented the shirt-dress. As Tim would say: "I'm dubious".
Tim visits Irina, and really likes the “gorgeous color” she was able to dye the 100% acetate fabric. Athough “don’t put a match near it”, Tim wisely advises. However, I do sense that Tim would like to torch a few of these other messes.
Speaking of … Epperson is struggling with a design that Tim calls “lab-coaty”. Epperson explains to Tim how he doesn’t want to actually use the wedding dress in the “Use a Wedding Dress To Create a New Dress” challenge. Tim patiently explains that the wedding dress should be the “core of the look”. I will add “Duh!”, because you know Tim wanted to say it.
Logan, too, is basing his look around non-wedding dress fabric. In particular, a pair of wool trousers – made from fabric he bought at Mood. Tim is “worried”, but maybe Logan will wear his Magical Shiny Pants on the runway and brainwash the judges again.
Tim visits Gordana, and loves what he sees. But Tim usually likes Gordana’s efforts, only to see the judges rip her to shreds on the runway. Maybe Gordana needs to borrow those shiny pants.
Finally, Tim visits the normally-perky Shirin – who has had it with her superfly client Charlie. When Shirin tells Tim about Charlie’s desire for a show-stopping “Half Breed Dark Lady Gypsies Tramps and Thieves – The Remix” outfit – Tim tells her that CHARLIE isn’t the one in at risk of going home. He tells Shirin to start over and re-think her design.
As a result, Shirin decides to use stitching to create an interesting design on her white fabric – and starts sewing furiously. Also, Epperson finally figures out that he “misunderstood the challenge”, and he changes his design. Maybe he could do a nice last-minute Ra'mon ju'mpsuit?...
The divorcees come in for a fitting, and for the most part they seem happy with their new outfits. Shirin’s model, Charlie, is being a pain in the ass – but Shirin seems to be tuning her out. Shirin says that at this point the challenge is NOT about Charlie’s new life – it’s about Shirin’s need to stay in the competition. Shirin will survive … she will survive … hey hey.
The next morning is Runway Day – and the designers are in panic mode. Logan and Shirin both have a ton of work to do – and Epperson keeps “fluffing” his outfit, which he is “not confident” about. Well, if this designing thing doesn’t work out, Epperson can always be a full-time Fluffer.
Anywhore, Tim Gunn enters and pays the bills (shout-outs to L’Oreal, Garnier, Macy’s, and Marshmallow Fluff).
The divorcees come in and put on their new dresses. Charlie is grilling Shirin: Did she work up until midnight? Yes. Does the dress make her look like a linebacker? No. Can you make the dress shorter? Ho. I mean, NO.
Epperson’s divorcee likes her dress, as do the other ladies around her. Christopher’s divorcee states that she doesn’t want to look like a “fat grandma”. Luckily for her, she ends up looking like a shiny, crumpled, SKINNY grandma.
Nicolas decides that honesty is not the best policy and lies to his client. “This outfit is SO YOU!”, he exclaims. Only if by “so you” he means “lordthatsugly”. Renaissance Faire Stephanie, his client, buys it and decides she loves Nicolas and wants to have his child. Methinks Stephanie did a lot of drugs back in the day and was having some kind of hippie Summer of Love flashback. I mean, has she SEEN Nicolas?...
Another blogger once described Nicolas as “moist”, which completely cracked me up. Nicolas IS moist, and not in a delicious Duncan-Hines kinda way – his moistness is more of a “mildewy public restroom” thing.
Anymoistwhore, it’s time for the runway show. Heidi introduces this week’s Judges: Michael Kor(ange)s, the hot dog vender lady who parks her cart in front of Marie Claire headquarters, and Jimmy Choo co-founder and obvious plastic surgery fan Tamara Mellon.
The divorcees walk – and after the show Heidi tells Carol Hannah, Althea, and Nicolas (?!?) that they are safe. This leaves Gordana, Shirin, and Irina in the Likee category – and Christopher, Logan, and Epperson in the No Likee category.
