I Love Martha Stewart - Part 1,358

My love of Martha Stewart is well documented and knows no bounds. Mind you, I hate organizing, antiquing, crafts, cooking and all that other crap, but I LOVE Martha for doing it. It's almost like she specializes in things like dried floral arrangements just so I don't have to ever worry about them myself.

So I was horrified to find out last night that Martha had been attacked by her French Bulldog, Francesca (above). Actually, Martha is saying it was nothing but a big accident (via Gawker)...

As I leaned down to whisper goodbye to a dozing Francesca, I must have startled her, because she bolted upright with such force that she hit me in the face like a boxing glove hitting an opponent's face. I was entirely startled and my neck snapped back. I felt a bit of whiplash as blood gushed forth from my split lip. Frannie was as upset as I was and cowered in her bed.

Martha's driver rushed her to Northern Westchester Hospital, where she got nine stitches and was soon well enough to concentrate on more important issues ...

CLASSIC. Biatch had a face full of blood and Novocaine, but all she could concentrate on was that horrible ceiling border!!! Brava Diva!!!!!! I forever submit to your bitchy fabulousness.

But Michael K over at Dlisted isn't so sure this was an "accident". Michael thinks this could be payback for dressing up Francesca like THIS...

What's Up With Amy Winehouse ??

Something is definitely wrong with Amy Winehouse, because she stepped out TWICE this week looking sober as a judge (see pics above and below). She claims not to have done drugs in "almost three years" - which sounds like a bit of a stretch - but maybe "years" means "weeks" at Casa WineWarehouse.

Source: Dlisted

Problem Solved

"BP told Kirstie that the oil spill is really hot fudge. Problem solved."

Dlisted does a "Caption This" post every day, and I just couldn't resist sharing THIS ONE.  ROTFLMAO!!  Kudos to Dlisted commenter Ikcor for that perfect caption.

Andy Cooper and his Hot Piece

Anderson Cooper and (alleged) boyfriend Benjamin Maisani were recently photographed leaving the gym together in NYC - much to the dismay of Michael K at DLISTED.

By the looks of those guns on Andy and Benji, these trips to the gym seem to be paying off.

Dlisted on Gary Coleman's "Volatility"

The big-mouths of The Insider (including my Penn State journalism classmate Lara Spencer) got in Gary Coleman's little wee face yesterday about allegations that he has a "volatile" relationship with his wife.

And here is what the Grand Mistress of Snark, Michael K of Dlisted, had to say...

Gary was lying when he said he doesn't have a volatile relationship with anybody. It's obvious that Gary has a volatile relationship with lotion, because they haven't touched each other for years. Seriously, can the heavens open up and shower Gary with Baby Oil?

As I've said before, I want to be Michael K. when I grow up.

Sarah Palin's "Telepalmter"

Source: Dlisted.

"Uh Oh SpaghettiOs!"

This is why I'm an avid reader of Dlisted.Com - because Michael K reports on the breaking news that others don't (or won't).  For instance, I lost a piece of my childhood when Donald Goerke (above), the inventor of SpaghettiOs, died on Sunday.  Did CNN cover this story?  I dont think so... but Dlisted DID.

Personally, my favorite "flavor" of SpaghettiO's was the kind with Sliced Franks.  Although I wasn't smart enough as a child to think of making cute faces with them...

I was always too busy stuffing my chubby cheeks to bother making art with my food.

RIP, Mr. SpaghettiOs Inventor...

Sunday Worship - Banana Jeebus

Courtesy of Dlisted.

DListed Discusses "Dandy" Patrick McDonald

As I've mentioned many times before, Michael K from Dlisted is the person I want to be when I grow up.  He is, hands down, the most hysterical blogger on the Innerwebz.

Yesterday, Dlisted discussed Launch My Line's Patrick McDonald (above).  Here is a snippet...

Patrick is one of the contestants and describes himself as a "dandy." I guess that just means he speaks with his wrists, always carries at least 4 silk scarves on his person and constantly faints whenever the mood arises. Patrick might be the only person in America who still keeps a crystal vial of smelling salts in his purse.

OMG - in just two sentences he manages to make me LOL while truly defining what a "Dandy" is.  Read the rest of the post HERE.

I wonder if Michael K teaches a "How To Be A Funny Ho" class ... I would SO take it.

Is Farmer Ted a Girlfriend Beater?

According to Dlisted, Anthony Michael Hall's ex-girlfriend got a restraining order on his ass last week for busting in her door and beating up her face.

