Last time on Step It Up and Dance, Tovah got Stomped and sent home, and Fugly Miguel won the challenge and immunity. Read my last recap here.
First of all, you need to know how close we were to NOT having a recap this week. I was working on Thursday night, so I didn't get to see the show during its regular time slot. Normally I just catch a couple of episodes over the weekend, and then write my recap on Sunday or Monday.
Well, the ONLY showing this weekend was Saturday at 9:00 friggin' AM! Remember folks, I don't own a Tivo/DVR - or even a working VCR - so I MUST watch these shows when they are broadcast, or I'll miss them. So I SET MY ALARM for Saturday morning – the day that I normally sleep in – and when it went off all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. Luckily, the love I have for my Dust Bunnies prevailed and I turned on the TV, grabbed a pen, and took some notes. Even if only five of you actually read my SIUaD posts…
The show opens in the Dancer's Apartment, where straight Nick is lamenting the loss of Tovah's "feminine touch". I wonder just how much touching was going on between those two? I guess when you're the only straight dude in a house full of fags, even the prettiest girl will give you a piece.
The dancetestants go to the Step It Up and Dance studio, and are greeted by mentor Jerry Mitchell. He mysteriously tells them that their next challenge lies beyond a set of closed doors. I just hope when these doors open we don't see female professional wrestlers … Bravo already did that on Project Runway. And I am NOT hungry for Tranny Ice Cream.
The doors open to reveal…Jason Alexander!… Wait, Jason Alexander? George Costanza?!? Maybe they will be doing a Festivus holiday dance. Or maybe Elaine will come out and REALLY teach these bitches how to bust a move! If you're unfamiliar with Seinfeld, you will have NO IDEA what I just said. And you are a LOSER because Seinfeld was the funniest show EVER
Speaking of Seinfeld, Janelle wonders what the challenge might be - and she hopes the winner will get to appear on a FUTURE episode of the show. Unfortunately, the last Seinfeld episode aired in 1998. Janelle is a obviously a LOSER (see above paragraph) and a DUMBASS.
"Broadway" is the theme of this week's challenge. Jason Alexander, a Broadway veteran, just finished producing a (non NYC) run of Damn Yankees - along with his Damn Choreographer - Lee Martino. Jerry mentions that he and Jason worked together on Jerome Robbins Broadway, for which Jason won a Tony award. What Jerry does NOT mention was that although Jason was one of the stars of the show, Jerry was a measly Assistant to the Choreographer. And this all happened way back in 1989. But apparently it's still on Jerry's résumé.
During the Audition Challenge, Lee will guide them through the "Shoeless Joe from Hannibal, MO" routine from Damn Yankees. The Damn dancers will then be separated into a Damn Winning Group, and a Damn Craptastic Group. One of the Craptastics will be going back to their Damn home at the end of the show.
George Costanza tells us that the "Shoeless Joe" number was originally done as a country "hoedown" - but he has changed it into an "80's Funk" dance number. Which would make it more about the "Ho" than the "down", I guess. But what in HELL does George Costanza know about 80's Funk and dancing? He's giving me a weird vibe and I start wondering if Jason Alexander is secretly a “Friend of Dorothy” … you know … a “Hershey Highwayman” … a “Receiver of Swollen Goods” … you know … GAY(!). Not that there's anything wrong with that. But he IS using the word "fabulous" a lot…
Anywhoo, the dancetestants learn the routine, with solidly-built Lee Martino standing at the front and barking commands. It annoys me when chubby Choreographers teach dancers how to dance - without actually moving themselves. I don't know why - but this upsets me. Miss ChubbyLee is just DESCRIBING the various dance moves - with minimal motion on her part. I would be all like: "Bitch, no I DON'T know what a triple-kick combination is! Why don't you get the Twinkie out of your DAMN mouth and SHOW ME!" Thank God I’m not a dancer.
We get the various reactions from the dancers on this Damn challenge. Nick (as always) bitches about how "fast" it is. He likes to take his time and do it right … which is probably why Tovah gave it up. Oscar has done West Side Story and Cats (in someplace like Pittsburgh or Akron) so this should be a piece of cake for him. Cody was in Grease, and Mochi was in Lion King (in NYC - NOT Pittsburgh) - so this is also right up their alley.
