Project Runway Episode Twelve - "Reunion"

Since last night’s Project Runway episode was the reunion special and not a typical beginning/middle/end “story” episode, I’m just going to point out some highlights and lowlights. No bells and whistles and no Tranny Ice Cream – just some simple and humble opinions from yours truly.

● First of all, I miss the old “reunion” format – when all the designers would meet for cocktails, get shitfaced, and THEN tape the show. Remember Guadalupe (from Season 2) slurring her words and talking smack?!? Now THAT was good television. But then again, we would have had to suffer through Ricky’s “beer tears” – which would NOT have been cute.

● Didn’t you just love the way that Simone, the very FIRST loser this season, recalled being in an airport with Kit Pistol when a bunch of kids ran up to “them” for pictures? Honey, I am a HUGE Project Runway fan, but I couldn’t pick you out of a police lineup. Those kids totally wanted pictures of the Pistol, not of you.

● Although maybe those “kids” were really Vampire Slayers. Scary!

● Was Elisa stoned? Or was that just her alien weirdness shining through? I loved it when she said that little girls thank her all the time, because she showed that it’s "OK to be different". Elisa is now the “Queen of the Dipshits” (to steal a phrase from Sixteen Candles).

● Just how STANK was SourFace Victorya last night?!? What a joyless bitch! Case in point: when Tim congratulated her for showing her own (independent) collection at fashion week, and asked her how that experience was, she was like…it was “a lot of work!”…duh!... [rolling eyes]. It was so obvious she didn’t want to be there because she thinks she is SO superior to the rest of these losers. I'm sorry, but I.HATE.HER.

● Marion totally looks like a weird character from the Addam’s Family – or the love child of David Gest and Liza Minelli. Scary!

● Our little Mango/Christian has finally tamed that asymmetrical head of hair. No more “party” on one side, “business” on the other. It’s all about “the money-maker in the middle”…okay?...

● I TOTALLY think Rami and Chris are IN LOVE!! Did you see them together?!? When they were re-telling the Rami/Chris “deadlock” story, Chris totally put his hand on Rami’s leg (make your move Big Boy!!!). Eventually they were holding hands!! And Rami kept looking dreamily over at Chris. OMG!!!! There IS hope for us fat bitches after all!! That’s it, I’m moving to Jerusalem – I don’t care HOW “politically complicated” it is!!!

● Jack looked horrified when they replayed the episode in which he leaves for medical treatment. I guess it’s hard for a shallow pretty-boy to see himself as “Lippy McLipperson” – the newest character from The Simpsons. But after all the BITTER things Jack has said (especially about Chris) in the press/blogs since he left the show, I don’t have any sympathy for him. So come back next year if you think you think you got shafted!

● And what was up with SourFace’s reaction to the Jack situation? She said she was “upset”, but Tim suggested she was “angry”. But the best was when Heidi suggested that Victorya was a “bit uptight, no?” – and Tim agreed. SourFace had a look on her face that indicated she wanted to stab them both in the neck - with a rusty, dull butterknife. Of course, that is SourFace’s NORMAL facial expression, so she COULD have been thinking about kittens and rainbows.

● Was it just me, or did Ricky look PISSED last night (even in his new red hat)? I guess he KNEW they were going to recap the river of tears that flowed from Parsons during the taping of the show. My absolute favorite was when the producer (who you couldn’t see) said: “Tell me your name, age, and where you are currently living”. And Ricky started crying, and crying, and crying. They showed that bitch crying in EVERY hat he owned. “You’re really pushing my buttons”, Ricky sobbed. Baby, asking you where you live is NOT “pushing buttons” – asking why you suck so bad IS pushing buttons.

● But in the studio last night, Ricky was ALL BUSINESS. “So what, I cry!”, he snaps. I guess go-go dancing at the Rawhide is NOT working out. Bitter!

● I KNOW I gave a lot of shit to Leonidas Fatone/Kevin in my recaps, but he came across as totally adorable last night. And even more importantly, he actually came across as STRAIGHT. Those Project Runway producers are smart, they kept us queens really wondering during the season – giving us that faint hope that we might have a shot at him. Now we know that Jack tried and tried AGAIN, but Kevin is straight. Although he DID say he’s been to every gay bar in the city…mostly to the Rawhide to throw Ricky some singles.

● Even Mango tried to get a piece of Kevin, asking him if he wanted to sit next to Mango. An emphatic “NO” was Kevin’s answer. Leonidas Fatone obviously doesn’t like mangos.

