Thursday, October 9, 2008

Project Runway Episode 13 - "Home Sewn"

Last week on Project Runway, the designers went to the Boogie-Down Bronx for inspiration. After all was said and done, the judges couldn’t decide on a loser (Stella, Blayne and that weirdo Jerry are gone, after all) so all four designers remained in the competition. Read my recap HERE.

Note: This recap will be to-the-point and (probably) unfunny. There was very little drama, no big fights, and A LOT of “filler” on the show last night. I would have killed for some leah-tha, liciousness or even Hedda Lettuce – anything to break the monotony of the “This is IT, this is my BIG CHANCE!” boredom of this episode. Kenley was even semi-human – what the hell was THAT all about?!?

This week we begin on the runway. Heidi informs JerHell, Kenley (AKA “Stankley), Korto and Leanne that they will be going home for the next two months to create their 10-look collections. They will have $8,000 to spend and Tim will check up on them.

She also informs the fashiontestants that they must create a wedding dress that reflects them as designers as part of their collections. These wedding dresses will be judged upon their arrival back in NYC and one of the four designers will not compete at Bryant Park.

Stankley (still in stank mode) is the first to leave and doesn’t say goodbye to anyone. Korto comments on her “Stanky attitude” (see!!) and calls her “rude as hell”. Korto, Leanne, and JerHell hug before everyone departs for the sweatshop they will call “home” for the next two months.

A month later, Tim is in a Saturn doing his long-distance visiting. First stop: Korto in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Korto comes to the door wearing a house-cleaning head scarf. This makes her look different, because I’m used to all those curls up on her head. Is she between weaves?!? She tells Tim that her workspace is along a river, and she has taken a lot of inspiration from nature as well as from her African culture.

Tim likee the “gorgeous” beadwork and thinks the color palette is “stunning”. He has some concerns about the “sexual” nature of the snake-inspired looks:

Yeah, that's not very good. If Korto wants to go sexual, maybe she should go SAFE-sexual:

Tim also has concerns about Korto’s wedding dress – it’s not saying “wedding” to him. It’s definitely not saying “winner” to me.

Tim goes to Korto’s house to meet her family. They are greeted at the door by Korto’s big ‘ole cutie of a husband Benny, and their adorable daughter Elise. Also present is some ho named “Star” (must be her drag name), and Sarah Palin (or a look-alike). Maybe Mrs. Palin is just relaxin’ with the regular folks and hidin’ from the main-stream “gotcha” media. Arkansas must be her “undisclosed location”. You betcha (wink).

We are also greeted by a man in traditional African robes who Korto describes as her “drumming partner”. I wish I had a “drumming partner”. I haven’t had a “drumming partner” in ages. I love it when you get a good, steady “drumming partner” and you can just call him up and say “you want to do some drumming”, and he says “yeah, I’ve been thinking about drumming with you all day”. And he comes over about an hour later, freshly showered and smelling nice, and you just DRUM and DRUM and DRUM until your body just can’t drum anymore. No strings attached – just drumming. Goodness, I need to find me a “drumming partner”…

Anywhoo, Korto removes her shoes and in front of her husband, daughter, Tim Gunn, God and country – they get to drumming. Korto and her drumming partner are quite good together, and everyone claps when they are finished.

Tim’s next stop is Portland, Oregon where he will visit Leanne.

Tim is greeted at the door by our Silent Fashion Assassin, who introduces us to Nathan, her boyfriend. Nathan looked like he has a degree in Software Engineering with a minor in Physics. I’ll take Korto’s man, Big Benny, any day of the week – but you all know that’s how I roll. Nathan leaves to go solve calculus problems or play Dungeons & Dragons (or something) – so Tim and Leanne have some time to chat.

Leanne tells Tim that she was inspired by the waves she sketched while spending time on the waterfront. The result, as one of my commentators said on the blog last week, is typically “foldy”.

Tim seems to likee the “foldy” collection, but has some reservations about the “foldy” wedding dress. Leanne agrees to make some changes. Leanne and Tim then proceed to go on a completely unnecessary ride on a bicycle-built-for-two. Tim Gunn looks extremely uncomfortable and says “Whooooaaaaa!” a lot - which becomes an homage to legendary comedian Jerry Lewis and former Blossom hottie Joey Lawrence. At the same time.

Next stop is Los Angeles to visit JerHell, who is sporting some rather butch facial hair. Tim enters JerHell’s workspace and upon seeing the collections says “ … alright…”. Not a good first impression.

JerHell is inspired by “evening” and likes to mix textures. He also likes to mix genres, including this “Scheherazade meets Joan of Arc” dress:

Tim describes this as “a lot of look”. It is certainly a lot of SOMETHING. Tim no likee and suggests some editing. Regardless, JerHell takes Tim to meet his family and friends.