The judges grill the designers. They love Gordana’s edgy, chic, and flattering dress. They also love how Irina turned her acetate lace extravaganza into something wearable and cute. Finally, they like what Shirin came up with – even though Charlie had initially wanted a Cher Half-Breed outfit. Michael Kors seems a little sad not to see a feathered headdress, saying he loves a girl having “aMixed-Race Half-Breed moment”. Again I ask: who doesn’t?
On the other hand, they HATE Christopher’s dress. He has tried to create an outfit that his actress-client can wear to industry functions. Michael Kors advises against it – describing the dress as “tin foil” and a “Metallic Hefty Bag”. Apparently Kors doesn’t have to plug the Glad Family of Products now that Project Runway has moved to Lifetime. Besides, “Metallic Glad Bag” sounds kind of cute.
They also no likee Epperson’s dress, and Heidi harasses him for misunderstanding the challenge. She calls his dress “German Oktoberfest”, and she’s right…
Although Tamara Mellow calls it “Pirate’s Wench” – which is also accurate. Make Epperson walk the plank!!
Finally, they speak to Logan (sans shiny pants – uh oh). Heidi thinks the blouse is also very Oktoberfestive, and Kors says the trousers look like his client ran away in the middle of a fitting. Tamara, in all seriousness, calls the trousers a “tragedy”. No, a “tragedy” is what happened to the Titanic, Logan’s trousers are merely “tragic”. Learn it.
The designers go backstage and the judges discuss. Blah, blah, blah, matronly, blah blah worse-dressed list, blah trousers, Oktoberfest, tragedy, blah blah blah.
Time for the results. Shirin is safe and Gordana is the winner. Gordana will have immunity (She will survive) another week. WAT A COUNTRY!!...
Irina is also safe, which leaves nothing but boys on the runway: Christopher, Logan, and Epperson. Christopher is safe, meaning that one of the straight guys will be leaving. In the end, Logan’s cuteness may have saved him again (even without the shiny pants) – because Epperson is sent home for his Oktoberfrightfest Pirate's Wench outfit...
Workroom mini-recap: Carol-Hannah makes a living out of creating wedding dresses, so it seems weird destroying one. Irina, however, finds the idea “empowering”. Epperson has decided to use as little of the actual dress as possible. Unfortunately the challenge is to USE the old wedding dress as much as possible to create a new design – not “Make a new outfit out of $25 worth of rhinestones and feathers from Mood”. This is going to be a problem.
An emotional Gordana gets a chance to call her family back home, but no one picks up – so she leaves a pretty unsettling message on someone’s voicemail.
Gordana: [[Sob, sob, waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh … gulp]] “Hi guys.” [[sob, gulp, snot, sob]] “Having a good time … wish you were here” [[moan, cry, snot, moan, cry]]. “Ok, I guess you’re not there … I’ll just go back to being all alone in a strange city.” [[waaaaaaaaahhhhh, cry, snot, bawl]] “But I’ll be okay – don’t worry about me”. [[hangs up the phone]].
OMG – if I received a voicemail like that from a family member, I would be calling 911, the FBI, CSI Miami, NCIS, JAG, Missing Persons (the band – just for kicks), Psychic John Edward, Oprah and Dr. Phil. All hands on deck, bitches.
Tim visits the workroom. He heads over to Christopher first and immediately states that he’s worried about his design. Christopher assures Tim that the dress in front of him is just “infrastructure”, and literally the base of something fabulous. Yeah, and last week Christopher reinvented the shirt-dress. As Tim would say: "I'm dubious".
Tim visits Irina, and really likes the “gorgeous color” she was able to dye the 100% acetate fabric. Athough “don’t put a match near it”, Tim wisely advises. However, I do sense that Tim would like to torch a few of these other messes.
