Design Star Ep. 3 - Who's Hungry For Some Decorating?

Last week on Design Star, the Designtestants tackled kitchens – which sent Team Leader Amy home, and left underachiever Tashica “hanging by a thread” (to steal a phrase from The Fashion NO Show) for the second week in a row.

This week was all about individuality – the designers will do their first individual “White Room” challenge. Although host Clive Pearse kept calling it the “White WALL Challenge”, which made me think they were decorating car tires…


The designers head over to a huge building at Paramount Studios and find their White Rooms (which contain a sofa, lamp, bookcase and side tables) and $1000 cash. They are delighted, until they find out the $1000 budget must be spent at the grocery store. I don’t know what their problem is - as a fat biatch, I would have been all kinds of happy – and my budget would have been as follows:

Decorative elements for the room: $200
Snacks: $800

They head over to a supermarket – and everyone lines up with their carts. Remember the old show Supermarket Sweep? That’s what it looked like - without the vaguely homosexual duos of same-sex "friends" (remember that?!?). I used to LOVE watching Supermarket Sweep for the women "roommates" who were both Police Officers and enjoyed softball - or the two men who were "best friends" and enjoyed "musical theater"...

Anywhoo - one hour of shopping begins. As they shop, various designers discuss their ideas. Torrie wants to do a teen-centric room – although she is grabbing black trash bags. This brings back memories of that mess of a dress Stella Zotis created on Project Runway with generic Hefty bags. Nathan wants to squirt milk on his walls – which seems new and innovative and vaguely sexual. Maybe the trash bags are to protect Torrie from Nathan’s squirting?

“Color Expert” Jen is banking on the colorful plastic packaging on Japanese noodles to give her room a “pop”. Lonni’s “pop” is going to come from clear plastic cups mounted to the wall – which is what she’s basing her whole design theme around. If Lonni filled up her cups with Nathan’s milk and THEN mounted them to the walls, she’d be a guaranteed winner ... at least in my book.

Jason’s design plan can be summed up into two distinct ideas: Matzo and Dog Food. My response to this can be summed up in three letters: W T F ???

Time is up and shopping is over. And in the dumbass move of the episode, Jen only spends $493 of her $1000 – because she “doesn’t know how” to spend $1000 at the grocery store. Where are her snacks?!? I HATE skinny bitches…

It’s time to get back to the White Rooms and begin working.

Nathan is doing an orange-slice chandelier to go with his milk-splattered walls (mmmm ... CREAMSICLE!). Dan’s room is a “deconstructed orchard” with wood and apple motifs. And Jen is gutting the teddy bears she purchased and is moaning “BRAINS!”. Yeah, she’s gonna win…

Lonni and Tashica are having problems. Tashica is trying to copy create an alcove light feature using the coffee table – which keeps falling off the wall. Lonni can’t get her plastic cups to stick to HER wall. And Jason keeps talking about the Matzo, which was 50% off. Someone needs to remind Jason that the challenge isn’t to save money during Passover – he’s supposed to be creating a cute room.

Day One is over, and Day Two begins. They will have five hours to finish. Clive stops by for a visit.

Jen tells Clive that her room is “Japanese-Eco inspired”. Clive asked her about color (after all, she is the color expert) and Jen says she’s been having trouble reconciling “real-life color” and “television color”. I don’t know what the problem is, she’s competing for a TELEVISION show, after all. Some supermarket-purchased snacks might have made her smarter.

Clive begins his visit to Nathan by saying “I hate to interrupt your squirting” … no comment. Clive interrupts Tashica as she wads up a roll of toilet paper in her “Garden of Eden” room. Tashica’s “Garden of Eden” looks more like “Garden State Parkway Rest Stop Men's Room” with all that toilet paper.

We’re getting down to the last few minutes, and Lonni has finally decided that maybe the “sticking plastic cups to the wall even though they’ve been falling down since MINUTE ONE” idea may not work. Ya THINK?!? She basically has 20 minutes to come up with something else – and Antonio and Torrie come over to give her a hand.

Nate spends his last few minutes writing a “train of thought” stream of graffiti on his couch. Here is a little of what he wrote:

OMG I’m so gonna win this challenge with my freshly squirted walls the rest of these people suck except for Dan who I think is totally hot OMG what is that heinous room that Jen is putting together with the murdered teddy bears and the Ramen Noodle wrappers and the chocolate milk WTF Wait I better suck up to the judges now I love Candice I love Genevieve I want to make small but stylish babies with Vern Yip …

Time is up - and the judging begins.

The judges likee:

Nathan. His freshly-squirted-upon walls look fantastic – as does his orange slice chandelier. The suck-up comments to the judges on the couch also help…


Torrie. I have to admit, when I saw her grabbing black trash bags, I was skeptical. But the judges likee her youthful room…


And, finally, Dan’s “orchard”. OMG – this room was fantastic. Vern totally “got wood” when he saw it – and I think Candice and Genevieve did also. One of the best rooms EVER, in the history of the show…


And now for the fugly. The judges no likee Jason’s Alpo and Matzo extravaganza – mostly for the lack of color…


Lonni’s unfinished room was also a problem – although she and her teammates pulled something together…


Normally the person who doesn’t finish goes home. That is, unless they are up against someone who decided to create a Crack Den from the slums of Uglytown, like Jen…


OMG. Seriously, I am convinced that Jen only spent $493 on grocery store items so she could purchase $507 worth of heroin. Because she HAD to be high to think that room looked decent. Remember children – drugs are bad, mkay?!?

Time for results. Dan, Torrie and Nate are the best this week, and are safe. Jany, Antonio and Tashica are also safe. Personally, I think the horrible paint job that Tashica did should have put her in the bottom – instead of Jason. I could have dipped my butt in paint and done those walls more accurately than Tashica.

Anywhore, the bottom three are Jason, Jen, and Lonni - and Jen is sent home. Jen manages to lose despite competing against someone who didn’t finish, and against another person who thought unleavened bread and doggy treats would make a lovely room. I guess that’s what happens when you choose “real-life” over “television” … on a TELEVISION show…

Next week, the Designtestants will turn Garages into new rooms.