The rest of these bitches are pretty clueless. Hip Hop Janelle doesn't know Damn Yankees from Daddy Yankee and Fugly Betty (Miguel) has immunity so he's not gonna try too hard. And my poor Sexy Papi Michael is totally worn-out. Actually, pretty much EVERYONE has danced to the point of exhaustion - except for Choreographer ChubbyLee. She takes a cupcake break while the dancetestants silently wish she would choke and die…
It's time for former Assistant to the Choreographer (and current Mentor) Jerry to rally his troops. He asks them: "Are you tired?". They all nod their heads "yes" - because they're still gasping for breath. "It shows!", Jerry replies curtly.
Jerry reminds the dancetestants that when little old ladies from Connecticut or New Jersey spend $120 to see a Broadway show, they expect some pep in your Damn step. Jerry explains that when a dancer has NOTHING left, THAT's when they will be expected to dance even harder. Furthermore, he tells them that they have to want to dance or DIE. Well, if Chubby Lee keeps this rigorous routine up, some up these bitches WILL end up dead. I just hope it's Fugly Betty.
Jerry's encouraging words pushes Janelle to work even harder. But Fugly Betty Miguel is "fucking rusty" and he's "embarrassing" himself (his face would embarrass me). Cute Cody has hit his Broadway groove, but Oscar?…not so much. Even Oscar’s starring roll in the Topeka production of Cats isn't helping him right now.
Sexy Papi Michael is also having trouble. But like any Latino go-go boy who ever tried to get a dollar bill out of me, he decides to "smile when all else fails and hopefully it pulls you through". Or, in the case of the go-go boys, smile and "hopefully he pulls out his wallet". And it works every time!
It's time to separate the Damn Winners from the Damn Losers. Winning Team: Broadway veterans Mochi and Cody, and the extremely lucky Nick and Janelle.
So that means Team Craptastic is made up of Oscar, Sexy Papi Michael, and Fugly Betty. But since Fugly Betty Miguel has immunity, either Michael or Oscar will be going home tonight. Word to the judges: DON'T MAKE ME BREAK MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR ASS!
The Damn Winners will pair up and do the "Whatever Lola Wants" number from Damn Yankees. This is the scene where the Devil’s helper, Lola, is trying to seduce baseball player Joe Hardy. The Damn pairs will be as follows: Janelle seducing Nick, and Mochi seducing Cody.
Nick is worried because Janelle says she hasn’t “partnered” a lot and doesn’t have a lot of experience. But isn’t that what ALL girls say?!? Mochi, on the other hand, has a bunch of experience – however it is mostly playing ANIMALS onstage in the Lion King. She is happy to “get to be a woman” during this routine. In other word, she’s putting the “Ho” in this Hoedown!
Back in the Loser’s Lounge, Fugly Betty and Oscar are being catty and predicting the eventual winner. Fugly Miguel is confident that Cody will win, saying “he could pick his nose” and the judges would give a standing ovation. It’s obvious that Fugly Betty has a problem with the cute boys, which I guess happens when you got a mug that looks like his.
Speaking of Team Craptastic, it is time for their rehearsal. They will be performing the “Two Lost Souls” number from Damn Yankees – which is all about being in hell. Having to look at Fugly Betty’s face would convince me that I’m already there. Miguel does his usual complaining about Sexy Papi Michael – saying he “has no technique” – but Oscar is an “amazing dancer”. From what I’m seeing right now, none of the Craptastics is doing very well.
Sexy Papi Michael realizes that this style of dancing is much more technical than hip hop, but he also realizes his look/style/aesthetic is “naturally masculine” as opposed to the more feminine Oscar. Papi decides to use his masculine wiles to win this challenge, the same way those Latino go-go boys win the David Dollar Bill Challenge … Butch it up, smile pretty, and keep shaking that booty until you win. And they ALWAYS win.
Team Craptastic actually finishes up a little early because Michael isn’t feeling well. Back in the lounge, he is half talking to himself about how high his blood pressure is and how he would rather go home that damage his health. Well Good Lord – you would have thought he farted in the other dancetestant’s mouths! Fugly Betty starts bitching about how Mike likes to dramatize and victimize himself so he can eventually “be a hero”. Oscar thinks Michael is putting on an act because he’s afraid he might be going home. Even Janelle pretty much tells him not to let the door hit him in the pretty little ass on his way out. These are some evil bitches and I’m ready to post a Chris Crocker-esque video on YouTube entitled “LEAVE SEXY PAPI ALONE!!!!!!”.