I don't know if the story is true or not, but I DO know that this picture should be posted on RandomCreepyGuy.Com. Seriously.

Carrie Prejean's Storm-Off FAIL

By now most of you have seen (or heard about) Carrie Nojeans and her little tiff with Larry King last night (see video above). Basically what happened was that Carrie thought Larry was being "inappropriate" for asking questions ... on the show where he ASKS QUESTIONS for an hour each night. So Carrie took off her microphone and then sat there looking completely ridic. It was, according to Dlisted, a STORM-OFF FAIL!

The twisted Queen behind Dlisted - the brilliant Michael K - thinks Carrie's poor performance last night stems from not having a "Main Gay" in her life:

There's many reasons why Carrie needs a gay in her life, but her STORM OFF FAIL really got to me. If she had a main gay by her side, he would have taught her how to storm off properly thanks to Dynasty and other prime-time soap operas. Carrie just needed to look into the camera and calmly say, "LARRY KING (dramatic pause) I will destroy YOUR (dramatic pause) LIFE." Then she should have flipped her hair, whipped off her mic in one easy swoop, gracefully slid out of her chair, hiked up her titties, thrown one last shank eye into the camera and then strutted off like there's a hard 9-inch peen waiting for her in the wings. END SCENE.

You don't fumble with your mic and awkwardly sit there with a smile like a polite 4-year-old waiting for a juice box. Embarrassing! DO IT BIG, or don't do it all.

And THAT is why I want to be Michael K when I grow up ...

Grand Rapid's Got Talent

According to Dlisted, The Great Daryl Nathan was a cable-access sensation in Grand Rapids, Michigan back in the 90's. Once you watch this video, you'll understand why.

Caption This...

Yes, that's Mel Gibson. And yes, that's a Beaver puppet. Discuss...

H/t to Dlisted.


Labels: Mel Gibson, Beaver,

More True Confessions...

I actually think Lady GaGa is a talented singer. There, I said it. Over the weekend I caught Lady CaCa's performance at the VMA's, and for all of her "LOOK AT ME I'M BEING OUTRAGEOUS"-ness, the Biatch does have a great voice. So why not just sing, instead of singing and smearing blood all over her body?...

Yes, I know ... I know. You CaCa-lovers will say it's "art" and that she is "expressing herself" and "making a statement" - and that's all fine and good. But usually when vocalists aren't strong singers they resort to "showmanship" (Britney Spears, for example). CaCa CAN sing - so why doesn't she just dress normally and dazzle us with her vocals?

Seriously - some of these outfits are unnecessary. Case in point: "Heat Miser's Butt Tampon" (thank you Dlisted) ...

The Hamburglar Attacks Madonna...

... at the Marc Jacobs show in NYC. Dlisted had this to say...

"...Lady CaCa on the other hand, looks like an assh*le. An assh*le who will snatch your hamburgers! Seriously, The Hamburglar wants his weekend S&M mask back..."

Remember, I didn't say it - DLISTED did. Don't kill the messenger, biatches. You can read the entire (hysterical) post HERE.

Two Of My Favorite Blogs...

First of all, please go HERE and read this hilarious post on Dlisted about Babydaddy Levi Johnston and his plans to get nekkid in print. In my opinion, Dlisted's Michael K is the absolute funniest blogger on teh Innerwebz - and I bow at the hysterical feet of the Master.

Secondly, one of my all-time favorite blogs - DWIGHT SUPREMACY - is back! Dwight, who was one of the first bloggers to ever link to DavidDust, took some time off - but now he has returned for our viewing pleasure. And he's already featured some of his patented SIRveillance photos...


In honor of Dwight Supremacy's return, I have made him the latest "Featured Dust Bunny Blogger" (see sidebar). Welcome back Dwight!!

ShamWOW Vince Arrested!

There is nothing I could write that would do this story justice the way Dlisted did. Please go HERE and read their post, entitled "ShamWow Vince Will Slap Chop A Ho!".

Madonna Finds The Baby Jesus

According to one of my favorite blogs, Madonna has picked up a hot young piece on tour in Brazil. And his name just happens to be Jesus. Read the Dlisted story HERE. FYI - on Dlisted, Madonna is known as "Vadge".

UPDATE: Made In Brazil has some more interesting information and pics HERE and HERE.

White Meat Monday - Caption This...

Blatently ripped off from Dlisted.