Thursday, September 18, 2008

Project Runway Episode Ten - Becky Homecky Looks For Work

On last week’s episode, everyone who has ever appeared on Project Runway returned. Bravo has just a little more time to pimp these Ho’s out before shipping them off to Lifetime (see also: Top Design’s latest episode). Kenley continued being “Stankley”, JerHell won, and Blayne & Terri went home. Read my recap (up in) HERE.

It’s morning in Manhattan, and Stankley has NO IDEA why she was on the bottom last week. But she’s “not worried what the judges think”. Yeah, those fashion designers, supermodels, and magazine editors – what do they know, anyway?!?

The fashiontestants meet Heidi on the runway to receive their challenge. Heidi introduces them to some “special ladies” – who walk out onto the runway. Since these “normal” women aren’t exactly supermodel-esque, Bravo uses the “oompa loompa” tuba music to accompany their appearance on stage. This is the same music they use when anyone who isn’t a size zero does any sort of moving. After seeing these ladies, the designers cringe at the thought of making “old lady outfits” (Leanne’s term). I'm waiting for the "Lane Bryant Challenge" to REALLY freak these kids out.

These ladies have actually brought their college graduate daughters – who are getting ready to enter the working world. The designers will be giving the daughters a “head-to-toe” makeover. Heidi uses her magic velvet (ho)bag to pair up the Mother/Daughters to the designers. They are told to meet Tim Gunn in the workroom for more details as we go into a commercial break.

Back in the workroom, Tim now refers to this as the “TRESemmé Challenge”. Apparently Bravo rustled up a sponsorship deal during the commercial. Besides, as everyone knows, there is no greater tool is getting a job than good hair-care products. Tim tells the fashiontestants they will have 30 minutes to meet with their clients, and then $100 to spend at Mood.

Straight Joe immediately moans about the “mother-daughter” dynamic and how it’s the “Eighth Wonder of the World”. Wait, I thought King Kong was the 8th wonder? Anywhoo, Joe notes that if the daughter likes something, the mother usually hates it. Sounds like things are just PEACHY at Joe’s house (with his wife and daughters).

The moms and daughters come in to meet with their designers. Kenley immediately bonds with her gal Anna – who will be working as an Assistant Buyer in the fashion industry (aka – “getting coffee for the buyers”). Anna reminds Kenley of herself, especially since Anna is wearing vintage clothes. This may be the only human that Stankley has ever been nice to, all because Anna is wearing a blouse from a flea market. Go figure.

Korto’s gal Megan currently works in a lab, and is thinking about going to medical school. Korto mentions something about her client wearing a lab coat, and my blood suddenly runs cold …

Proceed with caution, girl. The lab coat look is “a killer”.

JerHell also seems to bond with his gal – and they have many similarities. They are both tall, lanky, and somewhat awkward. But Caitlin also tries to stay away from being too girly – whereas JerHell can never be too girly. Ever.

Leanne’s mother/daughter team won the gold medal in the Loud Talk Mother/Daughter Olympics. OMG – these two don’t shut up. Holly is going to be a teacher and she needs something that makes her look older but not too old right Mom that’s right dear so Leanne do you do animal prints I love animal prints Mom loves anything that looks like a leopard although the boys at the grocery store call her a cougar. Leanne silently stares them down, wondering if you can surgically remove a voicebox with fabric shears.

Suede’s client is a photographer named Avital – who has brought along her no-joke Russian Israeli (see the comments - Avital HERSELF set me straight!) mother. Mom wants “very feminine”, Avital wants “not too feminine”. If they were familiar with Suede’s work, they would both be hoping for “just don’t make it too ugly”.

Joe’s client Laura doesn’t have a job yet – and is looking for work in the field of graphic design. I’m sure the ugly nose ring she’s sporting has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she can’t find work. Nothing impresses bosses more than nasal bling. Joe has decided to go with a conservative skirt suit that she can interview in. Why don’t we start small – lose the nose ring, slacker!

