Thursday, July 24, 2008

Project Runway Episode Two - "Suede Rocks It!"


Last week on Project Runway: Some girl won (they all still look alike to me) and Jerry created a costume for “Lizzie Borden – The Musical”. The judges gave him the axe. We also holla’d at Tango – who I hope remains until the finals so I have someone to rag on. Are you listening Bravo? Read my Episode One recap here.

It’s morning in New York, and Burnout Stella is killing me with her Noo Yawk accent, saying “Oh – My – God, I’m still HE-ah”. Remember Janice, Chandler’s annoying girlfriend on Friends (“Chand-la Bing!”)? Stella is Janice’s sister with the heroin problem. As everyone walks out the apartment door, Tango writes “Team Licious” on the blackboard. Please stop that NOW.

Heidi meets the fashiontestants on the runway, and they do the boring-ass model selection. Kelli (as the winner of the last challenge) selects her model first – she’s staying with Jermaine. He must do modeling between Jackson Five reunion tours. Straight Joe is staying with his model, Tuna Carpaccio. The food theme has worked thus far for him. JerHell’s model gets stolen which makes him “salty!”. JerHell’s commentary makes me “sour!”. At the end, some skinny girl is sent home – dashing her dreams at becoming the next Naomi or Tyra.

Heidi announces that the MODELS will be the clients for the next challenge. Way to think outside the box again Bravo – we’ve never seen that before.

Back in the workroom, Tim elaborates on the challenge. They will be using environmentally friendly (“green”) fabrics to create a young, glamorous cocktail dress. And, in a Project Runway first, the MODELS will be shopping for fabric. The designers’ facial expressions upon receiving this news were priceless. “Stank” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

The models are whisked to Mood, while the designers wait in the workroom. At Mood, we get the usual fabric scramble– but the models all seem to be buying the same thing: SHINY! Oh, and then there’s Runa (Keith’s model), who is purchasing Ostrich feathers. I can’t wait to see the look on Keith’s sexy face when Runa returns with plumage. Thank you Mood!

The models return to the workroom, and the designers brace themselves for the worst. Some of them get it. JerHell is fearful of receiving raggedy “remnants of nonsense”, which sounds like it should be a prime-time drama on Lifetime. Kenley’s model came back with SHINY t-shirt fabric. Wesley received “disgusting” brown SHINY – the same SHINY as Leanne and Straight Joe. And Keith’s model thought peach and Champagne SHINY go together nicely – especially with ostrich feathers. I prefer “blush” and “bashful” with MY plumage.

Burnout Stella is stressed, because her model wants free-flowing hippie-wear, and Stella only knows about “leh-tha” hooker-wear. There’s bound to be a happy (hooker) medium in there somewhere.

Young Wesley is upset by what his model has brought him. He has turned into adorable sad boy. Adorable sad boy is sad. Here is a picture:


Cheer up, cutie. Tango has decided that Heidi is like Darth Vader - “slick” on the outside, but “crazy!” on the inside. Nice observation, Tango. Then he has to ruin it by adding “Darthalicious!”. I have one thing to say to Tango: Shutthefuckupalicious.

“Suede decided to cut out all of these strips”, Suede says. “Suede is a bisexual”, Suede says (more like BUYsexual). “It’s going to be a long night for Suede”, Suede adds. Leanne responds: “Leanne likes Suede, but Suede needs to stop talking in the third person”. My sentiments exactly – except for the “like” part.

Tim does his “mentoring”, and thinks Korto’s dress looks FABULOUS. Once she turns it inside out, that dress is going to SING! Except he’s already looking at the outside of the dress. In that case, Tim no likee.

Tim likee Suede’s dress so far. “Suede needs to make it work!”. Tim notes that Leanne and Wesley are using the same SHINY fabric, which will show every flaw underneath the runway lights. Leanne seems a little crazy – she talks in a weird monotone about how she has “so many ideas”… The voices in her head must all be talking at once. And telling her to put more weird loops on her SHINY brown dress.

Tim announces that the winner of the challenge will NOT receive immunity. However, the winning look will be produced and sold by Bluefly.com. They have until midnight to finish. Make it work, bitches!

In the workroom, Burnout Stella won’t shut up about leh-tha. She loves working with leh-tha. She sleeps on leh-tha sheets. She eats leh-tha for breakfast. Tango calls her “ridiculous” (pot, meet kettle) and starts ragging on her: “My husband is leh-tha. My kids came out of me leh-tha”. Tango makes me giggle, which immediately makes me feel dirty.

