Blatantly stolen from DailyKos...
McCain House #6---Sunday Night
Cindy McCain: "John, would you please go in the kitchen and fix me a ham sandwich?"
John McCain: "Let me say this, Cindy. I how to fix a ham sandwich, and I fix a ham sandwich when I'm elected president. For starters, I know where the kitchen is and I know how to find it. I know where the plates are. I know where the bread is, and I will be the one to pull out the right number of slices and place them on the plate in such a way that the mustard can be spread. Yes, my friends, I where the mustard is and as president I will have a plan to spread it effectively. I this stuff because I am a maverick. I do it and I do it. Let's talk about lettuce. My opponent is inexperienced on this issue. I've been around long enough to know about Romaine, butter, iceberg, bib, Boston and celtuce, as well as loose greens like mesclun. But I promise you this: I will fight every day against the advancing red tide of commie cabbage and I'm not afraid to use force if necessary. I how to lead this nation in these dangerous leafy times, my friends. Now, I see the yellow light on my lectern is blinking, but if I may for a moment address another critical issue facing this country today, and that is the thickness of domestic pre-packaged ham slices. When I was a POW, we didn’t have ham, my friends, or even a chair..."
Cindy McCain: "Oh fer God's sake, never mind. I'll have the butler do it."