Time for fabric shopping at Mood. Korto, in a tribute to Stella, has decided to use some leah-tha. Joe heads directly for the Tim Gunn pinstripe aisle, while Suede stumbles upon a Pucci-esque purple print. “Just don’t make it too ugly” might actually be asking too much of Suede this week.

Back in the workroom, the designers have until midnight and then the entire next day to finish their looks.

Now is the time in the Project Runway season where we start to get a lot of “filler”. Since there are only 6 designers left, and many of them are boring, there aren’t enough things going on to keep our interest. This also makes it much harder to write a funny recap, but I’ll do the best I can.

Some of this week’s filler included a mention of some of the designer’s first jobs. Leanne worked at a small fashion label, Joe stole worked in the stockroom at Gucci, and Kenley moved to NYC after graduating from college with no money – just like I did back in 1992. I, however, do not wear vintage dresses and put flowers/feathers in my hair. OK – maybe sometimes.

JerHell’s first job was at McDonald’s – which was also my first job in real life. McDonald’s gave JerHell bad skin. It gave me an insatiable craving for Big Macs and McNuggets … and the weight gain that comes with it. I would have loved to have come away with only a bad case of acne. Clearasil can't help you lose 90 pounds, but it WILL eventually clear up your skin.

Suede won’t stop complaining about his client’s desire for pants. HOW DARE a young photographer want to wear PANTS while rushing around the city taking pictures. Suede thinks she should wear a pretty dress! I agree with Suede – when I think “crime-scene photographer”, I picture a gal in a purple Pucci-esque print. And maybe an open-toe sandal.

The clients arrive with their moms for a fitting. JerHell’s clients likee, Suede’s Mama makes a suggestion, which Suede says “looks cheap”. Pot, meet kettle. Kenley and Anna continue their love-fest. And Joe’s nose-ring gal doesn’t like pinstripes, but Mama and Joe work hard to sell Laura on the idea.

Then we have Leanne and the LOUD!® Family. Mom/daughter don’t like what Leanne has come up with. So much so, that Leanne has to scrap her entire plan and start over. JerHell refers to Leanne’s client as 'this week’s Hedda Lettuce'. It’s pretty bad when you’re as difficult as a drag queen named after a garden vegetable.

The clients leave, and work resumes. Suede – did I mention he didn’t want to do pants? – is draping a dress. Client be damned! Kenley and JerHell make fun of Joe’s “80’s business suit” with pocket square. As they walk out the door, JerHell tells Joe that he can “work on Nancy Reagan tomorrow”. Nancy Reagan wouldn't get anywhere NEAR that mess.

The next day after gathering back in the workroom, Tim announces another fitting. This time the gals are there without their mothers.

Joe is still selling Miss Nostril Jewelry on the pinstriped suit, saying the BLAZER is what’s really going to set this garment apart from the rest. How does Nina Garcia spell “fierce”? B-L-A-Z-E-R. Go for it, straight boy.

Leanne’s client, LOUD!® Holly Lettuce, takes a look at the changes and is finally happy. Suede’s client agrees to the dress – especially since that’s the only thing Suede has created. It’s like walking into an Ice Cream Parlor that only serves vanilla ice cream, and “agreeing” to have vanilla.

Tim calls for a “gather-round”, prompting fear from the designers. However, this “gather-round” is one of those Bravo sponsorship time-wasters. Jeanie Syfu, a stylist from TRESemmé, will consult with each of the designers. She also announces that the winner of this challenge will appear in a TRESemmé ad in Elle Magazine. The TRESemmé commercial consultations begin.

After the helpful hair hints, Tim Gunn does his own consultations. He visits Suede, and it is obvious that Tim no likee. He also no likee Joe’s “lawyer/banker” look because it has nothing to do with being a graphic designer. Or a nose-piercer. But Joe is “not that concerned” with Tim’s advice. After all, he made a BLAZER!!!

