Thursday, May 29, 2008

Top Chef Chicago - Episode Twelve - "Mission: Eliminate the Lesbian...or the Douchebag"

Last week on Top Chef - the Winners kept winning, Spike snuck his way into the final five, and Dale cried his way out the door. And Lisa’s lesbian “Laksa” tastes like smoke. See my recap here.

On this, the twelfth and final Top Chef episode filmed in Chicago (before moving to Puerto Rico for the finale), I would like to remind you of my very first recap. It was entitled: “Episode One: Douchebag or Lesbian?”. What I did in that first recap was attempt to get to know the cheftestants by putting them into easily understood categories. At the end of that first show it was obvious there were MANY douchebags and lesbians on Top Chef. And these douches and lezzies provided us with some entertaining and dramatic television.

Now, twelve episodes later, we are down to exactly ONE douchebag (Spike), and ONE lesbian (Lisa) – and three talented chefs who deserve to be in the finale. So this episode was ALL about getting rid of either the Douche or the Dyke.

It’s morning in Chicago, and since we’re down to only five cheftestants, we get lots of “filler” commentary and much less action. Especially since Dale isn’t there anymore to cup his toddler-sized balls and scream at people, Andrew has long-since taken his meth-induced mania home, and all of Spike’s boytoys have been eliminated. So you can expect lots of cheftestants talking about how they are really "focused" on making it to the final four, and how much it would suck if they made it this far, only to be sent home before the finale. Blah, blah blah… Sometimes I miss those dramatic douchebags and lesbians – it always made the hour go quicker.

Quickfire Challenge:

The Final Five end up at Allen Brother’s, a huge Chicago meat purveyor. There they meet Joanne, who suits them up in FDA-mandated butcher-wear, and tells them they will be cutting up cows. Specifically, they have 20 minutes to cut individual chops from a rib rack. Joanne leads them into a big white room full of big men cutting big meat. She gives them one parting word of advice: “make sure the bone is Frenched”. I love it when lady-butchers talk dirty.

Spike is immediately confident because both of his grandfathers were butchers. Personally, my grandfather was a carpenter but that doesn’t mean that I can use a hammer. Just saying. But Spike does seem like a bitch who can use a blade.

Spike really does breeze through the challenge, whereas Stephanie gets all girly and starts with the “oh my, this meat is so BIG, and I’m just a lady!”. Get over it. Richard also seems awkward around big meat. Joanne announces that time is up and yells “get your meat and let’s head out!”. I want to go to a gay bar with Joanne sometime. You just KNOW she starts harassing the go-go boys with catcalls of “let’s see that MEAT!!!” after her fourth Sloe Gin Fizz.

Everyone returns to the Top Chef Kitchen, where we see Padma and “legendary” Chicago Chef Rick Tramonto – the Guest Judge for this challenge.

The second part of the Quickfire Challenge is for the cheftestants to cook the chops they have just butchered to a perfect “medium rare” for Chef Rick and Padma.

They have 30 minutes to cook their meat, and we get the usual scramble. Stephanie is a little unsure of herself and her timing, Antonia is putting “love” into her meat, and Lisa is admiring Spike’s meat – even complimenting him on how nice it looks. Hey, if a LESBIAN is admiring it, then that must be some pretty meat.

“Utensils down, hands up!”. Why is Stephanie giving us ‘Jazz Hands’?

Chef Rick, who has the personality of a Tampon Vending Machine, walks around and tastes everyone’s meat. He seems oddly angry and distant – like he is just one 911 call away from losing custody of his kids.

Tramonto announces that Stephanie and Richard were his least favorite, and Spike was the winner of the challenge. Padma tells Spike that he will have an “important decision to make” in the Elimination Challenge as a result of his win.

Elimination Challenge:

The challenge this week will be for the five remaining cheftestants to take over the dinner service at Tramonto’s Steak and Seafood restaurant tomorrow night. Mr. Personality inspires them with the following advice: “don’t screw it up”. Remind me NOT to invite Rick Tramonto when Joanne and I go to the gay bar to harass strippers.

