This was an honest-to-goodness STORY from the online edition of my PA hometown newspaper:
Burglar defecates at scene in Shippensburg TownshipA white male entered an apartment at College Park Apartments in Shippensburg Township on Friday and took care of business. According to state police at Carlisle, an apartment was entered through an unlocked front door and a man went to a closet and “did a Number two poo,” according to police.
Did you catch that? The STATE POLICE SPOKESPERSON said "did a Number two poo" - and the newspaper quoted him/her. Priceless.
I hope I make it back to NYC unharmed.