Midnight comes, and everyone returns to the Atlas apartments. In the morning, Keith makes Daniel’s bed – because “he’s my buddy”. WTF? Don’t EVEN tell me Daniel got a piece of that. I’m sorry, but the only way I’m going to make another man’s bed is if he’s EARNED it (the old-fashioned way – like Smith-Barney). There have been rumors of a gay romance this season, but reports thus far claim it is Daniel and Sad Adorable Wesley. How is Daniel getting so much action? I mean, really?:


We see the usual last-minute scramble before the runway show. Tim says many of them have a lot of work to do, then adds: “You’re turning me into a wreck”. Why do I think Tim goes home and drinks about 10 Manhattans to calm the voices in HIS head?

JerHell refers to Joe, Leanne, and Wesley as “Team Ugly Brown Fabric”. JerHell must still be SALTY! “Suede will be rocking it”, Suede predicts. “Suede will be stabbed in the neck with a dirty fork”, I predict – if I ever see Suede in a New York restaurant.

On the runway, Heidi introduces the guest judge. It’s Natalie Portman, who apparently was nominated for an Oscar. CERTAINLY not for her portrayal as Queen Amidala in the Star Wars series - R2D2 was a better actor in those films.

Let’s start the show. Bitches walk. There is lots of SHINY! Burnout Stella’s makeup looks cute today, and her face isn’t her normal saggy mess. She obviously made it to the Methadone Clinic this time.

After the show, Heidi tells Suede, Kenley, Burnout Stella, Sad Wesley, Korto, and Leanne-with-the-Voices to stick around. Everyone else is safe.

The judges likee Kenley’s look. Queen Amidala thinks she looks like a “Broad from the Forties”. This apparently is a good thing.

They also likee Burnout Stella’s compromise of hooker-meets-hippie. Stella is talking to the judges in her fancy “speaking to my Parole Officer” voice. No “leh-tha” here! Michael and Nina likee, but Queen Amidala doesn’t likee the off-the shoulder asymmetry of the dress. She prefers perfect symmetry – left and right must match EXACTLY – like in this outfit from Queen Amidala's closet:


They also REALLY likee Suede’s dress – made of many strips of SHINY – making the end result not-so-shiny. How did he do that? “Suede is magic!”.

The judges no likee Leanne’s “SHINY with Loops” dress. And her model throws her under the bus, which is funny since Leanne switched models to get this one. Leanne MUST start listening to some smarter voices in that head of hers.

They hate Korto’s look – saying she gave her model “fins”. Hey, it worked on Cadillacs back in the 1950’s – why can’t it work on a dress? One of the judges mentions that the dress looks inside-out. Sound familiar?

Finally, the judges REALLY hate on Wesley – making him even sadder. Nina gives Wesley some advice: “Shiny, tight, and short is the quickest way to look cheap”. Nina’s last name is “Garcia”, so she’s talking from experience. ¡Aye Dios Mio!

Suede is the winner, and his garment will be sold on Bluefly.com. In true gay-boy style, he gives a tearful shout-out to his Moms. ‘Bi-sexual’ MY ASS. Stella and Kenley are safe.

This leaves us with Korto’s fins, Wesley’s Sad & SHINY, and Leanne’s Loopy & SHINY. Korto is safe, leaving us with two-thirds of Team Ugly Brown Fabric facing elimination.

Wesley is sent home, which ruins the theory that he and Daniel are the two gay boys having a romance this season. That must mean that Daniel and gorgeous Keith might be more than “buddies”…


Next week: Field Trip! Keith gets angry! People ignore Tim! And Michael discovers “toilet paper caught in a windstorm”. Till then, bitches!!!


43 comments:

John said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's over the whole "modeling" competition part of this show. I mean, really, who cares?

Also, is there anyone on here (besides, obviously Keith for you) that you actually like. I'm not really seeing anyone so far.

Marker said...

LOVE IT! I LOL'd (very loudly) when I scrolled down to your pic of sad boy Wesley.

DDust you're spot-on with this week's review. Too bad there is not a way we can all liveblog each episode and comment in real time - like they do over at Shakesville. Call the AV club on that, will you DDust?

"Suede" is bisexual? Suede? BIsexual?? No fucking way. Oh wait - maybe he's gay as well as gayer or something. That's the only way Miss Third Person (SO FUCKING ANNOYING btw) is bi. I think second place for most annoying is JerHell, who beats out Tango by a tenth of a point. JerHell seems like she's trying to be a male Wanda Sykes--but it's not working.