Everyone will create an entrée and appetizer using the food found at the restaurant. Spike, as winner of the Quickfire, will get to select his protein first for both dishes.

The cheftestants return to the Top Chef House, and we get more “filler” interaction scenes. You can tell that all the crazy and/or drunken bitches are gone, because the producers are forced to show Antonia and Spike having an actual conversation, and Richard talking about having something to prove since he sucked at the Quickfire. Boring!

The next day they head to the restaurant for “shopping” and menu preparation. Spike picks first, and selects the tomahawk chops they worked with yesterday, as well as scallops. The unusual thing is that the scallops are FROZEN, and the other cheftestants glance at each other as if Spike just farted but everyone is too polite to say anything. Bitches must HATE frozen scallops.

They have 3 hours to create their dishes. Stephanie is doing a “sweetbreads” appetizer – which is neither “sweet” nor “bread”…discuss. Actually, it is the thymus gland – and you can imagine why they renamed it sweetbreads. For the same reason the Scandinavians named that barren cold stretch of Arctic territory “Greenland”.

Lisa is doing “Peanut Butter Mashed Potatoes”, and I’m starting to think they’ll be sending the lesbian home tonight. And if the judges don’t send her home, Antonia WILL, by trying to set Lisa on fire. Antonia has cranked up the open-flame oven that just “happens” to be up against Lisa’s back.

Spike’s frozen scallops are … frozen, and moist, and torn – and generally crappy. He is trying to suck up the moisture with paper towels, or as Martha Stewart says: “paper TOWELING”. Martha Stewart, like Spike, annoys me.

Time for Chef Tom’s kitchen visit. He startles Antonia, but they immediately bond over Spike’s frozen scallops. Knowing glances are exchanged – and Tom is visibly gleeful that Spike is using crappy scallops.

Obviously in a mischievous mood, Chef Colicchio decides to freak Richard out by turning up his nose at Richard’s “simple” menu. Richard’s strategy is to “under-promise and over-deliver” but now he’s nervous about Tom’s comments. Richard should have tried to bond with Tom by mentioning Spike’s frozen scallops.

Chef Colicchio is on a roll, so he decides to mess with Lisa. She tries to talk up her Peanut Butter Mashed Potatoes, but Tom gives her the “oh that’s nasty!” face and simply says “interesting…”. Lisa is now frazzled and Chef Tom’s work here is done.

Tom continues his mind games by moving on to Spike – who is still trying to de-moisturize his scallops. Chef Colicchio might as well be humming “Oh What a Beautiful Morning!”.

Tom: “You were OK with FROZEN scallops”?

Spike: “Yep”.

Tom (practically BEAMING): “Everyone else said they wouldn’t have used them. You must really be worried now. You KNOW we have to get rid of a douchebag or a lesbian during this episode, don’t you?”

Spike: “Don’t worry, I’ll find a way to sneak by”.

Tom (under his breath): “Good luck douchebag”.

Spike (under his breath): “Don’t make me cut you. I’ve got butchery in my blood”.

Chef Tom then announces to everyone that 60 dinner guests will be coming in about an hour, along with the judges and three “VIP Guests”. And HE will personally be “expediting” the dinner service tonight. If you’re not familiar with the term “expediting”, think of what Chef Gordon Ramsay does on Hell’s Kitchen – without the English-accented screaming, kicking, and verbal abuse. Basically, the Expeditor stands at the front of the kitchen and asks for shit.

The Three “VIP’s” enter, and look who it is!!!

Actually, it’s Harold, Ilan, and Hung – the Top Chef winners from seasons 1, 2, and 3. When asked to give advice to the remaining cheftestants, Harold tells them to stay true to their cooking style, Hung tells them they are here to win (not be fan favorite), and Ilan tells them not to shave anyone’s head. The Three Stooges would have been MUCH more entertaining.

The judges enter and GAIL AND HER BOOBIES ARE HERE!!! Yeeeeaaaaahhhh!!!!! And by the looks of Gail’s blouse, it is extremely COLD in Tramonto’s Steak and Seafood.

