Monday, July 7, 2008

Design Star Episode Five - The Big Comfy Couch

On last week's Design Star, Gay Michael went home to his Mama after the "white room" challenge, and Tracee continued her stank and delusions of grandeur.

This week, the final six designtestants are greeted by Clive, who tells them they will have a true "Music City, USA" challenge - AND they will be working in two teams (prompting nervous glances toward Tracee). Each team will design a suite at the Opryland Hotel - inspired by the design philosophy of country music star Sara Evans. I’m assuming wagon wheels and American flags will come into play.

Even though they all cheer (as they do about EVERYTHING) when Clive says Sara's name, I bet at least half of the designers had NO idea who Sara Evans is. I had to Google her myself, but then again I live in the land of the commie freak homersexticals - New York City. Look, if they were doing this at Dollywood, I'd have been ALL over it (the gays LOVE Dolly!). FYI: Sara Evans performed at the 2004 Republican Convention. Just sayin’...

Anywhoo, each designer opens a paint can, and the two people who find stars get to pick teams. Jennifer and Trish have the stars, and as expected, Tracee is the last to be picked. Jennifer will be working with Matt and Stephanie, and Trish will be working with Mikey and Tracee. They will have 28 hours spread out over 3 days, and $15,000 to complete the challenge. Right off the bat, you get the impression that Team Jennifer (with the unnaturally cheerful and extremely talented Matt) has this challenge in the bag.

They get on Sara Evan's tour bus and head over to Sara's home to discuss her tastes. Sara seems very friendly (for a Republican, anyway) and says the words "shabby chic" about 400 times (surprisingly, she doesn’t mention wagon wheels or American flags). Apparently rich Republicans like to PRETEND they are poor by having junky old furniture in their homes (how fun!). Sara also likes coffee, vegging out on the couch, and watching TV. Dolly would have been MUCH more entertaining. Dolly would have told us the story of being a child and standing naked in a wash tub with her siblings on “Bath Day”. They would start with their faces and wash "as low as possible". Then they'd wash the dirt off their feet and wash "as high as possible". And then, when the boys left the room, they'd wash "possible". That story makes me laugh every time.

Anywhoo, the designers go to Opryland and see their suites. They, of course, all cheer at the circular design of the living area - and each team starts making their P.O.A. - "plan of attack". Except Trish keeps calling it a P.O.V. - and Mikey corrects her every time. It's like a modern day Señor Wences skit - "S'awright?? S'awright! POV?? POA!". And how cool is it that I managed to put a Señor Wences reference into a recap of Design Star? That's what a Penn State Liberal Arts education will get you - worthless knowledge about obscure crap...

Time for shopping, and Stephanie has the extremely smart idea to measure the doorway so they can make sure to buy furniture that fits. I begin thinking - "oh crap, Mikey, Trish, and Stank didn't measure - this will probably bite them in the ass". Stephanie files away the measurements in that STEEL TRAP of a brain she has. Oh, and she actually says the word "femininizing" - which is one to many "in’s". If Stephanie has sisters, somehow I imagine SHE wasn't considered "the smart one". The one with the big boobs usually isn’t.

Mikey and Trish somehow manage not to kill Tracee, who is one of those people who has to look at EVERYTHING while shopping. Kinda like my Mother at a Flea Market. Matt finds some shabby-ass armoire pieces that he plans on turning into a carousel, or battleship, or Sara Evans Souvenir Shop, or something.

Day 1 is over, and Day 2 begins. Stephanie is going shopping again, and has a long list of things to buy (again, all filed away in that "steel trap" of hers). Tracee and Mikey also go shopping, where Tracee finds some shabby chic doors. Mikey V. thinks the peeling paint on them looks "dirty", so he's obviously not a rich Republican. The whole idea is to PRETEND YOU ARE POOR - "dirty" is good! Did I mention how good Mikey V. looks in a sleeveless t-shirt?

Meanwhile, Matt is building 35 different pieces of furniture with that shabby old armoire, and Jennifer is painting up a storm. Stephanie is taking FOREVER to shop, but ever-cheerful Matt and Jennifer think that means she is finding everything she needs. Stephanie returns triumphantly, saying she only needs two armoires, two couches, a few chairs, a couple of mirrors, artwork, vases, hammer, nails, some dried flower arrangements, and a partridge in a pear tree. Other than that, they are ALL SET. Jennifer and Matt go out shopping to get some of the MANY items Stephanie failed to pick up. They seem to get everything but a couch.

