Monday, July 14, 2008

Design Star Episode Six - I Don't Care About These Ignunt People...

Last week on Design Star – Stephanie and her boobies were sent home after buying a couch that was too big, and Dolly Parton and her boobies were a no-show. Read my Episode 5 recap here.

It’s a new day in Nashville, and we learn that Trish’s finger was injured during the first challenge. Because of the injury, her ring finger is so swollen that she can’t get her wedding ring off. Even with Mikey V’s expert lubing and tugging, it won’t budge.

Clive enters, and tells the five remaining designtestants that this week’s challenge is the dreaded ‘kitchen challenge’. If you’ve watched previous seasons, you’ll know that a kitchen has never actually been finished on the show. They usually roll in, mess shit up, and leave a needy family wishing they’d never heard of Design Star.

The designers open their paint cans to find out who the team leader will be for this challenge, and sure enough, it’s Stank Tracee. She is thrilled, but the rest of them are not. We then see a video of the adorable family whose kitchen will be screwed up, er, ...REMODELED.

They will have 24 hours spread out over 3 days, $10,000 in cash, and a gift card for Sears appliances to git ‘er done. And, by the way, TWO of the designtestants will be going home this week.

They go to meet the family, and Moms immediately announces how much she likes red. I hear ya girl, my kitchen is red also (see here). Mom also mentions how she would LOVE a tile backsplash with a little bit of color. Honey, if the past is any indication, you better just hope you can still cook up in this bitch. I guess Moms is an optimist.

Tracee tries to get everyone organized, but Trish announces that Mikey V’s lube job was lacking –she needs to get her ring cut off so she can concentrate on the challenge. Trish asks them to “call someone”. What, you can’t dial a phone with your other nine fingers?

The “someone” that shows up is the local Fire Department. I don’t know why the FD thought they needed the heavy equipment and the bunker gear for a “gal with a stuck ring” call – but these guys came prepared. They came prepared, that is, for everything EXCEPT for a gal with a stuck ring.

First of all, they tried friggin bolt cutters to cut it off. Trish is holding on to Mikey V and crying “Don’t do that, it hurts!”, which Mikey himself has been known to yell out on at least one occasion. After that doesn’t work, Jennifer asks them if they have some kind of “special tool” that would remove the ring. “Oh, you want da SPECIAL TOOL?!?”, the firemen ask. “Why didn’t yoos say dat in da first place?” A ring cutter is produced, and Trish’s ring is finally freed from her finger.

Time to get back to work, and Team Leader Tracee tries to get everyone on track. She has her own distinct leadership style. Some lead by example. Others lead by using fear or intimidation. Tracee leads by asking questions. Followed by questions regarding those initial questions. “Well, let me ask you this…” precedes everything that comes out of her mouth. That is usually followed by “Now what did we decide about…?”

The others are OVER Tracee and her questions, and simply start working. Tracee tries asking more questions, but the others ignore her. Finally, Trish tells Tracee to cut the questions and start making some decisions – after all, Tracee is the Team Leader. Apparently Trish’s finger is feeling MUCH better.

They try and put together a plan. Mikey wants to do tile, but Matt doesn’t agree. Matt has watched Season’s One and Two, and knows tile is the “Harbinger of Death”. Tracee and Matt go shopping for the appliances and drywall, and Jennifer, Trish, and Mikey, stay at the house to talk shit about Tracee and their lack of an overall plan.

They return with the drywall, and Matt, Mikey, Jennifer and Trish get to work. Someone mentions needing a “stud finder”, to which Mikey jokes “Right here!”. Was he saying he was the Stud, or the Stud FINDER?!? Tracee goes back out to get a countertop – which she does successfully. But time is now up, and they have A LOT to do over the next 2 days..

The next day Tracee decides to make a pretty chart with the timeline of what everyone needs to do, and when everything needs to be finished. Under her timeline, she is supposed to shop – by herself – for the “poofy things” (she needs to buy Gays?!?) and for the backsplash tile. She immediately ignores her pretty chart by saying her shopping is supposed to last 3 hours, but it’ll probably take 5 hours. Does this bitch even OWN a watch? She purchases pillows (which are “not part of the challenge” but ARE "poofy") and even asks rhetorical questions to random Store Clerks (“those looked a little small, right?”). But she has decided that the “decorative items are more crucial to the family than some of the construction things”. Yeah, it doesn’t matter if they have walls, as long as they have a candelabra and some throw pillows.