The next morning opens with Nick sarcastically saying “I love the smell of elimination in the morning”. Especially when there’s no chance it will be HIM. Even Cody is talking about Oscar’s skill advantage over Michael. But all this hatin’ ain’t bringing my Baby down. He is literally practicing his moves at the breakfast table (alone), and again on the couch. He recognizes the “alliance” against him – but it’s not bothering him. Oscar, in a one-on-one interview, says about Michael “SHE is a little Diva. Did I say ‘she’? Oh My God! Yes. ‘She’ – I was right”. Dancers are mean!
At the Step It Up and Dance Stage, we meet the judges: Elizabeth Berkely, Vincent Paterson, Nancy “Oh Meany” O’Meara, and ChubbyLee Martino. Jason Alexander is also there – but not as a judge. Apparently his function is to tell everyone they “look fabulous” and I’m SO convince he’s a big Butt Pirate.
The Damn Winners are first. Nick and Janelle do the “Lola” routine, and I’m sure Gwen Verdon (the original Lola) just rolled in her grave. Not cute. Cody and Mochi, on the other hand, are pretty Damn good.
It’s time to judge the Damn Winners. George Costanza congratulates the gals for “staying in their outfits” and now I KNOW he’s gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Mochi: Vincent thought she “glistened". He also thought she was “scintillating”. Mochi said this was very “yummy” for her. Are we still talking about dancing, or did I change to the Playboy Channel by mistake?
Nick: ChubbyLee says he needs to “let loose” and Nancy “needs more” from him, and he needs to not be “so vanilla”. ChubbyLee agrees, saying he should be more chocolate… Get it?!? She’s fat!! And likes CHOCOLATE!!! No?? Okay, nevermind…
Janelle: All the judges note her lack of technique, as opposed to Mochi. Big Gay George Costanza wanted her to “show the love”. What a queen!
Cody: Nancy calls him “hot stuff”. Vincent calls him the “Lone Ranger”, which I’m sure is just one of his creepy queen fantasies. ChubbyLee said he had a solid grasp of the material. But then Jason Alexander says “As a staunch HETERO, it was hard to take my eyes off you”. Yeah, and then he left the theater and went home to his “roommate”. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Elizabeth gives us the statement she gives EACH week during the final judging: “OK you guys, this is really hard” – and I’m sure HETERO Jason has used that exact same phrase on more than one occasion.
After deliberating, Cody got a standing ovation for picking his nose…just as Fugly Betty predicted. Cody is the winner and will have immunity next week.
Time for the Damn Craptastics. Oscar has vowed to give 500% - but once they start it looks like he’s doing about .005%. All three of them are HORRIBLE. ChubbyLee looks like the Big Mac Combo meal she just ate is ready to come back up.
After the shock of this horrible performance wears off, the judges finally say that it was SO bad they will consider letting them do it again. Sexy Papi Michael immediately says HE would LOVE to do it again, but he has been OUTCAST by the other dancers so he can’t speak for them. Lord, does this piss those two bitches OFF! Those bitchy bees are BUZZING backstage … they cannot BELIEVE he would tell the judges of their insufferably bitchy behavior! Note to the bitches: Papi will use a smile, his masculinity, the kitchen sink or WHATEVER THE HELL IT TAKES to win. Kind of like an Sexy Papi version of Hillary Clinton. It may not be right, but EVERYTHING is fair game.
Team Craptastic finally agrees to do it once again – and this time the judges aren’t horrified. In fact, they’re all smiling. Even the DANCERS are smiling. It’s one big phony love-fest and the judges clap wildly when they are finished. Wait, did Cody just pick his nose again?
The three of them line up for judging. Nancy said that none of them were “technically outstanding”, but ChubbyLee said the second time was a much “better run”. Fugly Betty is told to leave the stage since he has immunity.
It’s time for the final judging of Michael and Oscar. Nancy thinks Sexy Papi Michael’s technique is about as “solid as butter”, but he was definitely more “masculine”. Vincent said Oscar was supposed to shine during this Broadway challenge, but he “kept watching Michael”. Back off, creepy Queen!!
In the end, Michael’s masculinity pulls him through, and Oscar is sent home. Michael falls to his knees in gratitude, and I see creepy Vincent get a gleam in his eye. Note to Vincent Patterson, which will summarize and shorten: FOOT, ASS!!
First of all, you need to know how close we were to NOT having a recap this week. I was working on Thursday night, so I didn't get to see the show during its regular time slot. Normally I just catch a couple of episodes over the weekend, and then write my recap on Sunday or Monday.