The judges (Gail, Padma, Rick, Larry, Moe, and Curly) decide they would like a “tasting menu” from each cheftestant.

Appetizers come out first. They REALLY likee Richard’s tuna and sweetbreads appetizer, with Rick saying that he would put it on his menu. They also seem to like Stephanie’s sweetbreads, but they question Lisa’s prawns and Spike’s scallops. They seem to be on track in their mission of lesbian or douchebag extermination.

The entrees come out, and Gail and her Boobies are “nervous” about Lisa’s “Choosy Lesbians Choose Jif” Mashed Potatoes. I am nervous about it getting any colder in that dining room and someone getting poked in the eye. The judges seem to actually like the potatoes, but aren’t impressed with Lisa’s “under-seasoned” NY Strip.

They really likee Antonia’s Ribeye with Shallot and Potato Gratin (Chef Rick finally shows us a little personality – all it took was a good gratin). Ilan found himself “falling in love” with the dish, even though it was “very rich”. What is he – 75 years-old? That’s the kind of things a retiree says in the dessert line at the Boca Raton branch of The Country Buffet. “Oy vey – so rich!”

Service is over, and everyone heads to the Not-So-Glad Storage room for one last “sip and stew”. But alas, this room is actually more Glad than Not-So-Glad – with Lisa saying that “everyone’s fucking awesome” and hopes they all stay in touch. I’m sure the other four gave her fake email addresses.

Padma comes in and tells them all to report to the judge's table. The cheftestants stand before them, and you just KNOW that Richard, Antonia, and Stephanie are waiting to receive their tickets to Puerto Rico. Spike and Lisa…not so much.

Richard’s appetizer is commended as “brilliant” by Chef Tramonto, but Gail and her Boobies had some issues with Richard’s entrée. Conversely, the judges really likee Antonia’s entrée, but had issues with her appetizer

Stephanie is commended for her great attitude, and for never showing that she’s under pressure. Except for right now – because she looks like she’s about to have a nervous breakdown. Rick (who has perked up considerably now that Stephanie is being discussed) thought her sweetbreads were “lush”. I’m sure there is some sort of hidden hetero meaning there, but I’m a fag so I don’t get it.

Lisa – who is her usual Judges Table enchanting and gorgeous self – receives mixed reviews for her dishes. But I have a question – why does Lisa’s double-chin ONLY appear at the judges table?

Spike, as can be expected, is questioned by Chef Tom AGAIN about the frozen scallops. WE GET IT: frozen scallops = BAD. Tom calls them “terrible” and says he would have sent them back if he had ordered them in a regular restaurant. Chef Tramonto starts giving Spike a lecture about how he should refuse sub-par ingredients like these from food suppliers.

And then Spike does it – he GOES THERE. He just cant control himself. All of those weeks of sneaky strategies, avoiding trouble, and squeaking by come to a crashing end with this reply to Chef Rick:

“With all due respect – they WERE in your walk-in”. Oh shit.

Tramonto, who seems to simmer just below “boil” most of the time, ERUPTS. “I’ll take the shot!” – he yells; but adds that Spike has to take the shot for using the crappy scallops that were found in his freezer. Spike is finished, and lamely shakes Tramonto’s hand on his way back to the NSG Storage Room.

It is definitely NOT-So-Glad again, and Spike can’t believe the verbal diarrhea that just squirted out of his mouth. Lisa, on the other hand, pops the biggest culinary boner of the season and prays to Xena: Warrior Princess that Spike has just guaranteed her trip to Puerto Rico.

The judges do their judging, and it’s obvious that Richard, Stephanie, and Antonio are going to the finale. It is also obvious that a lesbian or a douchebag will be going home. At this point I’m betting on the douchebag.