● Speaking of Mango, I loved it how he described the whole Project Runway experience as a “Tranny Mess”…but somehow the conversation quickly changed to stinky Chinese food farts. THAT’S why SourFace looked the way she did – Sweet P’s Kung Pow Chicken Farts!

● Elisa is REALLY a weirdo. She writes backwards in her journal because it’s “fun to do”. And the spit marks come with “blessings” because that’s what her customers want (is that like a ‘buy one, get one free’ thing?). And what’s up with her weird “language” of ‘whooshes’ and air-sucking that she uses? Chris wasn’t having it: “Keep your brainwaves off me!”. My thoughts exactly.

● Carmen is another one that annoys me. I’m glad she’s ditched the 80’s/Klymaxx/“Meeting In The Ladies Room” look – but she’s still not my favorite. I love how she complained that she didn’t feel “missed” after she got sent home for her menswear fiasco (remember, the bitch didn’t make a shirt?!?). What were they supposed to do, hold a candlelight vigil?!? Get over it.

● Jillian to Carmen: “… mumble, mumble … enjoying your presence … mumble, mumble … getting close … mumble, mumble … miss you …”. That was comforting, I’m sure.

● They talked about the ONE challenge that made the judges lose control – the Divas of the WWE wrestling challenge. Michael Kors LOST HIS SHIT after Ricky’s Diva did her runway walk. Even Nina Garcia laughed – and I don’t think that’s happened since 1982.

● Jillian: “… mumble, mumble …classic moments … mumble, mumble … unexpected … mumble, mumble … to see Michael Kors crack like that …”

● They recapped everyone’s personal “Diva” names. In addition to hairspray-induced blindness, Ferosha Coutura now has a new move (pulling a bitches’ ponytail to make her bleed ). Jillian’s diva name is “Tuffie” (more like “Muffled”) and Ricky is the “Mexican Jumping Bean”. Rami is “Ramilicious”, who confuses a bitch with some drapery before kicking them in the back (I wonder if Chris calls him “Ramilicious” in bed?...). But the best diva name belonged to Tim Gunn: “Polly Syllabicus”. After using the word “obfuscation”, Tim has EARNED that diva name.

● Nina’s diva name is “Meana Garzilla” – which was “given” to her by a “fan” on the street. Restraining orders are being served as we speak.

● How fierce was “fashion victim” Michael Kors back in the day?!? Curly long blond hair, aviator sunglasses, hats with jewels, shawls, and legwarmers. But what in the HELL are "diaper pants"? “You name it man, I did it”, he said. Or was that “You name A man…”?

● They replayed Heidi’s “greatest hits”. “Home Sewn” and “Schlumpy” were two of my favorites. But what was up with that “who wants the sausage?” comment? Did you notice they showed Rami during that bit? Rami ALREADY has a sausage (Chris) – so back off bitches! And I got a chuckle out of Heidi “gasping for the right word”.

● Poor Sweet P. Not only is Jack Black stalking her (gross!), pretty much everyone agreed that her “Tranny Ice Cream” stripper WWE outfit was the worst this season. The P can’t get a break, I tell ya.

● And Mango still HATES Maddie – his prom challenge client/model. They should have brought HER back to the reunion show – just to antagonize Mango.

● Even though “Ramilicious”, the new, improved, “in love” Rami, was a total turnaround from Miss Pretentious Pants – I love the advice he gave to potential future Project Runway designers… “Have a passion” (about draping?), he advises…natch.

● Surprisingly, the “Fan Favorite” was MANGO (everyone expected Chris to win). That $10,000 should keep Ferosha in hairspray for 6 months or so…

● The fan favorite check was presented by last season’s fan favorite – Mychael Knight, who talked about his new fragrance and how Mango is “fierce”. Seriously, he’s not still telling people he’s straight, is he?!?

● As much as I give Jillian shit for being a Medicated Mumbler – they actually showed a fun/funny side of her last night. Her imitations of Mango and Heidi were pretty good. She’ll get those medication levels right one of these days!

● Everyone except the four “finalists” return from the final commercial break, and contemplate who they think is going to win. It’s pretty evenly split between Mango, Jillian, and Rami. Not one person suggests Chris. But Chris has already won a big hunk of man – so SUCK IT bitches!


Next week, Tim Gunn’s gag reflex kicks in during the Chris/Rami Showcase Showdown…


Till next week…