What's For Lunch?

Today's Lunch ...

... if I lived in Austria.

The Micky D's folks in Austria have managed to make the awesome McRib (shut up, it's delicious!) even AWESOMER. They bread it, deep fry it, cover it with cheese, add some bacon et Voilà - a culinary masterpiece.

In all honesty, if the "McRibster" comes to NYC I will be all over it.

Dear Nutritionist: PLEASE IGNORE THIS POST. Thanks.

My First Real Job

When I was in High School I worked at Mickey D's. But darlings, I didn't just work there - I WERQ'd there.

You should have seen my sassy polyester-wearing ass werqing the Drive Thru - Yours Truly was the fiercest little Drive Thru Diva you ever wanted to meet. I could talk to two different customers (one at the window, one via speaker), make change, take orders, check the orders and pour drinks - simultaneously. All the while checking my hair in the polished stainless steel to insure my coif looked flawless. Ooooooh HONEY, it was a sight to behold!

What was YOUR first job - and were you good at it?

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Why Didn't I Think Of That?

All you need is a McDonald's cup, some ice, and your favorite canned beverage. Side Note: it's a damn shame they no longer make Zima.

Also - someone needs to show this to Maddie, so she doesn't make the same mistake twice.

Source: TDW

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It's White Meat (?) Monday!

Sunday Worship

I've been attending this "church" for YEARS (sometimes 2-3 times/week). Hell, I even worked there as a teenager.

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Picture Of The Day

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Ronald McDonald Hits Rock Bottom

"After two costly divorces and that pesky sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Grimace, Ronald McDonald was forced to work the counter to try and make ends meet".

Photo Source

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Needs Some Work

This automatic ketchup-dispensing robot is about as accurate as I was when I worked at McDonald's - perpetually hungover - while attending Penn State.

A Gorgeous Lunchtime Treat

What better way to treat my Election Night hangover, than with a delicious McRib! But while in line at my local McDonald's, I found something even tastier than processed-pork-product-patties smothered in BBQ sauce ...

Oh HEAVENS! I wish you could have seen the body on him - slammin'.

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I'm Getting P-A-I-D, Baby!!

According to the New York Times, a Brazilian court ruled that McDonald's must pay a former manager $17,500 because they FORCED him to eat the food and it made him fat!

SAO PAULO (AP) — A Brazilian court ruled this week that McDonald's must pay a former franchise manager $17,500 because he gained 65 pounds while working there for a dozen years.

The 32-year-old man said he felt forced to sample the food each day to ensure quality standards remained high, because McDonald's hired "mystery clients" to randomly visit restaurants and report on the food, service and cleanliness.

Sing it, Sister!! As some of you know, my very first job as a 17-year-old was at my hometown McDonald's. And when Penn State beckoned, I got a job at the Micky D's across from campus - eventually becoming a manager. So I WANT SOME MONEY for being "forced" to inhale  "sample" delicious McDLT's (below) for all those years!!

There is just one possible flaw in my scheme for a big McPayout - this is what I looked like back in my McDonald's days ...

Maybe I'll luck out and get a jury made up of nothing but anorexic fashion bloggers, who'll decide that the fresh-faced kid in the tie and (fierce) blue visor was OBVIOUSLY a big McFattie and deserves a big McPaycheck..

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He Can Take It ... But I Can't

Ever since Tattoo Parlors (do they still call them that??) were legalized in NYC a few years ago, many have opened up near my job (in the Village). The thing that freaks me out is that many of them do their tattooing RIGHT IN THE FRONT WINDOW for all to see!

Considering that I can't even look at fake needles on TV hospital shows, watching people get tattooed LIVE makes me cringe. This is especially upsetting because I have to pass by at least 3 of these establishments on my way to McDonalds for a lunchtime McRib. But not even public displays of tattooing will prevent me from those delicious processed-pork-product-patty sammiches.

BREAKING: If Loving You Is Wrong ...

... then I don't want to be right. Oh YES - that gorgeous fella above was my lunch. He is gone now - but it was beautiful while it lasted.

I thought we wouldn't be able to MEET UNTIL NOVEMBER 2ND, but I was mistaken. FYI: I now know what the main course will be at my BIG GAY FAST-FOOD WEDDING reception.

{{{{BURP}}}}

Save The Date: I'm Getting Gaymarried in Hong Kong!

I read yesterday that a McDonald's in Hong Kong will soon do weddings, so I sprang into action and began preparing for my Big Gay Fast Food Wedding. This is what's still on my bridal "Things to Do" list:

• Kidnap my future husband, actor Franky G.
• Convince Mr. G that he is no longer straight.
• Make sure the Big Mac canapés served at the reception don't have pickles. I HATES pickles.
• Check with the Arby's of Middle Village, Queens to see if they will make me a better offer.
• Three words: WEDDING CAKE TASTING

So, who's up for a road trip???

