Tee Many Martoonies

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David Goes To The Beach

Check out this paparazzi footage of me - wearing my fiercest red bikini - taking a swim recently at the ultra-exclusive resort known as "Coney Island" (like St. Barts, but with better hot dogs). Notice my prowess in the water after a few cocktails - Michael Phelps WHO?!??

BTW - the song on this video is annoying - I suggest watching my madd aquatic skillz demonstration with the sound off:

The "Oh Honey, NO" of the Day

Why doesn't this policeman know that the only part of the alphabet a Drunk cares about are the letters "A", "S", and "P"?? As in "Hey Bartender, gimme another vodka tonic ASAP!!!". It's no wonder this lady gets it all mixed up - poor thing...

Source: Dlisted


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Mardi Gras Has Come And Gone

My dear friend and sister Miss Ginger has been in New Orleans for all the Mardi Gras festivities - and she was able to somehow snap these pictures while staggering strolling through the French Quarter. For more delicious photographs of this year's revelry, check out Ginger's fabulous blog HERE.

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Holiday Greetings from Maddie

I found these over at Mistress Maddie's BLOG, and it doesn't take a CSI, a Psychic or Nancy Drew to figure out the theme here. Yes, my dear sister Maddie has a drinking problem - especially during the holidays. Specifically, her problem is that she can't get the gin down her thirsty gullet fast enough. Which is definitely a problem.

God love her...

UPDATE: Exibit A (for "Alcohol")

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Drunk Cousin Linda Ruins Another One...

There's one in every family - that messy Ho who is starved for attention and THIRSTAY for the hooch. But no matter how tanked she gets, Drunk Cousin Linda's timing is always impeccable.

She prefers to call it "Making Memories", even if Linda herself won't remember a damn thing the next morning.

Maddie Corrupts Another One...

Fruity (Dust) Bunnies - ALL DIFFERENT FLAVORS!

Yes, the first annual Drunken Dust Bunny Weekend begins on Friday - and I am SO EXCITED. Miss Ginger thought it would be a good idea for me to post pics of all the confirmed attendees, so people can start putting faces to names/blogs. BTW - Marker (below) sent me the Fruity Bunnies pic (above), and I thought it would be just TOO appropriate for this post. Although if you read the fine print at the bottom, it says "No Icky Additives Or Pesky Preservatives" - which would definitely leave a few of these bitches out. Yes, my dear sister Maddie, I'm looking at you :)

Anywhore, without further adieu, here are the Fruity Bunnies confirmed for DDBW...

The handsome, intelligent, and funny Marker

The well-preserved Mistress Maddie - one of my dearest friends in the world

Maddie's adorable husband, the Boy Toy

The lovely and talented Kailyn - coming all the way from California

A Bunny I've had the pleasure of meeting before - Howard

The Fabulous Miss Ginger Grant - who we PRAY makes an appearance...

...and if not, the equally fabulous Boy G will fulfill all of Miss G's obligations.

My darling Zombie Mom - who I have been dying to finally meet in person

One of the reasons why DDBW is happening is because Mark In DE (center) and his handsome Spouse (left) decided to visit NYC this weekend. I did a little shout-out to the BunnyNation to see if anyone else wanted to hang in with us ... and lookie what happened. So, if anything goes wrong, I am TOTALLY blaming Mark. Just kidding, my dear. And yeah, that's me on the right looking extremely well-fed during a visit with them last year.

And finally, the Guest of Honor - the Empress of the Dust Bunnies - TRANNYBETH!! I am picking Beth up bright and early on Friday morning, and I'm not going to stop hugging on her until I take her back to the airport when DDBW is finished.

And remember, if you can get to Manhattan on Saturday night, meet us at Pieces Bar between 9:00 and 10:00 PM for the first annual Drunken Dust Bunny West Village Bar Tour. More information HERE.

>Peace, Bitches!!!