Well, the ONLY showing this weekend was Saturday at 9:00 friggin' AM! Remember folks, I don't own a Tivo/DVR - or even a working VCR - so I MUST watch these shows when they are broadcast, or I'll miss them. So I SET MY ALARM for Saturday morning – the day that I normally sleep in – and when it went off all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. Luckily, the love I have for my Dust Bunnies prevailed and I turned on the TV, grabbed a pen, and took some notes. Even if only five of you actually read my SIUaD posts…
The show opens in the Dancer's Apartment, where straight Nick is lamenting the loss of Tovah's "feminine touch". I wonder just how much touching was going on between those two? I guess when you're the only straight dude in a house full of fags, even the prettiest girl will give you a piece.
The dancetestants go to the Step It Up and Dance studio, and are greeted by mentor Jerry Mitchell. He mysteriously tells them that their next challenge lies beyond a set of closed doors. I just hope when these doors open we don't see female professional wrestlers … Bravo already did that on Project Runway. And I am NOT hungry for Tranny Ice Cream.
The doors open to reveal…Jason Alexander!… Wait, Jason Alexander? George Costanza?!? Maybe they will be doing a Festivus holiday dance. Or maybe Elaine will come out and REALLY teach these bitches how to bust a move! If you're unfamiliar with Seinfeld, you will have NO IDEA what I just said. And you are a LOSER because Seinfeld was the funniest show EVER
Speaking of Seinfeld, Janelle wonders what the challenge might be - and she hopes the winner will get to appear on a FUTURE episode of the show. Unfortunately, the last Seinfeld episode aired in 1998. Janelle is a obviously a LOSER (see above paragraph) and a DUMBASS.
"Broadway" is the theme of this week's challenge. Jason Alexander, a Broadway veteran, just finished producing a (non NYC) run of Damn Yankees - along with his Damn Choreographer - Lee Martino. Jerry mentions that he and Jason worked together on Jerome Robbins Broadway, for which Jason won a Tony award. What Jerry does NOT mention was that although Jason was one of the stars of the show, Jerry was a measly Assistant to the Choreographer. And this all happened way back in 1989. But apparently it's still on Jerry's résumé.
During the Audition Challenge, Lee will guide them through the "Shoeless Joe from Hannibal, MO" routine from Damn Yankees. The Damn dancers will then be separated into a Damn Winning Group, and a Damn Craptastic Group. One of the Craptastics will be going back to their Damn home at the end of the show.
George Costanza tells us that the "Shoeless Joe" number was originally done as a country "hoedown" - but he has changed it into an "80's Funk" dance number. Which would make it more about the "Ho" than the "down", I guess. But what in HELL does George Costanza know about 80's Funk and dancing? He's giving me a weird vibe and I start wondering if Jason Alexander is secretly a “Friend of Dorothy” … you know … a “Hershey Highwayman” … a “Receiver of Swollen Goods” … you know … GAY(!). Not that there's anything wrong with that. But he IS using the word "fabulous" a lot…
Anywhoo, the dancetestants learn the routine, with solidly-built Lee Martino standing at the front and barking commands. It annoys me when chubby Choreographers teach dancers how to dance - without actually moving themselves. I don't know why - but this upsets me. Miss ChubbyLee is just DESCRIBING the various dance moves - with minimal motion on her part. I would be all like: "Bitch, no I DON'T know what a triple-kick combination is! Why don't you get the Twinkie out of your DAMN mouth and SHOW ME!" Thank God I’m not a dancer.
We get the various reactions from the dancers on this Damn challenge. Nick (as always) bitches about how "fast" it is. He likes to take his time and do it right … which is probably why Tovah gave it up. Oscar has done West Side Story and Cats (in someplace like Pittsburgh or Akron) so this should be a piece of cake for him. Cody was in Grease, and Mochi was in Lion King (in NYC - NOT Pittsburgh) - so this is also right up their alley.
The rest of these bitches are pretty clueless. Hip Hop Janelle doesn't know Damn Yankees from Daddy Yankee and Fugly Betty (Miguel) has immunity so he's not gonna try too hard. And my poor Sexy Papi Michael is totally worn-out. Actually, pretty much EVERYONE has danced to the point of exhaustion - except for Choreographer ChubbyLee. She takes a cupcake break while the dancetestants silently wish she would choke and die…
It's time for former Assistant to the Choreographer (and current Mentor) Jerry to rally his troops. He asks them: "Are you tired?". They all nod their heads "yes" - because they're still gasping for breath. "It shows!", Jerry replies curtly.