We meet JerHell’s gorgeous sister and mother, assorted other friends and JerHell’s “love interest” Dan. I wonder if a “love interest” is the same as a “drumming partner”?

We find out that JerHell grew up in South Central LA and experienced the infamous riots firsthand. In fact, the rioters burned the liquor store next door to his house. I would have shot some bitches from my window for that. Don’t prevent me from buying my hooch! We also see pictures of Jerell’s hot father – who spent most of his childhood driving trucks to support his family. This makes Jerell cry because everyone must cry during this episode. It’s in their contract.

Last but not least, it is time for Tim to visit Kenley – who is working in Brooklyn. Perhaps at the Brooklyn Docks, on her father’s old tugboat? After all, she’s strong to the finach, ‘cause she eats her spinach”.

Tim is greeted by hugs and kisses from Kenley, who has obviously realized how ridiculous her past stank was. She tells us she does value Tim’s opinion, and shows us a picture of her late grandmother – who was a “calendar girl” in the 1940’s and a big influence over her. While talking about Granny, she begins to cry. Kenley is either an actual human being, or she doesn’t want to get sued for breach of that crying clause in the contract.

She shows Tim her collection, and he actually LIKEE. Stankley is as shocked as the rest of us, and keeps hugging on Tim. He likee her painted silks and he LOVES her wedding dress – which even I will admit is pretty damn gorgeous. But as anyone who read my recaps last season will know, I am a sucker for a dress with feathers (e.g. – Christian’s ‘Chicken Gown’ from the Finale!). Tim calls her wedding dress “spectacular”.

Tim does have one “hang up” with her collection – so to speak. Kenley has used rope for the collar of a dress. After all, she was raised on a tugboat, and is “into” ropes! I have an idea…

That should shut her up for awhile. Anywhoo, Tim says all he can think about is “people hanging themselves” when he looks at that collar and all I can think about is how much money Tim has spent over the years on Psychotherapy. There are some serious demons lurking in there – I would bet on it.

Fast forward to 6 days before Bryant Park – and the designers return to NYC. First to arrive in the Westin hotel is Korto. Korto is praying she doesn’t have to share a room with Stankley. When she hears the door open, Korto prays AGAIN that it’s not Stankley. It’s actually Leanne, who admits to praying that Stankley wasn’t already there. That's a lot of praying. Korto and Leanne grab one of the two bedrooms, effectively eliminating the Stankster from their personal sleep space.

JerHell (sans facial hair) arrives next, and the girls break the news that he has to room with Kenley. He remarks that he would still like to go “to the tents” with Leanne and Korto. “AT THE TENTS!!!!”

Lastly, Stankley rolls in and is greeted semi-warmly by JerHell, while Leanne and Korto barely say anything. Kenley apologizes for “being a bitch” before they went home, and there is a knock at the door. It is room service with Champagne and nibbly things from Tim Gunn. The apology (and the alcohol) lightens things up between Kenley and the rest – and they all toast to each other’s success.

The next morning the four remaining designer enter their workspace, which is now called the “ Studio”. Bravo is determined to squeeze every last cent out of this show before it moves to the “Golden Girls and Meredith Baxter-Birney” Network (aka Lifetime).

Tim enters and asks them to “gather round”. It turns out there will be one more challenge – each designer must create a bridesmaid dress to compliment the wedding dress they have already created. They will have $150 and one day to make it work. The designers are less than thrilled, but they head to Mood anyway.

After returning to the “ Studio”, Tim tells them that they only have until midnight, so they should get sewing on the “Brother sewing machines!” (cha-ching!).

Work work work. Go go go. Korto remarks that she hasn’t snapped on anyone yet, and Stankley predicts it will probably be directed toward her when it happens. That’s a safe bet. JerHell thinks bridesmaids should be ugly (as compared to the bride), which doesn’t sound like a winning strategy to me.

Tim visits and sees Kenley first. She is doing a bubble dress with a … wait for it … “boat neck”! She yam what she yam. Or she yis was she yis. Or something. Did I mention her father was Steamboat Willy?

Tim thinks JerHell’s bridesmaid dress is “sloppy” (way to go with that "ugly" strategy). Tim likee the new wedding dress Leanne has created (Now 50% More Foldy!) – it “makes music”. And gives paper cuts. And Tim likee the foldy wave detail on the bridesmaid’s dress. Finally, Tim thinks Korto has created another wedding gown – not a bridesmaid dress. Tim then gets choked up and tells them all that he loves them. I’m telling you – this dear man has got ISSUES and I hope he gets them sorted out.