Day 2 is over, and the Third and final day begins. Team "Seems Like They Should Win But Now Act Like A Bunch of Dumbasses" (Team Jessica) sends Stephanie out shopping AGAIN. Basically - she needs to get a sofa and come home. Sounds easy, right?!? S'awright? Not S'awright.

Dumbass Stephanie, after being SO SMART and measuring the entrance way to the room, failed to measure the elevator and/or stairs. They can't get the couch she bought into the room. Happy Matt talks about going to "Plan B". My plan B would involve hiding Stephanie's cold and dead body somewhere.

Times up. Clive tells the designtestants that each will have to do a little video hosting presentation on Opryland and gives them a few minutes to prepare. Each designtestant tapes their own segment.

Everyone gathers in the studio in front of the judges, and we watch the video presentations. Trish is fantastic, Matt looks like Robot Happy Guy (which, actually, he is in real life), and Stephanie and Tracee don’t do so well. Mikey V. sounds like the love child of Carmela Soprano and Rocky Balboa – “Yo, you should come to Nashville – or I’ll cut your throat”. Did I mention how good he looks? I did? Ok, sorry.

We then watch the video of Sara Evans touring each suite. First up – Team Jennifer.

Sara seems to generally likee the living room, however she doesn’t likee the leather sofa (she’s ALL about a comfy couch). She thinks the bedroom is “unbelievable” and even crawls into the bed. Dolly would have probably given us a good Boobie joke right about now. Damn, why couldn’t this episode have featured Dolly?!?

The judges then speak to Jennifer, Matt, and Stephanie. They notice right away that part of the room is empty (the part that was supposed to have the too-big couch). The judges keep asking what happened to the other couch, and Stephanie tells a blatant lie: “we just couldn’t find one”. No, YOU couldn’t find one that fit in the hotel, dumbass. Matt and Jennifer keep their mouths shut, and don’t throw Stephanie under the bus. I WISH Tracee would have been on that team – simply for the under-the-bus tossing.

It’s now time for Sara to see Team Trish’s suite. “Oh, this is AMAZING!!”, she exclaims. She immediately lays on the couch (she, like my father, obviously has “Mad Couch Disease"). Sara LOVES Tracee’s stencil design she created behind the bar, which they’ve filled with coffees and biscotti (those smart little devils!). Sara also loves the bedroom (including Tracee’s shabby-chic door headboards). Sara REALLY likee, and it's obvious that this is the winning team. Tracee actually did a great job this week, and might have been the overall winner. Go Stank!

After a stint in the Green Room, the designtestants go back in front of the judges for their decision. Trish, Mikey, and Tracee are indeed the winners, and are safe. Happy Matt is also safe. Team Leader Jennifer and Dumbass Stephanie remain.

In the end, Stephanie (who is rocking a Flashdance, off-the shoulder top and huge hoop earrings) goes home. Again, it’s a shame Dolly wasn’t there, she probably would have had something nice to say about Stephanie’s boobies. S’awright?!?

Next week, Tracee sets things on fire. Till then bitches!!!!


Hooked on Houses said...

OMG. Am gasping for air. Have laughed too hard. From now on, I should just link to your recaps each week and go to bed early on Sunday nights. You're hysterical.

And I agree--Dolly would've been fabulous! Love her. -Julia

Howard said...

Great recap. In all honesty, it was a pretty god episode, not the train wreck they have been thus far. Yes, Stephanie was an idiot and deserved to go home, and Stank still needs to be slapped a bit, but all in all the designtestants played well together and did good work.

However, in my list of reality TV contestant faux-pas' has got to include moments like Stephanie refusing to take responsibility for the sofa debacle until the very end. I mean, don't they know there is a camera on them and we know how did what?

And I knew who Sara Evans was, mainly due to her stint on Dancing With The Stars and her dropping out of the competition to divorce her husband who was said to have an internet porn addiction. Fun stuff!

And finally, Mikey V did look fantastic in his sleeveless T, and seemed to stabilize his two teammates.

Bonnie said...

This is great! I admit that I didn't know who the f**k Sara Evans was and I agree that I'm sure at least some of the contestants didn't either.