On her way back, after SIX hours of shopping, she says the others can “throw me under the bus” if they don’t like her time management. Consider yourself thrown, Dumbass. As she approaches the house, Tracee decides it’s a good sign that an angry mob with pitchforks isn’t awaiting her on the porch. “Sorry guys, I went to seven places!”. Yeah, and you spent an hour at each place. At least we won’t have to deal with Tracee and her stank for much longer – she is SO going home.

Time is up for the day, and Clive asks why the tile hasn’t been done. Tracee says “we decided not to do that…”. Yeah, because YOU NEVER CAME BACK WITH THE TILE, YOU DUMBASS. Tracee complains that no one TOLD HER she actually had to DELIVER the tile. Her pretty timeline simply said “shopping” not “delivering”. Well THAT explains it.

It’s now day three, and they only have two hours to tie up loose ends. Before they begin, they get a visit from hunky HGTV host Carter Oosterhouse. Mikey said that Carter’s visit “motivated” them – and then he mentions (with a shy grin) “It was good to see him. He’s tall”. Calm down Papi, let’s get the kitchen finished before you start hitting on the hotties. Wait, did Mikey V just blush? That's SO CUTE.

Annoying Clive blows his annoying air horn – and the challenge is over. He informs the designers that they will be judged on a hosting segment, as well as for their overall design.

The designtestants line up in the studio, and the before/after video is played. Afterwards, Vern commends them for actually finishing – but proclaims the results are boring. Martha wants to know if there was a design plan, and Cynthia wants to know where the “big ideas” were. Editor’s Note: Unfortunately, because this show never announces a “winner” for each challenge, the designers are only motivated to “get by” each week. Going out on a limb is much more likely to get them sent home, because they don’t get rewarded for winning. So there’s your answer. That and the fact that Tracee was the leader and is a stank dumbass who has no concept of time.

They show the family’s reaction, and they are generally happy. But Moms is wondering where her backsplash is. Sorry girl, but you DID get some nice pillows…

Tracee, is called out since she was the team leader. She desperately tries to grab at ANYBODY to throw under the bus – and mentions Trish’s ring incident. This is the last straw for Vern, and there is no doubt in anyone’s mind who is going home first. But who will be the SECOND person sent home today?

We see the “hosting” videos. As usual, Trish does great. So does Jennifer. Tracee and Matt – not so much. And what was up with Matt’s Man Boobs? “Moobs” are NOT cute on-screen. I wonder what Dolly would say about Matt's "Moobies”?!?

Then we get to Mikey. Darling, sexy Mikey… He is truly one of those boys who was meant to look pretty and keep his mouth shut. I will refrain from making a crass comment about sticking something into that pretty mouth of his. That would be low-class.

The judges judge, and the results are in. Tracee is sent home right away, and that’s when her Stank starts flowing. Tracee begins to cry, saying she has family and clients that “love” her, and employee’s that “like” her. No, your employees “like” the paycheck, I’m sure they don’t “like” you. And then she tells us how she really feels:

“These people don’t mean crap to me!”, she says – followed by “I’m sick of being around ignorant people”. No.She.Di-int. That was REALLY ignunt of her…

They are told that since the design of the room sucked, they will be judged on their hosting ability. Jennifer and Trish are safe, and it’s down to Matt and his Moobs, and Mikey and his Porn Past.

Mikey V is sent home – “back to the streets” as a Cop and back to his devoted “business partner”. Buh-bye Papi – I’ll miss you and your sleeveless shirts. Now go find that hunky Carter and tell him how tall he is…

Next week, the boring-ass three finalists have a boring ass challenge. Can you tell I’ve already lost interest now that Mikey V is gone?... Till then bitches!!


SailorAlphaCentauri said...

I can't believe that they had that hard of a time cutting those rings off. If they had called the nearest jail facility, I'm pretty sure they would've gotten that off right quick (I watch way too much Jail).

I'm so glad that the Stank has left the building. I was so sick of her and her I-have-no-idea-how-to-design skills. Who the hell takes six hours to go shopping with very little to show for it? Whatever.

And now that I understand their lack of motivation towards being creative, I am left to wonder why they bother with a show like this in the first place. Nobody really wins until the end, and I usually wouldn't have them designing my dollhouse let alone my humble abode.

It's sad that they didn't give that woman her backsplash. Maybe she would've been better off if they hadn't finished it, assuming that the show would hire someone to finish the job after the contestants ruined the kitchen.

And I love what you said about Tracee's employees. But if she's sick of being around ignorant people, how is she going to get her soul removed from herself, seeing as she is the epitome of ignorance?

Great recap, as usual.