All are called back in, and Rick (who has calmed down somewhat) announces that Stephanie is the winner and will be going to the finale. She wins a copy of Rick's new cookbook and Padma then announces that Stephanie also wins a “suite” of GE Monogram Kitchen Appliances. The producers then force Stephanie to say “GE Monogram Kitchen Appliances” three more times in one-on-one interviews. They also make her do a couple of “woo hoo’s!” for good measure. GE probably had “woo hoos!” written into their sponsorship contract. After all, appliances ARE expensive.

Richard and Antonia are also safe – and the three of them leave the room and hug in the Glad-Again Storage Room.

It’s down to the Lesbian with the double chin versus the Douchebag with the big mouth. Tom notes that Lisa has been in the bottom group 5 times, and Spike has been there 7 times. Considering there have only been 12 challenges, those are some pretty impressive totals.

Tom doesn’t think that Lisa pushes herself hard enough, but he still can’t get over Spike’s use of frozen scallops. And ultimately it is his use of said scallops (and Spike's dissing of Rick Tramonto’s foodstuffs) that gets him sent home.

“Spike, please pack your fugly hats and your knives and go”. Spike thanks the judges, hugs the others, and departs. Mission: “Eliminate a Douchebag”. Mission: Accomplished.

That means that Lisa will be going to Puerto Rico for the finale. “I’m definitely going to bring it” she tells the judges. By “it”, I hope she is referring to shampoo. She adds that she is going to “shock the shit out of the judges”. We shall see.

Next Week: Lisa shocks the shit out of the judges with freshly cut and washed hair! Till then bitches!!


Eileen said...

I think you were right when you said the producers want a woman to win. I think they kept Lisa in to increase the odds. Maybe we should send her some shampoo!!!
I gave you credit on my blog about this issue!!!

SailorAlphaCentauri said...

I had initially thrown in the towel on watching the finale because Lisa got through, but I apparently wasn't paying that much attention to the stuff that Spike stupidly spewed out to the judge (I probably won't watch, but who knows). I was doing the dishes, heard some shouting, and just assumed they were going to get rid of Spike anyway. I'm bored when I'm right (and I've been right for the past three weeks). I'm not sure I want to see the finale, considering that they should've just gotten rid of Spike and Lisa and spare the rest of us having to watch three people who deserve to be there plus one. One should not be reminded of the "One of these things is not like the other" song when watching a cooking competition.

Great recap for a not-so-great episode. I don't care if Lisa does wash her hair, that won't make her a better chef.

I did notice that Stephanie almost swore when she was "celebrating" winning the appliances. She was trying to sound excited when an expletive almost escaped her lips.

And the whole "lush" thing? Yeah, I don't get that either. I hear that word and think of either alcoholics or people to lazy to say something is "luscious" and needlessly abbreviate things.

SailorAlphaCentauri said...

...and what was the deal with the frozen scallops? I didn't know restaurateurs got so damn picky about things like that (and that you can send stuff back to the distributor instead of sucking it up and making use of a bad situation). And if they are so bad, why were they in that freezer? Hmmm...

John said...

As I say in my own play-by-play, I was happy to see Mr. Asshat go, though it really wasn't as good for me as I thought it'd be. Still, I just cannot get over Spike's propensity for inserting foot into mouth! The boy ain't right.

Dan said...

Harold, thats his name! I thought it was George, he looks like a George. Thank you for adding some life into a very boring show!

Psychomom said...

What a douchebag! Thank You for opening your stupid mouth in front of Tom and showing your true colors. When he tried to kiss some guest judge ass, I knew he was doomed, Tom had enough of that crap! Lisa will be next to go, she isn't a leader and has a bad attitude and a double chin.

Oh you suckling baby! I so thought of you when Mama Gail entered the room with her 'golden boobies', they like covered the whole screen.

It is an estrogen season and someone with boobies is gonna win, I can feel it in my nipples.

Go dust bunnies!

*~~*Inger*~~* said...

Hey sailor (lol), frozen scallops would be a no-no in a fine dining restaurant for a number of reasons, the first being quality. When something delicate such as a scallop, is frozen, it looses a lot of its texture and flavor. It might be OK for a place like Red Lobster to sell on their menu scallops that had been frozen, and they most likely were. A talented cook/chef worth his or her salt would never stoop to that level though. ;-)

David, brilliant recap as always love!