Tim really likee JerHell’s look, but has some suggestions for Stankley. Stankley says that “Tim doesn’t really understand me as a designer” and “I never really change anything for Tim”. Hi God, it’s me David again. PLEASE let those statements from Stankley be foreshadowing of her aufing. And please make her cry when it happens. Thanks God – I appreciate it. Amen.

Joe and Korto discuss mothers and daughters – and Joe repeats how mothers and daughters never agree on anything. This prompts a phone call to his family which goes something like this:

Phone rings, wife picks up.
Wife: “Hello?”
Joe: “Hey. Put the girls on.”
Wife: “Uh?… OK.” Daughter picks up.
Daughter: “Daddy!!!”
Joe: “I love you!!!”
Daughter: “I love you MORE!!!”
Joe: “I love YOU more!!!”
Blah blah … “I love you girls so much” … “You are my precious angels” … “Is Mommy still fat?” blah blah…
Joe: “Put Mommy back on the phone.” Wife picks up
Wife: “Hello?”
Joe: “Gotta go.” Click.

I think we see which side Joe is on in the mother/daughter struggle at his house.

Back in the apartments later that night, the girls gather round to discuss who they think is going home. They all agree on Suede – with Leanne poking fun at his dress by saying she could audition for the role of Selena in it. Stankley decides to crank the stank up a notch, calling Suede a “poser” and his design “horrible”. Damn – who pissed in HER corn flakes?!? I guess the only way Suede could gain Stankley’s respect is if he started wearing blouses from the flea market.

It’s runway day, and the designers have one hour to get their clients ready for the runway. Joe mentions to Laura about the doubts over his outfit – and it’s appropriateness for the graphic design field. “A job’s a job”, she replies – especially when you have a nose ring. Maybe she should work at a Tattoo Parlor. She could impress them with her neat BLAZER!

Kenley, is lavishing praise on Anna’s practice walk, but isn’t impressed with anyone’s else’s garments (natch). In fact, Stankley states that “I know I’m going to be in the top three”. Holy crap – she and Anna are wearing matching feathers in their hair. It’s like the Will & Grace episode where Natasha Lyonne morphs into Karen while interning at Grace Adler Designs. Before Natasha Lyonne became a crackhead…

It’s time for the runway show – and the designers and moms both watch from the audience. This week’s judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and fashion designer Cynthia Rowley – who is “the nice judge” on HGTV’s Design Star.

The looks come down the runway. Joe’s garment screams Charlotte Rae in Facts of Life – with a nose ring. I can almost hear Mrs. Garret shouting “Girls, Girls, GIRLS!!!”. The others, for the most part, elicit smiles from the mothers.

Heidi kicks the moms out for the judging. They start with Stankley, who talks about how she and Anna bonded because they both share the same stank style. Kenley even thinks her look would be perfect for Elle Magazine – prompting a clenched-jaw smile from Nina. The judges generally likee – and Heidi remarks that Anna has become Kenley’s “Mini-Me”. Stankley and Anna laugh in unison, confirming this.

Joe is next. Cynthia Rowley thinks it’s “interesting” that Joe thought “professional” equaled “menswear”. Translation: “What do YOU know about fashion, you penis-possessing LOSER!”. Cynthia has obviously decided not to be as nice on Project Runway as she is on Design Star.

While judging Joe’s design, Michael Kors does a funny impression of an old man talking about a “professional” look. This makes Stankley and Anna laugh out loud and then cover their mouths in exact unison. Those two are creeping me out.

The judges really likee the jacket Korto has created, but they no likee the jacket Leanne made – which covers up her client’s “cute body”.

They are all extremely impressed with JerHell’s look – and Caitlin states that “he made me feel pretty”. JerHell may be SASSY!®, but he seems like he would be fun to work with. Wait a second – what in the (Jer)HELL is he wearing on his head? I'll give you an appoximation...

JerHell just can’t rest until there is something funky on somebody's head. This will be his look for the "In The Bedroom" challenge next week...

And then we have Suede. Nina says “I have a lot of problems with this piece”, followed by “I will say no more”, followed by a silent frown. This was how many of Nina’s dates ended during HER college years.