St. Patrick's Day Kitteh's

My Head is KILLING Me

I celebrated the Inauguration of our new President just a little too hard last night - and my ass is dragging big-time today. Therefore, there will be no more posting until tomorrow. Furthermore, I highly doubt I'll be recapping Top Chef this week - I plan on crawling into bed the minute I get home, and staying there for a month or two.

Please excuse me while I go snack on some Advil, Rolaids, and Zantac. It's like Trail Mix for drunks...

Celebs Like To Drink And Drive

Evil Decorator Beeyotch and Trading Spaces star Doug Wilson was arrested for DUI on December 31 in Decatur, IL. Read the story HERE (his lovely mugshot is above).

I always HATED him on Trading Spaces. Doug would always do something the homeowners didn't want just to piss them off. Remember when he made that woman cry when he covered up her fireplace? That was just evil. Frank never made anyone cry ...

In other drunken news, retired basketball star Charles Barkley was arrested on the same day for DUI. Although Barkley wasn't driving a Hummer, he was in quite a hurry to get to his hummer when he was pulled over. Read the (possibly NSFW) story, and see the sweatiest.mugshot.ever HERE.

Guest Blogger: Dust Bunny Howard

I had the distinct pleasure of hanging out with long-time Dust Bunny Howard - who lived in NYC during the 80's and early 90's, and now resides in Delaware. He is the second Delaware Dust Bunny I've met (Mark was the first) - in fact, the ONLY Dust Bunnies I've met in person have been from Delaware. When are you other Bunnies coming to see me???

Anywhoo, since I am a total bossy bitch, I made Howard document the details of his trip...

My Weekend in NYC - By Dust Bunny Howard

After months of trying to plan a trip to NYC to attend a Broadway show and stalk handsome men. So it all started with me driving through a snow storm to my sister’s in New Jersey, and taking the train into the city to catch the Friday night show of ‘Grease,’ now staring Ace Young as Kenickie. Let me just say that seeing him in tight jeans and a wifebeater posing on top of the spinning car is worth the price of admission. So much so I made it to the matinee show on Saturday, too.

After the shows, I also got to speak with Ace outside the stage door. I have stalked him enough he even recognizes me [I have yet to receive a court order, so all must be good] He is an incredibly kind and generous guy, and utterly gorgeous. Despite the cold and at times snowy weather, he made sure to see all the fans who were waiting, and make a special effort for those I was with.

While that might be enough for one weekend, I had more plans. I had emailed David Dust and said I would be in town, can we meet up? So indeed we did. Something David and I discovered before was that we both worked in the same building, albeit in different decades. I worked at an off-Broadway theater in the early 80s, struggling to get by on meager wages. In passing, David told me that very same building is where he manages a restaurant, as the theater had closed in the 90s.

So I made my way downtown, fresh from stalking Ace, and when I got out of the subway, I looked over and there it was. Many memories flew into my head, many of them good. I glanced around, not having been back to this area in a long time. I crossed the street and walked in. So very different inside, but hints of what used to be. What used to be dressing rooms are now offices for the owners. The stage manager’s booth is now the home of a DJ. The stage area is now a bar – although I will admit to having had several adult beverages in that particular area, but that might be better left to other stories.

But it was also my first chance to meet David, our illustrious blogger. He greeted me with a hug and a kiss, and we sat down and started chatting. Funny, it was as if we were longtime friends, giggling and telling stories. He had me laughing from start to finish of the evening. We talked about the space, our lives, and the bars/clubs we had known. I asked about Marie’s Crisis, an old piano bar in the Village I had been known to frequent. Back in the mid 80s, all the Broadway chorus girls and boys would come down to Marie’s after their shows, and the piano would start with the show tunes, and it was the best sounding piano bar ever! There was Rochelle, a waitress, who would break out her schtick, riding solo on Peter Pan’s ‘I’m Flying’, hanging off the bar. And the bartender, known as Fluffy, who would be generous with the drinks for those he liked.