The next morning we get all the “this is it” and “this is my one big chance” talk. Let’s move it along people. In the workroom, the models enter and get fitted – then go to hair and makeup.

Time for the runway show, and there is no guest judge – only Heidi, Michael, and Nina. Bravo ain’t spending any money on no guest judge – Betty White and Bea Arthur can be judges when the show moves to Lifetime.

The models walk, and the judges judge. They likee Leanne’s dresses, which are described as “modern”, “dreamy”, and “beautifully crafted”.

They also like Kenley – although they think her wedding dress looks a lot like a recent Alexander McQueen. You be the judge…

Even though the wedding dress is reminiscent of McQueen (which sounds like the name of a gay Irish detective) – they think the dress is gorgeous. And Michael Kors calls her bridesmaid dress the “cutest damn dress I’ve ever seen”. Even Heidi, who deep down in her German core can’t stank the Duchess of Stank, calls it “crazy good”.

The judges no likee Korto and JerHell. They remark that Korto’s wedding and bridesmaid dresses don’t relate, and the wedding dress has way too many elements. JerHell is criticized the most, especially by Michael. Mr. Kors hates the “wings over her boobs”, and the jewels located over and under her boobs. There are a lot of boobage issues with this dress. Nina says the fabric makes the dress look “dirty” – which means he is definitely going home. Nina HATES a “dirty” bird. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

Commercial break. I LOVE Dianne von Furstenberg but I am SICK and TIRED of the woman she wants to be. At this point I look forward to Depends commercials over at Lifetime next season… Ooohhhh… Jaclyn Smith is selling towels at K-Mart!!

Back to the show, and the results are in. Not surprisingly, Leanne and Kenley make it to the Finale. They even hug backstage. It is down to Korto and JerHell. JerHell is out.

JerHell walks backstage and says, flatly, “tear it up girls” while rolling his eyes. If he would have put his patented “boo-boo” in there somewhere it might have been more believable. JerHell comments that he was trying to bring some opulence to his collection, because that’s what his design aesthetic is all about.

After all, he adds, if you want a basic white t-shirt, you can already get that from … Michael Kors (or maybe Jaclyn Smith). Meeeeooooww!!!

Next week is the Finale (Finally?!?). Stankley is sick of it! Jay’s crackhead model from season one is back! Till then bitches!!


Jennie said...

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I am so sad. So, so sad. I loved JerHell. But hells bells, those dresses were horrific. (yes, I peeked at Project Rungay!)That is one gay man with no love for the boobies. I need to see the other dresses now! I guess Stankley's moving on is good, because now the smack down she will get at Bryant Park will be bigger and more resounding (fingers crossed). Is that bitchy?

mischa said...

Vera tells me that a judge ruled(I don't think it was Judge Judy) the move to LifeTime was illegal so the show stays on Bravo. Huzzah to that. Bravo, Bravo.

theminx said...

Won't Bea Arthur make a fabulous judge next season?!

Click here for my recap.


Dagny said...

I was bummed to see JerHell go but that stuff was heavy on the fug. As much as it pained me, I had to admit that I liked Stankley's better. I loved JerHell's parting shot though.

Mom2fur said...

Give yourself more credit, David--your recap was very funny, even with so little to work with! If nothing else, you've got me wanting to go back and watch it again just to see who 'Sarah Palin' was.
When Kenley said she wished her grandma was there, I thought, "yeah, she'd probably smack you." But you are right, there was a little bit of semi-human there. But I still don't want her to win! (I'm rooting for Korto.)

Tivo Mom said...

I still laughed at a few comments so you CAN make that boring old mess from last night funny. OK she is in now but please don't let her win. I too am pulling for Korto. We'll see...

frogponder said...

I was so surprised at how badly Korto did with her wedding dress and bridesmaid dress (even my apricot bridesmaid's dresses were nicer and oh, my gawd even though now I have to say what was I thinking?!?!)

DD and I were charmed by Tim on the bicycle and he wore a helmet like the good role model he is.
Kind of the same kind of sweet moment that puts Wisit in our heart category. Reminded us of the time he was at Laura's and one of the boys tried to hand him the tortise - ak!

(Who knew folks did, um, interesting things like that with ropes? You learn something new everyday...)

mikeinbama said...

ROTFL....drumming parter. A good drumming partner will make you sweat up your weave...LOL

Great Recap! Hilarious.

fiberartist1 said...

Wow, did you notice that Kenley did not have any friends or family to trot out for us to see. Well, except for the photo of her Grandmother.

Let's see, the rest of the designers do not like her, the judges think she is rude...

Hmmmm, wonder what the common denonimator is with that? Oh yeah - Kenley.

