Last time on Project Runway, the fashiontestants attempted Potato Sack Chic (like "heroin chic", only more country) - Jay was successful, poor Pamela was not. And somehow
Ping managed to squeak by – despite creating a garment which failed to cover her models basic ASSets.
This week we begin, as always, in the Atlas apartments. The boys (especially Jesse) are salty about Ping still being around, and on the girls’ side
Ping almost forgets her shoes as she leaves the apartment. Don’t get me wrong, Ping seems like a total sweetheart, but the Producers are milking Ping's wacky for all it’s worth. I half expect Lifetime to add a ‘gong’ sound effect every time Ping appears onscreen…
And then maybe Grandma can suggest that Samantha take
Ping to the school dance, where she’ll meet her “new-style American boyfriend” before driving Grandpa’s AU-TO-MO-BEEEL into the lake. BIG LAKE.
Anywhoo, the designers head to the Runway to receive their next challenge. Heidi greets them and asks if they want to meet some of the most iconic fashion designers of all time. Then
Ping says something about Heidi’s Hyena, but SHE MEANT TO SAY ‘HERNIA’. Oh PING!!!
Sorry, I’m getting carried away. Heidi tells the designers to go meet Tim – he will give them their challenge.
They end up at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where they are met by Tim and 10 mannequins. These mannequins are sporting “iconic looks” from the museum’s legendary Costume Institute. Tim informs everyone that they’ll be working in teams of two (groan) to create a ‘high-end signature look'. And to do so, they will receive a record-high $500 to shop at Mood, and two days to git ‘er done.
Tim picks team leaders, and the team leaders choose a partner. Here are the teams…
Jay (who has immunity because of his win last week) and Maya
Baby Jesus and Amy
Sassy Anthony and Seth Aaron
Janeane and Ben (who in the HELL is Ben?????)
Mila and Jonathan
Emilio and Anna
Ping and Jesse
Jesse is NOT happy about working with
the weird Chinese guy in Mike’s room Ping. But Ping says she is excited to be the team leader because she is good at delegating responsibilities.
Before they leave the museum, the designers are encouraged to look at all 10 iconic looks for inspiration. Seth Aaron doesn’t seem as impressed with the clothes as he is by the fact that there is “no glass, no security, and no Pitbulls” guarding them. What does he want to do, stuff a Balenciaga in his pants and nonchalantly walk away?
Is that haute couture in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your bartender and your waitress…
Back in the Workroom, the designers begin caucusing. BTW – I am upset that Tim didn’t actually use the work “caucusing”, because for some reason I love it when he says that word. The world needs more of Tim Gunn’s “caucusing”.
The designers FINALLY go to Mood for the traditional frantic fabric flurry. Jesse gets impatient with
Ping immediately – she loses her sketch book, almost loses their $500, and then she loses Jesse. Even Tim has to laugh at her wackiness. Oh Ping!!!!
Thank you Mood!!! Back in the workroom, the teams meet and try to come up with a plan. And immediately Jonathan starts talking stank behind Mila’s back – saying Mila is doing all the thinking, while he is doing all the executing. Translation: I BE DOING EVERYTHING!!! Meanwhile, Mila has nothing but good things to say about Jonathan.
Anthony and Seth Aaron seem to be getting along swimmingly, even if they don’t always agree on specifics. In fact, Anthony says that based on the color palette Seth Aaron has chosen, they are obviously creating a gown for the Vice President of McDonalds…
Jesse and Ping, on the other hand, are at each other’s throats from minute one.
Ping states that Jesse is “difficult to work with”, although she admits to doing things “less by the book”. And by “less by the book”, she means “in the most infuriatingly insane way possible”.
Jesse explains that he is just “trying to reign in the crazy”, adding that he doesn’t doubt
Ping’s vision, he is just trying to make sure she has one. Which, if you think about it, doesn't really make sense.
Day One comes and goes, and Day Two arrives. After the designers get back into the workroom, Tim enters and asks everyone to “gather round”. Unlike “caucusing”, “gather rounds” are NEVER good, and Tim informs everyone that they also must create a “Look for Less” ($50 budget) which will be inspired by one of the OTHER team’s looks. It’s all a little bit confusing, and there was way too much information for me to write down which team was inspired by whom.
Tim reminds the fashiontestants to use their competitor's look as inspiration and NOT to copy it. With that said, Tim takes one person from each team back to Mood for $50 worth of cheap polyester.
A mini fabric flutter happens at Mood, where
Ping (as usual) runs around like a wacky Asian character in a John Hughes (R.I.P.) film.
Back in the workroom,
Ping shows Jesse the “very expensive” fabric she has chosen. Jesse, however, describes it as “a nice hooker kind of shiny synthetic something.” Oh Ping!!!