I want Keith to unmake my bed.

As gross as the bottom (heh-heh) two designers' designs were, I did think Wesley should've been spared and mousey emo chick should've been booted for her Brownie Stripper/Peter Pan mess. So who will the BFs be? Keith and Tango? I'm suing Bravo if that happens. Maybe Keith and guy from Detroit? I'd like that combo.

[P.S. - "Confidential" to DDust: I'm "working" at home today while I'm getting my closets done (no jokes, please). Thought of you instantly when two adorable Papis showed up to do the install . . . even more so when they removed a few layers--but not enough layers.]

Kevin said...

I am DEVASTATED that Wesley got sent home. DEVASTATED. And the fact that Miss Suede won...

I'm organizing a boycott.

Howard said...

Perfectly captured, David! I like it when you can bring the funny without having to make up the content as well.

Many need to leave me soon, Pseudo and Tango included. Howard knows both will drive him to drink, and not in a fun way, but rather an ugly drunk one.

I wasn't sold on Pseudo's dress, but thought Rosalind Russel's design was divine! She was so ripped off!

I was angry Sad Wesley was sent home, since he is so damn cute. I always like a back-up plan for my eye-candy, just in case Keith goes away. That would only leave Daniel, who must be a great lay, since he is so popular. [Aside from my Mother, no one has ever made my bed and I am resisting any correlations made there] and the rest are not worth really watching. I thought for certain Loopy would be going home, if for no other reason than the damn loop hanging limply in the model's hair.

Beth said...

I HATE the models!!!! UGH!

Yet again, you hit it outta the ballpark tranny...who knew you were so althletic? ;)

JerHELL is salty!!!! My dead baby daddy used to say "salty" all the time! ahhh, the good old days...

I liked the "40's chick"s dress...I would wear that...if I lost 100 pounds and grew 12 inches..

and Tango...stop with the "licious" you're not "licious" ok,,,....and you are so not fierce!!!!

Love you tranny, love your hair!
xoxoxox

oh and suede Bi? uh uh....I'm not "bi-ing" it!

David Dust said...

Marker - Keep the Papis busy, and I'll get on the next plane to Chicago!!

Disco Mom said...

David Dust, you put me to shame. If I didn't have a teeny tiny but loyal group of ranters I'd stop my own amateur PR reviews. I am stealing the nickname Tango and probably other stuff from your recaps since you invited me. Blog on.

Leonardo D'Cato said...

You are hilarious! Right on the money!

It totally sucks that Wesley went home. I thought he would at least last until episode 5 or 6. I guess people aren't ready to see his boy shorts (come on, those shorts are genius!).

I'd love to see Natalie Portman wear Suede's dress. Millions of people heard her say she would. Maybe she'll wear it to the next Star Wars installment.

And how come the third member (joe) of team ugly brown fabric didn't end up at the bottom three? That would have been hard to choose from. Which ugly brown fabric sucks the most? We can't make up our minds, so you'll all go home!

hmmm...i guess for the judges, boring is better than crazy.

Howard said...

David, can I join in on the trip so I can console Wesley?

As for Pseudo being bi, I think he is confused. When he is in drag and sleeping with men, it doesn't mean str8 sex.

elise - All Or Nothing said...

“Suede will be stabbed in the neck with a dirty fork”, I predict.

HAHAHA! That line made me laugh out loud. Great recap, as always!

chef_the_city said...

LMAO @ 'shutthefuckuplicious'
ROFL @ 'blush & bashful'

*ok, i know tango made you laugh, but was i the only one who saw the irony in him calling SOMEONE ELSE leatherface...?

*kayce (me, in 3rd person LOL) needs to tell suede that making out w/ your #1 hag while drunk does not make suede 'bi-sexual'.

chef_the_city said...

@ marker: what do you say to a live stickam chat hosted by the head dust bunny himself? DELISH!

Junior said...

David, I wanted to let you know that apparently Pretty Kitty Wesley has come out that it was he who was with Daniel.

I too thought when Keith made Daniel's bed, that meant something but alas there will be no romancing on PR unfortunately!

I don't know how you do these recaps every week. I'm bi (I mean bi-weekly) because it takes too much out of me! Keep it up!

David Dust said...

Howard & Kayce - I am NOT as entertaining "on the fly". This takes many rewrites & revisions (and spell-checks)!