Is It On The Dollar Menu ??

That sounds almost as good as the McRib!

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BREAKING: McRib Returns November 2 !

Attention all "pressed pork product conglomerate" sandwich lovers - McDonald's is bringing back the McRib next month for six weeks only! There goes my diet ...

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Today's Lunch ?? ...

I am slowly figuring out my new phone.  Last night I was checking out all the free Android applications you can download, and I found a Fast Food Locator (don't judge!).  It uses the phone's built-in GPS to figure out where you are and directs you to your favorite fast food joints (including Arby's!).

I'm trying to be good and watch what I eat these days, so I don't really plan on using this (I know the exact location of every Arby's in the tri-state area anyway), but I DID find out there's a Hardee's in Brooklyn.  When I was in college, there was a Hardee's (AKA "Hardlee's" or "Retardee's") located halfway between the bars and my apartment, and my roommates and I always stopped in when we were wasted.  I wonder if their food tastes even worse when you're sober?...

NGLCC To McDonald's - See Ya Later, Haters!

According to Joe.My.God, The National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (which represents 1.4 million LGBT-owned businesses) had severed all ties with McDonald's.

Perhaps somebody at the NGLCC read MY RANT about Christian homophobic McDonald's COO Donald Thompson (above).

As I said before, I've started my own one (fat) man boycott of the Golden Arches - so my diabolical plot to change or destroy McDonald's is going right according to plan.

However, if I hear about the McRib coming back to NYC, all bets are off ...

McDonald's COO: Gay French Ad Won't Air In U.S.

Many of you have seen the gay-positive ad that ran in France showing a young man texting calling his boyfriend before joining his Dad for lunch (above).  It was cute and uplifting - see it HERE.

But Donald Johnson, McDonald's COO (above) brought his warm Christian love to work and declared that the ad would NEVER run in the United States.  Because he is a Christian and it offends his Jeebus-loving sensibilities - which those heathen French don't have.  Or something.

Here is Johnson's statement, via Joe.My.God:

I've never shied away from the fact that I'm a Christian. I have my own personal beliefs and I don't impose those on anybody else. I've been in countries where the majority of the people in the country don't believe in a deity or they may be atheist. Or the majority of the country is Muslim. Or it may be the majority is much younger skewed. So when you look at all these differences, it's not that I'm to be the judge or the jury relative to right or wrong. Having said that, at McDonald's, there are core values we stand for and the world is getting much closer. So we have a lot of conversations. We're going to make some mistakes at times. (We talk) about things that may have an implication in one part of the world and may be the cultural norm in another part of the world. And those are things that, yes, we're going to learn from. But, you're right, that commercial won't show in the United States.

First of all, who in the plastic fork are YOU?!?  Because YOU are a "Christian", you've decided - for your entire company - that a pro-gay ad won't run in the U.S.???  And I love how Christians will always claim they're not imposing their beliefs on others - while they impose their beliefs on others.

Consider this: can you imagine if a major American company hired a devout Muslim COO from Saudi Arabia who was a follower of Sharia law?  And this COO decided that men and women weren't allowed to be in the same room at company headquarters, and women couldn't drive company cars and must keep their heads covered at all times??

And when questioned about this, the COO honestly replied:  "But I'm a good Muslim, and to do otherwise would offend me and my religion".

The right wing of this country would go completely insane.

As always, when Christians impose their backwards beliefs on others (even at major American corporations), it's fine and good and "American".  If anyone else (like the dirty French or the fancy Homersexticals) has a different idea of how people should be treated in this country, God's Gentle People scream "COMMUNISM!", get out their shotguns and head to a Tea Party rally.  Followed by devout prayer at their "church". Disgusting.

I got news for McDonald's - I am (seriously) one of your biggest customers [insert fat joke HERE].  But I don't care how badly I crave a Sausage Biscuit with Cheese (or two) - you ain't getting a thin dime of my heathen homo money until that rat bastard Donald Johnson apologizes AND runs gay-positive ads in the United States.

Don't mess with this fat biatch, I can't breath and I ain't playing ...

I Pray This Is Real: McRibbles

This is supposedly a leaked ad for McDonald's latest product - McRibbles.  Basically, they are McRib sandwiches in McNugget form.

Dear Baby Jeebus: Thank you for hearing and answering my prayers.  Amen.

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UPDATE:  If you like the idea of bite-size nuggets of processed "pork product" slathered in flavored corn starch BBQ sauce, then JOIN THE FACEBOOK GROUP.