Monday, June 30, 2008

Design Star Episode Four - Stank Is Stayin'!

On the last episode of Design Star, ‘D Paul Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo’ went back to the Bayou, and Tracee continued her long streak of stank.

This week, a mysterious note is left in the kitchen, telling the designtestants to pack their bags, grab their passports, and head to the airport. Everyone screams and yells and jumps up and down, expecting a trip to some exotic destination.

At the airport, Clive dramatically enters, and tells the designers that the paint cans before them contain the name of a country, and one can is blank. The designers open their cans, and either ‘Mexico’, ‘Italy’, or ‘Thailand’ is revealed. Gay Michael gets the blank one, and can choose any destination he desires. He picks Spain, because he’s “been there a million times”. I’ve been to New Jersey a million times, but I certainly wouldn’t pick Newark if given a choice of destination.

Clive gets them all pumped up about traveling, and then the airport hangar door opens to reveal the infamous “White Rooms” that the designtestants will be working in. As usual, they have been misled by Clive and the producers – no one will be traveling today. LIES! And besides, did anything think that HGTV had the budget to send these bitches around the world? They're lucky to have enough gas money for those rent-a-vans.

The challenge is to design a room inspired by the country they have picked. The designers have 12 hours, and $500 to spend at Michael’s craft store. They will get 2 gallons of paint, and use of the “Love Sac” sectionals which are already in the rooms. I don’t want to sit on ANYTHING called a “Love Sac” – it sounds nasty and unsanitary.

Time for shopping! Mikey V (who is rockin’ a tank top LIKE NO OTHER) goes directly for the Thai Tiki Torches. Gay Michael, who speaks like Terry the gay hooker from Reno 911, tries to use the term “ferosh”. Honey, if you aren't Christian “Mango” Siriano, then you should NOT use that word. Michael states that everyone will be surprised when he becomes the next Design Star. No one will be more surprised than me.

Stephanie is working the boobies and picking up decorative branches, while Tracee is working the stank and predicting a big win. Matt, as always, is “super excited!” about this challenge. But why is he wearing a bath towel on his head?

Back at the White Rooms, Gay Michael keeps going into Stank Tracee’s room and telling her how absolutely fabulous it is, all the while rolling his eyes behind her back. Lies! Then he walks around to Mikey V and the others and talks about Tracee like a dog. Seriously, that’s just being evil. Along with “ferosh”, Michael’s other catch phrase this week is “Tee-Ragic” (“tragic”). As in: “Gay Michael’s incessant use of catch phrases is Tee-Ragic”.

Wait, did Mikey V just use the word “drama”? And did he just check out Gay Michael’s ass?!? Lordy, Mikey V IS gay! And has horrible judgment when it comes to scoping ass!!

Clive does his traditional visitations, and even HE is rolling his eyes behind Tracee’s back (and, I’m sure, thinking “Tee-Ragic!”). Tracee has decided that everyone is being nice to her now because she’s such a strong competitor. Yeah, that MUST BE it. Meanwhile, she LOVES her “Italian” room – which looks more like Cruella Deville’s bedroom, if Cruella lived in a whorehouse. The worse the room gets, the more confident Tracee gets. Remember children, stank messes with your mind!

Matt has decided to go “high concept”, and build an abstraction of a Thai Buddhist temple out of the Love Sac. What he ends up with is a living room couch-cushion “fort” with lights. It looks like it was conceptualized when MATT was “high”.

Mikey V, Gay Michael, and Stephanie are finished. Matt is trying to throw SOMETHING together and compares his efforts to “swabbing the deck of the Titanic” (VERN YIP – DEAD AHEAD!!!!). Tracee is hot-gluing crystals to her “chandelier” wall painting (talk about perfuming a pig…). Mikey is laughing at Tracee (behind her back, of course) and say’s “she’s a mess”. Goodness, not only is he gay – he’s a Catty Gay!!!! Me-ow!

Gay Michael, continuing his LIES!, is now HELPING Tracee – all the while telling her how good her room is. Tracee just KNOWS she’s going straight to the top this week. All the fabulous Gays say so!!!

Time’s up, and they head into the green room – where they are greeted by some bald guy and a midget. I don’t watch HGTV, so I have no idea who they are. The midget, however, is ADORABLE. Her name sounded like “carport” – and I’m sure she’s an inspiration to midgets everywhere. Or do they call themselves “Little People” these days?...