Kwana said...

Perfect recap as Always. Thanks Dear David. You made me at least look forward to having Lisa around next week. Now I have someone to read and write about. You know I was hurting so bad.
I loved how you described Tom in the Kitchen. Brilliant!

Mel Francis said...

David, as always, your recap is almost better than the actual show.

The greasy-haired-Hot-Mess slid into the final four because Spike couldn't keep his mouth in check. Both of them were always so defensive.

Honestly, I hoped for a brief moment that Padma was going to tell them both to pack their attitudes and go. That would've been brilliant.

kenito799 said...

Hallelujah! SO happy the spikedouche is out. Awesome recap as always.

What gets me, is that once Spike's true skills were exposed to be the mediocrity that they are (excellent knife-frenching notwithstanding), we see that better chefs were eliminated while this douche hung on by his scheming. The challenges this season sucked, WAY too many stupid team/catering challenges, too few individual cooking challenges. Jen, Dale, Andrew--all should have had a shot at the final 4 over Spike.

Jennie said...

She's going to shock the shit out of the judges? Isn't threatening them with diarrhea a bad move?

Psychmom is killing me. "Suckling baby"! Killing ME!

Jeni said...

Hilarious recap!!! I wish it ended with both Lisa and Spike leaving. But oh well. I'm so tired of Spike. He thinks he so smart getting his ingredients first from winning the quickfire. Last week he thought BREAD, CHICKEN, and TOMATOES would cripple his competition. This week smart boy picks up the sinful frozen scallops. Thank God he's gone.

Lisa's got a new look for Puerto out now. haha. Not really.

Kathy aka the Minx said...

Wow, even the gay guys noticed Gail's boobies this week. They've been around, lo these many years....

Love the Three Stooges image! Great recap as evah, dahlink!

My recap here (takin' a page from your book).

barrie said...

Did anyone else feel like this was the first episode that even came close to showing the kids' culinary talents or lack thereof that we saw much, much earlier in previous seasons? I stayed up until 1am to watch last night so that I could read your reviewcap today! Oh, Chef Tom goes into more details on the fiasco that was the frozen scallops here as well as how he would never have sent Dale home last week.

Beth said...

oh had me at "slow gin fizz"...YUM!

and I still think Lisa is Queen douchebag...I hate her and she needs to go! Ok, now moving on...I love your re-caps....seriously, Bravo needs to hire you. and I need to be your assistant or something so we could hang out together all the time!

I HATE lisa!!!

MOF said...

Awesome recap once again!! LOL many times while reading! My tv crapped out during part of last night's episode so you got me caught up. I did notice that Lisa looks like she's gained 30 pounds from the pics vs. the episodes. I'm gonna have to see how she looked in earlier episodes. Great job! BTW, I adore sweetbreads! I think it's from eating all that menudo, chorizo and tripas growing up.

mikeinbama said...

Once again, you have topped yourself! Great Recap.

Things that made me laugh out loud:

“make sure the bone is Frenched”. I love it when lady-butchers talk dirty.

You just KNOW she starts harassing the go-go boys with catcalls of “let’s see that MEAT!!!” after her fourth Sloe Gin Fizz.

Why is Stephanie giving us ‘Jazz Hands’?

Chef Rick, who has the personality of a Tampon Vending Machine, walks around and tastes everyone’s meat.

“sweetbreads” appetizer – which is neither “sweet” nor “bread”…discuss.

GAIL AND HER BOOBIES ARE HERE!!! Yeeeeaaaaahhhh!!!!! And by the looks of Gail’s blouse, it is extremely COLD in Tramonto’s Steak and Seafood.

“Choosy Lesbians Choose Jif”

why does Lisa’s double-chin ONLY appear at the judges table?

The photos of the 3 stooges and Lisa's double chins were PRICELESS!

Well Done, Sir!

mikeinbama said...