The Judges to their judging – and here is the breakdown:

JerHell’s sophisticated transformation. He’s lucky they aren’t judging HIS headwear.
Kenley’s reliable and pretty print.
Korto’s sophisticated jacket.

Suede’s “disaster”
Leanne’s “frumpy” look
Joe’s “out of touch” suit, which Michael called “Becky Homecky”. Becky Homecky is my new drag name. Don’t piss her off, or she’ll spank you with a spatula. And squirt icing in your eye.

Furthermore, Nina calls Joe’s outfit “cliché”. Michael agrees, saying you could wear this outfit to a “Working Girl Party”. Based on the "conversation" he had with his wife, I bet he HAS been to a few “Working Girl Parties” before. In fact, he’s scheduled to be at one the moment he leaves Project Runway – which should be any minute now.

Commercial break. I certainly hope Lifetime gets some new sponsors – so we can see some new commercials. I mean, if I see that naked Bluefly Ho in the airport ONE MORE TIME… At least I won’t have to suffer through Rachel Zoe and Tabitha previews. Wait a second … Top Chef NYC … COMING SOON!!!!!! Oh HELL Yeah, Baby! I miss Gail Simmons and her Boobies.

It’s time for the results, and the six remaining designers line up. Korto is in.

JerHell is the winner for the second week in a row – despite his Fall Foliage Headgear. Stankley is pissed! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I love it when Mean Girls lose!!!!!

Leanne is safe – leaving Suede and Joe.

Joe is out – and Suede somehow slinks by one more time. It must be all those dead relatives pulling strings for him.

Joe packs up his things, saying he wanted to show his daughters to follow their dreams. Funny, he didn’t mention his wife… Oh well, time to get to that Working Girl Party!!

They do the TRESemmé/Elle photo shoot on the runway – and they let JerHell wear the oak leaves on his head. It I was a hair-care company, I’d think twice about that…

Next week: One of the Hottest Daddies EVER is in the Hizzy – L.L. Cool J! Tim finally tells Stankley to shut her trap, and there just might be some SABOTAGE!! Till then, bitches!!!


Tivo Mom said...

I know that Joe's was bad but don't you think it is bizarre that Suede is still around? I too hate Kenley and her condescending attitude. Please, please don't let her be in the final. I did not read the prediction post yesterday because I don't want to know. Thanks for the smiles today. Even with the filler you can make it funny. Tivo Mom

Avital said...

FYI-Avital is a Hebrew name... my mom and I are Israeli!

mikeinbama said...

Great Recap! Someone needs to stab Kenley in the neck.

Margo said...

Awesome recap!! Thanks! You made me feel as if I had actually watched it. We better get our power back soon......

Anonymous said...

You have a great knack to make PR much more fun and interesting than it is. I really look forward to your recap more than the show.

Terrific and funny as usual.....

Hug to kitty and Hi to Mom...

LB anon

carolyn said...

Your recaps are my favorite and yes, somebody take that dirty fork to Kenley, the delusional shark toothed copycat.

alnhouston said...

amen! your recap was spot on.

btw...i have power!!!

susand said...

Tim gunn is going to yell at Kinley!!!!! I cannot wait! this is a whole other side to him! Hopefully she's auf'ed because of it.

Sarah said...

Loved your recap. Actually all the Mother/Daughter comments pissed me off. Not all mothers and daughters are dysfunctional. Though in JOe's house they obviously are.

David Dust said...

Tivo Mom - It is bizarre that Suede has been able to stick around this long. But Kenley MUST go next.

Avital - Sorry darling, I was just going by what was said on the show. Thanks for checking in.

Mike - Yes, Kenley needs a stabbin'.

Margo - I hear the power is slowly being restored. Hope you get it soon.

LB Anon - you are always so sweet. Thank you dear.

Carolyn - Yet another non-member of the Stankley Fan Club! XOXO

AlnHouston - Please invite Margo over to watch TV!

