Monday, August 10, 2009

"Me" Update and Monday Weigh-In


On Thursday, July 30th I did a blog post entitled “My Big Ball of Crazy”. In that post I talked about my feelings of utter hopelessness and despair and my non-existent self-esteem. Because of these feelings, I had spent the prior few months hiding in my apartment – eating and being miserable. And it had taken its toll.

Many of you left encouraging comments on that post – and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words. And when my mother (who is celebrating her birthday today) read it, she insisted – for the jillionth time – that I was suffering from depression and needed to get help. Depression runs in my family – Mom suffers from it, as does my Grandmother. And apparently the big D had been passed down to create a third generation of Crazy Bitches .... me.

So, for once, I listened to my mother. After not entering a Doctor’s office in seven years, I made an appointment. And this past Wednesday (August 5th) I visited Dr. A, who gave me a prescription for Pristiq – an antidepressant which, he said, would not add to my weight gain or have any “sexual side effects”. That last part made me LOL, because I’m pretty sure you need to actually have sex in order suffer from sexual side effects. But I’m thankful for Dr. A’s optimism regarding my sex life.


Anywhore, I just want to let you all know that I feel FANFUCKINGTASTIC! As much as I wanted to wallow in hopelessness and say that NOTHING could help me, I really feel like the Pristiq is working. I realize that I’m not going to feel FANFUCKINGTASTIC every day, but I’m certainly going to enjoy it when I do.


At first I thought maybe I was just imagining these good feelings – especially since everyone says it can take a couple of weeks for antidepressants to work. But then on Saturday I cleaned my bathroom. I know that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I had spent the last 15 Saturdays (at least) sitting on my couch. Seriously, Saturday was the day I “caught up on my blogging” (which is how I justified it). I didn’t leave the apartment and I didn’t accomplish anything. Hell, I didn’t even shower!!

So this Saturday, before I really knew what was going on, I found myself cleaning the bathroom. And going to the Veggie Market. And EXERCISING. And going to the Grocery Store and buying low-fat stuff. It was amazing.


I am one of those “Things To Do List” people. When I’m completing items on my Things To Do List, I feel great. The more things I do, the better I feel. And this weekend, I pretty much did every damn thing I needed to do. And I realized that I hadn’t even bothered to MAKE a Things To Do List in months – because I wouldn’t have done any of it anyway.



Weigh-In

Because of my Pristiq-induced positive outlook, I’m going to go back to “weighing in” on Mondays. And in the past 2 weeks (which was the last time I entered my weight on weightwatchers.com) I’ve lost 3 pounds. I have to lose 21 more pounds to reach my goal weight. And yes, this is the same goal weight I’ve been trying to reach for 1 ½ years.

As far as losing weight goes, I have decided that my target will be to lose 2 lbs. a week. I have lost (and gained) enough weight over the years to know that this is achievable for me. And even if I cheat a little, I should still be able to lose 2 lbs each week – which will definitely add up over time.

BTW, you may remember that I told my Doctor that I was concerned about the cost of my medication. He, in turn, gave me 10 weeks of Pristiq samples for free. But I’ll tell you this right now: I don’t care how much it costs – I’m going to make sure I get my Pristiq. If I have to beg, borrow or steal, I’m gonna get my drugs. Hell, I’d sell my ass on the street for it. After all, there are “no sexual side effects”…


22 comments:

Howard said...

You sound fan-freakin-tastic, babe! Good for you for getting the help.

Jadine said...

That's amazing, I'm so happy for you!

Joy said...

Better living through chemistry! I'm so glad to know about this! I've spent quite a bit of time being depressed, too, and know how this is. I'm so thrilled for you!

Love you! Love your happiness!

XOXOXOXXO

Wonder Man said...

great stuff, now it's time to get it on and get it poppin'

Gar said...

Glad to hear of your mood improvement. Just make sure you don't go through what I did. I was mis-diagnosed by many docs for years as having depression, when I actually had bipolar disorder. We go to the doc when we feel depressed, but not when we feel "up." Depression meds make you fell good when you're depressed, but raise you overall mood, so that when you go into your manic mode you get crazy and irresponsible, manic spending, activities, etc. Just a heads up. Docs are all too quick to give out depression meds without a full diagnosis.

mistress maddie said...

Mame-I'm so glad to hear things are changing! You aleady sounded better when I talked to you the other day. And you know mother's ALWAYS know best! Good luck girl!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO-
Maddie

Tivo Mom said...

I am so happy for you. I love the fact the medicine is working and that you feel so good. I too am getting back on the weight loss train so I will be keeping up with your results. Happy to have you back my friend.

Mechadude2001 said...

That's great that the problem was identified! Good lookin' out from Mama Bunny! :)
I once had a bout with depression, and i didn't realize until i was deep within it.
I hope that Saturday was the first day of a new life or you.

miss alaineus said...

yay! i am soooooo glad you went and are working on you, because without YOU there are no dust bunnies, no recaps, and no hotties!!!!

i am so proud of you and just think, your openess has the potential of helping countless others too.

david dust, you wraaaaaaaccccckkkkkk!

xxalainaxx

frogponder said...

So happy to read this post!
And I have two bathrooms for you if you find yourself without one to clean. Heck, I could turn you loose on Gorilla Boy's room!

Michael Rivers said...

This is great! I hope you keep feeling better and better!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Great news that the meds are working, and I am proud of you for having a productive weekend :o)

Beth said...

David, I'm so pleased to hear this! You sound so positive, and bless Mama Bunny for exerting some well-placed motherly concern! Big hugs, and keep going!! XOXO Beth

Bob said...

What a great post.
David, I'm so happy for you. A clean bathroom is a great thing! ;)
So glad this all seems to be coming together for you.
This news makes my day.

XOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXO

Miss Ginger Grant said...

Good for you honey!
I am so excited for you!!
Looking forward to our visit in a few weeks!

polkadotoes said...

You sound wonderful! I am so happy for you, keep it up! :)

Deep Dish said...

That's fabulous news, David! It's so nice to hear that happy days are here again for you!

Kailyn said...

Woohoo! I know you couldn't hear but that was said with my Mary Murphy voice.

Beth said...

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Tranny!!!!!! Oh honey, this is FANTASTIC!!!!! and this drug sounds FABULOUS!!!!!!! I've never heard of it, so I will be checking it out too. David, I love you so damn much...seriously. And you mean the world to me, so I am so so glad you are taking this step. You can think about it, talk about it, people can tell you what to do, but YOU have to actually do it, and I'm glad that you're taking this seriously. I am so damn proud of you!!!!!!

and I don't know if you can get any more FABULOUS!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOX

Mark in DE said...

Its incredible how much better and more positive you sound!! I'm so happy you went to the doctor and that the recommended medication is working for you.

Now, you get your 'To Do' list ON, Girl! :-)

kenito799 said...

I am really happy for you! Love your blog, you have the best recaps (and hotties) on the web!
I lost weight over the past year, and kept it off. After a slow gain to age 41, I thought there was no hope. But exercise and ending the snacking really did it. You can do it too!!

PersistenceUnlimited said...

In order to achieve any goal, one must think positively. Then be realistic with your goals by writing down steps that you can do within a given time frame. Be dedicated and don't let distractions worn you down.

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Goal Setting Tips

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