Oh yea, Lisa making it to the finals killed my culinary boner.

After next week, I won't be able to use the great phrase, CULINARY BONER anymore. Thanks for bringing that to my volcabulary.

Timmy said...

I thought I was imagining the double chin that only appears at the Judges Table. It seemed bigger last night than usual.

Spike said what I was thinking but I probably wouldn't have said it and just sucked it up. Then again, I wouldn't have used the frozen scallops.

David Dust said...

Thank you all for your comments - and KEEP THEM COMING!

Eileen - thanks for the mention/link on your blog.

Sailor - I also noticed that when the producers were forcing Stephanie to do her "GE Monogram Appliances" spiel, she did almost say "fucking awesome" or somesuch.

John - "that boy ain't right" made me LOL!

My Darling Dan - glad to be of service.

Psychomom - I must say, I look forward to your comments each week. And I thought of what you might say when I mentioned Gail and her Boobies. I'm telling you, Bravo needs an entire SHOW devoted to Gail and those funbags. I would watch that shit EVERY NIGHT! And RECAP it. Whatdya think?!? :)

Inger - thanks dear! And even though I don't know CRAP about cooking, you would have thought that Spike, a "chef", would have avoided anything frozen in a cooking competition. Dumbass.

Kwana - like I said, when I figured out that Lisa made it to the final four, I immediately thought of you!

Mel - I was praying they were going to eliminate both of them also. Unfortunately it didn't happen.

Kenito - I think you are correct, Spike should NOT have had a shot at the final four. But I don't know if I could have dealt with Andrew and his craziness. Crazy people make me nervous.

Jennie - Psychomom is killing ME too!

Jeni - Watch out Puerto Rican Lesbians!! Lisa is freshly shorn and shampooed!!!!!

My Darling Kathy - I am starting a fan site for Gail and her Boobies. And as I've mentioned before, us gays LOVE the boobies!

Barrie - that is SO SWEET that you stayed up late just so you could read my recap! And I agree, this is the first challenge in a long time that actually showed individual chef skills.

TrannyBeth - I KNEW I could count on my White Trash Bestest Girlfriend to mention the Sloe Gin Fizz. And if Bravo hires me, you are SO going to have to be my assistant! XOXOXOXOXOXO

Margo - Thanks dear. Unlike you, I have never been brave enough to try sweetbreads. But I HAVE eaten Pig Stomach - which is a Pennsylvania Dutch delicacy.

Mike - I'm going to be really honest with you. I REALLY look forward to your RECAPS of my recaps! Seriously, I get a kick out of your "greatest hits" list you do each week. Thank you! And BTW, I will wear "mourning black" tomorrow to mark the loss of your legendary culinary boner. :)

Timmy, I don't know why, but Lisa's double-chin just JUMPED out at me last night. I noticed that another blogger had commented on it as well, and that's where I stole the picture from.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Barrie. This is the type of challenge we should have gone way earlier in the season - not a bunch of team challenges that tested things other than culinary ability. My suspicion is that it has something to do with stacking the deck in favor of getting a female Top Chef. If so, how extremely disappointing.

Howard said...

Dear Gawd that was a boring episode, and once again you make it comedy magic! David, you are the best.

For like the 5th week in a row, I would have been happy to see the bottom-feeders leve en masse, and save the embarrassment of having either the Lesbian or the Douchebag leaving early next week.

I was wondering if it was the lack of sex that caused Spike to get stupid with the judges, since all his f-buddies have been sent home. And while I am sure Richard's devices might intrigue Spike, having his penis 'smoked' by a small, malfunctioning device might not be ultimately satisfying.

Sorry for the late response, but I have been babysitting a niece and nephew [ages 7 & 9] and seem to be exhuasted most of the time, and either cooking or doing dishes the rest.

Joy said...

Both Spike and Lisa should be gone, and Dale should be there in the finals. Big mistake.

Great recap as always! They keep getting better and better, and I didn't think that was possible. :-) You had some great lines in there!

