Friday, August 19, 2011

Project Runway 9 Ep. 4 - "Do We Have A Plan B?"

Last time on Project Runway, the challenge was to create garments for a group of WNBA players Stilt Walkers… 

Bert and Viktor spent the entire episode fighting. Bert was all like… 

… while Ernie Viktor was all like… 

Meanwhile, Blair from The Facts of Life Laura won the challenge and was all like… 

…while Bambi’s girlfriend Faline Fallene was sent home and was all like … 

And, of course, Kim Kardashian was all like… 

This week, the designers wake up and head over to Parsons. They are greeted by Mrs. Short Shiny & Tight herself – Heidi Klum. 

Heidi informs them that they will be designing for a “very important client” – NinaFrigginGarcia! They must produce a look that NFG can wear to the office and then skip on out the door and go to an “industry function”. And by “industry function”, I mean dinner with her Fashion Department colleagues, where they spend the entire evening discussing how everyone in the Accounting Department is fat and gross.

NinaFrigginGarcia gives the designers some direct advice: 

“NinaFrigginGarcia does not like loud patterns or colors. I do not like voluminous clothes. I do not like pleats. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I am. I do not like them in a box; NinaFrigginGarcia does not like them with a fox…” 

We get it, Garcia” – Heidi cuts her off. “If you can’t buy it at Calvin Klein – you don’t like it”. 

Anywhore, the winner will get his or her look featured in a NYC taxicab ad – and later it is revealed that the winning look will ALSO get an editorial feature in Marie Claire

The fashiontestants have 30 minutes to sketch – and afterwards each will meet with NinaFrigginGarcia so she can further explain what she does not like (she does not like them on a plane, she does not like them on a train, etc…). 

After drawing some pretty pictures, each of the designers meet with NFG. We find out that NinaFrigginGarcia hates cows… 

… so Bryce’s initial idea becomes out of the question… 

Oh … wait … NinaFrigginGarcia hates COWL… 

NinaFrigginGarcia also hates Dynasty and Cecilia, but loves pants and ‘Plan B’. That is all. 

The designers head to Mood for their $200 Fabric Flurry. Anya immediately goes for a bright mustard color – which, I predict, NFG will hate more than a Cow wearing a cowl while eating Green Eggs and Ham on Dynasty. And poor Cecilia seems lost, and ends up selecting some muddy-colored fabric at the last minute which NinaFrigginGarcia will hate more than that mustard crap (see above). Trust. 

They head back to the workroom – where Tim and NFG come in to give advice. This entire process can be summed up in one eloquent soliloquy by NinaFrigginGarcia: 

“No. Do we have a Plan B?" 

Want it in Spanish?: “No. ¿Tenemos un plan B?” 

Pure poetry. 

After wreaking havoc on everyone’s self-esteem, NinaFrigginGarcia exits the room. Her work here is done. 

The models enter for a fitting – and wonder why the designers are all rolled up in fetal positions under the work tables. Answer?: NinaFrigginGarcia. 

The evening comes and the day is over. The next morning the designers prepare to tackle Runway Day. Cecilia’s main concern seems to be that her model has “huge neeples”. Miss Thang needs to worry about that butt-ugly dress, not her model’s ta-tas. Just saying. 

They all head over to Parsons, where Tim finds every single one of the fashiontestants still under the tables in the sewing room – frantically trying to finish their garments which NinaFrigginGarcia will no doubt hate anyway. 

Cecilia has pretty much given up (and she doesn’t have a Plan B) – so she helps her buddy Julie. And Laura – who has immunity – helps Anya, who isn’t an experienced seamstress. 

They head down to the runway and it’s time to start the show. Heidi introduces the judges: Michael Kor(ange)s, NinaFrigginGarcia, NFG’s Boss (JoannaFrigginColes), and some actress. Let’s start the show… 

Sashay – Shantay. You better work. The end. 

Kimberly, Anya and Viktor end up being the top three. Danielle, Julie and Cecilia are on the bottom. The rest of them are safe. And backstage, senile Bert predicts Olivier will get the win. Even though Olivier is sitting right beside him – part of the middle-of-the-road “safe” group. Bert may know his fashion history – but Mama needs a good pair of spectacles. 

The judges speak to each of the designers… 

1. Viktor. Little black dress. Architectural. They likee. 

2. Julie. Shirt dress. Nina’s boss says if NinaFrigginGarcia came to work in that outfit, she’d be NinaFrigginFIRED

3. Cecilia. Oh honey … NO

4. Kimberly. Shiny blouse with pants. I thought NFG would no likee. But she likee. 

5. Anya. Jumpsuit. She dyed the mustard fabric and NFG is “amazed at the transformation”. Viktor is amazed that no one is mentioning how Blair Julie helped Anya finish. 

6. Danielle. Blouse and pants. Michael Kors describes it as “Joan Crawford at a St. Patty’s Party”. FYI – Bruce Vilanch is now writing all of Michael’s quips. 

The judges discuss and it’s time for the results: 

Kimberly is the winner – with her tribute to “Star Track” and the Solid Gold Dancers… 

Kimberly also gets to meet Nina in her office – and sees her ad on the top of a taxi. Woo hoo! 

Victor, Anya and Danielle are safe – leaving Cecilia and Julie. At that point I was certain that Cecilia’s “Ode to Sad – the Grey Period” would be the losing look. But I was wrong – Julie ended up being sent home… 

Backstage, Cecilia mentions that she would rather see herself go home instead of her friend Julie. To which all of her fellow designers, in unison, say “SO WHY DON’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!?” 

Cecilia’s response?: {{… crickets …}}  

Cecilia goes with "Plan B" - she stays and Julie goes home. NinaFrigginGarcia would be so proud.

So what did YOU think of last night’s episode? Please discuss in the Comments section. 

Past Recaps:

Episode 3: "I'm Sort of Freaking Out"

Episode 1: "Fairy Tale Hair, Baby"



theminx said...

NFG is going to be her name forever now!


Vicksiedo said...

Good recap! LOL

Rainbow said...

I really wasn't that impressed with any of the designs and I didn't see what everyone saw in Viktor's LBD with Big Mac Box shoulderpads ?!?!? Your recap of last week had me LMAO!


froggy said...

I loves your 'green eggs and ham' tribute - lolololol!!!
This episode was one long anxiety attack. Nina could have been so much more helpful, maybe she was, but she was edited into No, Sad, Plan B.

Would have sent Cecilia home and given Ernie the win.

And what is this exercise next week?!!

Bob said...

She scares the crap outta me and that's probably why!

Mechadude2001 said...

Don't watch the show... never have. But I love the way you write about it.

Joy said...

I literally did laugh out loud reading this recap! Excellent! Or in Spanish "excelente" or Italian - eccellente!

What was Julie thinking? Fugly!!

The way you describe the people, their designs, and the show crack me up and are right on target!! You are the Queen of Recapping!!

Love you! Love your mind!! xoxoxoxoxxo

Tivo Mom said...

finally watched. loved the recap. not crazy about any of the top 3. did not think Julie's was that bad but what do I know. I ain't no NFG

tamayn said...

Thank you for this post. I needed a good laugh today! I love Nina so much. I can see her making people want to hide under the table, but I can also see her putting people in time out for crimes against fashion.

Although I would love to see someone sitting in a bathtub, crying, cutting their hair off after a particularly scathing dressing down by one Ms. Garcia. The secret is, when you run out of hair, you switch eating cake mix.

Thanks again!

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