Jerry reminds the dancetestants that when little old ladies from Connecticut or New Jersey spend $120 to see a Broadway show, they expect some pep in your Damn step. Jerry explains that when a dancer has NOTHING left, THAT's when they will be expected to dance even harder. Furthermore, he tells them that they have to want to dance or DIE. Well, if Chubby Lee keeps this rigorous routine up, some up these bitches WILL end up dead. I just hope it's Fugly Betty.
Jerry's encouraging words pushes Janelle to work even harder. But Fugly Betty Miguel is "fucking rusty" and he's "embarrassing" himself (his face would embarrass me). Cute Cody has hit his Broadway groove, but Oscar?…not so much. Even Oscar’s starring roll in the Topeka production of Cats isn't helping him right now.
Sexy Papi Michael is also having trouble. But like any Latino go-go boy who ever tried to get a dollar bill out of me, he decides to "smile when all else fails and hopefully it pulls you through". Or, in the case of the go-go boys, smile and "hopefully he pulls out his wallet". And it works every time!
It's time to separate the Damn Winners from the Damn Losers. Winning Team: Broadway veterans Mochi and Cody, and the extremely lucky Nick and Janelle.
So that means Team Craptastic is made up of Oscar, Sexy Papi Michael, and Fugly Betty. But since Fugly Betty Miguel has immunity, either Michael or Oscar will be going home tonight. Word to the judges: DON'T MAKE ME BREAK MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR ASS!
The Damn Winners will pair up and do the "Whatever Lola Wants" number from Damn Yankees. This is the scene where the Devil’s helper, Lola, is trying to seduce baseball player Joe Hardy. The Damn pairs will be as follows: Janelle seducing Nick, and Mochi seducing Cody.
Nick is worried because Janelle says she hasn’t “partnered” a lot and doesn’t have a lot of experience. But isn’t that what ALL girls say?!? Mochi, on the other hand, has a bunch of experience – however it is mostly playing ANIMALS onstage in the Lion King. She is happy to “get to be a woman” during this routine. In other word, she’s putting the “Ho” in this Hoedown!
Back in the Loser’s Lounge, Fugly Betty and Oscar are being catty and predicting the eventual winner. Fugly Miguel is confident that Cody will win, saying “he could pick his nose” and the judges would give a standing ovation. It’s obvious that Fugly Betty has a problem with the cute boys, which I guess happens when you got a mug that looks like his.
Speaking of Team Craptastic, it is time for their rehearsal. They will be performing the “Two Lost Souls” number from Damn Yankees – which is all about being in hell. Having to look at Fugly Betty’s face would convince me that I’m already there. Miguel does his usual complaining about Sexy Papi Michael – saying he “has no technique” – but Oscar is an “amazing dancer”. From what I’m seeing right now, none of the Craptastics is doing very well.
Sexy Papi Michael realizes that this style of dancing is much more technical than hip hop, but he also realizes his look/style/aesthetic is “naturally masculine” as opposed to the more feminine Oscar. Papi decides to use his masculine wiles to win this challenge, the same way those Latino go-go boys win the David Dollar Bill Challenge … Butch it up, smile pretty, and keep shaking that booty until you win. And they ALWAYS win.
Team Craptastic actually finishes up a little early because Michael isn’t feeling well. Back in the lounge, he is half talking to himself about how high his blood pressure is and how he would rather go home that damage his health. Well Good Lord – you would have thought he farted in the other dancetestant’s mouths! Fugly Betty starts bitching about how Mike likes to dramatize and victimize himself so he can eventually “be a hero”. Oscar thinks Michael is putting on an act because he’s afraid he might be going home. Even Janelle pretty much tells him not to let the door hit him in the pretty little ass on his way out. These are some evil bitches and I’m ready to post a Chris Crocker-esque video on YouTube entitled “LEAVE SEXY PAPI ALONE!!!!!!”.
The next morning opens with Nick sarcastically saying “I love the smell of elimination in the morning”. Especially when there’s no chance it will be HIM. Even Cody is talking about Oscar’s skill advantage over Michael. But all this hatin’ ain’t bringing my Baby down. He is literally practicing his moves at the breakfast table (alone), and again on the couch. He recognizes the “alliance” against him – but it’s not bothering him. Oscar, in a one-on-one interview, says about Michael “SHE is a little Diva. Did I say ‘she’? Oh My God! Yes. ‘She’ – I was right”. Dancers are mean!