Who do you think will win this? At first we thought Richard, but now I'm thinking Stephanie.

gyn said...

I think your recap's waaaay funnier and more entertaining than the episode itself.

Thanks David!

TAMmommy said...

Great Recap again, wonderful. I am anxious to see how you recap next week, when Lisa finally washes her hair and there is no one else saying stupid crap, well, then again who knows what silly stuff Richard, Antonia and Stephanie might get into now.

Great job! As always, my favorite that I have to read!!

Tracy said...


Berry Blog said...

Because I was only recently introduced to your blog, I spent a good part of yesterday reading all your top chef postings with glee. Then i started watching all the repeats with the matching posts in front of me. It was a delightful day!

Maggie said...

Are the producers staking the girl deck or is it just they knew we'd hate her more than we hate Dale and Spike? Great fun write up!

Nanc Twop said...

Not only do cause excess chuckling with your comments about Crabby and Douche, you can even make me laugh about the sacred top pair:

''Stephanie gets all girly and starts with the “oh my, this meat is so BIG, and I’m just a lady!”... Richard also seems awkward around big meat.''

And of course now I have to re-watch just to see if Gail really does 'ahem' stand out...

Nice job!

sassymoll said...

Wow, funny recap. I struggled with mine because the episode was pretty boring and completely predictable.

Regi S. said...

Did anyone else catch Ilan's gag/puke moment? It didn't make the recap,now I'm thinking I imagined it !

Kit Pollard said...

I DID you miss Padma's pants? Were you too distracted by The Tramonto?

David Dust said...

Darling Howard - I didn't realize that babysitting could be so taxing. When I was a kid, my (female) babysitters just got high and had sex with their boyfriends... It seemed pretty easy to me!! XOXO

My Darling Joy - Thank you. I am now leaning toward Stephanie being the winner. Although she totally SUCKS at the quickfires, so I think a lot depends on how much time they have.

Gyn/Tammommy/Tracy - Thanks darlings!! You are all so sweet!

Berry/Charlie - Oh Goodness! If you sat down and watched the shows WITH my recaps, you got to see all the glaring mistakes I made! But I'm honored that you think so highly of my writeups. I'm so glad you have become a Dust Bunny!

Maggie - I'm not sure if they're stacking the deck or not - maybe they thought they needed a representative from LesbianNation in the final four...

Nancy - TRUST ME, if you watch again, you won't be able to take your eyes off Gail's funbags. I'm telling you, they need their own show!

Sassy - I struggled also - another extrememly predictable episode. They were definitely getting rid of Spike or Lisa, no doubt about it.

Regi - I did NOT see Ilan's gag reflex kick in. Tell us more!!

Kit - I was amazed that so many blogs mentioned Padma's ill-fitting pants and/or her misshaped ass! I guess the LAST thing I'm looking at is her ass - although the FIRST thing I look for is Gail and her BOOBIES!!!!!!

Thanks everyone...anyone else have things to say?!?...

Regi S. said...

I deleted my saved episode. But my son totally backs me up Ilan gagged or outright puked in a closeup ! Oh c'mon ! And Padma's pants were horrid, I'm sorry any self respecting gay guy can spot pants that make your ass look horrid from a mile away. Really, they're worth another look.

Jennifer said...

This post cracked me up and that's saying a lot because I usually only laugh at my own writing. I am glad we are on the same page about Lisa, can't wait to watch her get slapped in the next episode.

Soul Reporter said...

Great recap! Why do I see a link to your blog at finale time? Damn! I always get here too late. Well, at least I'll be here when Lisa gets the boot out the door. I'm going to add this site to my blogroll so it becomes part of my daily routine. :-)

CONNOLLY. said...

thank you for introducing me to your blog. hilarious! as for lisa's double-chin, she really needs to learn how to hold her head in a more flattering angle. or dare i say it...stop eating peanut butter potatoes. richard's faux-hawk may end up losing the competition for him. or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part. also, loved that you pointed out the "intimate" conversation between spike and antonia. i didnt buy it for one second.

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