Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Fashion Show Ep. 9 - BRAAAAAAIIIINSS!!!

Last time on The Fashion Show, consistent winner Eduardo was sent home – leaving Cesar, Dominique, Jeffrey and Calvin Tranny to compete for the three places in the finale.

This week everyone is missing Eduardo, and the usual note is slipped under the door – instructing the Fashiontestents to head over to the Chelsea Piers. Once there, Iman informs them that they will be taking a boat ride to experience the elements (Earth, Air and Water) – which will serve as their inspiration this week. Which is about as standard a fashion reality show challenge as there is. Could it be that the producers of The Fashion NO are as “over” this show as the rest of us are?

The two Houses will compete against each other for the final time (Nami: Calvin/Dominique; Emerald: Jeffrey/Cesar) and the winning House will go to the finale AND receive…

Tell them what they’ll win, Rod Roddy:

Anywhore, they get on the boat and sketch and let the wind blow the stank off for a while. Speaking of stank, Calvin is psyched about the challenge because apparently he's some kind of Feng Shui Master. Which is puzzling, since Feng Shui is the practice of positioning objects in order to achieve maximum harmony. It seems that if one of the objects in a room is Calvin’s mouth, then there's usually lots of disharmony. Is all I'm sayin'.

After Mr. and Mrs. Howell, Mary Anne and Ginger finish their One Hour Tour, they head to the workroom for Mood Boards and sketching. Calvin is obviously in charge of Team Nami – rambling on about “Ancient Chinese Secrets” and such. Ancient Chinese Secret, huh??...

I know better - I watched TV in the 70's.

Cesar and Jeffrey are “like sisters” and are working as a true team. They also have the advantage of being able to use a vintage accessory because of Jeffrey’s win last week. Being a true Queen (albeit a virgin one), Jeffrey chose a jeweled crown to incorporate into their collection.

Calvin and Dominique, on the other hand, are working as a dictatorship, with Calvin playing the role of Emperor Palpatine and Dominique as his evil apprentice - Darth Giggles.

Isaac consults with both Houses – and spouts off a bunch of high fallutin’, fancy references that none of the Fashiontestants understand. Speaking of incomprehensible – Calvin’s “vision” for the House of Nami’s show involves snow, bare feet and sounds of the elements. If they REALLY wanted to go all elemental – they could use the universal sound of climbing snow-capped mountains…

The designers head to NotMood for fabric and then back to the workroom. As the day progresses, Calvin becomes more and more confident – but inexplicably transforms from Emperor Palpatine to Hong Kong Phooey, complete with Kung Fu kicks.

Day One ends and Day Two begins – and back in the workroom Dominique is starting to smile. I guess Calvin DOES know some Ancient Chinese Secrets. The models come in for fittings and for the first time we see Calvin’s pregnancy dress – which is really weird. But Calvin spews some gibberish about women and birth and earth and the source of life – and, like a good Apprentice, Dominique doesn’t question her Master.

Both Houses line up their looks and say not-so-nice things about the other teams – before finishing up for the day.

Fashion Show day is here and everyone scurries around backstage while the audience arrives. Guest judging this week are Gilles Mendel of J. Mendel and Glenda Bailey, the head-biatch-in-charge of Harper’s Bazaar.

The House of Emerald show first – and they send a flowy and light collection of dresses down the runway. Cesar and Jeffrey seem very happy with the results.

Up next – the House of Nami. Let’s see … how do I describe this show??? Okay… take one part Zombie movie:

Add a touch of the creepy girl from The Ring

And sprinkle in a little of Michael Jackson’s Thriller (without the choreography, music or the King of Pop):

And that is what the House of Nami’s show looked like:

See what I mean? The shoeless models slowly crept down the cotton ball-covered runway like they were in search of BRAAAAIIINS – and the audience actually looked uncomfortable. It was at that moment when I got the feeling Calvin and Dominique would win for this hot Zombie mess.

But of course the judges had to make it look like Calvin and Dominique might lose. They particularly hated Calvin’s pregnancy dress – with Isaac saying the model didn’t look pregnant, she looked “malignant”. Glenda Bailey said it looked like an advertisement for back pain medication. Trust me, not even Doan’s Pills wants anything to do with this mess. Furthermore, Ms. Bailey remarked that the models looked like they were mad because someone stole their shoes. No darling, they were mad because they were undead zombies who crawled out of the TV set in search of brains – and apparently found none among an entire sea of fashionistas.

On the other hand, the judges also had issues with the House of Emerald. They hated The Virgin Queen’s Crown, and also both Cesar’s and Jeffrey’s looks with jackets.

Time for the results. And the winner is … ZOMBIES!!! I knew it.

That’s right – Calvin and Dominique will go to the finale AND they win new cars. Tell us what else we have for them:

This means either Cesar or Jeffrey will be going home. But in an interesting twist, the judges send both backstage for an additional 45 minutes so they can revise their least successful looks. They scurry around – both ditching the unsuccessful jackets and trying to come up with something the judges will like.

After 45 minutes, Cesar and Jeffrey bring out their updated designs. The judges will write down the name of the person they think should win – at which time Jeff Probst will tally the votes and one Survivor’s torch will be extinguished and he will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. Or something.

Iman Probst reads the votes – and the third person to go to the finale will be …

Sorry Cesar, the tribe has spoken.

And, on his way out the door - after collecting his consolation prize of a year's supply of Turtle Wax - poor Cesar was haunted by a constant and familiar sound. A sound of sadness … a sound of LOSING:

So, with the three finalists established, I leave you with these words of advice from a very wise man:

(Link) View more Bob Barker Sound Clips and The Price Is Right Quotes and Sound Clips

What did YOU think of last night's episode??? Tell us in the comments - or I'll come eat your BRAAAAAIIIINS!!!



Kwana said...

Loved this post. I think the judges had it right last night. I was bored to death with Jeffery and Caesar. I'd rather the cold zombie walk. Calvin had me cracking up last night with his martial arts. I was so confused by his glee. Wondered what was in that soda can.

Kailyn said...

I am so glad that Jeffrey did not go home. And you watched too much tv in the 70s.

Beth said...

I really like Jeffrey...liked Caesar too. That bitch Calvin...well.....bitchiness rules I guess.

Wonderful post Tranny.!!!!!

froggy said...

Oh My Gawd - Zombies! Of course! Can hardly wait for Daughter to get home to tell her (you don't text Zombies to a nuclear power plant...)

Did you see Darth Giggles attacking the return of the token heterosexual (really!) male next week. It's going to be awful!

Calvin has enough quirkiness and evil for three reality contestants. Maybe he ate their brains during auditions...

Craig said...

oh my you were really on target with this post.


You are too funny for your own good sometimes!



Bittybis said...

Hilarious. Thank you. Someone over at Bob Barker Sound Clips needs to be told that it's "spayed."

Joy said...

I thought the same thing about weirdly dressed barefoot zombies stalking through the snow. I hated that collection. I thought Cesar would win the whole thing but think you're right about Calvin. Ugh!

The recap is one of your very best, and that's saying something!! xoxoxoxxo

Give me back Project Runway on Bravo!!

Miss Ginger Grant said...

"My husband! Some hot shot! Here's his ancient Chinese secret: Calgon!"

God, that commercial used to play a thousand times during TPIR!!!

I thought both collections were tragic, to be honest. I was very disappointed in Jeffrey and Cesars blandness, and I thought Calvin's color pallets was god awful boring! He is so full of shit will his Fung Shit bullsway that I almost puked!

I hate this show'g guts and I can't wait until the season is over so I can stop watching it!

theminx said...

Your Photoshoppery is getting better and better! :)


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