At the Step It Up and Dance Stage, we meet the judges: Elizabeth Berkely, Vincent Paterson, Nancy “Oh Meany” O’Meara, and ChubbyLee Martino. Jason Alexander is also there – but not as a judge. Apparently his function is to tell everyone they “look fabulous” and I’m SO convince he’s a big Butt Pirate.
The Damn Winners are first. Nick and Janelle do the “Lola” routine, and I’m sure Gwen Verdon (the original Lola) just rolled in her grave. Not cute. Cody and Mochi, on the other hand, are pretty Damn good.
It’s time to judge the Damn Winners. George Costanza congratulates the gals for “staying in their outfits” and now I KNOW he’s gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Mochi: Vincent thought she “glistened". He also thought she was “scintillating”. Mochi said this was very “yummy” for her. Are we still talking about dancing, or did I change to the Playboy Channel by mistake?
Nick: ChubbyLee says he needs to “let loose” and Nancy “needs more” from him, and he needs to not be “so vanilla”. ChubbyLee agrees, saying he should be more chocolate… Get it?!? She’s fat!! And likes CHOCOLATE!!! No?? Okay, nevermind…
Janelle: All the judges note her lack of technique, as opposed to Mochi. Big Gay George Costanza wanted her to “show the love”. What a queen!
Cody: Nancy calls him “hot stuff”. Vincent calls him the “Lone Ranger”, which I’m sure is just one of his creepy queen fantasies. ChubbyLee said he had a solid grasp of the material. But then Jason Alexander says “As a staunch HETERO, it was hard to take my eyes off you”. Yeah, and then he left the theater and went home to his “roommate”. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Elizabeth gives us the statement she gives EACH week during the final judging: “OK you guys, this is really hard” – and I’m sure HETERO Jason has used that exact same phrase on more than one occasion.
After deliberating, Cody got a standing ovation for picking his nose…just as Fugly Betty predicted. Cody is the winner and will have immunity next week.
Time for the Damn Craptastics. Oscar has vowed to give 500% - but once they start it looks like he’s doing about .005%. All three of them are HORRIBLE. ChubbyLee looks like the Big Mac Combo meal she just ate is ready to come back up.
After the shock of this horrible performance wears off, the judges finally say that it was SO bad they will consider letting them do it again. Sexy Papi Michael immediately says HE would LOVE to do it again, but he has been OUTCAST by the other dancers so he can’t speak for them. Lord, does this piss those two bitches OFF! Those bitchy bees are BUZZING backstage … they cannot BELIEVE he would tell the judges of their insufferably bitchy behavior! Note to the bitches: Papi will use a smile, his masculinity, the kitchen sink or WHATEVER THE HELL IT TAKES to win. Kind of like an Sexy Papi version of Hillary Clinton. It may not be right, but EVERYTHING is fair game.
Team Craptastic finally agrees to do it once again – and this time the judges aren’t horrified. In fact, they’re all smiling. Even the DANCERS are smiling. It’s one big phony love-fest and the judges clap wildly when they are finished. Wait, did Cody just pick his nose again?
The three of them line up for judging. Nancy said that none of them were “technically outstanding”, but ChubbyLee said the second time was a much “better run”. Fugly Betty is told to leave the stage since he has immunity.
It’s time for the final judging of Michael and Oscar. Nancy thinks Sexy Papi Michael’s technique is about as “solid as butter”, but he was definitely more “masculine”. Vincent said Oscar was supposed to shine during this Broadway challenge, but he “kept watching Michael”. Back off, creepy Queen!!
In the end, Michael’s masculinity pulls him through, and Oscar is sent home. Michael falls to his knees in gratitude, and I see creepy Vincent get a gleam in his eye. Note to Vincent Patterson, which will summarize and shorten: FOOT, ASS!!
Next week, the dancetestants visit a torture chamber – also known as Vincent Paterson’s “Rumpus Room”. Till then bitches!!!
27 comments:
Oh, Dear David you set your alarm and missed sleep to do this! What a trooper! What a friend! As we say here in the South - Bless your heart!
This recap is even more fabulous than usual! Your descriptions and backgrounds of the judges and Jason Alexander were brilliant. I don't like to see chubby choreographers stand there and TELL the dancers what to do, either. Or fat coaches.