Kayce - ON THE MONEY about making out with your hag. If that was the case, I'd almost be straight!

XOXOXO

chef_the_city said...

hahaha, right? if our sexuality was determined by whom we made out w/ while drunk there'd be A LOOOOT more lesbians, LOL.

aw, stickam would be fun. maybe i'll do it. ;) actually i was just talking to one of my stickam buds about it last night b/c she was one of the only friends i have who is into PR (shocked @ my friends. really i am.). hmmmm...

MOF a/k/a Margo said...

Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha! Love the recap!! Especially since I can't seem to remember the designers' names at this point. The kitten pic was too cute!!!

I sorta enjoy the model picking - only because I'm evil and still laugh when I see the rerun of model Amanda's face from season 2 (I think) when she wasn't picked towards the end.

Chef_the_City - I too thought it was ironic that Tango was commenting about all of Stella's leather comments.

Howard's comment about sex with a drag queen isn't str8 sex made me laugh too!

Fabulous recap!!

SailorAlphaCentauri said...

I loved "Shutthefuckupalicious." That just cracks me up every time I read it.

I'm getting tired of Terri's stuff getting ignored, and I don't think Suede's dress is going to sell. This is the same show that picked the short cocktail dress as the winner of last season's prom episode as what the girls would be wearing, but I saw tons of girls who proved that theory wrong.

Tango needs to cash out on that damn "-licious" mess before I hunt him down and clock him for a YouTube segment I'll call "Reality Show Beatdowns". And I'm glad I'm not the only person who shared Leanne's sentiments (minus the "like") on Suede.

I totally loved this recap, and I don't care how much people don't like JerHell, he's cracks me up with his salty self. He reminds me of a hairdresser who washed my hair for prom but used conditioner that I couldn't afford. When confronted on it, the first thing he said was "She needed more than that!" I love them snippy.

I felt bad for the model who was cut because she was cute (while some of the others were not), but don't many of these girls seem familiar? I hate the "model competition" part of this show because it's a true crap-shoot for them. You're at the mercy of the designers.

And I would wear Stella's dress (and would be willing to lose weight for it) just because I like crap that looks semi-medieval.

leo said...

"In true gay-boy style, he gives a tearful shout-out to his Moms. ‘Bi-sexual’ MY ASS."

so spot on, it's ridiculous.

people has the confirmation on daniel <3 wesley.

http://tvwatch.people.com/2008/07/24/ousted-runway-designer-wesley-dating-fellow-contestant-daniel/

Lorraine said...

The sad kitty made me spit milk on my keyboard. If Tango will stop with any efforts at "licious" he is destined to be my new fav; not so much for designing but put a brick wall behind that boy and hand him a mike. He was cracking me up last night.

theminx said...

So you heard "carpaccio" too? You know, sometimes I think we're twins, separated at birth by different parents.

Read my recap here!

xoxox

Mark in DE said...

As much as I am sick of Suede referring to himself in the 3rd person, I do agree that his garment was pretty amazing last night.

And as much as I am sick of Tangolicious putting 'licious' on the end of every word, I was impressed with his garment too.

Poor, sad Wesley. You could just tell from his face and body language when he saw the fabric his model purchased that he was NOT having fun. The poor kitten just couldn't pull it off, which is a shame because I thought his yellow dress from last week was quite good. I was looking forward to more of him (wink, wink) and his designs.

Once again, brilliant recap! I heart David Dust!!!

Mark :-)

lev_i_mote said...

Ah, I'm glad I am not the only one who thought of Christian.


That brown fabric ::blehh::

Marker said...

As for Pseudo being bi, I think he is confused. When he is in drag and sleeping with men, it doesn't mean str8 sex.

Howard, I LOL'd very loudly at that!! Perfect.

Mark in DE said...

The romance IS between Wesley and Daniel! Check it, bitches:
http://www.towleroad.com/2008/07/project-runway.html#more

Maria said...

Am I the only one who was hoping Tango and Leathah would get to scrappin instead of that hug?

In my alternate reality, all the designers would be forced to partake in a drinking game. Downing a shot everytime Tim says "hmmm" would have to lead to out and out bitchfights, drunken sex in the sewing room and perhaps sabotage. Clearly I have issues.

The Lulu said...

You put my review to shame. I look forward to next weeks episode even more now, you are bloglicious;) Yeah, that really is annoying. Lets hope it doesnt carry on to the next episode.

Meeg said...