Anywhoo, the designtestants make their way to the Elimination Studio, and stand before Martha, Vern, and Cynthia. Clive does his usual “when your monitor goes off, your show has been cancelled” routine. Is it just me, or is this whole “cutting off your cable” thing just a little bit cheesy?

The judges really likee Jennifer’s ceramic-inspired Italian room, and Stephanie’s poolside Mexican cabana. Trish and Mikey V also seem to do well.

Tracee, on the other hand, isn’t nearly as successful as the Gays said she’d be. Lies! Cruella Deville’s Whorehouse bedroom is Tee-Ragic indeed! Vern says “I hate it”. ‘Nuf said.

Gay Michael is also on the bottom – with a Spanish room that Martha said could be “Barcelona, Bayonne, Baton Rouge, ...”. I want to know the last time Martha McCully, Executive Editor for InStyle magazine, was in friggin’ Bayonne, NJ. Maybe they have a printing plant there or something. Or a Love Sac outlet store…

Finally, Matt's cushion fort also lands him in the bottom. The judges no likee, saying it was “too abstract” – which is a nice way of saying “How HIGH were you when you thought of this!??”.

The designers go back to the green room to cry, lay blame, and hate on each other. Gay Michael is sobbing and Tracee is STILL clueless about how bad her room is, asking “Did is suck or something”. No darling, it was PERFECT. If Michael would just stop crying, he could have given Tracee a catty “Tee-Ragic”, but that bitch’s gay timing is off due to hysterics.

They go back in front of the judges, and Martha (fresh from her vacation in Bayonne, New Jersey) tells them that in the past, the “White Wall” challenges showed who was headed for Design Stardom. Based on today’s results, she says, they are ALL pretty sucky. However, that means that any one of them could be the next Design Star. Except the person they are getting ready to kick to the curb. And Tracee.

Jennifer and Stephanie are the winners – and Mikey V and Trish did well enough to continue on. That leaves Gay Michael, Matt, and Tracee.

“Michael – your show has been cancelled”

WHAT?!? HE went home and Stank Tracee is still here?!? That is just wrong. They obviously weren’t going to send Matt home due to his past brilliance, and decided that Tracee’s stank makes for good television, which is just WRONG.

I know you all think I’m going to say something catty about Michael crying and wanting his Mama. Well, you think wrong. Michael actually made ME cry when he said “I want my Mom right now” – because that’s exactly what THIS gay boy says when things go wrong. We love our Mamas…

Buh-Bye Terry, er, GAY MICHAEL! It was a “Tee-Ragedy” that you had to leave!!!!

Next week, some Country Ho wants everyone to get shabby chic. Till then bitches!!!


mikeinbama said...

I can't believe that Tracee has been in the bottom 2 or 3 every week, but yet she stays. The first 3 weeks and guy has gone home and something tells me that Tracee will make it to the final 2.

I'm going to officially say that the show is fixed. There is no way Tracee remains on the show after being in the bottom every week. Michael crying made me sad and pissed off. I knew Tracee wasn't leaving because of all the focus on Michael and his comments about her.

Great Recap.

Howard said...

I actually watched this week, in preparation for the recap!

Could Tracee be any more talentless? I mean really. The gondola with the limp member, the chandelier with the hot-glue jewels, and the mirror from some early Disney flick was just too much.

Gay Michael was obviously going home, as the editors realized his supreme over-confidence and featured it over the span of the show. However, while his room was not the obvious winner as he had planned, it was certainly better than Cruella's crib.

Mikey V's room was a bit Thai-restaurant in Shelburne, VT to me, and I don't mean that in a good way. But better than a couple of them, which is more speaking to the lack of talent this week than to the abundance of Mikey V's design charms, or maybe just to his body... of work, of course.

Jennifer's room was quite nice, and the only one really successful, at least for me.

As for the 'love sacs,' I will admit to sitting on a few in my day, although one or two might be attributed to the alcohol and drugs.

While it does seem wrong that Tracee stayed, I hope she leaves soon. After all, this is not American's Next Stanky-Biatch.

Gay Micheal was just shy of going into the fetal position when crying [with big ole gay tears] for his mama. At a certain point, however, I had enough and wanted to move on. After all, do I need to see someone reduced to a pile of tears? I mean, maybe if they had shown themselves to be mean and cruel, and extremely over-confident with no real eye on their own talents, then maybe. But wait, I guess that does describe Gay Michael.

