Thursday, February 26, 2009

Top Chef Season Five Finale - Ewwwwwww

FYI – I did NOT write a recap of last night’s Finale of Top Chef. First of all, making the last episode of any reality show sound funny is next to impossible, unless Christian “Mango” Siriano happens to be competing. The contestants are always concentrating on winning and are NOT trying to entertain – so finding bits and pieces of funny crap to write about is really difficult.

Secondly, I knew I had a lot of real-life work stuff to do today – so I wouldn’t have a lot of time for writing. And finally, I have had a case of the blues lately – and I just didn’t fucking feel like it.

So, now that the excuses are out of the way – I want to say how disappointed I was in last night’s outcome. Hosea?? Seriously??? No-balls Amish Boy??!!??

As Amuse-Biatch NOTED, Hosea's win was obviously the reason why Bravo felt the need to release a personal APOLOGY regarding Hosea's slurp-and-tickle episode with Leah. The statement was released right about the time the winner was chosen – so this makes sense. Call it “Early Damage Control”. And did you notice the kiss-on-the-lips between Leah and the Hose after he won? Ewwwwwwwww.

And for any of you who still think that Stefan is evil – get over it. Did you see him trying to comfort Carla? It was sweet and touching and from-the-heart. And anyone who can work with Marcel without shoving his face into hot oil must have some good in him somewhere.

Speaking of Carla – I KNEW when she started listening to Casey that it wasn’t going to go well. I truly believe that if Carla would have listened to her “Spirit Guides” instead, she could have won it all. Hootie Hoo, dear Carla ... Hootie Hoo...

And file this under “Gross” – Toby Young. I thought we were done with his smug British ass. Dust Bunny Kayce REPORTS that Toby is trying to return next season. DO NOT WANT! And I think it’s pretty obvious that Tom Colicchio feels the same way I do.

One last thing – Gail and her Boobies are just too fabulous for words. When she rolled her eyes at Rocco DiSpirito, my blues momentarily went away. And I just wanted her to stand up at Judges Table, walk over to Toby, and beat him with her Boobies. THAT would have been worth recapping.

Check out MinxEats for a proper (and hilarious) recap. And feel free to discuss last night’s episode in the comments section. Peace, bitches.


Kailyn said...

You are right. Carla should have listened to her spirit guides. Because Hosea? And why the hell did they bring back Toby Young? Overall it was a disappointment. At least there's a new Tool Academy on Sunday.

Bittybis said...

Could not agree with you more on every point. I never talk back to my TV, but last night, as soon as the words "sous vide" came out of Casey's mouth, I was yelling "No, Carla! No!" My heart just broke for her. Thanks for all your wonderful recaps this season. I look forward to them more than to the show.

Also loved your RuPaul recap this week.

polkadotoes said...

Tom obviously did not like Stefan, and I think that was more of his downfall than anything. You could hear him whining all through dinner about the watery fish. Ugh. I am starting to be over Tom and how he thinks he is so amazing. Yet Hubert, I think, even said that Stefan's technique was amazing and the fish wasn't as bad as Tom was saying and was actually good.

Poor Carla. Hopefully she will get fan fav, but how can we resist the Italian Stallion?

Go away Hosea. No likee.

theminx said... can make ANYTHING funny, hunny bunny :) I thought my recap turned out well.


Psychomom said...

Stefan totally won me over last night. Stefan, Call Me!

C'est moi, c'est moi Lola said...

Geez, as soon as it became 'battle of the douchebags' (I think Stefan is more talented, and loved it when he called Marcel a twat - takes one to know one.) I wanted Carla to win so badly. Then, I was yelling at the TV "Carla! There's a REASON Casey didn't WIN!" Alas, someone silenced her spirit guides at the wrong time. I hope she can come back on the show sometime and kick some culinary @ss.

Well, we know who got a big Andouille sausage after The Hose's win, now don't we? Ewwwww! is right.

Sorry if the blues have fallen on you David, and I don't blame you if you don't feel like a full recap.

PS: Boobies win over moobs any damn day of the week!

frogponder said...

I'm sure some satellite picked up our collective screaming of NNOOOO
Carla!!!! when she listened to Casey. Daughter and I feared she was doomed from that moment and we were right.
I did think of you when Gail showed up in that magnificent boobage display dress.

mikeinbama said...

To say I was dissapointed is an under statement.

Hosea is a douchebag. Carla should have listened to her inner voice. I knew when she got the third pick, she was done.

Fabio will be on Ellen today!

karmelrio said...

No matter how much I hate the final decision, it was the right decision to make given their "this meal only" judging criteria.

That said, I think they should change the criteria for Finals to factor in previous performance.

Bob said...

No David Dust recap?
After I begged on my own blog?
Where will I go?
What will I do?
What will become of me?

kayce. said...

agreed re: stefan AND the boobies. it was touching that he genuinely ~ and not in an i-want-camera-time way ~ comforted carla. and not just in front of the judges. to be honest, if in carla's position, i would be a big, blubbering mess and a hug/pat on the back would have been much appreciated (not to mention a valium or two). furthermore, as i state in my recap, stefan deserved to win, not the hose.

to the bunnies: i am already linked in the story, so will not link again here, but i have an idea on how the top chef finale could be improved and would love feedback. ♥

Megan said...

When Gail and the Girls came out in that dress, I thought of you. She probably was too when she picked out that dress.

And after Stefan comforted Carla, he got me back on Team Europe.

RIP Top Chef NY, I'll miss PocketGay Patrick (we hardly knew ye), Jeff's wink and the creative monkeys in his brain, and Carla and her Spirit Guides. Hootie hoo, sister. I'm pouring out a non-alcoholic spritzer for you.

Megan said...

When Gail and the Girls came out in that dress, I thought of you. She probably was too when she picked out that dress.