Papi Michael had a close call. I knew you'd be threatening people and having coniption fits. I breathed a sigh of relief for you.
DAMN good! Fierce tranny mess that walks for miles!
xoxoxoxoxo
Beavis and Butthead moment – they said weak in the package area. Heh heh!
ahhhh...yet another fabulous re-cap!!! and my daughter can do a FABULOUS Elaine!!! I want her to do it at her wedding when she's dancing with her dad.....
Sexi Papi made it again! No foot up the ass!
and for your information...I haven't "partnered" verymuch either...in soooo many ways....
xoxoxoxoxox
love you!
Yes, you have hooked me on this damn show, and thought this episode was odd and a bit creepy. I did expect Jason Alexander to be cruising the boys and leaving with one of them by the end. And Chubbylee was a bit off-putting, along with her silent dancing queen. I wondered if the dancing queen also made trips to the kitchen to get the snacks for Chubbylee.
I was happy my new favorite Cody[a pointed choice to avoid sharp objects or a large foot breaking in my arse] won, if only to see his shoulders. Wow!
Sexy Papi showed some real grit this week, bitch-slapping Fugly Betty and Oscar the gay Grouch, and I think he is reading your blog and gaining confidence from you.
Great read, much fun, and I am hoping SexyPapi finds you later to give you the lapdance of your dreams. Keep the ones close at hand.
Great recap!! I kept checking your blog since Thursday to see what your reaction was. I was getting pretty nervous for your Sexy Papi Michael during the judging.
Sad to see Oscar go, but he never quite showed us anything "fabulous". I also hated him referring to himself in the third person at the end.
Could not stand Janelle and Nick's dance - she did not pull off sexy at all! Hated that lift they made her do too. All I could think of was the Lauren Conrad sex tape nickname! It was just such an unflattering pose for Janelle.
LOL at the David Dollar Bill Challenge!
Thanks for missing some sleep so you could do the recap! Your dust bunnies appreciate it!
Thank you all. Yes, sacrifices must be made for my Dust Bunnies.
And I was WRONG - only FOUR of you actually read my Step It Up and Dance recaps: Joy, Beth, Howard, and Margo!!!
But you know what - the four of you are fabulous and make any sacrifice MORE than worthwhile!
XOXOXOXO
Beth - SURE you haven't "partnered" a lot.
Howard - Cute Cody is an adorable, and safe choice for you fave dancetestant. No 11-Wides or knives will be coming your way.
And Margo - I too HATED the end when Oscar said "Oscar is gone" ... "Oscar is going home".
He should have said "Oscar is a tired queen".
"David is tired"..."David has to find some Honky to be the White Meat Monday Daddy of the Day"...
Oh DD you were all I thought about this episode! I was so worried for your Papi but praise the gays (and the Hillary influence), he was just too cute and smiling to go!
And Janelle was just plain lucky this week. Cody was okay but I though Moshi really played the sexy part and should have won.
I don't think SIUaD is getting very good ratings on Bravo either, I saw them whoring it out as, "by the same producers of Project
Runway and Top Chef" and do they really think anybody considers George a dancer?
SIUaD is going downhill fast, thankfully you make it fun.
I shall always bow to the wishes of our Lord and Dust-Buster, my dear. And Cody is more than enough to keep my interest. A tad too clean, perchance, but pretty.
And Psychomom makes FIVE! I told you there were only FIVE of you watching. Can I get a 6th?...
I think you're right Psychomom - SIUaD isn't doing too well. You can tell how well a show on Bravo is doing by how many times they repeat the episodes so people can catch up. Obviously, with the ONE measly showing this weekend (did I mention it was at 9:00 FRIGGIN AM ON A SATURDAY?!?), it seems that Bravo has almost given up.
I guess I won't have to worry about recapping this bitch NEXT season, cause there probably won't BE a next season!
AWESOME review, D Dust!
Viewer #6 right here. I LOVE that you are reviewing this train wreck of a show (that I watch every week), and I LOVE that you also LOVE Michael. (May I please have him when you're done?? Please please please puh-lease?)
Can I just say I am SO with you in totally, totally hating on Fugly Betty? If girlfriend keeps it up, I'm going to commit a hate crime.
As Margo said above, we so appreicate your getting up on a Saturday AM to catch this week's episode. We owe you big time.
Joy @ 2:55 AM: huh-huh huh-huh
MARKER!!!!!!!
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Marker is back everybody!! He has been travelling for his J-O-B lately, and I'm SO GLAD to hear from him!!!