Well, David and I finished a great meal, and made our way to Marie’s. There was no Rochelle, nor was Fluffy there, but David was there to make me laugh more, and we had far too much to drink as the place filled up and the crowd sang along. However, soon it was time to return to New Jersey – talk about feeling like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, so we headed uptown, dropping me off at Penn Station. I managed my way to the train, and eventually to a cab to get me to my sister’s house. Eventually, I woke up and made my way back to Delaware, with plenty of new memories of NYC. Careful, Mr Dust, I will return. Ask Ace, I’ve been stalking him for 3 years now!

I certainly hope to see Howard again soon. We had a GREAT TIME - and I'm so glad Howard got me off my ass, out of my apartment, and into a bar - where I belong. Next time he needs to get Ace to come drinking with us...

Thanks Howard for being a fabulous drinking partner, and for being a fantastic guest-blogger! Check out Howard's MySpace page HERE - where he does a little blogging of his own.

XOXOXO

I'm Calling In Drunk...

Holy crap - my head hurts. I might post later, but I doubt it. Congrats to President-Elect Obama. Things don't look good in California - it looks like gay marriage will be banned. Thank you Mormon "church"!

Consider this an open thread - tell us about your night last night. I'd share my experience, but I don't really remember...

Getting Gay With Gaston

Country singer (and former model) Justin Gaston is reportedly Miley Cyrus' boyfriend. They have been spotted together on many occasions, and Justin attends church regularly with the Cyrus family. See my previous post HERE.

Apparently church-going Justin also likes to drink. And by the looks of things, the more he drinks, the gayer he acts. Just like a typical straight boy...

Please make out...Please make out...Please make out!...

Clutch the pearls!

Please DON'T make out...please DON'T make out...

Hey fellas - GET A ROOM!

Party In Da Club

If you would like to witness your favorite blogger (me, of course) drunk and sloppy - then be at The Monster (more info HERE) at 10:00 6:30 pm tonight (see below). I will be meeting up with Dust Bunny Blogger Mark in DE (Tales of the Sissy) and his spouse - who are in town for the weekend. I met them for lunch at my restaurant yesterday and it was so nice getting to know them. They are ADORABLE.

Tonight, as is my habit, I will probably have a few "pre-drinks" (as we used to call them in Harrisburg) at my apartment before heading downtown to meet them. I have called the Bacardi delivery Papi...

Then it's off to the Monster. Let's hope these guys will be serving us...




Later, I might try and drag their asses to a bar with go-go boys...

UPDATE: It's 5:15 pm - and there has been a change of plans. Those bitches are ALREADY at the bar!!! Lord, I hate drinking this early ... it NEVER ends well...

White Meat Monday - Republican Baby Mama Drama

Congressman Vito Fossella, New York City's only Republican member of Congress, is almost certainly nursing a Mother's Day hangover today. You see, he was recently busted for drunk driving in Virginia and admitted to fathering a 3-year-old daughter to a woman who was NOT his wife. Fossella is yet another politician who intends on keeping the "party" in the Republican Party.

Fossella was pulled over after running a red light in early May, and found to have twice the legal limit of alcohol in his blood - which carries a mandatory prison sentence if convicted. And his MISTRESS was the one he called to bail him out of the drunk tank. Classy.

Furthermore, his wealthy father and uncle have been financially supporting the mistress and the baby daughter, and his real wife has moved out of their Staten Island home in disgust. But even through all of this, Fossella is STILL considering running for re-election. I PRAY he does, so the Democrats can take his "safe" Republican seat.

Congressman Fossella just happens to be one of those "family values" Republicans who has voted time and time again against Gay Rights, and he voted FOR impeaching President Clinton. Also, he shuns his lesbian sister, her partner, and their children because she is gay.

Again … Classy.

Notice How He HAS Beer...

Not only does he have a beer in his hand, he has a couple of bucks!!

Straight Guys + Alcohol = FUN!