Joy said...

Great recap again as always!!

I didn't think Stephanie would ever admit that about the couch. Matt and Jennifer never ratted her out, so when Vern pinned them down, finally she raised her hand half-way and ineffectively tried to use puppy eyes.

Who knew Tracee would step up and do well? I was in shock. She'll stay for a while but not win surely! Maybe Trish will. Last night made it look like that could happen.

Oh yes! Dolly would have been fabulous on there! Love Dolly!

Sara Evans was also on DWTS but had to leave early because her husband was fooling around. Rumors had it that she was, too. Who knows? They got a divorce and now she's married to someone else. But she's still a Republican.

Anonymous said...

They could have had me if they had just brought Dolly on. I LOVE Dolly. I even played Truvy in my college production of Steel Magnolias (burned the bitch playing Shelby with a curling iron too!) and let me tell you, there was pride. Even though I think I got cast because of the twins and not my acting ability. I'm not sure the director knew the play pre-dated the movie.
Okay, that was a total tangent, but Dolly, she plays with my brain!

mikeinbama said...

Dolly would have made the show so much better. Sara Evans is getting ready to marry a guy I went to college with at the University of Alabama. He was the starting quarterback on the 1992 National Championship team, Jay Barker.

Mickey V looked so HOT, I don't know if you mentioned it in your recap. They should make him go shirtless for the remainder of the shows.

I knew that Tracee would be in her element designing that hillbilly hotel room.

I'm I the only one that noticed that Jennifer's shirt was dirty when she did the her presentation.

Oh, Mickey V looked so HOT. I don't think you mentioned it. When are we going to get a shower scene with him, it's long over due.

Anyway, Great Recap!

Howard said...

Mikeinbama, LOL!

Since David already made me glad, I wasn't expecting to spray Green Tea Iced Tea on my monitor. But the hillbilly hotel room line and the request for a shower scene killed me!


SailorAlphaCentauri said...

I finally understand "shabby chic" because of this recap. I'm always happy when I learn something new :-)

Anyway, it sounds like an episode where people played well with each other...and Stephanie was painfully dumb. I don't like it when someone makes the rest of us well-endowed women look bad. I have the largest rack of all my sisters, and I'm the one starting a PhD in the fall (but that might be because my mom's side of the family is smart), so Stephanie earns dirty looks from me.

I adore Dolly, and I wonder what it says about me that I knew who Señor Wences was, but not Sara Evans.

Great recap, as usual.

Lise said...

This is such a great recap of last night's show. And so much better than what you'll see on HGTV I might add. Adding a link to your blog now!
Thanks for inviting me here!!

Christopher said...

I still can't figure out why Tracee hasn't been stoned to dea...oops, I mean, why she hasn't been booted off the show yet...oh wait, she's the comical relief.

VickiD said...

Thanks for the laughs, as always. Don't give up on Dolly...maybe they're saving her for the final challenge! Interesting concept for sure. It's funny...the first time I read this one and you were talking about Ms Evans trying out the bed, I thought you said Dolly would have given us a boob LOOK, but you said boob JOKE!!! Guess if it weren't for the gutter my mind would have no home! But Dolly is a generous lady (in more ways than one) so I'm sure we would have gotten both.

Beth said...

gawd, that Mikey dude is sooo hot!!! he can shabby my chic anytime he wants to! Oh that's right...he DOESN'T want to! Damn!!!

that leahter couch was soooo out of place....what. was. she. thinking???????

Laura @ the shorehouse. said...

Oh this is goo-oo-ood. Found you through Hooked on Houses (who I'm totally hooked on). Dolly would have been totally awesome (Sara who?), as would Miss Loretta Lynn. Hoop skirts and lace y'all.

Joy said...

Mike, is that guy Sara Evans is going to marry some kind of professional football player? I could google it, but I'm too triflin' to do it. For you non-Southerners, that means lazy.

I didn't know who Sara Evans was either until she was on DWTS.

mikeinbama said...


Jay Barker did play some professional football but now he has a sports radio talk show. He is a legend around here because he was a great player for the University of Alabama. He's the golden boy around here. He was married with 3 kids and all of a sudden his wife filed for a divorce. He's one of those white bread, bible thumping do gooders.

Mary Ceille Allen said...