SailorAlphaCentauri said...

The only part of this show I got to watch was a clip of Michael at the end when he lost...but the comments on the Best Week blog made me so angry (because people just made fun of him) that I was lost for words. Tracee's room looked like Cruella's boudoir...if the heifer were drunk before she decorated it.

It's horrible that reality shows have gotten so addicted to "making good television" that they will keep really crappy contestants on despite a lack of talent [Lisa, Tracee, I'm looking at you] and sacrifice good competition for so-called better viewing.

At least the recap was very entertaining (as usual) and gave me a sense of what is going on with this messed-up show.

That, and the love sacs will make my skin crawl for a long time to come.

TAMmommy said...

Great Recap.
Yep. Tracee has been in the bottom all three challenges, yet she still thinks she is one of the biggest competetors in the group? Now that is Tee-ragic.
I have resorted to calling Tracee, the Lisa of Design Star, so you know it is bad!

Actually, the desingers they met in the Green room were Angelo (and yes I fogot his last name, but that is ok) and Lisa LaPorta. The worst thing was when they all thought they were something special because HGTV dragged them out to met the designers!

I got a comment on my blog that the show was fixed and a woman wins....hummmm

aTAMMmommy's mind

Pam said...

I thought for sure Tracee was going home after that room. While I didn't really see Spain in Michael's room, he is clearly a better designer than she is.

Justinvsf said...

Gay Michael's tearful good-bye will go down as the most dramatic farewell in film and television history since Susan Hayward's "I'll Go Out The Way I Came In . . . Through The Front Door!" lady's room exit in "Valley of The Dolls." Except Susan H. was more butch, more glam, more classy, and was holding a wet wig.

Gay Michael has now learned that what goes around comes around, and that karma bites back.

Ok, so I am being vicious. But he was Teee-rrrragggic.

Kelli said...

It's me again, Kelli (yes, with an i, thank you very much). I made the comment last week about your "that's how they roll in Tennessee" line. I forgot about this blog until I read another Design Star recap this morning and thought I would visit you again. Let me apologize for my comment. I was really hormonal and pissed off that day, so your comment about TN just hit me wrong. Didn't see the humor in it at the time, though I do now. And my first comment on your blog shouldn't have been so uptight and bitchy.

With that said, I'm with you guys...I couldn't believe Tracee wasn't let go! Michael had done well in the previous competitions, but her designs have been pretty consistently bad. He was the most fun-to-watch person on there, so it'll be boring without him.

David Dust said...

Dearest Kelli with an "i" -

Wow - I have to say, your retraction really means a lot to me. I was hurt that you thought I was trying to be anything other than funny. Of course, as always, I covered up the hurt by being bitchy. So whatever you do, DON'T read any follow-up comments in last week's post. :) Regardless of what I may have said THEN, you are FABULOUS!!

And I agree, there is NO WAY Tracee should have stayed and Michael should have gone. Although annoying, Michael was fun to watch. As opposed to Tracee, who's presence on the screen is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. Besides, who knows what other catch phrases Gay Michael had planned for us!!?!!

Dear Kelli with an "i", THANK YOU for stopping by!... (wow,I made a rhyme!)


Anonymous said...

I have migrated to your site from HGTV and I love your sense of humor. Now that you have us hooked, you have to keep on blogging about DesignStar :-)


Anonymous said...

ALl I can think of is the B-52's song Love Shack and Kate Pierson hollering, "Loooooove SAC!"

Pass the brain bleach, please.

tammiemarie said...

David darling, your comment on my post made me smile! I haven't had the pleasure of knowing any gay men, so I was unaware that crying for mommy was OK! Thanks for clearing that up for me! :) Your recap was fabulous, and I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this show is rigged. America, it's official - this show is tee-ragic.

Mary Ceille Allen said...

Thanks for your input. Loved your post this week but it was hard to feel sorry for Michael. Although I agree about Tracee being stank, I just could not get past his bitchiness (fun to watch though).

My mom does not elicit me asking for her so I have no way to associate with that feeling but if it makes you (and Michael) feel better than more power to you. Maybe my children will be able to ask for me in a time of need one day (at 4 and 7 it is all the time for everything right now).

Good update and if the show is rigged its rigged. I'll still watch. Later tater. Tivo Mom

David Dust said...