And Dearest Marker - you are WAY higher than #6 in MY book!!
XOXOXOXO
I am going to start keeping up with your recaps, too, even though you don't love my Nick! Just wait until he has a chance to shine, then you will eat your words (although Papi michael is dee-lish as well).
I love your witty response to the ridiculousness that is this show. And, of course, I got the Seinfeld references because, unlike Janelle, I own a television!
Thanks Karma! Yeaaaahhhhh!! That's #7 Bitches!!!
Wait, I forgot about SailorAlphaCentauri ... you're reading too, aren't you girl?? When is that Baby of yours due?
And MikeInBama ... where are you?!? I'm sounding pitiful now with all this begging for readers of my SIUaD posts!
We might be able to get over TEN readers!!!!
:)
Well Good Lord – you would have thought he farted in the other dancetestant’s mouths!.....
hahahaha
None of these people are likeable.
I do have to say that Cody is HOT!
Great Recap.
I don't know if my first comment went through.
I missed the show on Thursday and I'm watching right now as of 3:41pm. on Monday afternoon.
I do have to say that Cody is HOT! Well, at least his body his hot. He looks like he has the personality of a wet mop.
I can't stand bitchy reality people on these types of shows.
If I was Michael, I would have told them all to kiss my ass.
Great review as always.
Yes! MikeInBama is #7 ! You DO read these DAMN recaps!!!
XOXOXO
Still waiting for Sailor...
That last anonymous message is from me...
I would love to punch Oscar and Miguel in the face as well as Janelle.
I would love to punch Oscar and Miguel in the face as well as Janelle.
Mikeinbama, SWEET!! Can I help!
I LOVE reading your recaps!!
It took days for me to stop laughing at your first recap (pushed an ottoman across the floor - furnture not a turk).
You are the best thing that has happened to recaps - EVER!
And, FYI, I know of a couple of people [family members] who read but don't comment.
Dearest "Anonymous" - Thank you very much - and that makes #8. That's practically an ARMY of people reading my recaps!! Ok, maybe not...
We almost have enough for a baseball team. We need #9 and we're there!!!! Who ELSE reads these friggin' things?!?
:)
Howard - tell them to get fingers to keyboard ... I want Chatty Cathys around here!
Actually, even if they don't comment, I DO appreciate them stopping by. Honestly I do...
Er...hello?
Okay. I have to admit I shamelessly watch for Cody (my Adorable Li'l Dumplin'). It's awful, but c'mon! The arms, if nothing else, make the whole mess just that little bit more bearable. Lack of a personality aside (I tell myself he's simply trying not to make a fool of himself in front of the camera...but, alas, only time shall tell. Still. I heartily appreciated some butt-shaking, bat-swinging, broadway dancin', sweaty, man-hunk this week!) And besides, every week he seems to do...er...okay. But, if they show the Grease picture again, I'ma cry.
The calamity continues and I love reading your recaps! Thank you so much! (and yeah, the 2 am reruns probably don't bode well for our tanking little dance show!)
Poor Mike! His blood sugar was low (somebody get the boy some OJ and peanutbutter! stat!) and everybody was picking on him! What gives?! I mean, when even my Adorable Dumplin' (yes, I'm southern) says Oscar's got it, you /know/ there's an issue! So happy he didn't go home! Your boy lives to fight (dance?) another day!
(also...Dumplin', what was with all the Mochi harassment? After the first two hugs, I think she got the point, no need to maul the poor thing...Just. Just stand there and look smexy, maybe turn around a bit...).
Sorry I'm such a blatherer!
Hi David, I am just catching up on your recaps of SIUaD. I LOVE this show!
This is the first episode where I was really impressed with Mochi - she is GORGEOUS... and who knew that Michael had it in him? I thought he was doomed when I heard "Musical Theater" but he clearly outshone Oscar. Also, Oscar had a sour attitude the entire episode and by the end I was happy to see him leave.
I still like Janelle though, even though this wasn't a good week for her.
Well, honestly I'm not clever enough to leave a sassy comment, but I just wanted to thank you for recapping - I'll be checking every week.
Christine and Laura K. - welcome darlings!!! It is encouraging to know that there ARE people reading these recaps...
And Laura - there is absolutely NO reason to try and be clever here at DavidDust. You get an "E" for effort (and my undying gratitude)for just making a comment. Event if you just grunt ... put it in a comment!!
XOXOXOXO
DD
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