Speaking of … Epperson is struggling with a design that Tim calls “lab-coaty”. Epperson explains to Tim how he doesn’t want to actually use the wedding dress in the “Use a Wedding Dress To Create a New Dress” challenge. Tim patiently explains that the wedding dress should be the “core of the look”. I will add “Duh!”, because you know Tim wanted to say it.
Logan, too, is basing his look around non-wedding dress fabric. In particular, a pair of wool trousers – made from fabric he bought at Mood. Tim is “worried”, but maybe Logan will wear his Magical Shiny Pants on the runway and brainwash the judges again.
Tim visits Gordana, and loves what he sees. But Tim usually likes Gordana’s efforts, only to see the judges rip her to shreds on the runway. Maybe Gordana needs to borrow those shiny pants.
Finally, Tim visits the normally-perky Shirin – who has had it with her superfly client Charlie. When Shirin tells Tim about Charlie’s desire for a show-stopping “Half Breed Dark Lady Gypsies Tramps and Thieves – The Remix” outfit – Tim tells her that CHARLIE isn’t the one in at risk of going home. He tells Shirin to start over and re-think her design.
As a result, Shirin decides to use stitching to create an interesting design on her white fabric – and starts sewing furiously. Also, Epperson finally figures out that he “misunderstood the challenge”, and he changes his design. Maybe he could do a nice last-minute Ra'mon ju'mpsuit?...
The divorcees come in for a fitting, and for the most part they seem happy with their new outfits. Shirin’s model, Charlie, is being a pain in the ass – but Shirin seems to be tuning her out. Shirin says that at this point the challenge is NOT about Charlie’s new life – it’s about Shirin’s need to stay in the competition. Shirin will survive … she will survive … hey hey.
The next morning is Runway Day – and the designers are in panic mode. Logan and Shirin both have a ton of work to do – and Epperson keeps “fluffing” his outfit, which he is “not confident” about. Well, if this designing thing doesn’t work out, Epperson can always be a full-time Fluffer.
Anywhore, Tim Gunn enters and pays the bills (shout-outs to L’Oreal, Garnier, Macy’s, and Marshmallow Fluff).
The divorcees come in and put on their new dresses. Charlie is grilling Shirin: Did she work up until midnight? Yes. Does the dress make her look like a linebacker? No. Can you make the dress shorter? Ho. I mean, NO.
Epperson’s divorcee likes her dress, as do the other ladies around her. Christopher’s divorcee states that she doesn’t want to look like a “fat grandma”. Luckily for her, she ends up looking like a shiny, crumpled, SKINNY grandma.
Nicolas decides that honesty is not the best policy and lies to his client. “This outfit is SO YOU!”, he exclaims. Only if by “so you” he means “lordthatsugly”. Renaissance Faire Stephanie, his client, buys it and decides she loves Nicolas and wants to have his child. Methinks Stephanie did a lot of drugs back in the day and was having some kind of hippie Summer of Love flashback. I mean, has she SEEN Nicolas?...
Another blogger once described Nicolas as “moist”, which completely cracked me up. Nicolas IS moist, and not in a delicious Duncan-Hines kinda way – his moistness is more of a “mildewy public restroom” thing.
Anymoistwhore, it’s time for the runway show. Heidi introduces this week’s Judges: Michael Kor(ange)s, the hot dog vender lady who parks her cart in front of Marie Claire headquarters, and Jimmy Choo co-founder and obvious plastic surgery fan Tamara Mellon.
The divorcees walk – and after the show Heidi tells Carol Hannah, Althea, and Nicolas (?!?) that they are safe. This leaves Gordana, Shirin, and Irina in the Likee category – and Christopher, Logan, and Epperson in the No Likee category.