Tammiemarie -

Well, you know a gay man now! Actually, you HAVE probably known gay men in your life, you just haven't realized it. We can be sneaky like that.

Many of my gay brethren would probably disagree with my "crying for Mommy" policy, but it always seems to work for me.

"America, it's official - this show is Tee-Ragic and NOT ferosh!"

Welcome dear - and come back often!


Joy said...

"Cruella Deville’s bedroom, if Cruella lived in a whorehouse" - love this!

Tracee is definitely the weakest link on there and should be gone. Very Gay Michael's room was not the worst one, but I am glad Matt didn't get kicked off.

Great recap again!

Joy said...

This season doesn't have talented designers like they have before. So far I'm not that impressed with any of them very much.

mistress maddie said...

Jennie-I so can hear love sac being in the B'52's song Love Shack!Thats fuuny as hell. Very funny recap David.I'm also with Howard on this with the love sacs.The two times I remember sitting on love sac pieces I have been drunk as hell!

AndyW said...

I still don't understand why Matt was the only one who understood that his room sucked. I mean, they all sucked to greater or lesser extents, but it wasn't just the bottom two that failed to recognize their suckosity.

Anonymous said...

Here's what I do when I feel down:

1, I telephone my mother.
2, She tells me I'm perfect.
3, I don't believe her.
4, But I feel better anyway.

Call me anytime.

Much love from Mama Bunny

Howard said...

Mistress Maddie, glad you could identify with me, but I hadn't realized we were necessarily talking about furniture...

VickiD said...

thanks again for another great recap. Last night's show SUCKED!!! How long will they allow the constantly bottom-dwelling Tracee coast along in the bottom group every single week??? And without Michael, who is going to entertain us??? Well guys, if Seasons 1 & 2 are any indicator, Tracee should make it to 4th Place, exactly. Year One, Bossy Bitch Temple made it to 4th place. Last year, Robb, who I personally liked but nearly everyone else couldn't stand, made it to 4th place. I just say it in a metered speech like reciting poetry "The Designated Drama Queen makes it to 4th place." Now many think the DDQ was Michael, but sorry Michael, last night disproved that theory. The DDQ stays till almost the end to keep us tuned in, hoping the see their bitch-ass kicked off.
And yes, I cried when Michael got kicked off and cried for his Mom. I have a gay son who lives in Richmond, but when life really gets him down, he comes and pays me and extended visit. When life really sucks for me, I want my mom too.
And you can bet that on the HGTV message board, the hypocrites who called David MEAN are laughing at Michael crying for his Mom.

Jen r. said...

You are too damn funny. Great recap... I agree. Why Michael? Even though he thought way too much about himself he's got talent... Tracee STINKS.The plexiglass I thought was atleast clever..The gondola out of foamcore? My preschooler could do it better...Same with the couch cushion tent.. Jen R

Renee said...

I must be channeling you because when I saw Tracee's room all I could think of was Cruella Deville.

Michael made me cry. And he made me want my Mom too.

Naz said...

You recapped the episode perfectly. Personally I think HGTV should have done a double firing of Gay Michael and Tracee. Oh the drama of it all~!!

Beth said...

you hit another one outta the ball park, Tranny. I cannot WAIT to see what those HGTV bitches ahve to say about THIS!!!!!!!!

VickiD said...

hey now, some of us HGTV bitches aren't all bad! :)

David Dust said...

I love ALL my bitches!!!


Mark in DE said...

After seeing all of the designtestant's (former) white rooms, I said to myself "If I were the producers of this show, I'd be very afraid. NONE of these rooms should come from the next 'Design Star'. Obviously, Martha has a hidden microphone in my house, because she basically said the same thing, only cleverly using her own words.

Mark :-)

Linda Merrill said...

Excellent recap. I still didn't love the crying for Mama thing, to be honest. It's one thing to cry on the inside and call Mama for consoling - mine is the first person I call. I guess I was just so turned off by his two-faced behavior (how's that for a jr. high word) that I had no sympathy for anything else. I happened to be visiting my parents while watching and even my Dad - who hates these shows - felt bad for Mr. "Tee-ragic". Dad is nicer than me, I guess!

Tracy said...

I look forward to your recap after every episode. You are great at telling it how it is, with a little spin of humor to go with it. I still can't believe Tracee is on the show. I was disappointed in Micheal's character. He is very young.

Thanks for helping me get over Tracee not getting her show cancelled again!

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