Susan - I PRAY that next week is the Kenley aufing!!

Sarah - Thanks. Yeah, something must be up at Joe's house.



Laura said...

Did you see in Tim Gunn's blog that Miss Jerrell designed his horrid headwear to be worn by his poor client. She declined, but he just couldn't resist the fabulous! And now he's in Elle magazine - go figure!

theminx said...

I think you'd be STUNNING in a vintage dress and flowers/feathers in your hair. Ok, maybe a hat.

I loved Suede's dress. Sorry.

And cool- Avital reads your blog! And I knew she wasn't Russian. That's clearly an Hebrew name.

Don't forget to read my recap

carolyn said...

HI, Avital. I'm with you - I kind of liked Suede's dress though I thought the weird jacket would have looked better with pants. You did great on the runway.

Have you got any backstage gossip for us? I'd love to know if Kenley really was laughing at Joe when he was in trouble or if that was editing.

chef_the_city said...

LOL @avital... i am * NOT * in any way israeli, and yet even my southern-caucasion-american azz knew they were israeli and not russian. reality tv is not where the smartehs live, clearly.

wow, what can i say? i know kenley is a stank biatch, but i still like her, flaws and all. i can't help it. i like that she's fiesty and confident and mouthy (but PS: did anyone notice that she did in fact trim the tulle as tim suggested? not all the way, but wayway down). although, i really.really love it when tim lets out his inner bitch, so it looks as if next week will be a happy one for me all round. :)

Beth said...

oh good lord....when I saw Joe's I KNEW he had to go...that was AWFUL!!! Have you ever seen anything so ugly in your

I liked was really nice. Stankly. Lordy, I cannot stand that girl. She is just rude and nasty and ....whew. She has got to go.

But no one is really standing out to me...really, I could care less who wins. That doesn't mean I want you to tell me who wins tho! ;) But these designers are kinda boring..... :/

Anonymous said...

Shame on you for not picking up on that cow pie green Rami confection with the single twisted braided strap Heidi managed to grazefully wear at the end.

They threw Terry out for a bad attitude, how is it that Kenley is still in???? That dress was ridiculous, the girl looked like a toddler in it. And when they both laughed at Joe like the infants they are...I wish that thing had leaped off Jerrel's head and smothered both of them.

Avitalphoto said...

thanks for the sweetness...yea she was really laughing at was mean and totally immature...blllech. I liked the dress as well, but could have done without the jacket. I was very open and willing to whatever, and as an artist, i didnt want to screw with Suede's vision. I know that it was more about his design than my hopes.

Avitalphoto said...

ps I like that this blog is critical, but not evil...there have been some harsh words about everyone all over the net. My mom is FABULOUS and all those people can kiss our tuchisssses.

Jen r. said...

Funniest, review.. Ev-ah.

Renee said...

Great recap David. :-)

The "oompa loompa" music is called Doggy Fun. Uli Herzner used it for her PR Bryant Park show.

LOL @ Heidi's mini-me comment but Anna reminded me more of last season's winner, Mango, than Kenley.

Avital is such a pretty name.

shirlsd said...

as usual - loved your recap! watched it today & was so excited to read your recap. and as like you - I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK & LL COOL J!!!

(and thanks for the well wish on feeling better. after getting chicken broth, chicken, and assorted veggies, i decided to get comfort food for sitting w/your recap and watching p.runway ... arby's!!! home-cooked chicken soup stuff later!) hugs!!!

carolyn said...

Thanks for answering, Avital. Suede strikes me as a sweet guy, though kind of over his head in this competition. I'm glad he got a nice client like you.

Kenley is a true Mean Girl and needs to grow up. Boy, I hope she loses. She needs to be taken down a peg.

Dagny said...

For once I read your recap before I actually viewed the episode. It allowed me to fast forward through a lot of crap. Crap that would have made me later say, "Where did I lose those 30 minutes?"

