Best Wedding Invite Ever

I should go ahead and get the "David - Franky G" invites printed now...

Dear Franky G ...

You can no longer use "But it's ILLEGAL!" as an excuse. Time to make an honest woman out of me...

.

Wait Till They See The Baby

My liver function tests keep coming back with red exclamation marks, so yesterday my doctor scheduled me for an ultrasound to take a look at what's going on. Won't everyone be surprised when they find Franky G's immaculately-conceived baby growing in my tummy!

MAURY says: "Franky G, you ARE the father!"

Until my ultrasound (on Wednesday), I'm forbidden from drinking - since Bacardi Limon and Livers get along like Sarah Palin and Facts. In fact, I haven't had even a sip of hooch since brunch on May 8th. Not that I'm counting or anything...

In other news, my blood pressure - after being normal for years (despite my 'morbid obesity' - yes, that's what it says on my chart), has increased the past 3 doctor visits. So now I'm taking blood pressure medication - yet another pill to add to the daily regimen.

Also, my doctor is referring me to a Shrink, so we can figure out which variety of Crazy Pills are the best for me. But Dr. Crazy better not even THINK about dealing with my Franky G delusions - I'd prefer to keep those just the way they are, thankyouverymuch.

And, finally, I'm still wrangling with teeth issues, which - as Jeebus is my witness - will also be handled next week.

Bottom line: My liver drama and high blood pressure are probably a result of me weighing 300 pounds (see "Morbid Obesity", above). So, yeah, I should probably do something about that before I drop dead.

Unless, of course, I AM pregnant - then we'll blame Franky G and his baby for this enormous belly.

.

Oh The PAIN ...

I won't know for sure until my doctor is consulted, but there's a 99.99% chance that I have Shingles - and it is NO JOKE. I haven't felt pain like this since the day the Manhattan Arby's closed, or when Fox cancelled Jonny Zero in 2005. Posting will be light until my doctor can be found and medication (PAINKILLERS!!) can be obtained. In the meantime, enjoy 46 seconds of my husband-in-my-head Franky G in the late, lamented Jonny Zero:

Valentine's Reservations Available ... at White Castle

Every Valentine's Day many White Castle restaurants go all out - with tablecloths, table service and fresh flowers - for their Valentine's Day dinner. You can even make reservations.

I just wish incredibly sexy actor Franky G would overcome his obvious shyness (not to mention his heterosexuality) and at long last ask me out on a date. Here is what our my fantasy Valentine's Day dinner would look like.

The only thing that would make it better is if we were spending our dream date at Arby's instead of White Castle.

.

I'm Gonna Try This With Franky G !

Franky G - Hottest Man on the Planet

A Chicago woman cooked up a brilliant plan to get her boyfriend to marry her - she called the police on him! Ana Perez dialed 911 and said that her boyfriend, who was actually trying to break up with her, was ASSAULTING her (Hey - if the sex is good a breakup can be considered assault. Look it up). Ms. Perez hoped that when police arrived, they would convince him not to break up with her - but to MARRY her. Brilliant plan!!!

I'm putting NYC's 8th Precinct on speed-dial right now in order to make my dream wedding happen this year:

Source

Stalking ...

... how you do it makes all the difference. Which is what I tried to explain to the Judge in the recent "David Dust v. Franky G" restraining order case.

.

Save The Date: I'm Getting Gaymarried in Hong Kong!

I read yesterday that a McDonald's in Hong Kong will soon do weddings, so I sprang into action and began preparing for my Big Gay Fast Food Wedding. This is what's still on my bridal "Things to Do" list:

• Kidnap my future husband, actor Franky G.
• Convince Mr. G that he is no longer straight.
• Make sure the Big Mac canapés served at the reception don't have pickles. I HATES pickles.
• Check with the Arby's of Middle Village, Queens to see if they will make me a better offer.
• Three words: WEDDING CAKE TASTING

So, who's up for a road trip???

My Birthday Wish: Franky G and Me, Sitting In a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

It's no secret that I find actor Franky G to be the most gorgeous papi in Gorgeouspapiville.  In fact, I'm probably the ONLY person who was devastated when Fox cancelled Jonny Zero ...

Cousin-Lovin'

Here in New York, I can't marry the man of my dreams (Franky G, are you listening?) - but I COULD marry my cousin.  As long as my cousin wasn't a man.  That's seriously messed up...

Vintage Franky G.

I haven't posted any pictures of Franky G - my all-time favorite Papi - in a while. So here's one which looks like it was taken in the late 80's or early 90's. Notice the Flashdance-esque neckline of the sweatshirt and the fierce neon colors. He certainly wears it well...

It's Mah Birfday!

I wonder how many Weight Watchers points I could consume at Arby's after work tonight? Hmmmm?? ....

No plans for celebrating my 42nd birthday today - because there will be plenty of celebrating over the weekend with Maddie and Ginger. But I AM taking the rest of the day off from blogging. And BTW, if any of you know the whereabouts of Franky G, please send him to my apartment immediately...

Don't forget to watch Top Chef tonight - and look for The Minx's recap sometime tomorrow.

>P, B!

"Opposite Marriage" FAIL

Alternate Title: "Stuff You Won't See At A Gay Wedding".

OK, you might see that last picture at a gay wedding - at least MY gay wedding. I wouldn't mind my future husband Franky G crawling under my dress... TO GET PICTURES TAKEN, of course.

Franky G Will Cheer Me Up...

When I'm feeling a little stressed or down, all I have to do is take a look at Franky G and the world seems like a much better place...

Seriously, Franky G. is the hottest man in the entire history of Hombres Calientes. I thought I owned every picture of him known to mankind (do a Google Image search - you'll see) - until Dust Bunny AKA43 sent me the three hot pictures above. Thank you, Darling Dust Bunny, for brightening my day. And thank YOU, Franky G., for being my imaginary straight husband...

Peace, Bitch

Hot Papi Franky G. prefers the two-handed Peace, Bitch sign. However, I think Kailyn told me that when you use TWO hands, it means something else entirely. Whatever it means, I still want to make babies with Señor G.

>P, b.

Franky G Will Bring Us Good Luck

Bitches - I'm bringing out the big guns for Obama today! Franky G is my absolute favorite papi in the world (spotting him on the street was one of the biggest days of my life). In fact, do a Google image search of "Franky G" and see how many DavidDust entries you find. Seriously - it's hysterical.

Anywhoo - I'm posting some of the best pics of Franky G today for good luck. Give him a little rub before you go out and vote.

Franky G would never let us down...

Blogiversary Hotties - Blasts From The Past

Last, but certainly not least, we have my all-time favorite Papi, Franky G. Do a Google Image search of "Franky G" some time, and see how many DavidDust pics come up!

Franky G on Friday

If Franky G can't get me into a better mood, no one can. It's been too long since I've seen my favorite Papi....

Franky G. on Friday

It's been a while since I've shared my top Papi with you. As you can see, Franky G. is extremely fond of the double "peace out" hand gesture. Or maybe it's "V for Victory"? Whatever it is, it's working for ME...