The judges grill the designers. They love Gordana’s edgy, chic, and flattering dress. They also love how Irina turned her acetate lace extravaganza into something wearable and cute. Finally, they like what Shirin came up with – even though Charlie had initially wanted a Cher Half-Breed outfit. Michael Kors seems a little sad not to see a feathered headdress, saying he loves a girl having “a
On the other hand, they HATE Christopher’s dress. He has tried to create an outfit that his actress-client can wear to industry functions. Michael Kors advises against it – describing the dress as “tin foil” and a “Metallic Hefty Bag”. Apparently Kors doesn’t have to plug the Glad Family of Products now that Project Runway has moved to Lifetime. Besides, “Metallic Glad Bag” sounds kind of cute.
They also no likee Epperson’s dress, and Heidi harasses him for misunderstanding the challenge. She calls his dress “German Oktoberfest”, and she’s right…
Although Tamara Mellow calls it “Pirate’s Wench” – which is also accurate. Make Epperson walk the plank!!
Finally, they speak to Logan (sans shiny pants – uh oh). Heidi thinks the blouse is also very Oktoberfestive, and Kors says the trousers look like his client ran away in the middle of a fitting. Tamara, in all seriousness, calls the trousers a “tragedy”. No, a “tragedy” is what happened to the Titanic, Logan’s trousers are merely “tragic”. Learn it.
The designers go backstage and the judges discuss. Blah, blah, blah, matronly, blah blah worse-dressed list, blah trousers, Oktoberfest, tragedy, blah blah blah.
Time for the results. Shirin is safe and Gordana is the winner. Gordana will have immunity (She will survive) another week. WAT A COUNTRY!!...
Irina is also safe, which leaves nothing but boys on the runway: Christopher, Logan, and Epperson. Christopher is safe, meaning that one of the straight guys will be leaving. In the end, Logan’s cuteness may have saved him again (even without the shiny pants) – because Epperson is sent home for his Oktoberfrightfest Pirate's Wench outfit...
Next week on Project Runway: they design for Cristina Aguilera! Bob Mackie guest-judges! And Meana Garzilla is back!! This is all I wrote in my notes when I saw her on my TV screen: “Nina, Bitches!” Learn it.
19 comments:
Oh, so the 5 time Grammy winner is Christina Aguilera, interesting. When I first saw Bob Mackie I got really excited and thought they were actually going to do a Cher challenge! How awesome would that have been?! Not sure how I feel about Aguilera though, kinda blah...
Great recap! How was Nicolas not in the bottom? The horrible fringe. The horrible pants. Blech. Glad Logan is still here, because if the show doesn't pick up at least I have something pretty to look at. :)
Great recap!! This challenge was fun. A few comments of my own. 1)Heidi is so wonderfully catty this season. She has kicked it up a few notches and I love it.
2) Michael Kors never fails to make me laugh.
3) Thank goodness I caught a glimpse of Nina for next week. I MISS her!!
4) I was over Logan a few episodes ago. The show's editors and other blogs are forcing us to think he is sexy, hot and straight. He is cute but he's not the second coming of Brad Pitt for goodness sake.
Finally a fun challenge that makes designers weep and question their right to live!
We don't mind Logan staying around here but, yeah, he probably should have gone home.
I hope Logan feels good and objectified, because the only reason he's still on the show is because of the eye candy factor.
The only straight men I've ever heard refer to women as "females" were in serial killer movies. Did anyone else wonder why there wasn't a double elimination? I think there were at least 2 looks bad enough to send home. I think they keep Nicholas because he's somewhat entertaining as a talking head, and Logan for the reasons others have pointed out. Also, I'm glad the judges finally stopped picking on Gordana.
THANK GOD nina will be back... although, as michael said, heidi has been bitching it up for the both of them!
that chick charlie was about as pleasant as hemorrhoids. it was patently clear that she was milking her 5 sec of camera time as her "shot at the big time". i love how her attempt to cause drama ~ selling out her designer on the runway ~ fell flat on its face.
anywho, i am kinda sad epperson left. true, his clothes were never quite "there", but half the designers have questionable taste this season. i'm still not really sure who i'm rooting for, tho.