And after Stefan comforted Carla, he got me back on Team Europe.

RIP Top Chef NY, I'll miss PocketGay Patrick (we hardly knew ye), Jeff's wink and the creative monkeys in his brain, and Carla and her Spirit Guides. Hootie hoo, sister. I'm pouring out a non-alcoholic spritzer for you.

Howard said...

Ugh. [sigh] Just Ugh.

I truly thought Stefan was going to win. Instead, the Hose does. I thought we were done with Toby 'Big-Dick-And-Not-In-A-Good-Way' Young. Instead, he returns.

Stefan teamed up with Marcel, whom I happen to like [to my own great shame]. The Hose got Richard 'Go out in a flaming' Blaize. Carla traded her spirit guides for Casey, who went out of her way to loose her season. Go figure.

Gail's boobage was not enough to save this episode. And Tom is seeming less hot with every passing second. And I never want to see or hear from Toby in my lifetime.


Tracy said...

I didn't write a recap either, but I was sure you'd help me laugh about the finale. I was so bummed for Carla. I wanted to see her win. She indeed should have listened to her spirit guides.

And much as I haven't been a fan of Stefan's, he could have messed with Carla's head by having her work with Marcel.

I don't like Toby either, and hope he doesn't come back, but his blog on the Bravo site states his thinking that your pal Stefan should have won. I'd be happy if Toby and Tom were both gone next season. Bring on Eric Ripert instead!

Jimmy said...

I think Tom LOATHS douchey Toby. Gail's reaction to Rocco saying he was tired of eating fois gras was priceless and why we love her.

Mark in DE said...

I was hatin' on Stephan most of the time because he's so arogant, but when he was comforting Carla I had to stop hatin'.

I agree with you that Carla's fatal mistake was listening to Casey and not sticking to her guns.

P.S. I have been feeling the blues this week too.

Berry Blog said...

I am sorry your PMS hit at this time. They just don't have a good monthly hormone shot for men yet. You can be assured we'll all send love shots. But I waited until after 4 like a good pressure. But we all come here for our forum of a favorite show and know we are welcome.
I have been annoyed at Stefan for his cockiness before but not as much as Fabio and Hosea who are not fun about it like Stefan but defensive and bitter as rivals.

I just spontaneously burst into a choke and a sob when Stefan just broke and turned toward Carla the second he heard a break in her voice. Then again when he made no bones in the waiting room to go to her instantly with not just a word but a genuine well needed physical hug.

He can be just as gruff as the other guys when they start their jabbing and stabbing, but he did say the beginning...he was just having fun and he kept it that way. If they threw crap he threw it back.( and I thought the alligator soup was an ingenious solution). I just melted when he dropped his image with genuine concern for Carla. I congratulate both he and Marcel for working so well together.
Carla remains my heroine. And I'm sure her restaurant will be mobbed.

Jimbo said...

I'm convinced that Gail brought her boobies out just for you, David. They were spectacular last night.

Wasn't a fan of Stefan, wasn't a big fan of Hosea. When Carla started gaining ground in recent weeks, I was in the Hootie Hoo camp. I'm sorry that she had anything to do with that douche Casey. Oh well. She'll continue to cook fabulous dishes and we'll see more of her in the future, I'm sure.

Howard said...

I am still annoyed with the show, but I love me some David Dust. I hope Stefan shows up in NYC and you get to do dinner with him. Give me advance notice, and I will show up, offer my apologies to him personally, and leave you to to a nice dinner. Turns out Stefan was a much bigger man than I had noticed before, being so good to Carla, and managing to not give the finger to the camera during the finale. Too bad the same cannot be said for the winner, who was too busy sticking his tongue down the throat of a skank he never slept with... Wow, guess I am not over it yet.

Renee said...

That's just great. Top Crybaby gets to be Top Chef.

I'm happy to hear that I wasn't the only one yelling "No" at the TV when Casey brought up that sous vide nonsense. Chef Tom no likee sous vide. Carla probably would have won if she listened to her spirit guides instead of that idiot Casey.

Stefan is a sweetie and he made me cry. He was so kind to Carla. He's a much better person than the Hose. I wish Stefan or Carla would have won.

I hope the blues are gone David. *hugs*

JoyY said...

I hated that Hosea won. I would love to eat anything from either Stefan or Carla. I wish that Carla had gone with her own instincts, but loved the compassion shown by Stefan. He showed that, regardless of how he was edited, he is a true gentleman. I consider him to be the true Top Chef of this season.

Joy said...

I'd never heard of sous vide before last night. But I found out later it was a bad idea.

That was sweet when Stefan was genuinely concerned about Carla. He endeared himself to me then. If Carla couldn't win, I wish he had.

Gag, gag, gag about the Hose. Ugh!

Why can't there be some kind of point system as some of you suggested?

Kwana said...

David, I hope the blues are passing. When I saw Gail in that dress I knew it was just for you! As soon as I saw Casey I somehow knew she'd be with Carla and it would be all over. So sad. And Stefan just about broke my heart.

Anonymous said...

gail's boobs are awesome ...

housea is a douchebag...

tom hates toby

fabio is hot....

that is my recap for th entire season...

E-Z said...

Hosea???? Are you freakin' serious???? Ugh.

Stefan was awesome throughout the entire competition and deserved to win the whole thing. He is cocky, but with the talent to back it up. With the final meals so close (Stefan and Hosea each produced 2 good and 2 not-so-good dishes), prior performance should have been factored in. The best man definitely did not win this time.

Cliff O'Neill said...

Now imagine, I sped past this in my RSS feeds to keep from influencing my recap and ...

Yes, I am aghast at the idea of anyone thinking Toby Young's return is a good idea. Ick poo.

CLICK HERE for my Cliffieland recap.

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