(I will say that the wedding dress is awesome.)

chef_the_city said...

where the eff did you find that bitch in the ball gag?!? =D too funny, david, f'real.

my biggest LOL line: "I would have shot some bitches from my window for that." you sooo would have, too.

i know i am going to get stabbed for this, and will appropriately sleep w/ one eye open, but i think kenley's dress looks BETTER than the a. mcqueen dress. i know, I KNOW, no stabbies folks. if loving kenley is wrong, i don't wants to be right, so suck it. =)~

i can't wait for the final show b/c ultimately, all three of these girls have the potential to knock our socks off.

and you know what? i didn't notice til tim said it, but korto's snake detail DID look like a vajayjay (and i totes should have noticed, considering i have one, LOL).

Beth said...

GET OUT!!!!SHUT UP!!!! That dress looks JUST. LIKE. McQueen's dress!!!! Copycat Stankly!

and I was heartbroken that JerHELL went home....I like his skinny little ass, and his nice soft boobies. I will miss him.

I cannot wait for Leanne to win this and for this season to be OVER. Never thought I would say that, but it has been B.O.R.I.N.G!!!!!

Timmy said...

When I saw that potted plant on Gurrrl-elle's model I knew he was going home! Fugly

Renee said...

"Now 50% More Foldy."


Video of Tim on a bike wearing a helmet. Priceless.

Please don't stab me with a dirty fork for saying this but I LOVED Kenley's wedding and bridesmaid dress. Her wedding dress is better than the one designed by McQueen.

Joy said...

I'm so glad you posted a picture of that wedding dress Stankley copied. She did it again!

Leanne will win, rght? Who knew she could do all this?

You made a silk purse out of a sow's ear with this recap! Well done!!

chef_the_city said...

loves that people think kenley out-and-out copied the wedding dress...

last season's designers showed A LOT of elements that other, professional designers showed the same season (go back and look, you will see it's true) and no one accused them of "cheating".

y'all just don't like kenley and are willing to believe whatever, but the truth is that the likelihood that she saw that dress then proceeded to copy it is very, VERY slim. as long as it took to make that feathered fabulosity, she prob started on it as soon as she got home to have it completed by the time tim walked in 6 weeks later.

i know she can be stank, but that DOESN'T make her a cheater, even if it's what you would like to believe. i mean, aren't there ENOUGH reasons for you to dislike her w/ out making some up, too?

Marker said...

No, Jennie, it is not bitchy - many people (including me) are hoping for the same outcome. And so true re: JerHell's lack of love for the boobies.

LOL @ dagny - heavy on the fug!! Could not agree more.

JerHell's totally un-subtle jab at Michael Kors may not have been the smartest career move. Yes it had to suck to win last week and then get booted this week, but I don't think that was the best way to end his 15 minutes.

Renee said...

Chef- I don't get why people think Kenley copied the dress either. PR was filmed over the summer, correct? And didn't the McQueen dress just walk right before the PR finale was filmed? How could she copy it? It was basically finished when Tim visited weeks before Bryant Park.

Just because you're a Stankley doesn't mean you're a cheater too LOL.

sherri said...

I love your recaps.

Anonymous said...

The McQueen dress was shown this past spring(2008 fall lines) before Project Runway was bring filmed. The shows going on during filming of the finale are the 2009 spring lines. So cheater bitch had ample time to see and copy the dress. Like we're suppose to believe that she NEVER looks at other designers work. Whatever.

Kwana said...

Love the recap. Drumming partner. Perfect!

I had not seen the McQueen Dress but now that I have I think it's wayyy too close. What say you David?

I must put a poll up on my blog.

Joy said...

"Bravo ain’t spending any money on no guest judge –"

Right! They'd have had Vera Wang on for the wedding dresses.

I'm a teacher and can tell when people copy. LOL

Cliff O'Neill said...

I concur. There's no way Kenley could have copied the dress if she had been working on it for weeks and it the McQueen was just shown days earlier at Fashion Week.

The anti-social gal done good and deserved to go through this week. It was all he more gleeful for me to see Jerell and his metallic, bejeweled wickety wack go a-way!

But I did find it daring that he made an Edward Shevardnadze meets Joan of Arc dress. Whoda thunk it?

Anonymous said...

Get it straight peeps. The McQueen dress was shown 6 months ago. Plenty of time to be seen and copied. The thing is, no matter that it wasn't completely the same, both Nina and Michael immediately said 'whoa it looks like McQueen's dress' so it must be considered prety damn clone. Oops I meant close.

Mark in DE said...

This post was NOT unfunny. In fact, I LOL several times. Maybe its because, now that I've met you, I can picture you SAYING the stuff you write, and it just makes it even better.

Bravo for another brilliant recap!

P.S. I wanted JerHell to stay and Stankley to go home (duh).

Mark :-)

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