Joe's suit? Boring. Stankley? Definitely next in line for a dirty fork in the neck. Suede? How does someone manage to suck worse than he does week after week? Enough already.

While I liked JerHell's design, I could not help but think, "When will Korto win again?"

Joy said...

I hated the laughing by the mean stankly girls. And yes it was creepy! What's with Jerell and those "hats"?

Great recap!


gyn said...

Great recap as usual, David. You had me in stitches:)

Can we change Kenley's name to Kuntley from now on?

PS: I love your picture! You are CUTE! I can't believe you've been hiding from us how you look like for so long.

Berry Blog said...

great fun David. some genuinely funny lines.

cupcake said...

Loves the term 'Becky Home-ecky'!
And can hardly wait for Tim to read Kenley the riot act. LISTEN to The Tim! With reverence and humbleness!

Kyle/TheBookPolice said...

How did I miss the Top Chef commercial?? Shit!

Well, come on over and read my recap anyway, even though I'm woefully unaware.

Reading this will not make you popular.

MissGIngerGrant said...

Sorry my comment is so late, but I just got back to my home and ran to the DVR to watch PR and DAMN!- the power had been restored before the show but not the cable! "But way", said I- "David Dust" will have a recap on his blog that is unbiased, journalistic, and non-judgemental!" Uh, no. Thank God! Glad Joe's gone- I always thought he was an idiot, and he didn;t win the Drag Queen challenge- Varla won it for him!
PS_ welcome to the drag world, "Beck Homecky!"! LOVE IT!!!!

Anonymous said...

You know, I am not a Suede fan by a long stretch. I can't really say he has made anything I liked all season, but I *adored* the jacket that he made this episode. Maybe it says something about my taste ( though I usually wear straight up black folks) but that jacket was incredible. I will agree that it did not go with the dress very well, and it could have used a third button as opposed to relying on two, but I really did not see why everyone was hating on him this week. Also you will notice that he did take some of what his client and client's mother said into consideration this time as well and that is actually a first.

The judges mentioned that the didn't look at the outfit and see "photographer." I will agree that when you are at a shoot, the last thing you want is a skirt ... but that jacket ... When I was going through my BFA program for photography I think that a good 2/3 of the girls I had classes with would have killed for that jacket.

Anonymous said...

Where do you find these hilarious photos that you include with you blogs each week? The one with the leaves on the head is almost exactly what Jerhell was wearing.

The blog was as funny as ever and made my day. Keep up the fantastic work.

suzq said...

Avital, you rocked the runway! Too bad you had to wear that nasty jacket and couldn't get a nice pair 'o pants.

Marker said...

Again, I'm the latest commenter - Seems I'm always out of town on Wednesdays lately and no hotels have Bravo. 20 ESPNs, the friggin History Channel, but no Bravo.

My mom is FABULOUS and all those people can kiss our tuchisssses
It's been one or two years since Hebrew School so I'm a little rusty and thus I'm not sure how to say GET IT AVITAL in Hebrew. Avital, you and your mother are fabulous!

OMG how much of an immature bitch do you have to be to laugh out loud at other designers on the runway? Grow the hell up, betch. What are you, ten? I fucking HATE Kenley. Someone absolutely needs to stab her in the neck. Bravo TV should auction off a chance to do just that. Betch better not have made it to Bryant Park.

Kenley, hon, you're right: What does Tim know?? Check back when you've been a Dean and department chair at Parsons and Chief Creative Officer of Liz Claiborne, sister.

Kwana said...

Sorry to be so late this week. My Diva rudely twin interrupted me last week. This was too funny. my fave part was Joe's convo with the fam. Perfect! You kill me.

SailorAlphaCentauri said...

I've pretty much lost interest in watching the show since Terri was eliminated (but I still read the recaps), but now that my favorite piece of eye-candy is going to be on, I'm definitely going to tune in!

Great recap, as always.

Cliff O'Neill said...

Sorry it takes me so damn long to get here!

Charlotte Rae in Facts of Life!!! YES!!!!

Oh so funny!

Love ya!

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