Maya is worried because her partner Jay has immunity and is flitting about the workroom and generally slacking. Jonathan is still talking unnecessary, preemptive stank about Mila. But Anthony and Seth Aaron seem to get along great – even though the garments they are producing are making me “dubious” (another favorite word Tim didn’t use this week).
Speaking of Tim, he comes in for a visit. He stops by Jay and Maya, and is worried about their time management. Next up is
Epperson and Qristyl The Bickersons Ping and Jesse. When Tim sees the “very expensive” fabric Ping has purchased for their “Look for Less”, he literally says “Ow!”, like someone just hit him in the head with a gong mallet. Tim says the fabric looks like “cheap and cheerful wrapping paper”, and Jesse gives Ping an “I told ya so!” look.
Tim visits Anthony and Seth Aaron, and Anthony is at his sassy best – calling Seth “Poppa” and warning him to “Stop acting up in front of company!” (AKA Tim). Anthony and Seth are the cutest TV couple since Stanley and Helen Roper.
Runway Day is here! Anthony is “stacked, packed, and ready to attack”. Jonathan is STILL talking about Mila and her “time management issues”. Emilio talks stank about
The Ropers Anthony and Seth Aaron’s “horrible” signature look. And Ping, in a rare moment of clarity, realizes that Jesse is much more concerned with his own personal survival than he is with “teamwork”. And to that I will add “DUH!”
Tim comes in to plug the show’s sponsors - Garnier, The House of Gongs, and The Cheap and Cheerful Wrapping Paper Company. The designers scramble to finish, and Tim does his best imitation of Town Crier … “Ten Minutes!!!” … “Five Minutes!!!”. Finally, he herds everyone out of the workroom and to the runway. As
Ping is being told to leave the workroom, she asks “We’re leaving?!? To WHERE?!?” ... To a really nice place in the mountains where there are people who can HELP you. Now just put on this nice, snug, white jacket before getting into the padded van...
On the runway, Heidi welcomes the designers and introduces the judges – Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and British designer Matthew Williamson. Let’s start the show.
The signature looks come down the runway first, followed by the Low Budget Beauties. Despite the big budgets, the outfits this week look worse (as a whole) than the potato sack looks from last time.
After the show, Heidi tells Baby Jesus/Amy, Emilio/Anna, and Janeane/Ben (who??) that they are safe.
Anthony/Seth Aaron and Ping/Jesse are the teams with the lowest scores – they are told to wait backstage.
This leaves Jay/Maya and Jonathan/Mila as the teams with the highest scores. The judges really like Jay and Maya’s “Look for Less”, saying their $46 look was better than the $500 look that inspired it. The judges also focus on the coat Mila was so meticulous in creating. The same meticulousness that her partner Jonathan complained about for the past 2 days… behind her back.
Side Note: I follow Mila on Twitter, and she was tweeting during the show last night. Mila seemed QUITE surprised at Jonathan’s behavior. Obviously, the designers were there during taping, but they have no idea what the other designers say in the one-one-one interviews or in another room. I can’t wait for the reunion show, because Mila seems like she don’t take no mess ...
The winning teams are told to wait backstage so the judges can talk to the dregs. Team
Ping has created a signature garment which requires the model to schlep a bunch of fabric around on her arm. Heaven forbid Ping's client wants to sip a cocktail or hit the buffet line at the company Christmas party – her hands would be too busy trying to keep herself clothed.
Nina immediately wants to see the garment unfurled. When she sees it, Nina says it’s just a bunch of fabric wrapped around a model – and she’s right. As far as Ping/Jesse’s “Look for Less”, the judges say it’s “underdesigned”.
Jesse explains that he had to sew everything, in addition to giving
Ping “sewing lessons”. Even their model throws Ping under the bus, saying that she was never fitted for her dress and was completely ignored by Ping.
Over at Team Anthony/Seth Aaron, Anthony explains that they were going for a classic Dior silhouette. Michael Kors explains that they have succeeded in producing a dress for a Cotillion Party From Hell, or a “Went With The Wind” dress…
I swear, in my 4 seasons of recapping Project Runway, I think I've manage to post that picture at least once per season. Miss Scarlett! Miss Scarlett!! Miss Scarlett!!!
The judges also no likee Anthony/Seth’s “Look for Less”. Nina Garcia, always the diplomat, states that both of their outfits were “really ugly”. It’s such a shame that Nina is too shy and reserved to tell us how she really feels.
The judges discuss, and the results are in.
Jonathan is in. Mila is the winner…
All Jonathan’s stank was unnecessary. Jay and Maya are also safe.
This leaves Ping/Jesse and Anthony/Seth Aaron. Seth is safe, and so is Jesse.
Anthony and Ping remain on the stage, and I am PRAYING the judges do the right thing …
They do …
Ping is sent home with a sad bang to the gong…
Goodbye wacky Asian lady. You will be missed.
Next week: someone makes something “shiny, short, tight and tacky”. What is the challenge, “Make something Heidi will love”?!? Till next time…