I was SHOCKED they kept picking those big, ugly, frilly rags first... It will take half the challenge just to cut the ugly off of them! Shirin bitched the most, but her dress was the most wearable from the start- she should have just left behind the drama and embellished the hell out of it!
Personally, I think that Logan is EVERY BIT as "moist" a Nicolas. "Moist", BTW, will now replace "snarky" in my vocabulary. Thankyouberrymuch!
And, honey, "mixed-race" sounds kinda cerealish, and every bit as bad as "half-breed"! We prefer "multi-cultural"!
Finally, I am SO GLAD Epperson is gone! I hated everything about him- his Medusa hairstyle, his whispish voice, and every little dot, dash, bump, and freckle on his dirty looking face! His empty, vacant, almost-homeless facial expression just drove me crazy!
But that's just my opinion!
I love ya, honey! Friday's are my favorite day now!
I was really happy for Gordana this week...and think, unless she really messes up badly, she will be in the top tier.
Anyone else read that Heidi will soon be the "catty Ms. Samuel".
Loved the recap as always...thanks for the laughs.
LB anon
Gordana's model looks like Toni Collette in United States of Tara! If the poncho goblin shows up I am soooo done....
Finally, I am SO GLAD Epperson is gone! I hated everything about him- his Medusa hairstyle, his whispish voice, and every little dot, dash, bump, and freckle on his dirty looking face! His empty, vacant, almost-homeless facial expression just drove me crazy!
Oh, I'm so glad someone else feels the same way about Epperson that I do. I'm so sick of everyone saying how cool Epperson was when I thought he was more like catatonic. I couldn't stand most of his clothes either. They were heavy, boxy and as dull as he seemed. The only good thing he did was the dress for the model challenge and I think that was Matar's influence. Epperson is one of those designers that wants to be conceptual but is much better when he designs specifically for a client. That's when his talent comes out.
I can't stand Irina either. The smug faces she makes bug me. All of her stuff looks like tacky New Jersey lingerie to me.
While I'm on a grumpy old lady rant, all you kids stay off my lawn too.
I have been trying to think of what to say that isn't the same thing I have said for weeks - but your recap was far superior to the show itself. No, Nicolas, this is not the best season evah. Most boring, perhaps. Christopher seems to be a crash and burn victim, which saddens me. Logan might not be Brad Pitt, but compared to the others, he kinda is. How Nicolas avoid the bottom with that disaster, I'll never know. Just like how the personal assistants to the janitor crew suddenly qualify as judges? I am not liking mean Heidi-tough to take that voice and accent seriously. Irina seems to be on the wrong show, more suited for the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Ugh, I should stop now.
Another great one. May fave part :
"the hot dog vender lady who parks her cart in front of Marie Claire headquarters, and Jimmy Choo co-founder and obvious plastic surgery fan Tamara Mellon."
I think Logan should have home over Eppi-man. Those pants were a crime.
Can't wait for Nina! Wheeee!!!!
I really think Christopher should have gone home this week - Epperson's dress was at least wearable, wench or not.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
K
Laugh out loud stuff, Dust. Loved the recap of Gordana's phone call. All hands on deck, bitches!
Late to the party again. But funny funny recap. "Full time fluffer". That had me lol.
I am disappointed in Christopher. He really started strong but, as said above, seems to be crashing and burning. I'm not sure who I want to win. I suspect, though, that Irina will be the chosen one.
Oh oh, looks like Epperson is on his way to being a "full-time Fluffer". Guffaw!
Thanks! Now I have these visions of Dale and Terry Bozzio, resplendent in garbage-bag wear answering the 911 call and rushing to Gordana's rescue.
Warren Cuccurullo will not be able to join them. I'm still holding him hostage in my bedroom.
David Dust is the recap king.
Learn it.
"Ho, I mean No."
Honey, this recap was vintage Dust. I laughed so hard I ran my mascara. I truly wish I still had cable, but your recaps help me not miss it quite so much.
Post a Comment