I heard from peeps who kinda know Daniel in NY that he is/was dating Wesley too. So I don't know what the story is there. My eyebrows were also raised by Keith's bed- making comment (and I can't wait to see him drawn into some grade school drama with the girls next episode). Either way I'm jealous.

I am also glad you caught "remnants of nonsense" -- as I knew you would!

Anonymous said...

Mama Bunny said:

Is my son a genius or WHAT??!!!!

I thought Suede's dress looked like a Code Blue in the Trauma Unit.

If you catch Stella at just the right angle, she looks toothless. From any angle she is SCARY.

Thanks for the giggles. XOXOXO

mikeinbama said...

OMG, I laughed so hard at the len-tha...I watch a let-tha TV, my dog is let-tha...ROTFFL.

Great recap. I will list my favorites later....

You have an interview to type, so get to work!

Jennifer said...

"Remnants of Nonsense" on Lifetime. Brilliant! Haha. I think you should pitch the idea. . .

Dodi said...

The romance is between Daniel and Wesley? Really? Did you see Wesley's shoes? Doesn't Daniel have any taste?

David Dust - LOVE your recaps. Way better than mine. I'm going to have to step it up. You are my inspiration, although Blaine will always be my TanBoi to your Tango. Here we must differ.

XO!

Cliff O'Neill said...

"Tango: Shutthefuckupalicious"

Hysterical!

And I'm so gonna miss my Hot Gay Nerd Action, Wesley. Frowny face.

Renee said...

Another great recap. OMG Stella is Janice! So funny.

Tango cracked me up last night. And I think that Tim is drinking about 20 Manhattans to calm himself.

And Renee really loved Suede's dress. Renee was happy he won. But Renee would be happiest of all if he stopped talking in third person.

Sean said...

Ahhh! Wesley, noo!

Oh well, now I'll have to root for that hottie, Keith. Yum.

I really like Kelly; her coffee filter/vacuum bag dress in the premiere was awesome!

Suede..Good designer, but OMG let's quit the third person, shall we?

Kwana said...

Oh David you ARE the best. My Fave lines this week? "Blush and Bashful" had me rolling and "Stella talking to her parole officers" were priceless!

Jen r. said...

Best recap ev-ah!

Artemis Chase said...

Great write up honey! I love the sad kitten picture you put up for Wesley! That was totally his face.

I will definitely be tuning in to see your insight on upcoming episodes of the show.

Kisses!

---Artemis.

James said...

First of all, David, I would love to hear more of your take on the actual outfits. I'm sure it would be massively entertaining.

Myself, I thought Suede's and Stella's pieces were two of the hottest tranny messes on the runway, with the former being worse than the latter. The judges must have taken some blind pills before they made THAT decision. Koto was spot-on in the bottom three however, and I think she should have lost.

My beautiful wife-to-be Kenley clearly had the most beautiful dress out of the three in the "top" and should have won. Even Mouse-Face's dress wasn't as bad as Suede's and Stella's, in my opinion.

Bottom line, the judges really screwed up royally on this one, and I want some PR justice. They looked over some really beautiful stuff and it makes me pretty angry.

Oh and I actually find JerHell pretty entertaining. His comment about "remnants of nonsense was HYSTERICAL. Mostly because he didn't actually know what he was saying.

Joy said...

Excellent recap, my dear David! I hated to see Sad Wesley go and thought your descriptions of Stoner Stella, Stepford Leeanne, Faux Suede, Toxic Tango, and all the others were all spot on!

Love your PR recaps the best which is saying something!

XOXOXOX

Joy said...

"There have been rumors of a gay romance this season, but reports thus far claim it is Daniel and Sad Adorable Wesley. How is Daniel getting so much action? I mean, really?"

Maybe I've figured it out. Look at the size of Daniel's feet. There's a full-length photo of him on Dan's blog.

D & D said...

Ok at first I thought Suede's outfit looked like one of those rag rugs, but I was wrong, it did turn out very cute-love, love, love your blog!
twodonnas :)
http://realityshowcritics.blogspot.com/

Anthea said...

I always look forward to reading your recaps. They are awesome :) I couldn't help but feel a little bored with this episode :(

Timmy said...

Nina gives Wesley some advice: “Shiny, tight, and short is the quickest way to look cheap”. Nina’s last name is “Garcia”, so she’s talking from experience. ¡Aye Dios Mio!

THAT made me LOL! I'll be sure to tell Kaye Sedilla/Sopa Pilla to read your blog.

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