Back to the salt mines!

Jennie said...

Awww, no more sexy Mikey? That is sad. I haven't seen this episode yet, I always wait for the re-cap before I spend my precious time actually watching! I have to see this because pillows? In a kitchen? Gee...yeah, pillows scream kitchen and tile, not so much. Jeez, I'm so glad she's GONE!

Howard said...

I watched, and knew early on the stank-fest was about to end. Stank-bitch learned nothing this season, did she? And as she left, she did fly her stank-flag high!

I was sad to see Mikey V go, for they had some nice shots of him getting ready in the morning in his towel.

The remaining three have no flavor whatsoevah. Matt is like the sitcom sidekick on about six different series, only not as funny. Jennifer & Trish aren't awful, but don't make me want to watch a show.

Carter makes me drool just a little. But why couldn't they get better looking firemen? I mean, really!!!!!!!!

Mark in DE said...

Yeah, I was sorry to see Mikey V go, too, but I knew it was inevitable as soon as I heard that 2 were going home. I knew it would be Stank and Mikey V.

The entire time Stank was supposed to be leading the team, I noticed the absolute lack of any conversation about the design style of the new kitchen. At first I thought it was due to editing, but then realized from other's comments that the 'design style' conversation never happened! What were these people thinking?

Even before the judges saw the kitchen, when the at-home audience was being shown the before and after, I said to myself "Its nice, but its boring." And you KNOW when they turned off the cameras the mom put down that baby and started waving her finger and screaming "Where in the HELL is my goddamn backsplash??? Did you not HEAR ME say I wanted a tile backsplash?"

Mark :-)

Anonymous said...

Did I hear someone talkin' 'bout ignunt people up in here?

Shirley Q. Liquor

Joy said...

Moobies!! LOL

Thank goodness, no more Tracee!! So sad about Mikey V.

Great recap as always!

Tom Aloisi said...

fuck i missed it. and why doesn't HGTV re-run these shows! You don't have to worry about missing PR- Bravo re-runs it ad naseum.

David Dust said...

LOL - Shirley's got her "Google Alerts" set to go off any time someone posts the word "ignunt". How you durrin????!!????

Hey Shirley - Tell your mama I axed how she durrin!


Bets said...

Thanks for your comment earlier! I want o know what you think about Jennifer. Love her? Hate her? You don't mention her much ... .. .

David Dust said...

Bets - I have to say, of the three finalists, Jennifer is probably my favorite (although I am MUCH less engaged now that Mikey V is gone). I definitely don't want to see Stepford-Happy Matt win.

mikeinbama said...

I'll lost interest as well. They did show a hot scene of Matt waking up and his hairy moobies.

Mikey V looked so sad leaving. He may have hosting skills but I can see him as a carpenter on one of the shows.

Great Recap!

angie_lu101 said...

I have a hot red IKEA kitchen too, but no pictures.

I felt bad for Trish's husband...that ring probably was not cheap in the least...hope they can get it fixed after she pops her finger back in or whatever. Why didn't she go to the hospital???

Now I'm torn though, because I like what I've seen of Trish, Jennifer and Matt, but if I had to pick, I'd go with Jennifer.

Anonymous said...

Secret Ring Removal Tool:
Dental Floss
Wrap it around the upper joint of your finger. That will reduce swelling below, where the ring is, so it can be removed. Tugging and pulling on a stuck ring will only make it swell more and become harder to try and remove.

Renee said...

I can't believe that dumb Tracee thought that pillows were more important than a backsplash. Here's to hoping that Mama went all crazy on Tracee's ass about the lack of a backsplash after the cameras were off.

Hooked on Houses said...

Loved your recap, even though it was funnier than mine, which makes me a bit cranky. ;-)

I've been wanting that same red IKEA cabinet you've got in your kitchen. That's what Tracee should've bought on her 7 hour shopping trip! -Julia

TAMmommy said...

Here it is Wednesday, and I finally got around to reading your recap!!

Excellent as always, i was pretty sure you would be mad about MikeyV leaving, and I personally thought it was a draw between him and Matt as to who was going home Sunday.

You know, in the past they have always announced a winner, and there were prizes with winning, like magazine photo shoots and stuff, but so far nothing this year, makes you wonder if they lost alot of sponsership and funding from last years winner. Sorry, I just think the wrong person won last year.

Not sure that I would even watch a showif Trish or Jennifer won, not that I don't like them, I do, but I am just not that "into" them to watch. I still like David Bromstead from the first season!! Be still my heart!

aTAMMmommy's mind

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