Thank you for making me laugh today. Tivo Mom

Renee said...

Señor Wences!
Mad Couch Disease!

I agree with everyone- the episode would have been way more fun with Dolly.

Joy said...

Mike, sounds as if they are well-matched then. (sigh)

Roll Tide!

David Dust said...

Did someone just give a "Roll Tide" cheer on this Penn Stater's blog?!? That's almost as bad as saying "YEAH REPUBLICANS!" around here. :)

And btw, when I was in college, the PSU football teamed regularly CREAMED the "Tide".

And also I better not hear any of that Fighting Irish bullshit from you Notre Dame freaks either...


Howard said...

Awwww, the Nittany Lion is getting all sensitive and territorial. Perhaps there are some fond times in the locker room he is remembering.

David Dust said...

"Fight on State!
Fight on State!
Strike your gait and win
Victory, we predict for thee
We're ever true to you
Dear old White and Blue..."

I lived in the same dorms as the wrestlers and the soccer players - and WE HAD OPEN SHOWERS! Heaven. Pure heaven.

Howard said...

You must have been born under a lucky star.

mikeinbama said...

ROLL TIDE, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David Dust said...

Dammit Mike! Didn't I tell you about that HATE SPEECH!?!!! :)

The Nittany Lion Song:
Every college has a legend,
Passed on from year to year,
To which they pledge allegiance
And always cherish dear.
But of all the honored idols,
There's but one that stands the test
It's the stately Nittany Lion,
The symbol of our best.

Hail to the Lion,
Loyal and True,
Hail Alma Mater,
with your White and Blue,
Penn State forever,
Moulder of men,
Fight for her honor,
Fight, and Victory again.



mikeinbama said...

Yea Alabama!

Yea Alabama! Drown'em Tide.
Ev'ry Bama man's behind you
Hit your stride!
Go teach the Bulldogs to behave
Send the Yellow Jackets to a watery grave.
And if a man starts to weaken,
That's his shame!
For Bama's pluck and grit have writ her name in
'Crimson Flame.
Fight on! Fight on, men!
Remember the Rose Bowl, we'll win then.
Go roll to victory! Hit your stride!
You're Dixie's football pride, Crimson Tide!

David Dust said...

To My Dearest Mike:

"Crimson Flame" indeed! :)


mikeinbama said...

David, I still love ya! :)

David Dust said...

Right back at ya!


Mark in DE said...

As usual, you've done a stellar and hilarious job of recapping Design Star! I couldn't have done it better, so I don't even try.

How about the way Tracee 'high-fived' HERSELF when Sara Evans liked the stencil treatment????

Mark :-)

Joy said...

I'm not a Bama fan. I went to UT (NOT the University of Texas, either, but the University of Tennessee). So Go Vols!

I just said that for Mike. Love you, Mike, but cheer for the War Eagles when y'all play each other because of my close friends who went there.

TAMmommy said...

Finally I get around to reading your recap, which is great, and then I am treated to some college rivalry in the comments! Well, my day is perfect!

a TAMMmommy's mind

Cuz_I'm_The_Mom said...

Matt should have gotten higher props for that gorgeous headboard design. I want it for my own bedroom. Stephanie just…..God bless the poor girl… never had a chance after the sofa debacle and seriously needs a wardrobe stylist to tone down those ta-tas. I can’t get past those blasted Converse and prairie skirts she is always sportin’. And Steph, precious, if you’re reading this (oy vey) your signature on your website logo looks like a vulgar typo. Fix it, hon.

Dolly Parton as the celebrity, client would be so cool. Loretta Lynn would be a hoot, too, and she does love a prairie skirt. But, how ‘bout designing for some Country Music GUYS? I’m thinking George Strait. Ya know, Texas chic and actually utilizing a leather couch. And what eye-candy he is in those Wranglers--natch! Alas, he lives down here in San Antonio which would require an actual road trip for the designtestants. Not gonna happen…at least, not for reals anyway.

(FYI: One of the Dixie Chicks did a Trading Spaces once.)

BTW….did someone mention UT?

The eyes of Texas are upon you, all the live long day.
The eyes of Texas are upon you, you cannot get away.
Do not think you can escape them, at night or early in the morn'.
The eyes of Texas are upon you 'till Gabriel blows his horn!"

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